~Chuckle for the Day~
- Thread starter Bingo
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Awwwwwww ,what lovely words to say.
Yes good,bad,and ugly I don't pretend.
Same all the time.
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Tiny Cabin In The Woods........
A social worker from a big city in Massachusetts recently transferred to the mountains of West Virginia and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.
"Anybody home?" she asked.
"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.
"Is your father there?" asked the social worker.
"Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid.
"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker.
"Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid.
"But" protested the social worker, (thinking that surely, she will need to intervene in this situation) "are you never together as a family?"
"Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door. "This is the outhouse!"
Government workers are so very smart. Aren't you overjoyed that they'll soon be handling all our financial, educational and medical dilemmas?
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A social worker from a big city in Massachusetts recently transferred to the mountains of West Virginia and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.
"Anybody home?" she asked.
"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.
"Is your father there?" asked the social worker.
"Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid.
"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker.
"Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid.
"But" protested the social worker, (thinking that surely, she will need to intervene in this situation) "are you never together as a family?"
"Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door. "This is the outhouse!"
Government workers are so very smart. Aren't you overjoyed that they'll soon be handling all our financial, educational and medical dilemmas?
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Concurrence with the Roadrunner/Coyote picture. We knew it was just a cartoon.
And if I had tried it, my mother would have stopped me. Mom was always paying attention, even when I was... er, even when my brother was dragging a chair across the kitchen floor to get the cookies on top of the fridge. Momma didn't EVER get distracted by something and forget where we were at all times. She might be deep in a phone conversation (what we used instead of facebook) but she was still aware.
And if I had tried it, my mother would have stopped me. Mom was always paying attention, even when I was... er, even when my brother was dragging a chair across the kitchen floor to get the cookies on top of the fridge. Momma didn't EVER get distracted by something and forget where we were at all times. She might be deep in a phone conversation (what we used instead of facebook) but she was still aware.
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. “One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,” said one boy.
Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery, so he slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, “One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me…” He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
“Come here quick,” said the boy. “You won’t believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!”
The man replied, “Beat it kid, can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk.”
When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.”
The old man whispered, “Boy, you’ve been Tellin’ me the truth. Let’s see if we can see the Lord!” Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last, they heard, “One for you, one for me. That’s all. Now let’s go get those nuts by the fence and we’ll be done!”
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery, so he slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, “One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me…” He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
“Come here quick,” said the boy. “You won’t believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!”
The man replied, “Beat it kid, can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk.”
When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.”
The old man whispered, “Boy, you’ve been Tellin’ me the truth. Let’s see if we can see the Lord!” Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last, they heard, “One for you, one for me. That’s all. Now let’s go get those nuts by the fence and we’ll be done!”
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
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I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business,
patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no
on-coming traffic.
A carload of scruffy-bearded, young men shouting Anti-American slogans
with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car
and a “Remember George Floyd” slogan spray painted on the side stopped
next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, “Defund the police.” and took off before the
light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection
and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing
everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, “Man… that
coulda been me!”
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no
on-coming traffic.
A carload of scruffy-bearded, young men shouting Anti-American slogans
with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car
and a “Remember George Floyd” slogan spray painted on the side stopped
next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, “Defund the police.” and took off before the
light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection
and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing
everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, “Man… that
coulda been me!”
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
I now have everything I wanted as a Teenager
Smile a little
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I
get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my
own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don't have acne. Life is
great.
-I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom
"John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
-When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is... " I don't have to write that down, I'll remember it".
I don't have gray hair... I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't
understand anyway?
-Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.
Now, I'm wondering... did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?
Smile a little
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I
get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my
own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don't have acne. Life is
great.
-I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom
"John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
-When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is... " I don't have to write that down, I'll remember it".
I don't have gray hair... I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't
understand anyway?
-Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.
Now, I'm wondering... did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?
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