frustrated........

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Y

Yaj1979

New member
#1
Nov 9, 2021
29
16
3
#1
good morning.... I was wondering if it is wrong to mad or frustrated about a situation that you have prayed to god about for a while to change or at least to let help you get through the situation and nothing has happened????? I have tried to reconcile my seperated marriage.... she decided to leave with the children after things got bad with her and my family and she moved back in with her mother, its been almost a year and she has talked to me about the children.... but that's all.... I have prayed about it and asked god if I should stay even though I have tried on MULTIPLE occasions to try to work on things like counseling and group prayer but she wants to have nothing to do with me.... I have contemplated wether to stay or leave... I have prayed about it For Months and have gotten NO ANSWER!!!!!! anyone have any ideas on what I should do about this situation??? Any advice would help......


thank you very much
 
GardenofWeeden

GardenofWeeden

Well-known member
#2
Jul 27, 2018
411
370
63
The Garden of Weeden
#2
Her refusing to return is an answer. Instead of focusing your prayer on repairing your marriage, focus your prayer on you bringing you closer to Him. Give her to God, and let God work on her heart. You can't change her heart, only God can, and only in HIS time. You focus on changing your life to be more God centered. Keeping your heart focused on God, will allow you to release your problems onto Him, freeing you to focus on being the best version of you possible. Focusing on God will make you a better employee, a better father to your children (even in trying times), will make you a better friend, a better husband...just better to be around in general. So let God worry about what you should or shouldn't have. You focus on what you can do for God and other people, instead of what God can do for you.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#3
Mar 13, 2014
42,550
17,022
113
69
Tennessee
#3
What @GardenofWeeden said. Her counsel on this matter is sound. It may be helpful if you elaborated a little on how things went bad. The only thing I can add at this time is to try and be the best father that you can (phone, write, visit, etc.) and not complain to your kids about their mother.
 
NotmebutHim

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
#4
May 17, 2015
2,937
1,607
113
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#4
As there may be custody issues in the (not-so-distant) future, remember that the law(s) is/are not on your side. You will be facing an uphill battle. I'm not saying that to discourage you; I'm trying to be real.

Be sure to cross all your T's, dot all your I's and keep all of your ducks in a row. Document everything that you can. Otherwise, anything you say or do that even APPEARS amiss can (and probably will) be used against you.

It would also behoove you to read up on the Tender Years Doctrine as it deals with child custody:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tender_years_doctrine

I don't know how old your kids are, so the TYD may or may not apply. But it's better to be informed than not.

Let God direct you through all of this.

-NMBH
 
Bingo

Bingo

Well-known member
#5
Feb 9, 2019
9,164
4,740
113
#5
"In any situation involving a family break-up, especially with children involved, it would
be unusual if there were not a considerable amount of distraught brought upon all parties involved.

As outsiders no one would have a clue as to what circumstances brought about this kind of dilemma.
And there are always going to be two sides to the story, and it can get extremely complex when
two different family values and ethics oppose each other. To be blunt, there may be problems that
may never satisfy all concerned. So, it certainly is not wrong to be perplexed.

-If I may point out...God's work has been done!
I simply mean we have been given 'directions' in all things through God's inspiration. Therefore, this will
rest upon each individual to decide what needs to be worked on, and jealousy and resentment are
often the two main issues in marital problems.

-A good starting point is a personal inventory of self... (experience being indispensable) unfortunately
I and most likely, many fail this absolute necessity...believe it. I can only hope you are capable of perhaps
partially arriving at your own honest thoughts as to why and how this came about. And in doing so,
never be fearful of confronting an issue with love, respect and honesty. We sometimes may surprise ourselves,
especially with God as our guiding light of inspiration that influences the right actions."

-I hope you are blessed through God's mercy."

- Copy - Copy - Copy (14) - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Cop...jpg :)
 
Butterflyyy

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
#6
Oct 31, 2019
1,608
1,317
113
#6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart... seek Him, ask Him to reveal to you what He wants to say to you at this time.
Wait on the Lord... sometimes it’s the hardest thing.
Do you have a Church, brothers, Pastor who really know the Lord and are praying for you brother?
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#8
Mar 13, 2014
42,550
17,022
113
69
Tennessee
#8
NotmebutHim said:
As there may be custody issues in the (not-so-distant) future, remember that the law(s) is/are not on your side. You will be facing an uphill battle. I'm not saying that to discourage you; I'm trying to be real.

Be sure to cross all your T's, dot all your I's and keep all of your ducks in a row. Document everything that you can. Otherwise, anything you say or do that even APPEARS amiss can (and probably will) be used against you.

It would also behoove you to read up on the Tender Years Doctrine as it deals with child custody:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tender_years_doctrine

I don't know how old your kids are, so the TYD may or may not apply. But it's better to be informed than not.

Let God direct you through all of this.

-NMBH
Click to expand...
You are right about the laws not being on the side of the male. I know this from my own personal experience and observation. You provided sound counsel about stressing documenting everything that you can.
 
Jilly81

Jilly81

Senior Member
#9
Jan 16, 2011
2,367
138
63
#9
Sorry to read that you're going through this :(.
One thing got my attention that I don't think anyone else has mentioned yet. You said, "she decided to leave with the children after things got bad with her and my family". Were they picking on her?
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#10
#10
Jilly81 said:
Sorry to read that you're going through this :(.
One thing got my attention that I don't think anyone else has mentioned yet. You said, "she decided to leave with the children after things got bad with her and my family". Were they picking on her?
Click to expand...

My question also. My sister's in laws have tried so many times to break her marriage over the years. I have no idea how she has withstood it.
 
Y

Yaj1979

New member
#11
Nov 9, 2021
29
16
3
#11
kaylagrl said:
My question also. My sister's in laws have tried so many times to break her marriage over the years. I have no idea how she has withstood it.
Click to expand...
no one was picking on her at all she just decided that we have conflicts and issues and disagreements...
 
Y

Yaj1979

New member
#12
Nov 9, 2021
29
16
3
#12
sometimes I just sat there and wondered after almost a year without any attempt of communication that does not involve the children one has to think and wonder... yes we had disagreements and yes we had conflicts but nothing to the point where it got into a physical disagreement......
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#13
#13
Yaj1979 said:
no one was picking on her at all she just decided that we have conflicts and issues and disagreements...
Click to expand...


So she didn't have issues with in laws. I had thought you had alluded to that. Did you notice when things began to dissolve? Does she have issues with depression? Anything else happen that could have started a domino effect? Sometimes women are subtle and men miss cues.
 
Y

Yaj1979

New member
#14
Nov 9, 2021
29
16
3
#14
She has issues with me being there for my family...but does it really matter??? What matters is my wife and kids...I know that a man should leave his father and mother and become one with his wife...but if your family needs help...should you not help them???
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#15
#15
Yaj1979 said:
She has issues with me being there for my family...but does it really matter??? What matters is my wife and kids...I know that a man should leave his father and mother and become one with his wife...but if your family needs help...should you not help them???
Click to expand...

Humm odd that that would bother her enough to leave a marriage. Do you feel that's her main beef?
 
Y

Yaj1979

New member
#16
Nov 9, 2021
29
16
3
#16
Not really...I just feel that things have gotten stale and I have talked to her about going to therapy and it never worked out... I'll admit that I had to do some things like borrow money from others and didn't tell her about it till after the fact..but it was for my family and I did apologize and was regretful about it...but it shouldn't be something that should cause you to leave
 
S

Sudakar

Banned
#17
Sep 14, 2019
1,336
50
48
#17
GardenofWeeden said:
Her refusing to return is an answer. Instead of focusing your prayer on repairing your marriage, focus your prayer on you bringing you closer to Him. Give her to God, and let God work on her heart. You can't change her heart, only God can, and only in HIS time. You focus on changing your life to be more God centered. Keeping your heart focused on God, will allow you to release your problems onto Him, freeing you to focus on being the best version of you possible. Focusing on God will make you a better employee, a better father to your children (even in trying times), will make you a better friend, a better husband...just better to be around in general. So let God worry about what you should or shouldn't have. You focus on what you can do for God and other people, instead of what God can do for you.
Click to expand...
To start with, shouldn't people be suggested to confess the sin of violating Genesis 2:17?
 
M

manya

New member
#19
Jul 21, 2021
4
3
3
#19
Yaj1979 said:
good morning.... I was wondering if it is wrong to mad or frustrated about a situation that you have prayed to god about for a while to change or at least to let help you get through the situation and nothing has happened????? I have tried to reconcile my seperated marriage.... she decided to leave with the children after things got bad with her and my family and she moved back in with her mother, its been almost a year and she has talked to me about the children.... but that's all.... I have prayed about it and asked god if I should stay even though I have tried on MULTIPLE occasions to try to work on things like counseling and group prayer but she wants to have nothing to do with me.... I have contemplated wether to stay or leave... I have prayed about it For Months and have gotten NO ANSWER!!!!!! anyone have any ideas on what I should do about this situation??? Any advice would help......


thank you very much
Click to expand...
keep praying. Give thanks to God for your situation.
 
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