Devastating affairs

[Mandy8028]

I’m new here, my first post. I have been with my husband since I was 18. I’m 41 now. There have been many infidelity issues during this time. This last time has been so hard to get through. August of 2021 he was forced to tell me of an affair because of him getting a STI. I stayed. I forgave, and showed mercy as I’m shown. Less then a month later I find out that it hasn’t ended and I have been lied to over and over. He was sleeping with two women they found out about one another and decided to follow him home and make it known to me. My children were in the house so I didn’t argue with them. Since then I relive it every day in my thoughts. I just can’t understand how someone can lie like this. I’m now so paranoid that it’s either still going on or going to happen again. I feel terrible cause I keep giving it to God and after a few hours the thoughts are creeping back and I feel awful like I’m not putting my trust in God over this. I’m a stay at home mom for 15 years I’m so lonely. I just don’t want to feel like this anymore.

 

[Dino246]

I’m new here, my first post. I have been with my husband since I was 18. I’m 41 now. There have been many infidelity issues during this time. This last time has been so hard to get through. August of 2021 he was forced to tell me of an affair because of him getting a STI. I stayed. I forgave, and showed mercy as I’m shown. Less then a month later I find out that it hasn’t ended and I have been lied to over and over. He was sleeping with two women they found out about one another and decided to follow him home and make it known to me. My children were in the house so I didn’t argue with them. Since then I relive it every day in my thoughts. I just can’t understand how someone can lie like this. I’m now so paranoid that it’s either still going on or going to happen again. I feel terrible cause I keep giving it to God and after a few hours the thoughts are creeping back and I feel awful like I’m not putting my trust in God over this. I’m a stay at home mom for 15 years I’m so lonely. I just don’t want to feel like this anymore.

Welcome to CC, and sorry you're having to deal with this. You have been betrayed, and your husband has broken his vows. Whether you choose to divorce him is up to you, but you do have biblical warrant to do so.

I would suggest that you demand that he live on his own until he repents (far more than mere apology!). Get your own legal advice and ensure that he is required to support you and the children.

Also, get help for yourself, locally. You need female friends for support, and wise counsel from a seasoned pastor, mature female believer, or Christian counselor. Be present for your children, and (speaking as a divorced dad), do your best not to alienate them from their dad, no matter how you feel about him.

Regardless of your choices and his, you can get through this with God's help. Invite Him into your situation and seek His presence, not just His rescue.

 

[KarynLouise]

I understand how hard it is to give that pain to God. I'm struggling with that, too. I am divorced because of infidelity, but I didn't have as many years behind it as you do. I'm sure it's even more painful. Just know you're loved and we're praying for you, whatever you decide. God bless you!

 

[Bingo]

"I hope you find support and encouragement here within these pages."

 

[GardenofWeeden]

Oh my. I am so very sorry you're dealing with this. My best advice/opinion, for your safety, now that he's been exposed to an STI is to separate from him. Your main concern here is your safety. What will happen to your children if one of his affairs makes you sick, possibly permanently sick? I'm not saying divorce him (but I am not saying don't divorce him either), but get away from him, before their diseases become his diseases that then become your diseases. Once you are safe, continue to pray for him, and even pray with him, if he's willing, and maybe things will change. If not, the separation will give you time and clarity to decide what further steps, if any, you want to take.
I will pray for you.
Welcome to the site!!

 

[Artios1]

There are not many things more devastating in a marriage than infidelity …It destroys all trust….. it is hurtful and painful…. to the core.

The one thing I can unequivocally state is…. it’s not you! ….Don’t ever let him shift the blame or don’t allow yourself to accept any responsibility for what he has done.

Nobody is perfect and there are no perfect marriages, because no one has a perfectly renewed mind…we all have faults and shortcomings….but none of those come close to justifying his actions....Infidelity is a choice that involves lying, deception, sneakiness, and a deliberate will of betrayal. And it is totally understandable why this heavy on your heart…it is one of the most destructive things that a marriage endures ……if it endures.

I know the pain and the hurt you are going through, but with Gods help that will heal. The bigger issue is the trust, and that is a hard one to recover from.

It is difficult for me to offer any direction for you because there are many gaps in your post that would need to be filled in …but I can tell you that unless you take some action, this will continue. What action you take is up to you. Talk to God about it and look for God to open the door for you…..The answers will come …our God is faithful and He does not want you living a life of misery.

Praying for you!

 

[Lanolin]

thats terrible
unfoturnately people do lie ...satan makes it easy for people to lie.

Jesus says the truth will set you free, so if by telling the truth your husband is going to set you free, be free, as nothing worse than living a lie.

It will get better...we all praying for you. Those women at least were honest when they decided to tell you. They might not have known he was married either at first.

 

[Lanolin]

Your husband got to fess up rather than be forced to tell you the truth. Pray he gets convicted at how much damage this is causing when he continues to lie. not just to you but his children and all the other women.

 

[Butterflyyy]

I’m so saddened to hear that you would allow anyone to treat you like this. Also, what is it teaching your children? Surely your example says that they too should accept to be treated like this by a future spouse. The Bible clearly says you are free to leave. Protect yourself and your children. God does not want you to do this. It is filthy. He has broken the marriage covenant and defiled the marriage bed. He has not been the husband that God says he should be in the Bible.
After all I have been through, in retrospect, I would say, plan your departure wisely. Get advice from a lawyer. Protect yourself and your children physically and financially the best you can, but do right by yourself and them, and get out. If I can be any help at all please don’t hesitate to ask me; I know there are many true Christians on here you can depend upon for prayer support and Biblical advice. May you know the Lord’s unfailing love and nearness. Keep asking Him for wisdom and guidance, I’m sure He will give it ❤️

 

[Butterflyyy]

I’m new here, my first post. I have been with my husband since I was 18. I’m 41 now. There have been many infidelity issues during this time. This last time has been so hard to get through. August of 2021 he was forced to tell me of an affair because of him getting a STI. I stayed. I forgave, and showed mercy as I’m shown. Less then a month later I find out that it hasn’t ended and I have been lied to over and over. He was sleeping with two women they found out about one another and decided to follow him home and make it known to me. My children were in the house so I didn’t argue with them. Since then I relive it every day in my thoughts. I just can’t understand how someone can lie like this. I’m now so paranoid that it’s either still going on or going to happen again. I feel terrible cause I keep giving it to God and after a few hours the thoughts are creeping back and I feel awful like I’m not putting my trust in God over this. I’m a stay at home mom for 15 years I’m so lonely. I just don’t want to feel like this anymore.

Loneliness can come from a narcissist treating you so badly. Treat yourself well dear sister.
Those thoughts creeping back in sound like symptoms of trauma- and this is totally understandable, because the way you are being treated is traumatising.