Why Are Women Expected to be the Gatekeepers of Virginity?
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I do want to address this part.
This is why I don't go to great lengths to answer your posts. You said that this is not how guys act, but at my school, they did. As I'm writing this, I'm clearing picturing the basketball game where N, one of the most popular boys in my (Lutheran school class,) pulled out his wallet to show everyone his condom stash, because I can clearly remember that he pulled out the wrapper and it was blue.
And no, the girls at my school didn't "brag about their bedroom fun" -- because they knew they would be condemned for it. Again, as I'm writing this, I'm picturing S, one of the prettiest girls in her class, and all the other girls making fun of her because they said she dressed like a whore (skirts above the knee.)
But yet you are telling me how people act and completely invalidating my experiences, or else you seem to think I make them up. I don't know if it you grew up in anything like the conservative WELS (Wisconsin Evangelical Synod) Lutheran church, but those were my experiences.
As for your statement that I have no idea about what men go through, first of all, let me say that I am truly sorry for all the things you've gone through with women.
In fact, with nearly every guy I meet, for the first several dates, I spend nearly all my time apologizing to him for what women have done to him in the past. I've spent countless hours listening to men tell me about women rejecting them, using them as an ATM machine, blocking them from seeing their kids, and, what I think is the most personal level of all, I have held a guy's hand on numerous occasions as he told me about the sexual abuse he suffered -- from another man.
You should have seen the letters and messages I've received from guys who have gone through hell and back, starting with their childhood (growing up as victims of pedophile stepfathers,) and now they are unsure of where to begin to find wholeness. Most believed it started with finding a woman.
This is exactly why I pay for the first date, no matter who asked. I take the check before the waitress can set it down, because I don't want a man to feel that he's just going to be used. And if I plan to take a guy somewhere for a special date (usually a theme park,) I try my very best to save up and make sure I can pay for everything so all he has to do is relax and hopefully have an amazing time. I've also helped men pay for their court expenses to be able to keep their children or gain visitation rights.
With one guy I dated, I never even got to tell him that my then-husband left for another girl until after about 3 dates because the whole time, he was telling ME about all the women who have used and rejected him throughout the years -- so yes, it most CERTAINLY happens to both genders.
One of the biggest problems I've found in dating is having to work my butt off to try to prove to a guy that I'm not the 50 girls who came before me and did all the things he's telling me about now (even if the guy has never been married; and when I try to tell him about my husband rejecting me for another girl, he acts like it doesn't count or just brushes it aside.)
So if I become interested in a guy, I already know I have start "gearing up" (emotionally and financially,) because I'm expecting that it's going to take an armory for me just to be able to try knocking on the fortress door of his heart.
Maybe one of these days, I'll find one I can break through to.
And I most certainly and definitely know that women can be the exact same way -- in fact, I have often wondered if a good percentage of dating is actually trying to prove to someone that you're not all the people whom they've encountered before.
Not everyone is like this, of course. Some people have moved past their hurts, and the rarest ones of all have never been hurt.
But it only reinforces the old saying that Love is (truly) a Battlefield.
This is why I don't go to great lengths to answer your posts. You said that this is not how guys act, but at my school, they did. As I'm writing this, I'm clearing picturing the basketball game where N, one of the most popular boys in my (Lutheran school class,) pulled out his wallet to show everyone his condom stash, because I can clearly remember that he pulled out the wrapper and it was blue.
And no, the girls at my school didn't "brag about their bedroom fun" -- because they knew they would be condemned for it. Again, as I'm writing this, I'm picturing S, one of the prettiest girls in her class, and all the other girls making fun of her because they said she dressed like a whore (skirts above the knee.)
But yet you are telling me how people act and completely invalidating my experiences, or else you seem to think I make them up. I don't know if it you grew up in anything like the conservative WELS (Wisconsin Evangelical Synod) Lutheran church, but those were my experiences.
As for your statement that I have no idea about what men go through, first of all, let me say that I am truly sorry for all the things you've gone through with women.
In fact, with nearly every guy I meet, for the first several dates, I spend nearly all my time apologizing to him for what women have done to him in the past. I've spent countless hours listening to men tell me about women rejecting them, using them as an ATM machine, blocking them from seeing their kids, and, what I think is the most personal level of all, I have held a guy's hand on numerous occasions as he told me about the sexual abuse he suffered -- from another man.
You should have seen the letters and messages I've received from guys who have gone through hell and back, starting with their childhood (growing up as victims of pedophile stepfathers,) and now they are unsure of where to begin to find wholeness. Most believed it started with finding a woman.
This is exactly why I pay for the first date, no matter who asked. I take the check before the waitress can set it down, because I don't want a man to feel that he's just going to be used. And if I plan to take a guy somewhere for a special date (usually a theme park,) I try my very best to save up and make sure I can pay for everything so all he has to do is relax and hopefully have an amazing time. I've also helped men pay for their court expenses to be able to keep their children or gain visitation rights.
With one guy I dated, I never even got to tell him that my then-husband left for another girl until after about 3 dates because the whole time, he was telling ME about all the women who have used and rejected him throughout the years -- so yes, it most CERTAINLY happens to both genders.
One of the biggest problems I've found in dating is having to work my butt off to try to prove to a guy that I'm not the 50 girls who came before me and did all the things he's telling me about now (even if the guy has never been married; and when I try to tell him about my husband rejecting me for another girl, he acts like it doesn't count or just brushes it aside.)
So if I become interested in a guy, I already know I have start "gearing up" (emotionally and financially,) because I'm expecting that it's going to take an armory for me just to be able to try knocking on the fortress door of his heart.
Maybe one of these days, I'll find one I can break through to.
And I most certainly and definitely know that women can be the exact same way -- in fact, I have often wondered if a good percentage of dating is actually trying to prove to someone that you're not all the people whom they've encountered before.
Not everyone is like this, of course. Some people have moved past their hurts, and the rarest ones of all have never been hurt.
But it only reinforces the old saying that Love is (truly) a Battlefield.
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Just as a thought...
She probably wanted to get to know you better while dancing at the winery to see if you might be a dating potential. The winery would still be a group/public setting.
And sure you would be somewhat responsible for her safety while there but it's not like a guy protecting his date at the same time.
It's good to make friends... even female friends. They are the ones who will hook you up with their friends who are looking to date when you are ready to date.
See, all you have to do is ask for her protection against the cougars you could run into...and she will be a friend. It's not really a thing for you...but just pretend eh?
Me? I'm at the age where older women are predatory in nature. I literally run in and out of stores anymore if I'm alone... because them women are nuts.
I've had too many old women almost shoving their backsides into my face for it to be a coincidence. And then there's always a seemingly non crowd of them crowding around me...my wedding ring flashing doesn't seem to have any desired effect. I've had enough!
Enjoy your dancing and single friends...and time at a winery is fun stuff. Ours around here has bonfires and tastings and fun evenings that are really low key that are great for evening/afternoon picnics.
When things get back to normal...I'm getting some friends to head out to one. Make an afternoon of it. Especially if they get someone to watch the kids. (Mine is grown)
She probably wanted to get to know you better while dancing at the winery to see if you might be a dating potential. The winery would still be a group/public setting.
And sure you would be somewhat responsible for her safety while there but it's not like a guy protecting his date at the same time.
It's good to make friends... even female friends. They are the ones who will hook you up with their friends who are looking to date when you are ready to date.
See, all you have to do is ask for her protection against the cougars you could run into...and she will be a friend. It's not really a thing for you...but just pretend eh?
Me? I'm at the age where older women are predatory in nature. I literally run in and out of stores anymore if I'm alone... because them women are nuts.
I've had too many old women almost shoving their backsides into my face for it to be a coincidence. And then there's always a seemingly non crowd of them crowding around me...my wedding ring flashing doesn't seem to have any desired effect. I've had enough!
Enjoy your dancing and single friends...and time at a winery is fun stuff. Ours around here has bonfires and tastings and fun evenings that are really low key that are great for evening/afternoon picnics.
When things get back to normal...I'm getting some friends to head out to one. Make an afternoon of it. Especially if they get someone to watch the kids. (Mine is grown)
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I was just wondering, what age range would you say this happens? (That women show more predatory behaviors.)
A guy friend was recently pointing out that men in marriages usually die first, and I was wondering how many of these marriages were situations in which there was a significant age gap, as it's said that women often marry older men (so would be no surprise that they would be the first to pass on.) And I'm certainly not denying that it could also be because men might be under more stress or have more physically demanding jobs, but I was just wondering to myself if age difference was at all significant.
Are the women you see doing this usually married (because we all know it still happens with both genders,) or are they widowed/divorced? I was just wondering if there if a life event triggered their more aggressive nature, or do you think they are women who have always been that way?
One thing seems to be for sure, the desire to search for romantic love (or at least attention) doesn't decline with age. I remember what a hot commodity my Grandma (on one side of the family) and Grandpa (on the other side of the family) became to the local senior centers/dance hall when they lost their spouses.
I've lived in or near senior living communities for many years, and there is never a shortage of people looking for dates, whether from other residents or with the young staff members who serve them.
A guy friend was recently pointing out that men in marriages usually die first, and I was wondering how many of these marriages were situations in which there was a significant age gap, as it's said that women often marry older men (so would be no surprise that they would be the first to pass on.) And I'm certainly not denying that it could also be because men might be under more stress or have more physically demanding jobs, but I was just wondering to myself if age difference was at all significant.
Are the women you see doing this usually married (because we all know it still happens with both genders,) or are they widowed/divorced? I was just wondering if there if a life event triggered their more aggressive nature, or do you think they are women who have always been that way?
One thing seems to be for sure, the desire to search for romantic love (or at least attention) doesn't decline with age. I remember what a hot commodity my Grandma (on one side of the family) and Grandpa (on the other side of the family) became to the local senior centers/dance hall when they lost their spouses.
I've lived in or near senior living communities for many years, and there is never a shortage of people looking for dates, whether from other residents or with the young staff members who serve them.
Now I understand the WELS background...used to date a woman who attended the church and grew up in that micro-culture. I myself went to a small Christian High School...it's a completely different environment than the public schools. Completely different focus and situation for dating. And no matter what some guys are jerks who like to brag...and girls are catty and always trying to figure out a way to disparage their "competition".
The girl deemed as the "Prettiest" at my schools were never ever someone I'd consider dating and that feeling was mutual.
Because I wanted someone with a LOT of character and talents and abilities other than working out, cheerleader routines, or applying makeup.
I've never strayed from that.
I liked those with community involvement with various groups and hobbies and interests outside of just being a girl with guys in their family.
YMMV with what kind of guys you like...but you sure seem to attract the ones beaten up by women. And as much as you are tempted to "prove yourself" to guys...they will figure it out fairly quickly if you offer to go dutch or don't ask them to pay your electric bill...but ask to see them again. Guys are simple...not stupid. Well.... some guys are stupid.
The girl deemed as the "Prettiest" at my schools were never ever someone I'd consider dating and that feeling was mutual.
Because I wanted someone with a LOT of character and talents and abilities other than working out, cheerleader routines, or applying makeup.
I've never strayed from that.
I liked those with community involvement with various groups and hobbies and interests outside of just being a girl with guys in their family.
YMMV with what kind of guys you like...but you sure seem to attract the ones beaten up by women. And as much as you are tempted to "prove yourself" to guys...they will figure it out fairly quickly if you offer to go dutch or don't ask them to pay your electric bill...but ask to see them again. Guys are simple...not stupid. Well.... some guys are stupid.
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I'm disagreeing with what you say that I think is wrong.
If I were trolling you I would be MUCH more obnoxious. This isn't trolling. I'm not even tracking your posts across the forum and criticizing every one of them, which is the bare minimum for a good troll.
Consider: If you were hiring employees and one of the potential hires spent the whole interview complaining about his past jobs and how unfair all of them were to him, would YOU hire him? Probably not. How you would look at that applicant is how women look at you when you complain so much about how unfair society is toward women/against men.
If I were trolling you I would be MUCH more obnoxious. This isn't trolling. I'm not even tracking your posts across the forum and criticizing every one of them, which is the bare minimum for a good troll.
Consider: If you were hiring employees and one of the potential hires spent the whole interview complaining about his past jobs and how unfair all of them were to him, would YOU hire him? Probably not. How you would look at that applicant is how women look at you when you complain so much about how unfair society is toward women/against men.
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Guys my age start evaporating...we are either sick pups, dead, or staying parked in front of the boob tube.
So these divorcees and widows have an even smaller pool of guys to choose from if they want another man. And they also crave the ego stroking of being wanted and desired... like they had when young.
The change happens around 45-50. Men are no longer the hunters but the prey. And the older a guy gets the worse it becomes.
Now my wife is 17 years younger than me. Highly educated (masters) and held two professional careers. (Currently in medical research) Currently she is working on her PMP.
Nope...not a chance I'm going to out live her. But she is also my best friend.
So these divorcees and widows have an even smaller pool of guys to choose from if they want another man. And they also crave the ego stroking of being wanted and desired... like they had when young.
The change happens around 45-50. Men are no longer the hunters but the prey. And the older a guy gets the worse it becomes.
Now my wife is 17 years younger than me. Highly educated (masters) and held two professional careers. (Currently in medical research) Currently she is working on her PMP.
Nope...not a chance I'm going to out live her. But she is also my best friend.
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Praise God, someone who understands what I'm saying! Lol!
I was beginning to think that maybe I really am just crazy and no one else would have a way of understanding what I was talking about because their experiences were much different. I've been told that WELS Lutheran is "Catholic Lite" -- almost all of the rules, slightly less guilt, and no purgatory, indulgences, or pope.
You are spot on about the girls trying to tear down their competition. Some of the pretty girls WERE popular, and those were usually the ones who would cut down the REALLY pretty girls by saying they dressed or acted like sl**s (not sure if that word would be seen as disrespectful on the site or not.)
That was the easiest way to try to clear out the competition -- by ripping apart the other girls' character. But really what it was is that these girls were jealous of the attention that these other girls were getting (and to be fair, sometimes it WAS with a shorter skirt than the other girls were wearing -- but not always.)
And unfortunately, I've seen the same behavior, just in a different way, in grown women within the church when it comes to attracting attention from a man.
They might still cut down the way another woman dresses, but now other criticisms are thrown into the mix such as their job, whether or not they have kids and how good of a mother and homemaker they are, intelligence, and of course, just to make it all sound holy, whether or not their competition is "truly a woman of the Lord" -- by being the one to volunteer the most at church.
This is just one of many aspects of the church culture I grew up in that drives me absolutely bonkers.
I was beginning to think that maybe I really am just crazy and no one else would have a way of understanding what I was talking about because their experiences were much different. I've been told that WELS Lutheran is "Catholic Lite" -- almost all of the rules, slightly less guilt, and no purgatory, indulgences, or pope.
You are spot on about the girls trying to tear down their competition. Some of the pretty girls WERE popular, and those were usually the ones who would cut down the REALLY pretty girls by saying they dressed or acted like sl**s (not sure if that word would be seen as disrespectful on the site or not.)
That was the easiest way to try to clear out the competition -- by ripping apart the other girls' character. But really what it was is that these girls were jealous of the attention that these other girls were getting (and to be fair, sometimes it WAS with a shorter skirt than the other girls were wearing -- but not always.)
And unfortunately, I've seen the same behavior, just in a different way, in grown women within the church when it comes to attracting attention from a man.
They might still cut down the way another woman dresses, but now other criticisms are thrown into the mix such as their job, whether or not they have kids and how good of a mother and homemaker they are, intelligence, and of course, just to make it all sound holy, whether or not their competition is "truly a woman of the Lord" -- by being the one to volunteer the most at church.
This is just one of many aspects of the church culture I grew up in that drives me absolutely bonkers.
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EEEEEK! I'm only two years away from that! Thanks for the warning dude.
Any tips for staying safe and single out there? Does a baseball bat work or does it just make them more determined? What about a flak jacket?
(I'm only partially joking... Part of me is serious. Any tips for counteracting this?)
Any tips for staying safe and single out there? Does a baseball bat work or does it just make them more determined? What about a flak jacket?
(I'm only partially joking... Part of me is serious. Any tips for counteracting this?)
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Look up "Hi Karate cologne" on YouTube...
Our Children's pastor lost his wife to cancer a few years ago. (They were watching for when he got home from the funeral) The stream of casseroles he got was endless. Them women didn't want to stop even after he got married again. (Barely 18months later)
And ballroom dancing is like a huge magnet for them.
Maybe join a beer brewing or hunting/fishing club...might be less women. But definitely stay away from hockey matches and Charismatic churches.
Our Children's pastor lost his wife to cancer a few years ago. (They were watching for when he got home from the funeral) The stream of casseroles he got was endless. Them women didn't want to stop even after he got married again. (Barely 18months later)
And ballroom dancing is like a huge magnet for them.
Maybe join a beer brewing or hunting/fishing club...might be less women. But definitely stay away from hockey matches and Charismatic churches.
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*Seoulsearch considers giving up her hobbies in the future to start hunting men...*
P.S. It's obvious that you are proud as pie of your wife
-- such an awesome thing to see.
Thank you very much for sharing!
P.S. It's obvious that you are proud as pie of your wife
-- such an awesome thing to see.Thank you very much for sharing!
But of course I am proud of my wife...she is really my best friend. We are one on just about everything. Trying to get a different answer out of us is not going to happen.
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Seoulsearch's new look:
But of course I am proud of my wife...she is really my best friend. We are one on just about everything. Trying to get a different answer out of us is not going to happen.
But of course I am proud of my wife...she is really my best friend. We are one on just about everything. Trying to get a different answer out of us is not going to happen.
And...
That poster would definitely be "Seoulsearch: The Samurai Catfish" version, lol.
I'm pretty sure that model could be my daughter.
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