Socially Awkward Question: "How are you?"

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S

Seeking-Christ

Guest
#1
#1
Sometimes when I'm getting ready to write a post, I'm inspired to do some research. I just came across something that I'm going to print and have a read.

Here is the link:
https://www.succeedsocially.com/problemquestions

But I want to share with you guys what happens too me. There is one particular person at work, who doesn't normally ignore my existence, asks me, from time to time. "How are you?" It's such an awkward question because I'm an honest person. Mostly the simple answers I want to give is, "I'm tired" "My feet hurt" "My back is bothering me" "I'm feeling sad." But I think what most people expect you to say is: "I'm fine". or "I'm ok". Sometimes I'll say something to them like: "Let me think" They respond, "take your time" Then I just tell something about a project I'm working on at home, or I'll tell them something about a Podcast I'm listening too. But I almost never get anything out of them. If I say "How are you" they always respond with "I'm ok" or "i'm fine". They don't really try to make conversation, like I do. So I start to wonder. What was the point to the question?

Now I'm going to print the article and read it. :)
 
Mem

Mem

Senior Member
#2
Sep 23, 2014
7,315
2,232
113
#2
Seeking-Christ said:
Sometimes when I'm getting ready to write a post, I'm inspired to do some research. I just came across something that I'm going to print and have a read.

Here is the link:
https://www.succeedsocially.com/problemquestions

But I want to share with you guys what happens too me. There is one particular person at work, who doesn't normally ignore my existence, asks me, from time to time. "How are you?" It's such an awkward question because I'm an honest person. Mostly the simple answers I want to give is, "I'm tired" "My feet hurt" "My back is bothering me" "I'm feeling sad." But I think what most people expect you to say is: "I'm fine". or "I'm ok". Sometimes I'll say something to them like: "Let me think" They respond, "take your time" Then I just tell something about a project I'm working on at home, or I'll tell them something about a Podcast I'm listening too. But I almost never get anything out of them. If I say "How are you" they always respond with "I'm ok" or "i'm fine". They don't really try to make conversation, like I do. So I start to wonder. What was the point to the question?

Now I'm going to print the article and read it. :)
Click to expand...
It's fine saying any of those things but you might be leaving them feeling helpless, with nothing to say. However, you can invite them into a conversation. For example, you can answer, "I'm tired, what do you do to get more energy?" or "My feet hurt, do you know any good remedies for corns on your toes?"
 
S

Seeking-Christ

Guest
#3
#3
I think the problem is they are a teacher and I am a custodian. You got to find something outside of the two occupations to talk about. Also I think they got friends and I don't. So for them to loose me, doesn't mean as much, as if I loose them.
 
Mem

Mem

Senior Member
#4
Sep 23, 2014
7,315
2,232
113
#4
Seeking-Christ said:
I think the problem is they are a teacher and I am a custodian. You got to find something outside of the two occupations to talk about. Also I think they got friends and I don't. So for them to loose me, doesn't mean as much, as if I loose them.
Click to expand...
Ah, you didn't know? We're all equal in Christ, and he is no respecter of persons, not that we shouldn't show each other respect of course but. I worked at a college where I interacted with all kinds of ph. d's, considering I was in dining service. I worked in a building that was located beside an small campus graveyard. When I went outside and noticed there was preparation for a burial, which wasn't a particular common event to see there, I asked the manager about it and he told me a long tenured professor was to be laid there to rest. He went on to say he was a great man and very smart and so then I asked, "If he was so smart, why'd he die?"
This made my manager exclaim, "Mem! (except he used my real name)," but he was chuckling while shaking his head at me. But of course the joke was more about his supposed 'great man' status and less about his loss as a person in general. His loss is no less nor any more meaningful than yours. After all, if it weren't for people like you, suffering aching feet and sore backs to clean up after those such as him so the next person can have a clean space to mess up... we'd all look like big messes.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#5
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#5
well when teachers ask how are you they are really grading you
in my school the teachers are told to ask how the children are because otherwise there are going to be classroom disruptions!

so what they do is get the children to line up, and they ask them, how they are feeling and the children have to respond by walking to the five different coloured categories that are named according to how they are feeling

because 'im fine' or ' Im ok' is obviously not enough and its usually a lie. Children have way more feelings than those two.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#6
Aug 13, 2014
27,824
9,732
113
#6
Seeking-Christ said:
But I want to share with you guys what happens too me. There is one particular person at work, who doesn't normally ignore my existence, asks me, from time to time. "How are you?" It's such an awkward question because I'm an honest person. Mostly the simple answers I want to give is, "I'm tired" "My feet hurt" "My back is bothering me" "I'm feeling sad." But I think what most people expect you to say is: "I'm fine". or "I'm ok". Sometimes I'll say something to them like: "Let me think" They respond, "take your time" Then I just tell something about a project I'm working on at home, or I'll tell them something about a Podcast I'm listening too. But I almost never get anything out of them. If I say "How are you" they always respond with "I'm ok" or "i'm fine". They don't really try to make conversation, like I do. So I start to wonder. What was the point to the question?
Click to expand...
small_talk.png


Also this Dilbert strip:
https://dilbert.com/strip/1991-03-23
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#7
Aug 13, 2014
27,824
9,732
113
#7
Currently it is de rigueur to say "How ya doing" as a greeting. People don't really expect a complete or complex answer. It's just a social thing.

What amuses me is when I say, "Howdy" and the person I greet replies with, "Doing fine, how 'bout you?" I didn't ask how you are doing, but these days it's a conditioned reflex.
 
R

RichMan

Guest
#8
#8
I just say "I am blessed beyond measure" which is always true.
 
Genipher

Genipher

Well-known member
#10
Jan 6, 2019
2,314
1,722
113
#10
RichMan said:
I just say "I am blessed beyond measure" which is always true.
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My husband always says, "Better than I deserve." Which, (a) often leads people to ask what he deserves and then he shares Christ and
(b) this response was actually one of the reasons he was fired from teaching at college...ended up being a blessing, though, as he now has a much better job
 
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