In the past when I realized God loved me, I had a sense of security. It seemed as if I just realized a truth that was there all along… it wasn’t dependent on me so I was safe.
But as of now I am unsure and I get confused.
What hurt me after resting in Him was being worried when I looked at how others’ struggled.
**I didn’t know if I only rested when others panicked because of how I viewed God and God wasn’t really there helping**
It seemed as if **if I got amnesia and forgot how I viewed God, God would not help because it all depended on my mind**. I panicked a lot…. It seemed as if God did care enough to die for me, but He was distant, just wanting me to view Him well enough.
It made having the relationship difficult, I used to feel worse for my sins because of how I would do that against someone who loved me so much. But now just seeing it as a view He seems so distant… and I used to feel safe knowing He loved me, but now it feels like I am just supposed to have faith well enough and rest in my faith.
It makes it seem as if **it just depends on what I believe about God, but He doesn’t really help and stay present there for me.**
I want to see Him as close again….
At first it was like:
“The truth is God loves me, no matter I am okay because He’ll seek me out,”
But then it seemed like:
“The truth is, God wants me to rest in my thinking and view of Him, but He won’t stay there and help me…”
I need to fix thing. I want to rest in God and be close to Him like before but this lie troubled me and made Him seem so distant.
I do just want things sorted out. To see Him like a person there for me, because when it just seems like it’s about my thinking it makes God seem distant….
But as of now I am unsure and I get confused.
What hurt me after resting in Him was being worried when I looked at how others’ struggled.
**I didn’t know if I only rested when others panicked because of how I viewed God and God wasn’t really there helping**
It seemed as if **if I got amnesia and forgot how I viewed God, God would not help because it all depended on my mind**. I panicked a lot…. It seemed as if God did care enough to die for me, but He was distant, just wanting me to view Him well enough.
It made having the relationship difficult, I used to feel worse for my sins because of how I would do that against someone who loved me so much. But now just seeing it as a view He seems so distant… and I used to feel safe knowing He loved me, but now it feels like I am just supposed to have faith well enough and rest in my faith.
It makes it seem as if **it just depends on what I believe about God, but He doesn’t really help and stay present there for me.**
I want to see Him as close again….
At first it was like:
“The truth is God loves me, no matter I am okay because He’ll seek me out,”
But then it seemed like:
“The truth is, God wants me to rest in my thinking and view of Him, but He won’t stay there and help me…”
I need to fix thing. I want to rest in God and be close to Him like before but this lie troubled me and made Him seem so distant.
I do just want things sorted out. To see Him like a person there for me, because when it just seems like it’s about my thinking it makes God seem distant….