Hey Everyone,
Some thoughts in the threads had me thinking about the Catch 22 message I often seem to get from the Christian community.
As a woman, I'm told that it's evil feminist women who have broken society, partially by seeking careers.
But yet at the same time, as a woman with nearly 2 decades of singleness behind her, I can only recall meeting maybe 5 or fewer men who said they didn't want their future wife to work and that they would be the sole provider. So the message seems to be, "Those evil women who want to work ruined everything," while simultaneously saying, "I want a woman who works to help me pay the bills." What is the balance between these two views?
Maybe it's just me, but these days especially, I think the term "provider" takes on a much larger expansiveness than ever before. Many couples who marry today might be blended (already have children,) and even if not, I know many singles who don't have kids but yet are paying and caring for other's kids as their own (nieces, nephews, cousins, siblings, etc.)
But even a brand-new young couple may eventually face the costs of children, education (college,) and older family members (aging parents on both sides) who will need care.
After participating in and seeing a glimpse into the costs of raising, educating, and caring for both the young and older members of a family myself, I can't help but admire any man who would say he will brave all of those costs alone.
On the other hand, the vast majority of men I've met expect a future wife to be a financial helper (most especially since many men will talk about times they've been unfairly used by women for money,) but how will that make her different from the types of working women who are apparent homewreckers? Maybe it's just me, but I haven't met many men who don't want their wives to work.
I find my own place in life to be a bit odd and certainly not what I planned. My apologies to the regulars here who already know about me, but for anyone who might want the background information, I was once married but he left for someone else. I quit my Master's program at school to take on a full-time job to cover all the expenses that would now be mine alone (up until then, I was going to school full-time and working 2 part-time jobs.)
I poured all my grief into work, both for businesses and for the church, and over what seemed an eternity of long, lonely years, it's finally started to pay off, as one by one, God has been helping me knock out my debts. One of the things I would have to offer a future husband is financial responsibility and taking care of all of my part of the bills, and then some.
But I am curious -- I understand why it's seen that women working could be a challenge to raising a Godly family, but does this mean that men intend to pay for everything on their own? I myself was raised in a family in which two women worked and then became stay-at-home moms once the children came along, and the other women worked up until kids, stayed at home with them, then went back to work once the kids were old enough.
In the Christian community, is there any time when a working women is NOT seen as a feminist homewrecker, and what's the difference?
* What do modern Christian men hope to find in regards to finances in marriage? Are they hoping to find a wife who helps with the bills, or do they intend to pay for everything themselves?
* What about any debts the couple has when they marry -- vehicles, student loans, credit cards, housing, etc. Does a modern Christian husband assume responsibility to pay off these things for both himself and his wife?
* When both couple's grandparents and/or parents become older and need help -- assisted living, a nursing home, etc. -- who will pay for the costs? And if a man is the sole source of income, what happens if he loses his job, becomes disabled, or dies? Who will take care of of his family?
If you'll give me just a minute, I'm going to write a poll. The answers will be anonymous and multiple choice, but please don't let that be a substitute for a discussion here in the thread.
The poll only allows for so many answers, so if you don't see your own answer, be sure to include it here because I either ran out of choices or else didn't have that particular perspective to draw from, which is why I hope you'll post it instead.
I'm interested in what people have to say about this, because as a single Christian woman who indeed works, I have often felt that Christian men might see me as the enemy for doing so, and since the all the single women I know are also working and responsibly paying down their debts, I would hope this isn't true.
P.S. I usually include an "Other" choice, but as mentioned, just ran out of options as I finished writing the answers, so please, don't let that stop you from voicing your own experiences and thoughts in a regular post.
Some thoughts in the threads had me thinking about the Catch 22 message I often seem to get from the Christian community.
As a woman, I'm told that it's evil feminist women who have broken society, partially by seeking careers.
But yet at the same time, as a woman with nearly 2 decades of singleness behind her, I can only recall meeting maybe 5 or fewer men who said they didn't want their future wife to work and that they would be the sole provider. So the message seems to be, "Those evil women who want to work ruined everything," while simultaneously saying, "I want a woman who works to help me pay the bills." What is the balance between these two views?
Maybe it's just me, but these days especially, I think the term "provider" takes on a much larger expansiveness than ever before. Many couples who marry today might be blended (already have children,) and even if not, I know many singles who don't have kids but yet are paying and caring for other's kids as their own (nieces, nephews, cousins, siblings, etc.)
But even a brand-new young couple may eventually face the costs of children, education (college,) and older family members (aging parents on both sides) who will need care.
After participating in and seeing a glimpse into the costs of raising, educating, and caring for both the young and older members of a family myself, I can't help but admire any man who would say he will brave all of those costs alone.
On the other hand, the vast majority of men I've met expect a future wife to be a financial helper (most especially since many men will talk about times they've been unfairly used by women for money,) but how will that make her different from the types of working women who are apparent homewreckers? Maybe it's just me, but I haven't met many men who don't want their wives to work.
I find my own place in life to be a bit odd and certainly not what I planned. My apologies to the regulars here who already know about me, but for anyone who might want the background information, I was once married but he left for someone else. I quit my Master's program at school to take on a full-time job to cover all the expenses that would now be mine alone (up until then, I was going to school full-time and working 2 part-time jobs.)
I poured all my grief into work, both for businesses and for the church, and over what seemed an eternity of long, lonely years, it's finally started to pay off, as one by one, God has been helping me knock out my debts. One of the things I would have to offer a future husband is financial responsibility and taking care of all of my part of the bills, and then some.
But I am curious -- I understand why it's seen that women working could be a challenge to raising a Godly family, but does this mean that men intend to pay for everything on their own? I myself was raised in a family in which two women worked and then became stay-at-home moms once the children came along, and the other women worked up until kids, stayed at home with them, then went back to work once the kids were old enough.
In the Christian community, is there any time when a working women is NOT seen as a feminist homewrecker, and what's the difference?
* What do modern Christian men hope to find in regards to finances in marriage? Are they hoping to find a wife who helps with the bills, or do they intend to pay for everything themselves?
* What about any debts the couple has when they marry -- vehicles, student loans, credit cards, housing, etc. Does a modern Christian husband assume responsibility to pay off these things for both himself and his wife?
* When both couple's grandparents and/or parents become older and need help -- assisted living, a nursing home, etc. -- who will pay for the costs? And if a man is the sole source of income, what happens if he loses his job, becomes disabled, or dies? Who will take care of of his family?
If you'll give me just a minute, I'm going to write a poll. The answers will be anonymous and multiple choice, but please don't let that be a substitute for a discussion here in the thread.
The poll only allows for so many answers, so if you don't see your own answer, be sure to include it here because I either ran out of choices or else didn't have that particular perspective to draw from, which is why I hope you'll post it instead.I'm interested in what people have to say about this, because as a single Christian woman who indeed works, I have often felt that Christian men might see me as the enemy for doing so, and since the all the single women I know are also working and responsibly paying down their debts, I would hope this isn't true.
P.S. I usually include an "Other" choice, but as mentioned, just ran out of options as I finished writing the answers, so please, don't let that stop you from voicing your own experiences and thoughts in a regular post.
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