Hi Tony,
I appreciate your thoughts about what it would take to run a Christian dating service that would actually match up Christians, but I would like to share a few thoughts.
I've been single for a while now (in the decades range,) but I'm not claiming to be any kind of expert, just someone who has observed a few things in her extended time of being single. I've done a little of everything they recommend to singles, and even some things they don't, lol (meaning, a lot of Christians I've known are against online dating sites, but I've been on a few.)
I've been part of of a few dating sites, one real-life match-making service, and many, many groups at churches (some social, some for service.) Here are some major obstacles I see to the kind of service you are suggesting (and if it does exist anywhere, someone please let me know, because I'd like to see how it's done.)
1. As much as we'd love to believe that people, especially believers, will just do things out of the goodness of their heart (and for the love of Christ,) they won't or can't. I think the proof is in a lot of churches themselves -- maybe you are blessed to be part of a very different church, but every church I've been a part of has a constant cry for resources, both for money and for resources.
If people can't or won't volunteer for even the most basic of service-oriented tasks at church, I would be willing to wager that there aren't going to be enough volunteers to run any dating service, let alone one that detailed.
I have to agree with
@cinder -- it would either fall apart due to lack of volunteers, or it would become a money issue in one way or the other. Either people will become sick or burned out from doing so much work for free, or someone will decide to turn it into a business, even if it starts out as just charging a fee to cover costs. And how would the intake of any fees be handled? How would it be kept accountable to protect against fraud? I've been in some churches where money was being stolen by those who were put in charge of collecting it or paying the bills.
Unfortunately, even as Christians, we have to be realistic, and anyone having access to the money coming in might be someone who is potentially tempted to "borrow" that money for their own purposes, no matter how "well-intended."
2. What kinds of guidelines would the service have as to who or who isn't allowed to post a profile? For example, if background checks are required, what if something comes up in a person's criminal history and how is that handled, or are they automatically rejected?
I'm thinking of examples such as someone who stole something from a store as a teenager and maybe even wound up in jail for the night because of it. But maybe it's been years or decades and that person has grown and changed, or maybe they weren't a Christian then but became so later in life.
Regardless of spiritual status, the black mark on their record will remain for some time, if not indefinitely. Would that exclude them from being allowed to participate? Who will judge them more -- the people deciding whether or not they're allowed to post on the site, or the people who read their post? Where is the line between the love of God and giving someone a second chance VS. "OH NO, GET THIS CRIMINAL OFF THIS SITE!!"?
3. If it's one thing I've learned in my time of growing up within Christian circles, it is that many Christians, whether we admit it or not, are judgmental and often base most judgments on first sight.
Putting up any amount of personal information is going to bring on heaps of judgment (just look at the many negative responses a lot of people get here whenever they share something others don't automatically like.) Now of course I'm not talking about blatant sin, such as being in a godless situation and bragging about it with no remorse.
But for something like divorce, there are a lot of people who will not accept any kind of answer and will only criticize, no matter what the reason. And they will all use Scripture to back their statements (for example, I'm thinking of a recent post here of a woman pouring her heart out and all some people had to say was, "God says to obey your husband.")
The thing with many people who claim to know God is that they will weaponize their alleged alliance with God in any situation -- if you don't agree with them, your battle isn't with them, "IT'S AGAINST GOD HIMSELF!!", and boy will they ever let you know it. For this reason, I have become more selective about who and what I share any personal information about my life with. Our personal lives especially often come with a lot of details you wouldn't tell anyone other than your closest friends and it would take time to get to know someone that well in order to be able to share. For as much as I write on this forum, there are a plethora of details I don't include about myself and never would on a dating site, which I'm sure would make me ineligible to either the administrators or the people on the site.
But the people here I've known for many years who have become true friends understand -- but it's taken years to be able to get to that level. There is a very fine line between sharing enough to spark a potential partner's interest vs. sharing too much that people will automatically judge or misinterpret.
3. How would general accountability be enforced on such a site? No matter how many checks there are, people will slip through the cracks. During my time on Christian Mingle, I learned that one of the hush-hush things that was whispered about regarded those who had met people on such sites and then were sexually assaulted. As far a I know, the sites not only turn a blind eye, but they will leave the perpetrator's profile up as if nothing happened (as long as they're paying, of course.) The only warnings about such people came from whispered exchanges after getting to know some of the other (in my case, female) members who had been on the site for some time.
How would the site you're proposing deal with this? And what about instances where members come across a troublesome member but it's only word of mouth?
As another example, I liked Christian Mingle best when it had chat rooms. I don't think they do anymore and I would be uncomfortable going to a dating site without them, because it was in the chat rooms where I would hear about some members who were suspected catfishes, those who were talking to several people but would say, "You're the only one," or those who put on the most holy of holy appearances but were very different in person.
I know it's hard to judge between gossip and grudges, but I can't think of a time when I was steered wrong by listening to what the majority of longer-term members had to say in those rooms.
How would these situations be handled on such a site? Would members with bad experiences be allowed to voice them? If one member pressured or forced another into sex, how would that be handled if it was a case of one person's word against another? What about people who already had significant others (a boyfriend or girlfriend) and was technically unavailable, but wanted to "see what was out there" (which is something that wouldn't show up in a background check.) This was another type of warning I would get in those old Christian Mingle chatrooms.)
This would be another complication of such a detailed (and especially free) dating site. The other thing I found with free, nothing-to-lose dating sites is that they seemed to attract a plethora of people who already had someone, but were looking for options. Regular membership costs cut down on at least some of this behavior.
As Christians, we would want such a service to not only meet, but exceed the utmost standards of safety, dignity, and moral behavior.
But how in the world would something like that be realistically carried out?
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