Can Men and Women Be Platonic Friends?

[SonsOfCaleb]

Kinda depends on how you define “friends”.

Of course men and women can be friends, but they should never be friends in the sense of deep, confiding, and in an emotion sharing way.

This is dangerous for them unless they intend to date or marry.
It doesn’t mean you can’t have conversations with the opposite sex about issues, but there really should be other people present.

I can’t think of a single Biblical example of men and women in the above described way, in that type of relationship.

When I say 'friends' I mean there is nothing romantic involved whatsoever.

There are no biblical examples of men and women being friends because though it's possible, it's just not a good idea.

 

[SonsOfCaleb]

Women tend to place too much value on their feelings and have a million ways to express them which are completely bewildering to us men. So it's extremely confusing to figure out what and why they are doing or saying anything.

I had a good laugh to that. That was childlike and sincere.

 

[TheNarrowPath]

Most men say men and women can't be platonic friends. And most women say men and women can be platonic friends. How is each party defining 'friend', and why do they disagree?

A big fat NO.
Most women wont admit they want their cake and to eat it too. For them its an ego boost to have a group of male friends. Im just being honest. But I ask you ladies, do you want a group of guy friends or do you want a guy to partner with?

 

[SonsOfCaleb]

But as to the question, Can men and women be platonic friends?.. my answer is yes, but depending on their age and maturity, it will be tougher for guys to do this.

Being 'just friends' has always been easy for me since I was wee little boy. I experience a lot of things on the flip side. Men can't figure women out; I have a very hard time not figuring them out. Men say it's hard to get women (especially without 'game' or basically lying and pretending); I can take a different girl home (or go to her home or somewhere) every single day for two straight months-- sixty different girls. That's because I'm forward and the rules that tell you to be afraid and be careful and tiptoe around, I don't apply them to myself. And the list goes on. I have a way easier time being friends with women than women have being friends with me. The more a guy doesn't see women as sex objects, the more he becomes the object himself. Most guys are too busy hoping to get some to know or realize this.

Okay, so God did make women mysterious and then sin entered and further complicated things. However, I view women, and everyone, from the foundation up (think of seeing the apple seed being planted long before the tree and fruits appeared; you know beforehand that it will be an apple tree) which demystifies the mystery and simplifies the complexities. So, here's an example:

Though I love scents, after my encounter with God, I stopped wearing certain colognes around certain people. I remember a church I used to attend where I refused to wear my favorite 'summer fragrance'. (All colognes and perfumes are scented after the four seasons, sometimes with a mix of two or more seasons in one fragrance. Eg. Jovan Ginseng NRG is one of the only 'spring fragrances' for men as spring scents are feminine by nature.) I wouldn't wear my favorite summer fragrance in church because I knew it would be a distraction for the women. Summer fragrances are the warm and pheromone-y scents. They're warmest and the most alluring and seductive.

I knew that scent was going to distract women in that church, so I didn't wear it. Our natural biology makes it so that certain things are naturally attractive in one sex to the opposite sex (one of them being scent which is the strongest of the five senses). Can men and women be 'platonic' friends? Only if there is no 'natural biology' being triggered in either of them or if both have been through enough sanctification to be 'just friends'.

 

[SonsOfCaleb]

A big fat NO.
Most women wont admit they want their cake and to eat it too. For them its an ego boost to have a group of male friends. Im just being honest. But I ask you ladies, do you want a group of guy friends or do you want a guy to partner with?

I know they do. All you have to do is be the guy in friendzone who suddenly stops treating her special and you'll find out how quickly you emerge from the so-called friendzone. Men chase sex; women chase attention. Male friends give her the attention and validation she desires. Everyone is in it for themselves, so if men are in it for sex... then women are in it for something(s) as well.

 

[TheNarrowPath]

And what of the dynamic of a married person in a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex? I have seen some couples try but it has caused tension in the marriages and I do believe that a husband or wife should let go of the friendship if that happens.

 

[Lynx]

Men say it's hard to get women (especially without 'game' or basically lying and pretending); I can take a different girl home (or go to her home or somewhere) every single day for two straight months-- sixty different girls.

I've heard a lot of teen guys boasting, but this takes the cake!

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

hmm good question. i guess if she ugly will have to platonic... and if she thinks i ugly she wont even want platonic lol

I got up this morning
And I put on my shoes
I tied my shoes
Then I washed my face
I went to the mirror
For to comb my head
I made a move
Didn't know what to do
I tipped way forward
Got to break and run

Baby, this ain't me
Baby, this ain't me
Got so ugly I don't even know myself

I left Angola
1964
Go walking down my street
Knock on my baby's door
My baby come out
She asks me who I am
And I say, honey,
Don't you know your man?
She said my man's been gone
Since 1942
And I'll tell you Mr. Ugly,
He didn't look like you

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

I think anyone can have plutonic friendships as did Jesus with Martha, Mary and Lazurus. We know Elijah did with the widow woman.
There's Paul's examples too.
That said, it isn't wise for men and women to maintain opposite sex friendships after marriage IMHO. The exception is when the couple is seen in the right perspective by the single guy or gal and there are proper boundaries. As a single guy, I have had a lot of family gatherings with others and no problems. I always looked to the man as the primary friend and for instance after he's married, also accepted his wife as a friend. If that friendship was prior to marriage with the opposite, it should take a seat in the back of the bus to the marriage. That couple needs to be best friends with each other and especially the Lord. All other friends should be at an appropriate place.

One unfortunate marriage ended in divorce. My buddy committed adultery. His wife was distraught, understandably. We talked and that was all. The situation tempted her to suggest to me that she was available since her husband was unfaithful. I declined and pointed her to pastoral counseling and perhaps there would be a spiritually mature female mentor that could help. Always was available for prayer and public talk at church, but didn't think it wise to allow opportunity for temptation. She moved, but was a friend for many years.

 

[seoulsearch]

A big fat NO. Most women wont admit they want their cake and to eat it too. For them its an ego boost to have a group of male friends. Im just being honest. But I ask you ladies, do you want a group of guy friends or do you want a guy to partner with?

I guess it really depends on the individual people and their own personalities or situations.

Because of my own experiences in life (heartbreak,) I'm not so interested in having "a guy to partner with" as much anymore. Maybe something or somebody will change my mind eventually, but I've already had the experience of being cheated on and left behind, as many have, and you know what they say. Once bitten... and maybe for me, always shy. For some, it might drive them to look for a partner all the more. I was like that for a while, but not so much after 20 years.

So the concept of friends is actually very appealing to me because it's how I've survived for a couple of decades now. I should also mention that my life would probably be considered unusual by most. I forget that when I'm writing about my guy friends, most people don't realize that they are online (but I've met them in person) and/or long distance.

I agree that men and women spending time together alone for extended amounts of time or on a very regular basis can be bad news.

In my case, all my guy friends are hours away or across the country, so spending time in person only happens once every several years, either for just part of a day or in a group setting. If anyone in the group is seeing someone, the person is always welcomed to bring their significant other along. I do not have any guy friends that I see in person on a regular basis.

One thing I learned very quickly about single life is how much I don't know, so this is why I like having different friends with different experience in different areas, whether guys or girls. One thing about "partnering with someone" is that I found it can be very isolating if you're only relying on each other to try to figure out everything. But this was just my own experience, and for others, it might be different.

Within my group of guy friends, one is good at tech, one is good with finances and cars, and one has his own HVAC business, so whenever I have questions or problems in these areas, there is someone reliable to ask, even though they are far away and I have to send dozens of pictures trying to explain the problem. And even if they don't know the answer, they can steer me in the direction of someone who might.

I've come to see life as "safety in numbers," which has meant building a tribe of both men and women with a variety of skills.

I do realize that any opposite-gender situation, even just text or long-distance could become a temptation for people, but as of now, my faraway friends have been keeping me afloat for 10 years (the last time I lived near any of my friends in person) and then some.

It's not that I'm opposed to making new friends or that I don't think I can -- it's just how life has worked out for right now, and the people I do meet usually turn out to be acquaintances and not friends, even at church.

I don't know if it will ever change, and oddly enough, when I do make new friends it tends to be online. But either way, I'm content and very thankful for the little group I do have, no matter how far away they might be.

 

[Live4Him3]

A big fat NO.
Most women wont admit they want their cake and to eat it too. For them its an ego boost to have a group of male friends. Im just being honest.

Thanks for your honesty.

 

[EternalFire]

This guy really takes what could be said in under 60 seconds and stretched it into 6 minutes-- not that he did it on purpose, but what he said has a higher potential of confusing people than actually setting them on solid ground.

I'm glad he took the time to give so many practical examples that a couple can immediately apply to maintain and strengthen their marriage. Given the stunning number of divorces in the church, his advice is sorely needed and greatly appreciated.

 

[Lanolin]

Most men say men and women can't be platonic friends. And most women say men and women can be platonic friends. How is each party defining 'friend', and why do they disagree?

maybe they havent studied Plato?

I didnt study Plato as I never took Classical studies. I think rather than friend, cos we all know what that means in the Bible if we are believers, people need to figure out who Plato is and whether he had a heap of friends. Isnt he dead?

 

[Lanolin]

ok according to wikipedia, Plato was a Greek philosopher. He encouraged dialogue i.e two or more people voicing their opinions in a forum

If thats the case, I think sure. But I also think men tend to believe their opinions count more than a womans.

 

[Lanolin]

This forum is open to all, both men and women, but there is also one ladies forum.

And if I may spill a bit, men can often treat women badly without even realising how hurtful their words can be. I think it just out of ignorance.

I watch boys and girls interact at school and its often the boys teasing the girls, calling them names, generally being rude and obnoxious. The girls want to hide away from all that.

 

[Jackieboy100]

I guess it really depends on the individual people and their own personalities or situations.

Because of my own experiences in life (heartbreak,) I'm not so interested in having "a guy to partner with" as much anymore. Maybe something or somebody will change my mind eventually, but I've already had the experience of being cheated on and left behind, as many have, and you know what they say. Once bitten... and maybe for me, always shy. For some, it might drive them to look for a partner all the more. I was like that for a while, but not so much after 20 years.

So the concept of friends is actually very appealing to me because it's how I've survived for a couple of decades now. I should also mention that my life would probably be considered unusual by most. I forget that when I'm writing about my guy friends, most people don't realize that they are online (but I've met them in person) and/or long distance.

I agree that men and women spending time together alone for extended amounts of time or on a very regular basis can be bad news.

In my case, all my guy friends are hours away or across the country, so spending time in person only happens once every several years, either for just part of a day or in a group setting. If anyone in the group is seeing someone, the person is always welcomed to bring their significant other along. I do not have any guy friends that I see in person on a regular basis.

One thing I learned very quickly about single life is how much I don't know, so this is why I like having different friends with different experience in different areas, whether guys or girls. One thing about "partnering with someone" is that I found it can be very isolating if you're only relying on each other to try to figure out everything. But this was just my own experience, and for others, it might be different.

Within my group of guy friends, one is good at tech, one is good with finances and cars, and one has his own HVAC business, so whenever I have questions or problems in these areas, there is someone reliable to ask, even though they are far away and I have to send dozens of pictures trying to explain the problem. And even if they don't know the answer, they can steer me in the direction of someone who might.

I've come to see life as "safety in numbers," which has meant building a tribe of both men and women with a variety of skills.

I do realize that any opposite-gender situation, even just text or long-distance could become a temptation for people, but as of now, my faraway friends have been keeping me afloat for 10 years (the last time I lived near any of my friends in person) and then some.

It's not that I'm opposed to making new friends or that I don't think I can -- it's just how life has worked out for right now, and the people I do meet usually turn out to be acquaintances and not friends, even at church.

I don't know if it will ever change, and oddly enough, when I do make new friends it tends to be online. But either way, I'm content and very thankful for the little group I do have, no matter how far away they might be.

I wholeheartedly agree with you. Women in fact will cherish their male friends, sometimes much more than their female friends. The lack of competition and jealousy is what make male friends more appealing to women. I might also add, they also feel secure around them as well. I had an issue with an online date about 10 yrs ago where some guy tried to cyber bully me when I cut him off. It was a nightmare. It took a male friend, who I also met online to set him straight and I never heard from him again. My best and most loyal friends have all been men.

 

[Lynx]

If thats the case, I think sure. But I also think men tend to believe their opinions count more than a womans.

I know a lot of women who value their own opinions just as highly.

 

[Pipp]

Maybe some men and women cant, but I've had platonic friendships that are 10 + years and counting.

 

[Lynx]

Maybe some men and women cant, but I've had platonic friendships that are 10 + years and counting.

Me too.

But I'm a guy and apparently we can't do that, so what do I know?

 

[TheNarrowPath]

I guess it really depends on the individual people and their own personalities or situations.

Because of my own experiences in life (heartbreak,) I'm not so interested in having "a guy to partner with" as much anymore. Maybe something or somebody will change my mind eventually, but I've already had the experience of being cheated on and left behind, as many have, and you know what they say. Once bitten... and maybe for me, always shy. For some, it might drive them to look for a partner all the more. I was like that for a while, but not so much after 20 years.

So the concept of friends is actually very appealing to me because it's how I've survived for a couple of decades now. I should also mention that my life would probably be considered unusual by most. I forget that when I'm writing about my guy friends, most people don't realize that they are online (but I've met them in person) and/or long distance.

I agree that men and women spending time together alone for extended amounts of time or on a very regular basis can be bad news.

In my case, all my guy friends are hours away or across the country, so spending time in person only happens once every several years, either for just part of a day or in a group setting. If anyone in the group is seeing someone, the person is always welcomed to bring their significant other along. I do not have any guy friends that I see in person on a regular basis.

One thing I learned very quickly about single life is how much I don't know, so this is why I like having different friends with different experience in different areas, whether guys or girls. One thing about "partnering with someone" is that I found it can be very isolating if you're only relying on each other to try to figure out everything. But this was just my own experience, and for others, it might be different.

Within my group of guy friends, one is good at tech, one is good with finances and cars, and one has his own HVAC business, so whenever I have questions or problems in these areas, there is someone reliable to ask, even though they are far away and I have to send dozens of pictures trying to explain the problem. And even if they don't know the answer, they can steer me in the direction of someone who might.

I've come to see life as "safety in numbers," which has meant building a tribe of both men and women with a variety of skills.

I do realize that any opposite-gender situation, even just text or long-distance could become a temptation for people, but as of now, my faraway friends have been keeping me afloat for 10 years (the last time I lived near any of my friends in person) and then some.

It's not that I'm opposed to making new friends or that I don't think I can -- it's just how life has worked out for right now, and the people I do meet usually turn out to be acquaintances and not friends, even at church.

I don't know if it will ever change, and oddly enough, when I do make new friends it tends to be online. But either way, I'm content and very thankful for the little group I do have, no matter how far away they might be.

Thanks for explaining further. I think we are different in that as a heterosexual female I am attracted to heterosexual men. Hopefully the single variety lol. So I know myself well enough to know that spending time getting up close and personal with men leads to temptation. I dont want to go down that road because I know I might not have self control. So Im better off with no male friends, I keep other males from work etc at arms length as someone else said in this thread. Unless a guy comes out and asks to be in a relationship Im not open to have guy friends to go movies or restaurant with and take me away from my family. If I need friendship I will go talk to my best friend who is kinda tom boyish lol. Or I have brothers to game with or talk sports or politics. My post might bite me in the butt later but I do think because your male friends live afar that could be the reason why its not romantic with them. Im only taking a guess in the dark tho.