Why Does Society Seem to Think That Cougars... Should Be Shot? (Older Woman and Younger Men.)

[Gojira]

Oh no no no no.

I don't like watching movies where people are suffering and dying from real life events.

A movie like that would have me wandering the halls and crying for at least a week.

It was a very powerful film with a tear-jerking ending.

 

[Gojira]

I have to admit that underneath the tough exterior, I'm a big softie -- so the other reason I haven't watched it is because war movies ALWAYS leave me bawling uncontrollably.

Full Metal Jacket was a very "raw" movie, with some pretty powerful scenes in it. The one you mentioned was actually one of the lighter moments.

 

[seoulsearch]

Well most lizards like belly rubs. Not to mar my image, but... I'm no exception.

Next thing you're going to say is that lizards like being scratched behind their ears.🦎

Except... Where are a lizard's ears?! 😳👂🌽

 

[CharliRenee]

I think this goes for both, lol. . I think the chances of it working long term is narrow either way, but more so for an older woman younger man because when fellas hit midlife, they usually want younger. I hate to generalize but hey whatever works fot peeps, is fine by me.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

This is far removed from a worthy topic for a Christian community.

This is one of the biggest blind spots of the church. The belief that its unchristian to discuss certain topics. Therefore people with questions or struggles are too ashamed to bring them forward, thus never getting answered and either perpetually struggle or give up and walk away. Or even overtaken by their struggle.

 

[Gojira]

Next thing you're going to say is that lizards like being scratched behind their ears.🦎

Except... Where are a lizard's ears?! 😳👂🌽

Oh I got'ed, but you have to earn my trust first

 

[seoulsearch]

Oh I got'ed, but you have to earn my trust first

Who's a good lizard? 🦎🤣

 

[tourist]

Lol, right out of the gate, one of my early threads got a warning.

I had a bit of a rough start too. Got a warning and one of my first threads in 2014, JUNGLE ROOM was closed after a couple weeks. In fact, you wrote the last post of that thread. I just read it again after all these years. It was the best post of that thread. You were quite gracious and understanding.

 

[Gojira]

Who's a good lizard? 🦎🤣

Well... that's a start... but I REFUSE to start kicking my leg!

 

[posthuman]

potentially inappropriate,

but "true men don't kill coyotes"

 

[seoulsearch]

potentially inappropriate,

but "true men don't kill coyotes"

The two comments about the subject being inappropriate are from married people, and the subject is something that applies to singles, not marrieds, so I also think it could be a case of, "It doesn't apply to me, so it must be inappropriate." Which just doesn't automatically make a topic inappropriate.

The reality is, many singles are facing this, so it is very appropriate.

We understand though that married people aren't facing the issue of dating older women -- at least we hope not if it's not their spouse -- but someone they know might be.

 

[Gojira]

The two comments about the subject being inappropriate are from married people, and the subject is something that applies to singles, not marrieds, so I also think it could be a case of, "It doesn't apply to me, so it must be inappropriate." Which just doesn't automatically make a topic inappropriate.

The reality is, many singles are facing this, so it is very appropriate.

We understand though that married people aren't facing the issue of dating older women -- at least we hope not if it's not their spouse -- but someone they know might be.

Preach it gurl!

 

[seoulsearch]

potentially inappropriate,

but "true men don't kill coyotes"

@posthuman -- I want to apologize to you.

I realize that I may have grossly misunderstood in that you were saying the topic of the thread was potentially inappropriate, when maybe you meant the song?

I'm not familiar with it and unfortunately, am not in a space where I can clearly listen to it right now.

I sincerely apologize if I misunderstood.

 

[seoulsearch]

This is far removed from a worthy topic for a Christian community.

This is one of the biggest blind spots of the church. The belief that its unchristian to discuss certain topics. Therefore people with questions or struggles are too ashamed to bring them forward, thus never getting answered and either perpetually struggle or give up and walk away. Or even overtaken by their struggle.

I fully concur with @Subhumanoidal.

My Lutheran kindergarten through high school graduation experience had a strong running theme of, "Don't think about it, don't ask about it, and for the love of Pete, don't you dare ask us about it!!!"

So let's get this straight: people aren't allowed to ask honest questions in Christian schools, or in Christian churches, or on Christian websites. What, pray tell, is left? Suffering in silence, and without knowing who God really is because no one will address their concerns. And yet, people wonder why so many leave the church in droves. Why don't they see how frustrated, lonely, and abandoned many of them feel -- most especially by the church. There have been many times I've wanted to walk away from Christianity myself because of this.

When I was growing up, I often wished I had a big sister/trusted aunt I could talk to about all the things troubling me that school and church would drown out with "HUSH, CHILD!" whenever someone tried. So I told God that if I couldn't have that kind of person in my life, I would try my best to be one to others when I got older.

Now of course, I'm not trying to advocate anything obscene. But let's say someone in the Family Forum wrote a thread stating, "My Spouse Refused to Have Sex With Me," and we singles came in declaring the thread to be "inappropriate" and not fit for a Christian website. But what if it was mostly because we were a group of abstinent singles who had no experience with what was being talked about? Yet what if we tried to dictate how the discussion should go? (Spoiler alert: there have been LOTS of threads over the years in which married people have talked about the problems within their most personal lives.) If the subject is being talked about in a reasonable, acceptable and Biblical manner, the main reason people would be objecting is because it doesn't pertain to them, and therefore, no one else wants to talk about it either. But that's just not the case.

Similarly, if a married person doesn't like what the singles are talking about, my first question is, what personal experience do you have with the subject? If you're familiar with it, what helpful suggestions do you have to make the thread even better?

But if it's someone doesn't have any experience with the topic and worse yet, doesn't realize this is what singles are facing in real life, how can they expect to tell us what we should or shouldn't be allowed to discuss? Especially since I think the mean age of the audience now is around 40 and well past the age of being kids who need permission.

The very reason I write these threads is to hopefully let people know that, "Yes, God cares about you, He cares about these things you are going through, even if no one has let you talk about it before, and there are other Christian singles who are going through the same thing. We DON'T shy away from hard topics here -- and we would love to have you join the conversation."

 

[Amanuensis]

So what is this about society being ok with 60 year old with a 27 year old? Really? So it's ok now? What about the church? Does the church say it's ok for a 60 year old pastor to marry a 20 something? I would think that such a pastor would loose all credibility as being in tune with God if he did that. Most of the spiritual people would not respect him. Am I wrong about that?

 

[Hazelelponi]

Hey Everyone,

I was reading an article about the singer, Madonna, who was basically the original "Lady Gaga" when I was a kid, is apparently 62 years old -- and dating a 27-year-old.

The article then proceeded to talk about all the flack she is getting for this, and how society seems to readily accept 62-year-old men dating 27-year-old women, but for some reason, throw a fit when it's the other way around.

Why do you think this is?

I have had regular contact with older relatives all of my life, and in their social circles, the single women all say, "The men our age are looking for a nurse, or a purse." Apparently, they are claiming that men want someone to care for them as their health falters, and/or someone to support them and pay for their cost of living.

Now I can't speak for everyone, but I have also seen this in the churches I've attended (granted, the congregations are often mostly 60 and older,) as well as on Christian dating sites.

I don't want to be someone who roots my belief in stereotypes but I don't want to be completely naive to reality, either.

* If so many men are looking for younger partners and it has become somewhat accepted, why isn't the same thing considered acceptable for women?

(Or maybe it is, and I just haven't met the people who think so?)

Our whole society seems to be obsessed with youth, and even Christians are hopping on the bandwagon.

* Why should (or shouldn't) there be a double standards when it comes to whom the age brackets men and women look for?

As a woman who has experienced a little of both -- being asked out both by men who are 40 years older and a few who are 20 years younger -- I can see some of the pro's and con's to heading in either direction.

What about all of you?

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences about this topic!

I don't know where you're getting this idea that anyone thinks marriage that involves significant age gaps should be "shot", however it's uncomfortably weird, regardless of the gender of the older person.

I had just turned 15 years old when I gave birth to my oldest son. Right now I'm 53 and he is 38.

When people his age or younger "hit on" me it's weird. It's like my own child having a nutty sexual fantasy at my expense...

And I have had children get all puppy dog chasing a potential fantasy around me. It's a fantasy that personally makes me want to spew vomit - I don't want to be with a child... Whether they are adult children or not

My son is oddly similar. He cannot stomach a relationship with women his age or slightly older.. he goes for what does not seem like a sex fantasy with mom, aka younger women

But we grew up so close in age that we still to this day seem more like brother/sister than mother/son

So I for one can't even begin to wrap my head around what seems sick/deviant to me... When everyone is adult I guess it's their business, but man it's so weird to me.

 

[Gojira]

So let's get this straight: people aren't allowed to ask honest questions in Christian schools, or in Christian churches, or on Christian websites. What, pray tell, is left? Suffering in silence, and without knowing who God really is because no one will address their concerns. And yet, people wonder why so many leave the church in droves. Why don't they see how frustrated, lonely, and abandoned many of them feel -- most especially by the church. There have been many times I've wanted to walk away from Christianity myself because of this.

Well, you know, because Jesus swept things under the rug and lived in denial of the difficult topics. Right?

 

[seoulsearch]

So what is this about society being ok with 60 year old with a 27 year old? Really? So it's ok now? What about the church? Does the church say it's ok for a 60 year old pastor to marry a 20 something? I would think that such a pastor would loose all credibility as being in tune with God if he did that. Most of the spiritual people would not respect him. Am I wrong about that?

*smile*

In some cases, and in some congregations (there are people here who have seen this,) it's the 60-year-old pastors and elders who leaving their wives to run off with the 27-year-olds.

They justify it for themselves, but anyone else?

Heaven forbid such terrible sinners ever be allowed to step foot in the church.

 

[seoulsearch]

I don't know where you're getting this idea that anyone thinks marriage that involves significant age gaps should be "shot", however it's uncomfortably weird, regardless of the gender of the older person.

I had just turned 15 years old when I gave birth to my oldest son. Right now I'm 53 and he is 38.

When people his age or younger "hit on" me it's weird. It's like my own child having a nutty sexual fantasy at my expense...

And I have had children get all puppy dog chasing a potential fantasy around me. It's a fantasy that personally makes me want to spew vomit - I don't want to be with a child... Whether they are adult children or not

My son is oddly similar. He cannot stomach a relationship with women his age or slightly older.. he goes for what does not seem like a sex fantasy with mom, aka younger women

But we grew up so close in age that we still to this day seem more like brother/sister than mother/son

So I for one can't even begin to wrap my head around what seems sick/deviant to me... When everyone is adult I guess it's their business, but man it's so weird to me.

I think it's well-explained in the first post that one of the points I'm making here is that society much more readily accepts when a man is much older than the woman.

But if the woman is much older than the man, society will very much try to "shoot" her reputation.

 

[seoulsearch]

Well, you know, because Jesus swept things under the rug and lived in denial of the difficult topics. Right?

My Mom remembers and often retells a story of when I was about 5 years old and she was tucking me in and we were saying our nightly prayers together.

I asked her if heaven was like Christmas at the mall, where everyone stood in line, waiting for their turn to sit on God's lap and ask Him every question they ever had.

I truly hope it's like that, but if not, I'm sure it will be something even more wonderful.

There are some very graphic passages in the Bible ("The Two Harlot Sisters," Ezekiel 23) which I won't rewrite here because it most surely WOULD offend some (hint: it compares the size of certain parts of the male body to a certain animal, and that's just the start) and it's smack-dab right in the Bible.

And it's GOD saying this. God does not shy away from difficult conversations.

That's one of the things I love most about Him.

One of my dreams is that in heaven, He is going to smash the conversational floodgates open and it is going to leave everyone, including me, dumbfounded and red from embarrassment.

Embarrassment that I never trusted God enough to talk to Him about THAT.