Selfie Saturday
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Yeah' Baby, I'm coming out! "IDENTIFY" 
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Just for the record, I'm NOT there yet either.
In fact, I'm not even close.
There have really only been two forum members here who know me (one more so than the other) and my personal struggles, and they're both gone now. While they were here, they were well aware that my one major struggle in this life is a desire for truly loving relationships...plural.
For starters, as I've told many people outside of this forum for years (I might have mentioned it here in the past...possibly my first time around), my philosophy as it pertains to people in this life is simply this:
Everyone is born into this world with a desire to be loved and accepted...and I'm definitely no different.
Unfortunately, my life, and not by my personal desire or design, has been one that has been marked by continual rejection. A lot of it in the past was simply due to evils perpetrated against me by wicked people, with many of them being my own family members (I come from a rather big family), and that only magnified when I became a Christian because I've suffered much rejection/persecution for Christ's sake as well. I'm not looking for any sort of sympathy, but that's simply the truth.
On the one hand, I've found tremendous acceptance in Christ, and that has definitely offset much of the rejection.
On the other hand, however, I've truly sought God with my whole heart, soul, and strength for the last 33+ years, and the God whom I've sought "is love" (I John 4:8). One cannot seek God as much as I have, while seeking to be conformed to his image, without becoming a loving individual himself, and, believe it or not, I'm an extremely loving individual, but it's been mostly a one-way street in that the vast majority of the love which I have given to others in this world has known no real reciprocation.
This love doesn't just pertain to a love for women, either, although I've got plenty of that. Instead, it also pertains to love for friends (again, rarely ever reciprocated), love for enemies (and I have plenty of those, even here on this forum), love for my children (they love me back, and I'm thankful for that), and love for my neighbors, which basically includes everyone on this planet.
I'll preface my next comment by saying this:
If people here met me in person, then I doubt that anybody, with the possible exceptions of the two aforementioned friends of mine who are no longer here, would even recognize me.
In other words, I probably come across here as some sort of heartless swashbuckler (especially in the BDF), but I'm actually a very tender-hearted individual. So tender-hearted that if I even see a commercial that depicts a loving family relationship or love between friends, then I literally tear up. And forget about it if I ever hear anybody actually preach/speak the truth of God's word. I literally become undone out of love for God and his word.
Anyhow, if I've ever given you the impression that "I'm there" as far as being okay without love in this life is concerned, then I've given you the wrong impression. What I think that I've actually said is this:
God's grace is sufficient.
In other words, somehow, by his Spirit, God keeps me in one piece.
I might have shared this here my first time around, but here is a poem which the Lord literally dropped in my spirit as I was in the shower one day, and not long after I initially got saved. At first, I had a sense of pride about it as in "Hey, look what I wrote". However, I've long since come to realize that God wrote it, and that he gave it to me as sort of a blueprint for my life. I've made it, I think, to somewhere in the third stanza, but I'll be totally heart broken if the last stanza doesn't become a reality before my time on this earth is through.
Anyhow, here's the poem:
A Christian's Prayer
Dear Heavenly Father, up above,
One thing I ask: Teach me to love.
And not just those who love me first,
But teach me, Lord, to love the worst.
For they are blind and cannot see;
They need your truth to set them free.
The truth I'd gladly tell them of,
If you would just teach me to love.
Sweet Jesus Christ, the Spotless Lamb,
I call to you, Lord, here I am.
If there's a brother with a need,
Please help me, Lord, to intercede.
And keep me from the hypocrites,
Who honor only with their lips.
Please let my heart be near to you;
Your hand upon each thing I do.
Oh, Holy Ghost, who dwells inside,
Please take away my foolish pride.
And when it's gone, then in its place,
I ask of you mercy and grace.
Remind me, lest I should forget,
How I mistreated Christ and yet,
He chose to die that I might live,
And thus defined the word "forgive".
Yes, Jesus Christ, the risen Son,
Please look down on your chosen one,
And fill me daily with your word,
So I may speak 'til all have heard,
That you're the Way, the Truth, the Life,
And when you come back for your wife,
We'll all be joined in one accord,
Ready to go home with our Lord.
Amen.
In fact, I'm not even close.
There have really only been two forum members here who know me (one more so than the other) and my personal struggles, and they're both gone now. While they were here, they were well aware that my one major struggle in this life is a desire for truly loving relationships...plural.
For starters, as I've told many people outside of this forum for years (I might have mentioned it here in the past...possibly my first time around), my philosophy as it pertains to people in this life is simply this:
Everyone is born into this world with a desire to be loved and accepted...and I'm definitely no different.
Unfortunately, my life, and not by my personal desire or design, has been one that has been marked by continual rejection. A lot of it in the past was simply due to evils perpetrated against me by wicked people, with many of them being my own family members (I come from a rather big family), and that only magnified when I became a Christian because I've suffered much rejection/persecution for Christ's sake as well. I'm not looking for any sort of sympathy, but that's simply the truth.
On the one hand, I've found tremendous acceptance in Christ, and that has definitely offset much of the rejection.
On the other hand, however, I've truly sought God with my whole heart, soul, and strength for the last 33+ years, and the God whom I've sought "is love" (I John 4:8). One cannot seek God as much as I have, while seeking to be conformed to his image, without becoming a loving individual himself, and, believe it or not, I'm an extremely loving individual, but it's been mostly a one-way street in that the vast majority of the love which I have given to others in this world has known no real reciprocation.
This love doesn't just pertain to a love for women, either, although I've got plenty of that. Instead, it also pertains to love for friends (again, rarely ever reciprocated), love for enemies (and I have plenty of those, even here on this forum), love for my children (they love me back, and I'm thankful for that), and love for my neighbors, which basically includes everyone on this planet.
I'll preface my next comment by saying this:
If people here met me in person, then I doubt that anybody, with the possible exceptions of the two aforementioned friends of mine who are no longer here, would even recognize me.
In other words, I probably come across here as some sort of heartless swashbuckler (especially in the BDF), but I'm actually a very tender-hearted individual. So tender-hearted that if I even see a commercial that depicts a loving family relationship or love between friends, then I literally tear up. And forget about it if I ever hear anybody actually preach/speak the truth of God's word. I literally become undone out of love for God and his word.
Anyhow, if I've ever given you the impression that "I'm there" as far as being okay without love in this life is concerned, then I've given you the wrong impression. What I think that I've actually said is this:
God's grace is sufficient.
In other words, somehow, by his Spirit, God keeps me in one piece.
I might have shared this here my first time around, but here is a poem which the Lord literally dropped in my spirit as I was in the shower one day, and not long after I initially got saved. At first, I had a sense of pride about it as in "Hey, look what I wrote". However, I've long since come to realize that God wrote it, and that he gave it to me as sort of a blueprint for my life. I've made it, I think, to somewhere in the third stanza, but I'll be totally heart broken if the last stanza doesn't become a reality before my time on this earth is through.
Anyhow, here's the poem:
A Christian's Prayer
Dear Heavenly Father, up above,
One thing I ask: Teach me to love.
And not just those who love me first,
But teach me, Lord, to love the worst.
For they are blind and cannot see;
They need your truth to set them free.
The truth I'd gladly tell them of,
If you would just teach me to love.
Sweet Jesus Christ, the Spotless Lamb,
I call to you, Lord, here I am.
If there's a brother with a need,
Please help me, Lord, to intercede.
And keep me from the hypocrites,
Who honor only with their lips.
Please let my heart be near to you;
Your hand upon each thing I do.
Oh, Holy Ghost, who dwells inside,
Please take away my foolish pride.
And when it's gone, then in its place,
I ask of you mercy and grace.
Remind me, lest I should forget,
How I mistreated Christ and yet,
He chose to die that I might live,
And thus defined the word "forgive".
Yes, Jesus Christ, the risen Son,
Please look down on your chosen one,
And fill me daily with your word,
So I may speak 'til all have heard,
That you're the Way, the Truth, the Life,
And when you come back for your wife,
We'll all be joined in one accord,
Ready to go home with our Lord.
Amen.
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Makes me think of this:
"You're the dirty rat who killed my brother."
As said by ^ James Cagney
"You're the dirty rat who killed my brother."
As said by ^ James Cagney
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Thank you... I deleted it cuz I thought it was too large and I also wanted to put a border on it
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Yes... the pic is 3 years old now but my camera went kaput some back due to batter acid corrosion
So I was 64 in that pic. In the meantime, cancer, radiation, chemo, and two surgeries have aged me
So I was 64 in that pic. In the meantime, cancer, radiation, chemo, and two surgeries have aged me
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Yes, thank you My radiation and chemo started two years ago at the end of April and went on for five weeks into early June, followed by my first surgery in August of '20. Then I went on about five more months of chemo (pill-form), and had another surgery in May of '21, which was followed by seven months of wound care which ended just before Christmas last year. LOL. Ugh, it sounds like a lot, and surgery really knocked the stuffing out of me, plus there is one more I am waiting on for a hernia repair, but all told? Ha! I'm doing great After my first surgery it was three months before I could return to designing and now I am designing close to one day. I just did this one:
I'd just turned 65 prior to my diagnosis and then Covid hit and I was involuntarily retired, but life is good
My radiation and chemo started two years ago at the end of April and went on for five weeks into early June, followed by my first surgery in August of '20. Then I went on about five more months of chemo (pill-form), and had another surgery in May of '21, which was followed by seven months of wound care which ended just before Christmas last year. LOL. Ugh, it sounds like a lot, and surgery really knocked the stuffing out of me, plus there is one more I am waiting on for a hernia repair, but all told? Ha! I'm doing great After my first surgery it was three months before I could return to designing and now I am designing close to one day. I just did this one:
I'd just turned 65 prior to my diagnosis and then Covid hit and I was involuntarily retired, but life is good
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In fact, I did not think I could afford to retire, and my boss had told me I could work as long as I wanted. LOL. Meaning, he was not going to make me retire just because I was of retirement age. But then I was diagnosed, turned 65, and the first covid closures all happened within less than a month of each other. So I was laid off More or less permanently My boss kept me on medical for a year. And because I was diagnosed before turning 65, I got a payout from the insurance company, also. I did not even know such a thing was available to me until the day of my diagnosis! And then because of Covid, our government streamlined and fast-tracked the employment insurance benefits, and gave people who lost their jobs multiple tax breaks due to it as well. It seemed like they were throwing money at us! It was crazy, but all very perfectly timed for me. The business has not really recovered, either. Others were laid off at the same time, and we were fairly small to begin with: less than a dozen people. Before digital changed everything, there used to be much closer to sixty people working for the company. Although my original boss had retired an a fellow employee bought the business and became my new boss, I had worked there for thirty eight years.-
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