frustrated........
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L
Hi.
Let me begin by saying that my own wife left me several years ago, and ultimately divorced me, and that we had three children together (they live with her, but only about 10 minutes away from me, and I talk to them, or see them, or both every day), so I have some idea of what you're presently going through.
That said, if I may be blunt, in answer to your opening question, yes, it is wrong for you to be mad or frustrated about a situation that you have prayed to God about because, truth be told, you're really mad at and/or frustrated with GOD HIMSELF, and not just the situation.
That may seem cold and uncaring, but, again, it's coming from someone who's been there myself, and who learned many valuable lessons along the way.
As the initial respondent to you suggested, ultimately, you cannot change anybody but yourself, and, even then, only by the grace and mercy of God.
My own mindset, which I adopted pretty early on (thank God that I did) in my own ordeal, was pretty much based upon the reality that gold is purified in the fire.
In other words, I saw my fiery trials, and, believe me, my life was like "The Towering Inferno" (if anyone here is old enough to remember that movie) for approximately 17 straight years, as a means by which God was seeking to purify my own heart because Jesus said that it is the pure in heart who are going to see God (Matt. 5:8).
No relief for 17 straight years.
Constant heat.
Flaming hot.
I vividly recall driving down the highway in my car one day and sticking my head out the window while looking up towards heaven and screaming "ENOUGH!!!"
That's the "bad" news.
The good news is that I continually allowed that heat to purify me, or I continually allowed God to use my fiery trial to expose the dross that was WITHIN ME (some of which led to the aforementioned anger and frustration), and I can honestly say that I'm a much stronger Christian man now than I ever was before.
MUCH, MUCH, MUCH STRONGER.
My advice to you is to stop complaining to God about your situation, and start asking God to purify you in the midst of your own fiery trial and to see what happens as the result of that.
No offense to you (especially since I already mentioned my own "dross"), but I think that I can say with certainty that God will keep you busy enough working on yourself while he attempts to work on others (we all have a free will, and there's no guarantee that your wife will ever submit her own self to God's will) that you won't even have time for anger and frustration.
Anyhow, that's my advice, and, again, it's coming from someone who's not only been there, but who also made it out the other side in a much better condition than I was initially in.
I'll say a prayer for you (and her, and your children) as soon as I'm done posting this.
God's grace is sufficient for you.
Of this, I'm sure.
Let me begin by saying that my own wife left me several years ago, and ultimately divorced me, and that we had three children together (they live with her, but only about 10 minutes away from me, and I talk to them, or see them, or both every day), so I have some idea of what you're presently going through.
That said, if I may be blunt, in answer to your opening question, yes, it is wrong for you to be mad or frustrated about a situation that you have prayed to God about because, truth be told, you're really mad at and/or frustrated with GOD HIMSELF, and not just the situation.
That may seem cold and uncaring, but, again, it's coming from someone who's been there myself, and who learned many valuable lessons along the way.
As the initial respondent to you suggested, ultimately, you cannot change anybody but yourself, and, even then, only by the grace and mercy of God.
My own mindset, which I adopted pretty early on (thank God that I did) in my own ordeal, was pretty much based upon the reality that gold is purified in the fire.
In other words, I saw my fiery trials, and, believe me, my life was like "The Towering Inferno" (if anyone here is old enough to remember that movie) for approximately 17 straight years, as a means by which God was seeking to purify my own heart because Jesus said that it is the pure in heart who are going to see God (Matt. 5:8).
No relief for 17 straight years.
Constant heat.
Flaming hot.
I vividly recall driving down the highway in my car one day and sticking my head out the window while looking up towards heaven and screaming "ENOUGH!!!"
That's the "bad" news.
The good news is that I continually allowed that heat to purify me, or I continually allowed God to use my fiery trial to expose the dross that was WITHIN ME (some of which led to the aforementioned anger and frustration), and I can honestly say that I'm a much stronger Christian man now than I ever was before.
MUCH, MUCH, MUCH STRONGER.
My advice to you is to stop complaining to God about your situation, and start asking God to purify you in the midst of your own fiery trial and to see what happens as the result of that.
No offense to you (especially since I already mentioned my own "dross"), but I think that I can say with certainty that God will keep you busy enough working on yourself while he attempts to work on others (we all have a free will, and there's no guarantee that your wife will ever submit her own self to God's will) that you won't even have time for anger and frustration.
Anyhow, that's my advice, and, again, it's coming from someone who's not only been there, but who also made it out the other side in a much better condition than I was initially in.
I'll say a prayer for you (and her, and your children) as soon as I'm done posting this.
God's grace is sufficient for you.
Of this, I'm sure.
thank you everyone for your helpful advice.... I really Appreciate it very much.... I have been going through this scenario for almost a year... and right now I have understood the ramifications of what has happened and I have prayed and asked god MULTIPLE times for forgiveness... and I know that our god is a forgiving god who knows that if we admit and confess our sins that because of the blood of christ all of our sins are forgiven.... and right now I really am tired of living in the shadow of the past mistakes... I am ready to move forward with the next step for what god has for me.... I believe that in my heart that there Is someone out there for me to share my life and my world with... but god works on His time... I dont know what his plan is for me and my spouse and my future and my family but right now its just very hard and very painful.....I just ask for any advice and prayers for my situation....
thank you very much
thank you very much
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K
Marriages can be restored. Continue to pray and don't give up. God wants what is best for your family. Ask Him to soften your wifes heart and in the mean time, work on whatever you feel you may have done wrong. Or if you feel you didn't really do anything wrong, be the best you you can be. Give it to the Lord. If your wife refuses we know God won't force a person to server Him. But you will have done what is right and all you can do to save your marriage. Then you can be clear of it and say you gave it your best and she refused and move on from there. If there are books you can read or counsel you can take on your own, I would do that. I hope your marriage is restored, but in either situation, you can trust God to carry you through. Please let us know how things turn out. Blessings.
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Thank you so much kaylagrl...I will admit that I have done some wrong things that I am not proud of and I have sone everything I can do conform to the way that god has shown is to live and to be and I have tried to talk to my wife and I have attempted to restore what has been damaged....but like you said earlier I can only do so much marriage involves two people and if one isn't committed to make an attempt to work it out then it isn't going to work so right now all I can do is just move forward and do what god asks us to do....all I can do is pray for her...and thanks again for all of your wise words....and i might ask for your help and advice a little more in the near future.....
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K
I haven't, no. But my younger sister has dealt with so much in her marriage. I feel so bad for people that have to suffer through these situations. She is still together with her husband but she has gone through hell to keep her children and family together. A lot of prayer and patience. She even had the divorce papers to hand him one day and we stayed on the phone together and she changed her mind. So no it's not happened to me, but I understand through my sister how devastating it can be.
Hello all... its been a while since I've been on here.... I just wanted to give an update and also to ask a question as well.....its been a while since I've been in contact with my family.... I figured that we just needed some time away from each other and time away from the situation.. and even after almost a year I have asked several times where exactly where we stand.... and absolutely NOTHING has changed at all.... We still don't talk at all... pretty much the main thing that I always get is I am not ready to talk yet.... "I am the one that gets to to decide when I am ready to talk" After almost a year.. I'm beginning to think is is this really worth the wait?? After this I'm Beginning to wonder if the person that I married wants to make our marriage work??? I've brought up counseling, and pastorial help and I've gotten no answer and no response... so I've prayed about it multiple times and I haven't heard anything.....so does anyone have any advice about the situation????
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I bolded the word maieutic 
Definition of maieutic
: relating to or resembling the Socratic method of eliciting new ideas from another
Maieutic Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster
Definition of maieutic
: relating to or resembling the Socratic method of eliciting new ideas from another
Maieutic Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster
Just ask yourself if it was a serious mistake in the first place to marry this woman. She seems to be totally self-centered and evidently did not love you to begin with. So instead of beating yourself up over this, just tell yourself you made a mistake in marrying her (and everyone makes mistakes). Then move on and put the past behind you.
Maieutics is where they have a point, but only keep asking questions to try and get the other to say their point without the first person needing to say it. It's frustrating and almost passive/aggressive. Just tell me what you mean, don't beat about the bush. It was my (s.a.t.) word of the week a few weeks ago.
I had kids and used kid words for a long time to better relate to the girls, and by the time they were grown I had forgotten more words than I knew, so I started focusing on a word a week to regrow my vocabulary. I am actually beginning to sound like the educated adult I am, instead of the toddlers, to whom I related, all those years. (haha) Now I have to find the happy medium that will make me easily understood without sounding pretentious all the time.
I had kids and used kid words for a long time to better relate to the girls, and by the time they were grown I had forgotten more words than I knew, so I started focusing on a word a week to regrow my vocabulary. I am actually beginning to sound like the educated adult I am, instead of the toddlers, to whom I related, all those years. (haha) Now I have to find the happy medium that will make me easily understood without sounding pretentious all the time.
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Yaj, you have said multiple times that you're asking God to show you if there's any chance of saving this marriage. But Jesus himself said that it's not okay to divorce your wife unless she's unfaithful to you. You have not mentioned her cheating on you at all, but you made a previous thread in which you mentioned that you had an inappropriate text fling/relationship with another woman.
Keep working on your own relationship with Jesus. I'm assuming that you've already asked him to be your Savior, but if you have not, you definitely need to do that first. And then pray FERVENTLY that the Holy Spirit enters your life and your family's lives in a HUGE way, regardless of how long you have to wait.
Keep working on your own relationship with Jesus. I'm assuming that you've already asked him to be your Savior, but if you have not, you definitely need to do that first. And then pray FERVENTLY that the Holy Spirit enters your life and your family's lives in a HUGE way, regardless of how long you have to wait.
No, it's not wrong. We're saved and still human.
It takes time to come to patience between the times we pray for God to work out something in our lives, and his actual plans for our lives.
Sometimes they coincide. Sometimes not.
Be patient. Don't beat yourself up for being frustrated. It's understandable.
It takes time to come to patience between the times we pray for God to work out something in our lives, and his actual plans for our lives.
Sometimes they coincide. Sometimes not.
Be patient. Don't beat yourself up for being frustrated. It's understandable.