Hi! I’m Lauren

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Lauren214

New member
#1
May 21, 2022
3
0
1
#1
I wanted to introduce myself but also to ask for guidance here.

My boyfriend cheated on me and it’s been hard to forgive and forget and let it all go. I get reminded of it sometimes. He checks all my boxes in every other area but this one is so hard to forget.
it’s been a year and a half so I think he’s fed up with it and wants to leave and start talking to another girl from the church. We have great times and he is financially ambitious but I never imagined this would happen. How can people cheat and just move on with someone else without you holding resentment. Are there no consequences for those that have wronged you ? I want to make it work badly but any flirty behavior from him towards anyone sets me back further and it has made me paranoid and controlling. What are you thoughts here.
 
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Seeking-Christ

Guest
#2
#2
People can really be cold. If He's that cold hearted then why would you want him as a future husband anyways? I know it hurts!
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#3
Sep 17, 2018
4,056
3,170
113
#3
Lauren214 said:
I wanted to introduce myself but also to ask for guidance here.

My boyfriend cheated on me and it’s been hard to forgive and forget and let it all go. I get reminded of it sometimes. He checks all my boxes in every other area but this one is so hard to forget.
it’s been a year and a half so I think he’s fed up with it and wants to leave and start talking to another girl from the church. We have great times and he is financially ambitious but I never imagined this would happen. How can people cheat and just move on with someone else without you holding resentment. Are there no consequences for those that have wronged you ? I want to make it work badly but any flirty behavior from him towards anyone sets me back further and it has made me paranoid and controlling. What are you thoughts here.
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Sounds like the only thing keeping this relationship together is stubbornness.
You don't trust him and it makes you behave poorly towards him.
He's cheated and is apparently still flirty with other women, and in front of you. That alone, regardless of cheating, is worth ending things.

The relationship is over. Both from your end and his end. Best to end it.
And work on forgiveness. Not to free him, but to free Yourself. If you don't heal and move on you'll only wreck future relationships with the same behavior you're exhibiting now.

And stop worrying about making sure he gets consequences. Move on in your own life and leave him in the past. Hoping he gets a consequence only means he's still in your head and you haven't moved on.
 
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Live4Him3

Jesus is Lord
#4
May 19, 2022
1,383
640
113
#4
Lauren214 said:
I wanted to introduce myself but also to ask for guidance here.

My boyfriend cheated on me and it’s been hard to forgive and forget and let it all go. I get reminded of it sometimes. He checks all my boxes in every other area but this one is so hard to forget.
it’s been a year and a half so I think he’s fed up with it and wants to leave and start talking to another girl from the church. We have great times and he is financially ambitious but I never imagined this would happen. How can people cheat and just move on with someone else without you holding resentment. Are there no consequences for those that have wronged you ? I want to make it work badly but any flirty behavior from him towards anyone sets me back further and it has made me paranoid and controlling. What are you thoughts here.
Click to expand...
Hi, Lauren.

When you say that he "cheated on me", are you referring to him just going out on a date with another woman, or are you referring to him engaging in sexual activity with another woman?

Sorry to have to ask you that, but I think that it's important to know exactly what he did in order to best offer you advice.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#5
Mar 13, 2014
42,569
17,032
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69
Tennessee
#5
If he cheated on you as your boyfriend, you sure don't want to marry him and have him cheat on you as your husband. I would cut all ties to this jerk and not look back. Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.
 
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Gideon300

Well-known member
#6
Mar 18, 2021
5,300
3,129
113
#6
Lauren214 said:
I wanted to introduce myself but also to ask for guidance here.

My boyfriend cheated on me and it’s been hard to forgive and forget and let it all go. I get reminded of it sometimes. He checks all my boxes in every other area but this one is so hard to forget.
it’s been a year and a half so I think he’s fed up with it and wants to leave and start talking to another girl from the church. We have great times and he is financially ambitious but I never imagined this would happen. How can people cheat and just move on with someone else without you holding resentment. Are there no consequences for those that have wronged you ? I want to make it work badly but any flirty behavior from him towards anyone sets me back further and it has made me paranoid and controlling. What are you thoughts here.
Click to expand...
A tough situation indeed. The most important part is dealing with unforgiveness. It's not optional. If we want God's best for us, we must forgive. The question is, how? It's easy to say the words. But we have to forgive from the heart, not just the head. If you read this (long) article, it will enable to to forgive completely. My ex disappeared with my two kids. I did not see them for 15 years. I was heartbroken. It was only the principles in the article that enabled me to forgive her. I finally met up with her and the kids. I had no negative reaction at all. Only God can bring that about!
 
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Gideon300

Well-known member
#7
Mar 18, 2021
5,300
3,129
113
#7
Lauren214 said:
I wanted to introduce myself but also to ask for guidance here.

My boyfriend cheated on me and it’s been hard to forgive and forget and let it all go. I get reminded of it sometimes. He checks all my boxes in every other area but this one is so hard to forget.
it’s been a year and a half so I think he’s fed up with it and wants to leave and start talking to another girl from the church. We have great times and he is financially ambitious but I never imagined this would happen. How can people cheat and just move on with someone else without you holding resentment. Are there no consequences for those that have wronged you ? I want to make it work badly but any flirty behavior from him towards anyone sets me back further and it has made me paranoid and controlling. What are you thoughts here.
Click to expand...
Check out this article. It will be life changing if you follow its principles. My ex disappeared with my two kids. I did not see them for 15 years. I was heartbroken. Lord Jesus got me through. When I met them again, I had no reaction at all. No hurt, no "how could you", no anger...... only God can do that for you.

https://www.christianlife.org.au/can-you-forgive-from-your-heart
 
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Lauren214

New member
#8
May 21, 2022
3
0
1
#8
Live4Him3 said:
Hi, Lauren.

When you say that he "cheated on me", are you referring to him just going out on a date with another woman, or are you referring to him engaging in sexual activity with another woman?

Sorry to have to ask you that, but I think that it's important to know exactly what he did in order to best offer you advice.
Click to expand...
Sexual activity
 
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Lauren214

New member
#9
May 21, 2022
3
0
1
#9
Gideon300 said:
A tough situation indeed. The most important part is dealing with unforgiveness. It's not optional. If we want God's best for us, we must forgive. The question is, how? It's easy to say the words. But we have to forgive from the heart, not just the head. If you read this (long) article, it will enable to to forgive completely. My ex disappeared with my two kids. I did not see them for 15 years. I was heartbroken. It was only the principles in the article that enabled me to forgive her. I finally met up with her and the kids. I had no negative reaction at all. Only God can bring that about!
Click to expand...
Which article ?
 
yoriii

yoriii

Well-known member
#10
Apr 26, 2022
591
493
63
#10
If another woman can take your man, she is doing you a favour. You don't belong with a guy who accessible and available to everyone. Better revenge is to show him that your life getting better after he's gone. Level Up. Cheers!
 
TabinRivCA

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
#11
Oct 23, 2018
13,066
10,631
113
#11
So glad the Lord led you to CC where you can connect with other believers. Thank goodness he did this before you were married to him. Doing this and flirting shows no respect for you and that's a deal breaker. God will bless you with the right one and then you will truly be happy. God bless you and give you wisdom in all your ways!
 
Bingo

Bingo

Well-known member
#12
Feb 9, 2019
9,187
4,749
113
#12
CC WELCOME REVISED TO SHARE - Copy.jpg
"Acceptance must be a part of life to endure...believe it!"

"The Serenity Prayer I have stood by for many years, and a
commitment to the words I have found to be of great strength
and hope...believe it."
 
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ChristianTonyB

Guest
#13
#13
Lauren214 said:
I wanted to introduce myself but also to ask for guidance here.

My boyfriend cheated on me and it’s been hard to forgive and forget and let it all go. I get reminded of it sometimes. He checks all my boxes in every other area but this one is so hard to forget.
it’s been a year and a half so I think he’s fed up with it and wants to leave and start talking to another girl from the church. We have great times and he is financially ambitious but I never imagined this would happen. How can people cheat and just move on with someone else without you holding resentment. Are there no consequences for those that have wronged you ? I want to make it work badly but any flirty behavior from him towards anyone sets me back further and it has made me paranoid and controlling. What are you thoughts here.
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Hi Lauren, welcome to CC.

God doesn't approve of boy/girl friends cohabiting, so it's impossible for Christians to give you advice on this, except that you should aim to get yourself right with God.

I see that you have declared that you are not sure of your spiritual status. That's the first thing you need to resolve, and that's what we Christians ought be advising you to do to save yourself, as a priority.
 
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Live4Him3

Jesus is Lord
#14
May 19, 2022
1,383
640
113
#14
Lauren214 said:
Sexual activity
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Hi again, Lauren.

A couple of things...

First of all, there's an old expression which states, "If I'm an option, then don't choose me", and, personally, I agree with it...and in relation to more things than just dating.

Your boyfriend's heart obviously isn't solely set on you, so no matter how many other boxes he ticks, this missing box will inevitably come back to haunt you.

Second of all, which should really be first of all, I agree with what Tony said here:
ChristianTonyB said:
Hi Lauren, welcome to CC.

God doesn't approve of boy/girl friends cohabiting, so it's impossible for Christians to give you advice on this, except that you should aim to get yourself right with God.

I see that you have declared that you are not sure of your spiritual status. That's the first thing you need to resolve, and that's what we Christians ought be advising you to do to save yourself, as a priority.
Click to expand...
I mean, you said the following in relation to your boyfriend:

Lauren214 said:
I think he’s fed up with it and wants to leave and start talking to another girl from the church.
Click to expand...
Churchgoers (or non-churchgoers for that matter) ought not be engaged in sexual activity unless they're married. I'm not sure if you've been engaged in sexual activity yourself with your boyfriend (you did say that he cheated on you, sexually speaking), but if you are, then you shouldn't be.

Anyhow, it's always best to focus upon that which is eternal first, and then the temporal things in this life are much easier to comprehend and deal with.

I'm guessing that you're young (I could be mistaken), but we will all die one day (and many die young), and we need to be ready for the eternity which awaits us all. With such being the case, if I were you, then I'd get my spiritual life in order first, and then go on from there.

This is probably not the type of guidance that you were initially seeking here, but it's sound guidance just the same.

If I can help you in any way to be more sure of your spiritual status before the Lord, then I'm certainly willing to do so.
 
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