Question for the mothers and wives on the chat.

[tstumf]

I’ve wrestled with this for a lot of years as a husband and a father. Ever since my wife had our son she began to walk around the house naked randomly without care even if the blinds are open like she has zero modesty. She clearly was not after sex it confused me at first and I began to have to intentionally and directly ask her if this is a sex thing or not…. More often than not the answer was Nope she just felt like being naked…. Or haven’t gotten dressed yet. There has been a couple times I’ve had to remind her the Windows are open to the street. For a while it was happening so often that It became normalized behavior so I just stopped paying attention to it mostly.
Prior, during dating she dressed modestly in neck sweaters and now she just doesn’t seem to care about modesty. Now that our son is 6 he is making verbal observations when moms naked. I understand the maternal need for children to bond with their mother at infant age which includes brest feeding etc. but now that he’s noticing moms nakedness at 6. when does this stuff stop? Or is she going to be doing this when he is in his teens? rarely does she close a door to change ,shower, bathe , and quite often she will walk in on me using the bathroom, showering, toilet whatever unannounced and linger and try to converse as I’m needing some privacy to do my own business. Our Son has learned to do this same thing from observing her. I started locking the doors years ago to not be interrupted because the verbalized need for privacy went in one ear and out the other. It’s gotten a bit better as the years go on. Happens less frequently now but for a while it seemed as though there was zero modesty in the home and zero expectation of any privacy. So my curiosity has the best of me today ladies . Is this normal behavior that most women experience after having children? This seemingly loss of modesty and a lack of any real respect for privacy of other family members in the home?

 

[Oncefallen]

I really have some reservations about approving this thread, but I'll see where it goes.

 

[tstumf]

I really have some reservations about approving this thread, but I'll see where it goes.

If you think it’s going to be a problem go ahead and remove it. I was just genuinely curious if what I’ve been living with is normal behaviors or not. There is a lot of uneasiness in my life and im trying to hunt down the sources as God grants me. If it’s too controversial I understand

 

[Aerials1978]

This is unusual behavior. I have never known any women who does this. I’m not saying it doesn't happen, but it’s out the norm for sure.

 

[Runningman]

I’ve wrestled with this for a lot of years as a husband and a father. Ever since my wife had our son she began to walk around the house naked randomly without care even if the blinds are open like she has zero modesty. She clearly was not after sex it confused me at first and I began to have to intentionally and directly ask her if this is a sex thing or not…. More often than not the answer was Nope she just felt like being naked…. Or haven’t gotten dressed yet. There has been a couple times I’ve had to remind her the Windows are open to the street. For a while it was happening so often that It became normalized behavior so I just stopped paying attention to it mostly.
Prior, during dating she dressed modestly in neck sweaters and now she just doesn’t seem to care about modesty. Now that our son is 6 he is making verbal observations when moms naked. I understand the maternal need for children to bond with their mother at infant age which includes brest feeding etc. but now that he’s noticing moms nakedness at 6. when does this stuff stop? Or is she going to be doing this when he is in his teens? rarely does she close a door to change ,shower, bathe , and quite often she will walk in on me using the bathroom, showering, toilet whatever unannounced and linger and try to converse as I’m needing some privacy to do my own business. Our Son has learned to do this same thing from observing her. I started locking the doors years ago to not be interrupted because the verbalized need for privacy went in one ear and out the other. It’s gotten a bit better as the years go on. Happens less frequently now but for a while it seemed as though there was zero modesty in the home and zero expectation of any privacy. So my curiosity has the best of me today ladies . Is this normal behavior that most women experience after having children? This seemingly loss of modesty and a lack of any real respect for privacy of other family members in the home?

As far as I can tell she is just comfortable around you and doesn't mean any disrespect. Before you two were living together, in the privacy of her own room, she was probably doing this. So from her perspective this is just normal behavior; surprise your wife is a nudist. Now that you two are familiar, she just wants you to accept her behavior. You're one flesh with her now and you're allowed to desire her so if she catches your eye then there aren't really any moral dilemmas. Your complaint seems to boil down to your naked wife making you uncomfortable which is difficult to understand for me and probably for her as well. Are you unattracted to your wife?

Just my personal opinion, have a talk about doing this in front of your son who has reached the point of self-awareness and with the windows open in view of the public. I would also have a problem with these points. Otherwise, all good.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

Well...

Seeing his mother naked now probably eliminates the phase in your son's life when most tween/teen boys get overly excited about catching a glimpse of someone's boob. I think the "awe" of seeing someone's boobs (or other body parts) will be greatly reduced or even eliminated. Your son's view will most likely be like "that's just a boob" etc.

In any case I think it is best if your wife covers up in front of your son, at least underwear and bra.

 

[tstumf]

As far as I can tell she is just comfortable around you and doesn't mean any disrespect. Before you two were living together, in the privacy of her own room, she was probably doing this. So from her perspective this is just normal behavior; surprise your wife is a nudist. Now that you two are familiar, she just wants you to accept her behavior. You're one flesh with her now and you're allowed to desire her so if she catches your eye then there aren't really any moral dilemmas. Your complaint seems to boil down to your naked wife making you uncomfortable which is difficult to understand for me and probably for her as well. Are you unattracted to your wife?

Just my personal opinion, have a talk about doing this in front of your son who has reached the point of self-awareness and with the windows open in view of the public. I would also have a problem with these points. Otherwise, all good.

I am attracted to my wife. But what I have a hard time with is it becomes normalized behavior and I can’t tell weather she’s giving me a hint or just wants to be naked at that particular time. If I were to relate It to food …. I like Steak and baked potatoes but if I were to be presented Steak and baked potatoes every meal morning, noon and night. Had it waved in front of my face and then I get it gets swapped out only for a bowl of cold cereal I’d kinda be disappointed and after a while the smell of a good grilled Steak starts to lose its appeal because I know it’s leading to only the bowl of cereal in the end. That’s where I’m going with that

 

[Runningman]

I am attracted to my wife. But what I have a hard time with is it becomes normalized behavior and I can’t tell weather she’s giving me a hint or just wants to be naked at that particular time. If I were to relate It to food …. I like Steak and baked potatoes but if I were to be presented Steak and baked potatoes every meal morning, noon and night. Had it waved in front of my face and then I get it gets swapped out only for a bowl of cold cereal I’d kinda be disappointed and after a while the smell of a good grilled Steak starts to lose its appeal because I know it’s leading to only the bowl of cereal in the end. That’s where I’m going with that

I think I understand what you're getting at. From your perspective it seems like there are mixed signals and possibly some frustration. Definitely something you two need to talk about. It might be better if you just take the default assumption that she is just being platonic until she says something directly to you otherwise.

 

[Beckie]

She needs to respect you your son and her self

 

[tstumf]

I think I understand what you're getting at. From your perspective it seems like there are mixed signals and possibly some frustration. Definitely something you two need to talk about. It might be better if you just take the default assumption that she is just being platonic until she says something directly to you otherwise.

I mean don’t get me wrong. We manage to make it work but it can get quite hectic and it has been a trigger for anxiety and much frustration in the past. There just has to be a better way than playing the game …. Is this time a hint ….is it not a hint?. By the time I get it figured out sometimes I spin myself in such a fluster tryin to figure it out and still keep the romance and desire for it seems near impossible at times the worst times are when it disorients me so bad trying to figure it out I lose the desire completely so I’m convinced there has to be a better God honoring way to approach this cause when I lose that desire my physical ability to perform goes with it then I get performance anxiety for a while. I just become absolutely uninterested and I know that’s not how God wants a marriage to work sexually. I want to fix it but I have nothing to draw on or any good God honoring marriages around me that engaging someone with that conversation on how they make it work isn’t feasible at this time. I want that passion expressed in Song of Songs in my marriage and it’s been without I think this is a significant factor.

 

[Oblio]

My opinion...close the curtains! Cover up for the kid.
Besides that...

 

[Rhomphaeam]

If you think it’s going to be a problem go ahead and remove it. I was just genuinely curious if what I’ve been living with is normal behaviors or not. There is a lot of uneasiness in my life and im trying to hunt down the sources as God grants me. If it’s too controversial I understand

The simple response is to say that a precept of normalcy taken as an abreaction of societal behaviour is to differentiate in the first instance between visible and invisible nakedness. On that marker then we are already into problems because passive nakedness between parents and children does have a well formed belief system in some public communities.

In reading your own comments in terms of their chief direction you are expressing your own psychological responses. That may be reasonable and even necessary - yet they could and should be discussed with your wife. You may well believe that you don't know how to discuss this with your wife - not least because your former vocalisations have been unfruitful - but the issue is in truth a matter of authority in the home. And to venture into that spiritual headship may provoke a reciprocal reason to feminism - yet not necessarily as one can discern feminism as a claim to a man being controlling - but rather in this instance to a man being jealous of his own son.

I am extremely reticent to speak of your six year old son who by your own acknowledgement is also developing a mind to not sense what nakedness means - a necessary psychosexual development in all children from the age of seven years. Behaviourally, his disinclination to develop a sense of privacy when he is showering (your example) is not of itself an issue when the curtilage of the physical home generally affords the privacy needed - And yet it seems too obvious to say that privacy is more important in the public place or outside the house and may not always be in place in the public place - other than through safeguarding measures to protect children from predatory behaviour. It may also be possible for children to have an entirely appropriate presentation in the public place - seeing as there are strict measures in law that require that to be the case. Meaning, that your son may be only presenting in the home in the sense of being uncorked by his nakedness because no concern is being expressed.

Trying to attribute a spiritual sense is likely to be a wrong application in that regard - but it may not be with regard to your wife. Her change from modesty to nakedness in the home could be easily attributed to a hormonal confidence and its predicative maternal instinct and commensurate outworking in being a mother - rather than a wife. Yet even that is too abstract to measure because there are no markers available to examine.

My personal view is that you should take your position in prayer before the Father in heaven through Christ and raise the matter as a matter of paternal authority - with no regard for the material presentation.

 

[GardenofWeeden]

I think it probably removes the taboo of lusting after nekkid bodies, to be exposed as a young child, so that's a plus. I mean you've seen one pair of breasts and one heinie, you have seen them all basically. Otherwise I think it's a personal choice inside ones own home.

 

[Aerials1978]

I think it probably removes the taboo of lusting after nekkid bodies, to be exposed as a young child, so that's a plus. I mean you've seen one pair of breasts and one heinie, you have seen them all basically. Otherwise I think it's a personal choice inside ones own home.

I would have to say it actually inflames. A lot of men’s sexual passions increase with such exposure. Hence so called “Gentlemen's Clubs”.

 

[tstumf]

I would have to say it actually inflames. A lot of men’s sexual passions increase with such exposure. Hence so called “Gentlemen's Clubs”.

I just worry that if that’s how he relates to mom…. When he gets into his first romantic relationship is he going to make the assumption that he should expect his woman to randomly walk around naked. Granted there’s going to be much father/ son discussion about this if it continues but still I think it sets him up on a normalcy bias of… “well my mom did this all the time, you as my girlfriend should as well, mom did it do it must be ok” that is what worries me.

 

[GardenofWeeden]

I would have to say it actually inflames. A lot of men’s sexual passions increase with such exposure. Hence so called “Gentlemen's Clubs”.

Eh Maybe? But in my experience. the more one is exposed to something, the less it impacts them. Expose a child to something while young, and it tends to normalize it, for lack of a better way to put it. Introducing later or hiding it as taboo makes it more exciting, or thrilling....but that's just my experience with things is all.

 

[Aerials1978]

I just worry that if that’s how he relates to mom…. When he gets into his first romantic relationship is he going to make the assumption that he should expect his woman to randomly walk around naked. Granted there’s going to be much father/ son discussion about this if it continues but still I think it sets him up on a normalcy bias of… “well my mom did this all the time, you as my girlfriend should as well, mom did it do it must be ok” that is what worries me.

I’m certainly not an expert on this matter, however, if this is causing you distress, something is very much amiss. You do have the responsibility to protect your child from anything that could be harmful to his well-being. That even includes the mothers behavior. I just know that sexualization of young children will have an effect on their psyche later on in life and it’s usually negative.

 

[Aerials1978]

Eh Maybe? But in my experience. the more one is exposed to something, the less it impacts them. Expose a child to something while young, and it tends to normalize it, for lack of a better way to put it. Introducing later or hiding it as taboo makes it more exciting, or thrilling....but that's just my experience with things is all.

Well, being a man myself and knowing other men, the impact doesn’t deter nor satisfy. We are called to flee from sexual immorality because it’s a real thing that can cause immense damage to those involved.

 

[tstumf]

Before you two were living together, in the privacy of her own room, she was probably doing this.

I lived with her prior to marriage, yes in unrepentant pre-marital sin for about 3 years before we married. Then it was another 3 years before we had our son. She never did this prior to our son being born. But after it was like flipping a light switch if modesty had a light switch.

I’m certainly not an expert on this matter, however, if this is causing you distress, something is very much amiss. You do have the responsibility to protect your child from anything that could be harmful to his well-being. That even includes the mothers behavior. I just know that sexualization of young children will have an effect on their psyche later on in life and it’s usually negative.

And that is what makes me wonder if by being passive on this… am I setting my son up for having mommy issues psychologically speaking later in life.

 

[GardenofWeeden]

Well, being a man myself and knowing other men, the impact doesn’t deter nor satisfy. We are called to flee from sexual immorality because it’s a real thing that can cause immense damage to those involved.