My mother's death was very sad for me. Seems that I was too busy working to see her before she died. I thought I had more time than I did. I did attend her funeral though. This was in 2019. What you went through was horrific. Hopefully, by the grace of God, your pain will gradually lessen to a dull ache.
My mother was an outspoken professing Christian, but the fruit really wasn't there. I tried to share the truth with her many times, but I honestly don't think that it ever penetrated, but that it was willfully rejected instead. I did attend her funeral when she died a few years back, but I've honestly questioned/doubted if she made it into God's kingdom since she died.
I had a dream about her after she died. In my dream, I was in my home and enjoying some time with my three children. Suddenly, I looked away from them, and I saw my mother standing there. I said to my children, "Look, it's grandma", and then I walked over towards her.
As I got closer to her, I noticed that she was dressed all in black, and that her face was completely white. It almost looked as if her lips had been stitched together. She didn't say a word to me, but I noticed that she was looking down at something. As I followed her gaze, I saw that she was looking at my Bible that was lying on an end table. My dream ended then, and I felt as if the Lord was showing me two things:
1. That my mother probably didn't make it into his kingdom.
2. That she was warning me to read and obey the Bible lest I would up with her eternal destiny.
I hope that I'm wrong about her eternal destiny, but, again, the fruit wasn't really there in her life. That's a hard thing for someone to say about their own mother, but I'm just making my assessment based upon the word of God and what I witnessed of her during her lifetime.
Wherever she presently is, this isn't a game.
Our eternal destinies are at stake, and God is not mocked.
We'll all ultimately reap what we've sown.
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