Warning, warning... Danger, Will Robinson!
Overly long and needlessly detailed post ahead!
Unfortunately, I have to recycle all my dating stories because dating just hasn't been at the top of my priority list for the past few years, but long ago I had what I thought was a very promising start on one of the Christian dating sites. Now I realize most people will say their experiences on such sites were with anything but Christians, but I really had some hope for this one. He was polite, understanding, and seemed to be a genuine person of faith.
I was impressed right off the bat when he agreed to meet somewhere in the middle, as we there were a couple of hours between us and so I suggested meet at a place that would be an equal drive for both of us. I also arrange for all first dates to be in the middle of the day, because if it doesn't go well, I can always say that a friend or relative is expecting me later (which is true, because I usually text someone I know about where I'm going and who I'm meeting.) I personally feel it's safer for both guys and girls to meet on a first date in public and during the day (especially when it's through a dating site,) but that's just me.
So we met at a Dave & Buster's and the more he talked, the more I was beginning to like him. His family was from another country and so I found his whole story to be fascinating. I liked that he was humble -- he'd worked his way up to a lead management position at his job but quickly credited his team for his success and said he couldn't do it without them. I was also impressed when he said that he'd recently moved, but hadn't found a church he was comfortable with so he was driving back and forth (3 hours total) every Sunday to attend his old church, because that's where he felt at home.
This was a rare time when I left feeling like there could actually be some potential, and I would have liked to have seen him again.
That is, until my phone started blowing up literally the minute I got home and walked into the house. I picked up my phone and found it drowning in texts asking when we could meet again, and, "how soon" I thought we "could be sharing bodies." When I texted back asking him what his beliefs were about the subject, I found the same belief "system" I seem to run across quite often in the "Christian" dating world.
I meet lots of Christians who attend church faithfully and are even part of small groups, Bible studies, and ministries. But if you get to the subject of sex, I will usually hear an answer such as, "Well God made sex, so as long as it's with someone you care about..."
I don't want to judge anyone's walk because that's between them and God. But for myself, I just didn't feel comfortable at all, and I had to explain to him that my beliefs were a bit different than his and decline ever seeing him again. I was truly sad, because I had found a lot to like about him.
But, the quest continues!
And I realize that if anyone has read my last few posts, I probably sound like a big stick in the mud who holds up a big red flashing STOP sign the minute a hint of any kind of "adult" topic comes up. While I'll be the first to admit that I am not street smart, I don't think I'm a total pansy either.
One of the ministries I was heavily involved in consisted of writing letters to prison inmates, so I can guarantee I've been told a few things one wouldn't want to be told. But at one point in my life, I wanted to go into psychology and listen to such stories for a living, so it was a great lesson in learning to brace myself and then ask God to teach me what was really there.
The problem I run into is that many of the people I talk to don't realize or care that there is a strict line between talking about issues and then proposing them. I don't mind talking about uncomfortable issues -- but I have no interest in being proposed with them in that context. However, it's been a valuable learning experience.
I will never forget a particular inmate who wrote me a letter that bothered me so much that I put it out on the table for 3 days (an idea I got from reading about Hezekiah in the Bible,) and asked God how I should answer.
I felt God was telling me what to say and I finally wrote back, saying, "Instead of addressing all the things you wrote about, God told me to picture myself looking into your eyes instead and telling you what I saw. So I looked at this blurry picture I have and prayed, and when I thought about looking into your eyes, all I saw was guilt and shame. Do you want to talk about that?" Talk about blind faith. I realize that I was stepping on some very sensitive buttons and I didn't really know what to expect.
And then suddenly, BOOM!!! It was like cracking open a dam, and out flooded the worst story of childhood abuse I had ever heard, and the roots of some of the addictions and unnatural love/hate attractions it had caused.
It taught me a lot about what might be driving some of the issues people are struggling with today when they share or ask for help.
I understand why people, even Christians, are so driven by sex -- after all, we're surrounded by a culture that engulfs us with it 24/7 -- but I'm just not comfortable at being proposed with it out of God's context, and most certainly not on a first date.