How to deal with heart break?

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Kait24

Kait24

Junior Member
#1
Jul 27, 2017
43
37
18
#1
I'm not sure if this is allowed.But I was in a relationship for 7 years.I still love and care about him and I ask myself why? He has moved onto somebody else.My relationship was not good so I've been told.He cheated and yet I came back to him only for him to leave me for good.I can say I dealt with verbal abuse.My question is how do you deal with the hurt it's like a death but he is living and it still is effecting me after a year. I would say I always felt guilty and didn't agree with some of the things we did and I didn't think it was godly.I worrie about his salvation and have ALOT of fear Thank you.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#2
Mar 26, 2014
4,425
2,416
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#2
Yes losing something that was a huge part of your life (person, relationship, job, activity, etc) feels like a death and it's just gonna hurt.
It sounds like you were pretty conflicted about this relationship and are somewhere between acknowledging that this wasn't a good relationship and drowning in so much loneliness that you'd rather have any relationship than be alone. But really I think you're hinting at the right idea, let him be dead to you. Even though he's still alive, live your life like he has died (unless there's some circumstance that requires you to be regularly around him and makes that impossible). Delete his contact info, block his number if he's still trying to contact you for any reason. And maybe not soon, but eventually do a post- mortem on the relationship to refine your understanding of what you want and situations (like verbal abuse / cheating) that you aren't willing to put up with in future relationships. Or as a non-Christian friend of mine counseled a friend once: make your list of requirements for your next guy longer than he has male parts and is breathing. Character really is important in who you let get close to you in your life.

Oh and hanging out here and participating in various discussions can help take the edge off the lonliness. That's part of why many of us are still here.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#3
Aug 13, 2014
27,188
9,270
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#3
This topic is going to get a LOT of very different answers. Just so you know.

For me, I'd refocus on something else in my life. It happened, it's over, move on. But I'm a guy. And that doesn't even work for all guys, much less for girls.
 
1

17Bees

Senior Member
#4
Oct 14, 2016
1,380
813
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#4
Kait, I'm a little confused. Your profile indicates you are not married and male. Is that correct?
 
R

RodB651

Well-known member
#5
Feb 11, 2021
722
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#5
Where's the face palm emoji when you need it?
 
TabinRivCA

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
#8
Oct 23, 2018
13,052
10,616
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#8
How I would handle that.....if a guy wasn't interested in me anymore, I'd just drop it. Torturing yourself over a relationship that didn't work out, will do no good. After a breakup, when you have no clue what to do, the right way to deal with your broken heart is to pray about it and let God guide your steps. If you put your trust in God, he will help you make the best decisions❣
 
Kait24

Kait24

Junior Member
#10
Jul 27, 2017
43
37
18
#10
17Bees said:
Kait, I'm a little confused. Your profile indicates you are not married and male. Is that correct?
Click to expand...
where does it show male and my name is kait24 lol
 
C

ChristianTonyB

Guest
#12
#12
Kait24 said:
I'm not sure if this is allowed.But I was in a relationship for 7 years.I still love and care about him and I ask myself why? He has moved onto somebody else.My relationship was not good so I've been told.He cheated and yet I came back to him only for him to leave me for good.I can say I dealt with verbal abuse.My question is how do you deal with the hurt it's like a death but he is living and it still is effecting me after a year. I would say I always felt guilty and didn't agree with some of the things we did and I didn't think it was godly.I worrie about his salvation and have ALOT of fear Thank you.
Click to expand...
Kait, you said relationship, and not marriage. So if that was the case, then yes, you and he were living in sin. You really need to get on the right side of God, He is the best to instruct you. To be on the right side of God, people have to turn away from their past ungodly ways and if possible, ungodly relationships too, accept the forgiveness that God provides through Jesus, and allow Him to guide you to where you need to be.
 
Kait24

Kait24

Junior Member
#13
Jul 27, 2017
43
37
18
#13
ChristianTonyB said:
Kait, you said relationship, and not marriage. So if that was the case, then yes, you and he were living in sin. You really need to get on the right side of God, He is the best to instruct you. To be on the right side of God, people have to turn away from their past ungodly ways and if possible, ungodly relationships too, accept the forgiveness that God provides through Jesus, and allow Him to guide you to where you need to be.
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Thank you for this.Yes I used to hear that even while in the relationship that he was not good for me. I have to let it go but to pray for him. •hugs•
 
C

ChristianTonyB

Guest
#14
#14
Kait24 said:
Thank you for this.Yes I used to hear that even while in the relationship that he was not good for me. I have to let it go but to pray for him. •hugs•
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Often times we have to let go of praying for them too Kait. It might seem callous, but your welfare and direction is most important now. It is not God’s will that your ex partner will be lost, so He will be putting thoughts and barriers before him to try and turn his head too. Continuing to pray for him can be tantamount to you holding onto a string that Satan can use to draw you back into the morass.
 
Kait24

Kait24

Junior Member
#15
Jul 27, 2017
43
37
18
#15
ChristianTonyB said:
Often times we have to let go of praying for them too Kait. It might seem callous, but your welfare and direction is most important now. It is not God’s will that your ex partner will be lost, so He will be putting thoughts and barriers before him to try and turn his head too. Continuing to pray for him can be tantamount to you holding onto a string that Satan can use to draw you back into the morass.
Click to expand...
I get what you are saying but I still think I need to pray for him.Maybe you are right but I don't give up on those I care about.I guess I worrie about his soul but at the same time my own soul needs saving.Thank you
 
1

17Bees

Senior Member
#17
Oct 14, 2016
1,380
813
113
#17
Kait24 said:
where does it show male and my name is kait24 lol
Click to expand...
If you go to your profile page (upper right hand corner) and click on the circle with the big K in it, you'll get to your profile page. If you click "about" you'll see your gender as male. Unfortunately, this was something you might have mistakenly filled out so you might have to get a moderator to help you change your status. Also, sorry for calling you "kait". People who've been here a while get lazy with names and abbreviate a little.
 
Sculpt

Sculpt

Well-known member
#18
Apr 18, 2021
1,138
362
83
#18
Kait24 said:
I'm not sure if this is allowed.But I was in a relationship for 7 years.I still love and care about him and I ask myself why? He has moved onto somebody else.My relationship was not good so I've been told.He cheated and yet I came back to him only for him to leave me for good.I can say I dealt with verbal abuse.My question is how do you deal with the hurt it's like a death but he is living and it still is effecting me after a year. I would say I always felt guilty and didn't agree with some of the things we did and I didn't think it was godly.I worrie about his salvation and have ALOT of fear Thank you.
Click to expand...
You have to close the book that is this person. You have no responsibilities to this person any longer. Whenever you think about him, you have to say STOP! Tell yourself that book is closed, period, and redirect your thoughts. Repeat. Every second you let yourself think about it is a negative.

Say your last prayer for him, put him in God's hands, never pray for him again. Just cause something is good in one way doesn't mean it isn't is bad in many other ways. You, and the negatives of you thinking about him, matter a lot.

It's been a year. It can help if you replace that 'attention' with something else. It may be dating again, it may be other things. Let God lead you.

You want to practice being a person who is good for another good person. We know getting married is not magic. It won't change you. You want to change before you get married (anything that needs to change). You mentioned verbal abuse. You need to be someone that's willing to stand on your principals and values in the face of opposition. If you hide those values, stay silent, being unwilling to disagree or defend your due respect... then that person won't respect you nor value you, not likely to stick around, and not likely be become the person you would want.
 
Kait24

Kait24

Junior Member
#19
Jul 27, 2017
43
37
18
#19
17Bees said:
If you go to your profile page (upper right hand corner) and click on the circle with the big K in it, you'll get to your profile page. If you click "about" you'll see your gender as male. Unfortunately, this was something you might have mistakenly filled out so you might have to get a moderator to help you change your status. Also, sorry for calling you "kait". People who've been here a while get lazy with names and abbreviate a little.
Click to expand...
Thank you I will try to look I don't mind kait it's short for kaitlin haha
 
Butterflyyy

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
#20
Oct 31, 2019
1,608
1,317
113
#20
Hey Kait

I can really relate to what you have said here... when I look back on the times I’ve felt like this I realise that it has been a part of me growing and learning; because we need to learn to not let others treat us like that. It’s a matter of us realising where our boundaries ought to be and not allowing others to go past them. If we don’t protect ourselves no one else will.
I used to be heart-broken but now I recognise that this person was no good for me. It has taken me a long time to learn, and others have helped me to change the way I think. I am glad I have matured and learnt that I should not let others treat me wrongly.
Give your hurt to God because He cares about you and loves you so much.
Maybe He was protecting you from a very unhappy life when that man moved on to someone else. You don’t want to waste your life on someone who isn’t worth it. Pray for his salvation and then leave it with God and move on with your life.
Ask God to heal your heart.
God will take care of you and help you, just keep trusting Him with everything.

Lots of love ❤️
🦋
 
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