Sexual Temptation (TMI warning)

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What's more is that this guy is likely going to do the same thing to someone else because she is busy defending him....
 
I know I’m a little jaded, and certainly could be wrong, but something doesn’t quite pass the smell test here.
 
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happy_butsad08 said:
There's this guy in my class who I am going to homecoming with. We really, really, really like each other a lot . His parents are amazing Christian people, they always invite me to come to their house and go on trips with them and I love every minute with them. This guy, like his parents, is very sweet and loves to have fun. He always respected my boundaries, too. That is, until this past Saturday.....
He and I, along with his family, went out of town for half the day. After eating some lunch with his family, his parents and us headed to his house. About 10-15 minutes after we got there, he took me in a private, enclosed place and the door was shut and it was just the two of us.... he then looked at me and said "Don't tell anyone I'm about to do this." When he said this, I got a funny feeling inside of me and by the way he was looking at me I could tell he was thinking of something. He told me to turn around, so I did. Then he got behind me, put his hands around my waist and removed my shorts and underwear. I was extremely shocked. I was unsure of what he was trying to do, but by this point it was clear to me. Then he felt my backside and frontside and he was getting ready to enter me but I was very scared. I told him it was too risky and we could get caught, and he responded with "It's okay. We won't get caught." But then we finally decided it was a big risk and not long after we pulled our shorts back up his mom walked in, not even suspecting anything of us! We decided to just stick to kissing and I agreed. But obviously he still has sexual desires because I sit next to him in some classes and he'll put his hand on my thigh, multiple times a day. He even wants me to come spend the night at his house one day (we're both 13 btw), but based on what he just tried to do, who knows what he'll have in store then.....
I really like this guy a lot, but I know what he's doing is very immoral. I am really scared. what should i do?
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At 13, you likely have your menses, and I am sad to say you can easily lose your virginity and that can make you feel awful and guilty. You will pay more for moral failure than him. Through your tears, you'd likely see him bragging to the boys about his conquests. Worse yet, you can get pregnant very easily, and you will deal with the consequences and he will not. In fact he and others will likely call you a slut.
 
Katia said:
At 13, you likely have your menses, and I am sad to say you can easily lose your virginity and that can make you feel awful and guilty. You will pay more for moral failure than him. Through your tears, you'd likely see him bragging to the boys about his conquests. Worse yet, you can get pregnant very easily, and you will deal with the consequences and he will not. In fact he and others will likely call you a slut.
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Exactly. Very likely this boy will in the locker room bragging with the other guys. Pretty certain he will call her a "ho" if she sleeps with him.
 
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I actually think the OP's post is genuine, but I could be wrong. I remember in my own elementary school days, in the 90s, some kids seemed to have knowledge about sex or what happens in the bedroom.
 
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Katia said:
At 13, you likely have your menses, and I am sad to say you can easily lose your virginity and that can make you feel awful and guilty. You will pay more for moral failure than him. Through your tears, you'd likely see him bragging to the boys about his conquests. Worse yet, you can get pregnant very easily, and you will deal with the consequences and he will not. In fact he and others will likely call you a slut.
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Plus some guys even set things up so that they can film sexual acts in secret,get girls to send them sexually inappropriate pictures of themselves and then use these things to cause humiliation,shame and so much more by sending them our to others phones and social media if the relationship goes sour or just do it coz they know they can.😮😮
So much harm can be caused..Pls take our advice....
 
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I'm faaaar from teenager years, but so much of what you've said reminds me of 13 year old me and I'd like to take a minute to respond.
Anything I say isn't at all intended to be rude, hateful, or designed to hurt you at all. I simply wish someone had said these things to me. I'd have avoided situations that took decades to even begin to heal from and impacted later relationships in ways that haven't at all been easy.
First, A few questions :) Are you close to your parents? Your mom? You talk about his parents but I don't remember seeing anything about yours. Do you attend church? Have a good teen group? Leaders you have confidence in?
Now...a reply to a few things you said :D

happy_butsad08 said:
"Don't tell anyone I'm about to do this." When he said this, I got a funny feeling inside of me and by the way he was looking at me I could tell he was thinking of something. i
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Girlie, I beg of you. DO NOT IGNORE THAT FEELING. That instinct will protect you from things you won't ever fully see coming.
Don't shut it off. Don't overlook it. Don't worry about being kind in that moment. Get yourself out of that situation. That's a God-given intuition designed to help you protect yourself.


happy_butsad08 said:
but he isn't a rapist.... he's so nice
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This isn't easy to say, but I pray you'll listen :) 15 year old me was raped by one of the NICEST, SWEETEST, KINDEST, boys in the whole world from a fabulous family. He was fine until he was turned down, until I listened to that little voice inside me telling me this wasn't ok and it wasn't what I wanted. Then he took my ability to choose away and he made a choice for me. And, I feared telling anyone because he was so so nice and I had to have misunderstood what happened. HE couldn't have done something so wrong, he was so nice.

happy_butsad08 said:
HE LITERALLY APOLOGIZED.
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I'm happy he apologized, but apologizing doesn't change what happened. The fact that he specifically said don't tell anyone about this is a bad sign, he could've easily ASKED YOU how you felt and accepted your affection or your choice to refuse. While I'm really seriously happy he apologized. I don't think he deserves further trust at this time. You want to be his friend? Hang out with his family? Great. Fine. Ok. But, do it with others around. Set some ground rules and give them to him. Tell him what you are or are not ok with. Communicate. Assert yourself. If he isn't ok with that, please stay away from him. If he isn't ok with that then he doesn't respect you and he doesn't love you. He simply wants to use you. You're available.

Recognize your worth, no other guys like you? Ok, you haven't met the right one. I accepted affection and attention from the wrong one for the same reason and later in life when the right one showed up I had baggage as a result. NOW, I'm in no way saying the guy is for sure and clearly horrible. Teenage years are rough (mom of three teenagers :D ), people make mistakes, things happen and we regret it. I'm not saying hate him. I'm not saying he's horrific. I'm not telling you to yell rapist. But, he broke a trust and did something completely out of line. Don't ignore that. And anyone asking you to keep secrets like that doesn't deserve a lot of trust, at 13 or so if you shouldn't be telling people about it then chances are you shouldn't be doing it.
 
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happy_butsad08 said:
But I'm probably never going to get married because I am very worthless and ugly.... so why even worry about marriage if it's never going to happen! I'm not like that girl in my school who is so beautiful and has a 100% chance of getting married while my chance is 0%! I hope I'm dead before it's even TIME for me to get married. Even if I am alive then it probably won't happen.
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You will fail at 100% of the things that you decide that you can't do. Looks have a lot less to do with getting married than values, kindness, a good personality, and how you present yourself.
 
happy_butsad08 said:
There's this guy in my class who I am going to homecoming with. We really, really, really like each other a lot . His parents are amazing Christian people, they always invite me to come to their house and go on trips with them and I love every minute with them. This guy, like his parents, is very sweet and loves to have fun. He always respected my boundaries, too. That is, until this past Saturday.....
He and I, along with his family, went out of town for half the day. After eating some lunch with his family, his parents and us headed to his house. About 10-15 minutes after we got there, he took me in a private, enclosed place and the door was shut and it was just the two of us.... he then looked at me and said "Don't tell anyone I'm about to do this." When he said this, I got a funny feeling inside of me and by the way he was looking at me I could tell he was thinking of something. He told me to turn around, so I did. Then he got behind me, put his hands around my waist and removed my shorts and underwear. I was extremely shocked. I was unsure of what he was trying to do, but by this point it was clear to me. Then he felt my backside and frontside and he was getting ready to enter me but I was very scared. I told him it was too risky and we could get caught, and he responded with "It's okay. We won't get caught." But then we finally decided it was a big risk and not long after we pulled our shorts back up his mom walked in, not even suspecting anything of us! We decided to just stick to kissing and I agreed. But obviously he still has sexual desires because I sit next to him in some classes and he'll put his hand on my thigh, multiple times a day. He even wants me to come spend the night at his house one day (we're both 13 btw), but based on what he just tried to do, who knows what he'll have in store then.....
I really like this guy a lot, but I know what he's doing is very immoral. I am really scared. what should i do?
Click to expand...

Sis.. Runnn! No literally. It doesn't mean he had malicious intentions or he is a bad person. But staying with and around him is going to be a constant attraction you don't have the strength to fight perpetually. You can find that strength to stay pure sexually, but you have to remove yourself from that environment. God walked me through that process. I know it's hard. We can make up so many excuses as to why we should stay or why it doesn't make sense to leave. But it is the mercy of God to tell us to leave. For he knows we were not built to handle the consequences of "playing" with something as natural yet twisted and enjoyable as sex.
 
happy_butsad08 said:
Yeah thats true........I just wish I were enough to be respected but I am an ugly slut and I dont deserve anyone at all
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I am going to be a little harsh in this statement, but I do it with love and care for your situation. Do not say these things ever again. Never. Not on this website, not out of your mouth, not in your mind. You are loved by God. Beautiful in how he made you. And this whole you are drawing around yourself convinced that sex from someone else will fill it, is false. And you will not find the affirmation needed to fill that whole on this website either. What you will find, is advice leading you to the source of confidence and identity. And that is the Lord Jesus Christ. you have to invite him to do a deep work at the root. You have some serious self esteem issues, that only God has the power to work out in you.
 
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happy_butsad08 said:
There's this guy in my class who I am going to homecoming with. We really, really, really like each other a lot . His parents are amazing Christian people, they always invite me to come to their house and go on trips with them and I love every minute with them. This guy, like his parents, is very sweet and loves to have fun. He always respected my boundaries, too. That is, until this past Saturday.....
He and I, along with his family, went out of town for half the day. After eating some lunch with his family, his parents and us headed to his house. About 10-15 minutes after we got there, he took me in a private, enclosed place and the door was shut and it was just the two of us.... he then looked at me and said "Don't tell anyone I'm about to do this." When he said this, I got a funny feeling inside of me and by the way he was looking at me I could tell he was thinking of something. He told me to turn around, so I did. Then he got behind me, put his hands around my waist and removed my shorts and underwear. I was extremely shocked. I was unsure of what he was trying to do, but by this point it was clear to me. Then he felt my backside and frontside and he was getting ready to enter me but I was very scared. I told him it was too risky and we could get caught, and he responded with "It's okay. We won't get caught." But then we finally decided it was a big risk and not long after we pulled our shorts back up his mom walked in, not even suspecting anything of us! We decided to just stick to kissing and I agreed. But obviously he still has sexual desires because I sit next to him in some classes and he'll put his hand on my thigh, multiple times a day. He even wants me to come spend the night at his house one day (we're both 13 btw), but based on what he just tried to do, who knows what he'll have in store then.....
I really like this guy a lot, but I know what he's doing is very immoral. I am really scared. what should i do?
Click to expand...


Please break up wit him now. He might get angry, but I think you should tell your parents and let them talk to his parents--he may get mad, but so what? If his parents don't find out, he will try this on another girl and another girl. First of all--it is wrong. Second of all it is NOT worth it EVER to have sex before you are married. YOU will NEVER regret staying a virgin until you are married, but you will regret having sex --especially with people you look back and wonder "what did i see in that person?" And if you get pregnant? And then decide to have an abortion? You never know if he has been with someone else and you could get a sexually transmitted diseases.

RUN AWAY--please. It is not worth it--you may be sad, but that will go away. You won't regret standing your ground. PS Learn a lesson and never let a boy get you alone somewhere--now you know they are up to no good. I guy who truly care for you respects you would never do that.
 
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happy_butsad08 said:
But.... he's the only guy who thinks I'm attractive......... no one else thinks of me that way. I'm just worthless and very disgusting looking
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Oh goodness-happy--the world says you have to be beautiful to be loved, but that is a lie--look at all the beautiful movies stars that are drug addicted, died from overdoses--always have one boyfriend after another--so many are miserable. I knew a girl in high school--she was not pretty at all, but she always dressed nice was always smiling and she had an outstanding confident personality--also she had a good looking boyfriend--her personality and confidence made her attractive. Don't believe the world's lies. Pray to respect and value yourself and for CONFIDENCE--that is SO attractive. ps i'm not sure what it is but often peopel don't see themselves they way others see them.
 
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happy_butsad08 said:
but he isn't a rapist.... he's so nice
Click to expand...


most manipulators act nice to get what they want-and they may have some part of their personality that is nice--none of us are all good or all bad, but do you know how many girls are molested by their 'nice' relative or 'nice' neighbor or supposedly 'nice' boyfriend? Truly nice people dont pull somebody into a room without warning and pull their pants down!

The important reason you should break up with him is he did that without even asking you--AND with his parents in a nearby room!
 
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happy_butsad08 said:
But I'm probably never going to get married because I am very worthless and ugly.... so why even worry about marriage if it's never going to happen! I'm not like that girl in my school who is so beautiful and has a 100% chance of getting married while my chance is 0%! I hope I'm dead before it's even TIME for me to get married. Even if I am alive then it probably won't happen.
Click to expand...


Please happy don't talk this way--see my other post. My sister was BEAUTIFUL--her boyfriend was the most handsome guy in are whole high school and came from a really good family. My sister was an athlete, homecoming queen multiple times and class favorite--and she ended up breaking up with the nice guy and marrying an alcoholic--she herself became one and died from it--BEAUTY is meaningless.

You need to find interesting and fun things to do and gain confidence in who you are. You will get married and you can be very happy!

The teenager years aren't that fun even if you are 'pretty' and 'popular'--I was and I was hospitalized for depression--it didn't mean anything--it's a time when we should be learning to be adults and around adults than can show us how, but your stuck with all the same age--and jr and high school are weird -- i don't think it's the best things for kids personally.
 
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happy_butsad08 said:
There's this guy in my class who I am going to homecoming with. We really, really, really like each other a lot . His parents are amazing Christian people, they always invite me to come to their house and go on trips with them and I love every minute with them. This guy, like his parents, is very sweet and loves to have fun. He always respected my boundaries, too. That is, until this past Saturday.....
He and I, along with his family, went out of town for half the day. After eating some lunch with his family, his parents and us headed to his house. About 10-15 minutes after we got there, he took me in a private, enclosed place and the door was shut and it was just the two of us.... he then looked at me and said "Don't tell anyone I'm about to do this." When he said this, I got a funny feeling inside of me and by the way he was looking at me I could tell he was thinking of something. He told me to turn around, so I did. Then he got behind me, put his hands around my waist and removed my shorts and underwear. I was extremely shocked. I was unsure of what he was trying to do, but by this point it was clear to me. Then he felt my backside and frontside and he was getting ready to enter me but I was very scared. I told him it was too risky and we could get caught, and he responded with "It's okay. We won't get caught." But then we finally decided it was a big risk and not long after we pulled our shorts back up his mom walked in, not even suspecting anything of us! We decided to just stick to kissing and I agreed. But obviously he still has sexual desires because I sit next to him in some classes and he'll put his hand on my thigh, multiple times a day. He even wants me to come spend the night at his house one day (we're both 13 btw), but based on what he just tried to do, who knows what he'll have in store then.....
I really like this guy a lot, but I know what he's doing is very immoral. I am really scared. what should i do?
Click to expand...
keep fighting your sexual desire because you probley dont want to have to tell the person that god has for you that you couid wait for him for the merriage thing if you know what i mean like i have no boyfriend but satan will still make me temptmed to have sex before merriage but i fight it because i don8 want tohave to tell the person that the lord has for me that i didnt wait for him you shouid do the same praying for you girl
 
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