Intermediate passive aggression

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JTB

Well-known member
Aug 31, 2021
2,235
701
113
#61
Lets talk about backhanded compliments..

You know , A backhanded compliment is a compliment that you give to a friend, a colleague, anyone really, and it is not a compliment at all. It is laced with insult, sometimes disguised so well as a compliment that you do not even realize it was there in the first place......

I remember a lady at a Church I use to attend told me " I love your shirt...its so..boho" in the next breath she said "I could never pull off that slouchy boho look"

Same lady once told me "I love your hair, It reminds me of Sister __________." 10 minutes later in the church bathroom mirror shes fussing with her own hair and says " UGH... MY HAIR LOOKS SO BAD.... IT LOOKS JUST LIKE SISTER _________S HAIR !"
She named the same lady she used as a compliment to me, as an insult to herself.


A young lady told me " I dont care what they all say about you, I think you're beautiful!"

Sounds nice , but who are they and what the heck are they saying about me ??? Lol

" You have such a cute face for a chubby girl"

"If you lost weight , you'd be a knockout"

I have quite a few...

How about you ??? Has anyone ever paid you a backhanded compliment ?

NOTE : THIS THREAD WAS NOT CREATED TO FISH FOR COMPLIMENTS, I hope it doesnt come across that way.
This is an interesting subject you brought up, too bad only single people are considered worthy of answering.

(Like that? :p)
 
L

Live4Him2

Guest
#62
We'll see you soon enough here as someone else.
No, you won't.

Like I said, I'm no deceiver.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

If you question why I responded, then this should help:


Well, I said that I was "back for a look-see", and I think that I've seen enough.

Time to disappear back into the woodwork.

This time, I'm keeping my account active because I still interact with certain people here via pm, and in case anyone ever comments on anything that I said here that is worthy of a response from me.

Other than that, I wish you all the best.
P.S.

And shame on Ruby for liking your idiotic comment.

Some of you people need a lot of help.
 
R

Ruby123

Guest
#63
No, you won't.

Like I said, I'm no deceiver.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

If you question why I responded, then this should help:




P.S.

And shame on Ruby for liking your idiotic comment.

Some of you people need a lot of help.
You like to dish it out but you cannot receive it. No point responding I am not going to bother responding back. We've heard it all before numerous times.
 
L

Live4Him2

Guest
#64
You like to dish it out but you cannot receive it. No point responding I am not going to bother responding back. We've heard it all before numerous times.
Receive what?

False accusations?

Satan is the accuser of the brethren, and you just sided with him.

One of my favorite things about God is that he sees, hears, and knows all...and he knows that you're delusional in regard to me.

Just ask him yourself.

Anyhow, I'll not waste another second on you.

I responded for your own potential benefit, but I doubt that it will benefit you at all.

You or anyone else like you can have the last word.
 
J

JAPOV

Guest
#65
No, you won't.

Like I said, I'm no deceiver.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

If you question why I responded, then this should help:




P.S.

And shame on Ruby for liking your idiotic comment.

Some of you people need a lot of help.
300 posts since last month!?
No offense but, yeah' you may be just a little burnt out here lol...
Take a little break. We'll see you soon :geek:
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
25,366
13,727
113
#66
This is a great idea for a thread... in the Singles forum (tips hat to the photogenic OP).

Seriously, there is a bit of an art to the backhanded compliment. A really good one leaves the recipient feeling complimented, and leaves just a niggling hint of "Did they really mean that?"

That just leaves one question: why bother? If you've got something negative to say, just say it, or better yet, keep it to yourself. Yes, it shows wit to come up with a complimentary insult, but it also shows darker character traits which may need work....
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,183
9,265
113
#67
Yes, it shows wit to come up with a complimentary insult, but it also shows darker character traits which may need work....
Boy have I thought THAT a lot!

There's this one manager at my job who comes from... er, a certain part of a certain state where they are known for their incisive, insulting wit... who seems to take pride in her ability to put people down in clever ways. It never stops! All day every day she's ALWAYS scanning for some humorous way to insult everybody around her.

After a while I started wondering why she felt like she had to be witty AND put people down, at the same time, all the time.
 
J

jennymae

Guest
#68
This is a great idea for a thread... in the Singles forum (tips hat to the photogenic OP).

Seriously, there is a bit of an art to the backhanded compliment. A really good one leaves the recipient feeling complimented, and leaves just a niggling hint of "Did they really mean that?"

That just leaves one question: why bother? If you've got something negative to say, just say it, or better yet, keep it to yourself. Yes, it shows wit to come up with a complimentary insult, but it also shows darker character traits which may need work....
Passive aggressive behavioral patterns arise from upbringing issues, at least that’s one explanation. If you’re raised in some parts of the South, and you are a girl, you’re most likely taught to not display any sort of direct aggression. Nevertheless, hot boiling emotions will surface one way or the other, and women from those parts have developed passive aggressive strategies to let out some steam.

Just think about words like “sweetie”, “honey”, “darlin”…they ain’t always as sweet as they come. “Bless your/her/his heart” sounds nice, but it usually ain’t.

I have a feeling many men don’t get the insults, good for them, but we do get the point whenever handed one of these “compliments”. It’s okay, though, I think the alternative to this sugar sweet mud slinging is way worse. It ain’t no joke that the frequency of mental problems are higher among southern women than the rest of the country.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,183
9,265
113
#69
I have a feeling many men don’t get the insults, good for them, but we do get the point whenever handed one of these “compliments”. It’s okay, though, I think the alternative to this sugar sweet mud slinging is way worse. It ain’t no joke that the frequency of mental problems are higher among southern women than the rest of the country.
Bless your heart girl, we men get it just fine. It's just usually not worth the racket to call y'all on it when you give us one of those "compliments." We know if we did call you on it, there'd be WAY more arguing. It's a lot easier on the blood pressure to just let it ride.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,183
9,265
113
#70
Receive what?

False accusations?

Satan is the accuser of the brethren, and you just sided with him.

One of my favorite things about God is that he sees, hears, and knows all...and he knows that you're delusional in regard to me.

Just ask him yourself.

Anyhow, I'll not waste another second on you.

I responded for your own potential benefit, but I doubt that it will benefit you at all.

You or anyone else like you can have the last word.
Hmm, there seem to be an awful lot of people trying to deceive and/or falsely accuse you... At least by your count.

Why you specifically though? Why not me? Or cinder? Or 17bees? Or seoulsearch?

Man, now I'm starting to get offended. Why do YOU get all the fun? Why am I left out of this? :cautious:
 
J

jennymae

Guest
#71
Bless your heart girl, we men get it just fine. It's just usually not worth the racket to call y'all on it when you give us one of those "compliments." We know if we did call you on it, there'd be WAY more arguing. It's a lot easier on the blood pressure to just let it ride.
You make good points for a feline.😁

On a serious note, I concur. I don’t like backhanded compliments myself, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be mastering the art of it personally.
 
J

JAPOV

Guest
#72
It ain’t no joke that the frequency of mental problems are higher among southern women than the rest of the country.
I don't believe that for a second! I've lived up north... everybody up there is so crazy nobody remembers what crazy is!

And, yeah'... I picked up a few bad habits... ;)
 

kinda

Senior Member
Jun 26, 2013
3,897
1,493
113
#73
I have seen some aggression and passive aggression, not to sure about intermediate passive aggression in this thread.


 

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
Sep 17, 2013
5,542
2,720
113
Georgia
#74
Passive aggressive behavioral patterns arise from upbringing issues, at least that’s one explanation. If you’re raised in some parts of the South, and you are a girl, you’re most likely taught to not display any sort of direct aggression. Nevertheless, hot boiling emotions will surface one way or the other, and women from those parts have developed passive aggressive strategies to let out some steam.

Just think about words like “sweetie”, “honey”, “darlin”…they ain’t always as sweet as they come. “Bless your/her/his heart” sounds nice, but it usually ain’t.

I have a feeling many men don’t get the insults, good for them, but we do get the point whenever handed one of these “compliments”. It’s okay, though, I think the alternative to this sugar sweet mud slinging is way worse. It ain’t no joke that the frequency of mental problems are higher among southern women than the rest of the country.
Oh honey, bless your heart .... ;)
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#75
Lets talk about backhanded compliments..

You know , A backhanded compliment is a compliment that you give to a friend, a colleague, anyone really, and it is not a compliment at all. It is laced with insult, sometimes disguised so well as a compliment that you do not even realize it was there in the first place......

I remember a lady at a Church I use to attend told me " I love your shirt...its so..boho" in the next breath she said "I could never pull off that slouchy boho look"

Same lady once told me "I love your hair, It reminds me of Sister __________." 10 minutes later in the church bathroom mirror shes fussing with her own hair and says " UGH... MY HAIR LOOKS SO BAD.... IT LOOKS JUST LIKE SISTER _________S HAIR !"
She named the same lady she used as a compliment to me, as an insult to herself.


A young lady told me " I dont care what they all say about you, I think you're beautiful!"

Sounds nice , but who are they and what the heck are they saying about me ??? Lol

" You have such a cute face for a chubby girl"

"If you lost weight , you'd be a knockout"

I have quite a few...

How about you ??? Has anyone ever paid you a backhanded compliment ?

NOTE : THIS THREAD WAS NOT CREATED TO FISH FOR COMPLIMENTS, I hope it doesnt come across that way.
Fine! I'll insult you!

Nah, I won't. What I will say is that I think we've probably all experienced this. If you get one and immediately recognize it as such, maybe call them out on it. Or, come back with a subtle snort of a reply that makes them realize that you know what they just did. I tend to be rather direct, and I might come back with something that would have them backing off. But, I got to be careful as sin can creep in in those moments.

This reminds me of Everybody Loves Raymond. That mother-in-law is the reigning champ of the passive-aggressive... everything.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#77
why do southern women do that I thought they just shot ppl with their little lady pistols or is Annie Get your Gun not a typical southerner?
 
J

jennymae

Guest
#78
why do southern women do that I thought they just shot ppl with their little lady pistols or is Annie Get your Gun not a typical southerner?
Annie was from way up north. I’d say she’s more like the old West kinda character. A southern lady is a long way from that. But most of us southern girls would never qualify for a southern lady membership anyways lol. We usually go by redneck girls or other terms that are not even in the vicinity of the word “lady” lol.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#79
Annie was from way up north. I’d say she’s more like the old West kinda character. A southern lady is a long way from that. But most of us southern girls would never qualify for a southern lady membership anyways lol. We usually go by redneck girls or other terms that are not even in the vicinity of the word “lady” lol.
oh ok

I think in Gone With the Wind scarlett O'Hara was southern but she also slapped and shot people, and Rhett didnt think she was a lady. Melanie was and never had a bad word to say about anybody, I dont recall her giving back handed compliments or being catty.

Of course I havent ever lived there (in the US) so not sure what its really like. Reese Witherspoon wrote a book called 'Whisky in a teacup' all about being southern, but all I remember from it was she liked monograms and insisted she wasnt racist.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#80
Blanche Du Bois (character in Streetcar named desire) was Southern from New Orleans. She went mad though.

Vivien Leigh who played both Scarlett and Blanche wasnt american she was british. In both stories her character gets raped. ?! So not really sure what its saying about the South.

I think maybe in the olden days Southern ladies have to learn how to be charming to men thats all, cos they dont have any other means...of survival...they not going to work like field hands in the plantations.