~Chuckle for the Day~
- Thread starter Bingo
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(A little humor in a sense)
Medicare Part G
You are an older senior citizen, and you can no longer take care of yourself and need Long Term Care, but the government says there is no Nursing Home care available for you, what do you do?
You may opt for Medicare Part G.
The plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Part G for gun) and one bullet. You may then shoot one worthless politician. This means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life where you will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the health care you need. Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart? They are all covered! As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now!
And who is paying for all of this? The same government that just told you they can’t afford for you to go into a nursing home. And you will get rid of a useless politician while you are at it. And now, because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay taxes.
Is this a great country or what?
Now that you have solved your senior Long-Term Care problem, enjoy the rest of the weekend.
Medicare Part G
You are an older senior citizen, and you can no longer take care of yourself and need Long Term Care, but the government says there is no Nursing Home care available for you, what do you do?
You may opt for Medicare Part G.
The plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Part G for gun) and one bullet. You may then shoot one worthless politician. This means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life where you will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the health care you need. Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart? They are all covered! As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now!
And who is paying for all of this? The same government that just told you they can’t afford for you to go into a nursing home. And you will get rid of a useless politician while you are at it. And now, because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay taxes.
Is this a great country or what?
Now that you have solved your senior Long-Term Care problem, enjoy the rest of the weekend.
(Here's a good one for you) 
An amazing English
2 letter word.
A reminder that one word in the English language that can be a noun,
verb, adjective, adverb and preposition.
UP
Read until the end .... you'll laugh.
This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other
two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the
dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of
the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why
are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary
to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room,
polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the
kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.
At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People
stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think
UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is
stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We
seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP
in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost
1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to the task, you might try building UP a list of the
many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if
you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun
comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, the earth soaks
it UP. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could
go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time is UP!
Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the
morning and the last thing you do at night?
U P !
Did that one crack you UP?
Don't screw UP. Send this on to everyone you look UP in your
address book . . .. or not . . . it's UP to you.
Now I'll shut UP!
An amazing English
2 letter word.
A reminder that one word in the English language that can be a noun,
verb, adjective, adverb and preposition.
UP
Read until the end .... you'll laugh.
This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other
two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the
dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of
the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why
are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary
to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room,
polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the
kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.
At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People
stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think
UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is
stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We
seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP
in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost
1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to the task, you might try building UP a list of the
many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if
you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun
comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, the earth soaks
it UP. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could
go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time is UP!
Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the
morning and the last thing you do at night?
U P !
Did that one crack you UP?
Don't screw UP. Send this on to everyone you look UP in your
address book . . .. or not . . . it's UP to you.
Now I'll shut UP!
Little Joey at Church
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Joey standing in the foyer of the church
staring up at a large plaque.
It was covered with names and had small United States flags mounted on both sides of it.
The 6-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up,
stood beside the little boy, and said quietly: “Good morning, Joey.”
“Good morning, Father,” he replied, still focused on the plaque, "Father what is this?”
The pastor said, "Well son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.”
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Finally, little Joey’s voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked:
“Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Joey standing in the foyer of the church
staring up at a large plaque.
It was covered with names and had small United States flags mounted on both sides of it.
The 6-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up,
stood beside the little boy, and said quietly: “Good morning, Joey.”
“Good morning, Father,” he replied, still focused on the plaque, "Father what is this?”
The pastor said, "Well son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.”
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Finally, little Joey’s voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked:
“Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"
We are taught to be in the world but not of the world. It would be in keeping with this teaching to avoid those who are unrepentant and offensive but we must pray for them to be repentant .
It is wise not to encourage those who are unrepentant. I hope this makes sense. You should nto be treated badly by any but this will occur, just as with our Savior.
It is wise not to encourage those who are unrepentant. I hope this makes sense. You should nto be treated badly by any but this will occur, just as with our Savior.