We seem to be having a row in the family forum about sex. Ahh, I got your attention, good! The thread is about the "sin of refusing sex". So we defined the topic saying we were talking about a healthy, loving Christian marriage before we went further. So first up, what is a "healthy Christian marriage to you?"
As we continued the subject issues like health were brought up or past trauma and it was made clear we were talking about only healthy Christian marriages. As we continued along, from my POV, I saw the thread divide. Things were said like sex isn't the most important thing in a marriage. Other things were said that made me question if people thought it was wrong to either enjoy or want sex in a marriage. Each time the subject of the man came up, it was as if he was lusting to want his wife. No, sex isn't the most important, but it is as equally important as any other part of the marriage. I see too often the idea of a lustful husband lunging with his tongue out at his poor put upon wife. And I think we have so much of a feminist influence in society now, that we haven't seen it creep into the church.
So, the subject is a healthy Christian marriage, no health issues, no past trauma. Ladies and gents, let's hear your voice on the subject. Here are the verses that have caused so much contention...
Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Who's the first to pull the pin on this bomb?? 
For most of our marriage, my ex wife and I had no problem in this area. About 3 weeks before we split, she just said goodnight and turned away from me. And perhaps the saddest thing is that I was relieved.
Some women seem to think that sex is a chore for them. Some see it as a favour to the husband, as if he was not really worthy of her affection. Many women have little understanding of the male sex drive. It varies from none to very powerful. It changes with age. In a perfect world, we could turn it on and off like a tap. The world, and men, are far from perfect.
Sex becomes a real problem when it is used as a weapon, to control, to bribe or punish. I believe that Paul was warning against using sex in that way.
We need to remember that God ordained sex before the fall of man. There is nothing inherently wrong, any more than it is wrong to eat or drink. It's a normal part of life. I knew an older woman who was taught by nuns. She was taught that the original sin was sex. The older woman had a sense of guilt all her life. It did not make for a healthy marriage.
If there is a problem in this area of the marriage, it has to be discussed. Sometimes it is a health problem. Other times there is a deep down resentment or bitterness that poisons the relationship. Men are often completely unaware of how their wives are feeling. Ask men if they saw the breakup coming. Many are shocked. They had no idea.
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