What Do You (Ladies) Think of Men Living with Their Parents?

[JohnDB]

Great question and answers...
But this is the "New" America...

One of my wife's friends is currently engaged to a nice guy. But she has a problem with her parents. She is too nice to kick them out of her home. They don't pay rent or help with anything...not even groceries.

Yes, her parents live with her and not her in her parents home.

She is working up the courage to give them the boot.

 

[Kireina]

Great question and answers...
But this is the "New" America...

One of my wife's friends is currently engaged to a nice guy. But she has a problem with her parents. She is too nice to kick them out of her home. They don't pay rent or help with anything...not even groceries.

Yes, her parents live with her and not her in her parents home.

She is working up the courage to give them the boot.

Hmmm...How old are the parents sir? I can't/won't kick my parents out from my home...that is for sure...especially if they are dependents already... old and sick...

 

[JohnDB]

Hmmm...How old are the parents? I can't/won't kick my parents out from my home...that is for sure...especially if they are dependents already... old and sick...

She's in her 20's and her parents late 40's or early 50's...
They aren't sick...just lazy and sponging off their daughter.

She's has been independent for a long time... living at home was too expensive and she moved to TN from Michigan to get a new career and away from them. Then they sold their house and paid off their debts and it was a surprise to her when they came for a visit and then never have left.
Her dad had a job in Michigan but quit. Hasn't gotten a new one yet. They keep getting deeper in consumer debt and expect daughter to service the credit cards.

She just wants a normal life with her soon to be husband.

 

[Kireina]

Thanks, Kireina! Great reply!

You said, "Living with his parents working and helping the family I don't feel negative about it but living independently is a plus point for me..."

Why is the guy living independently a plus point for you?

Thank you 😊


There are lots of tough lessons you will miss if you are living in your parents shield...most lessons in life you will learn are outside your parents care...the comfort they give you is shielding you not only from hardships, but also from the lessons life has to offer. Based on my own experience sir... 😊

 

[EmilyNats]

I think the main reason why women seem so turned off by the idea of a man living with his parents is because they're picturing a half-grown man child glued to a gaming console while sitting amongst clouds of cheese puff dust, barely barking a "thank you" to his mother as she delivers yet another takeout pizza to his basement abode because he can't be bothered to actually get up and answer the door (let alone pay or tip the driver.)

...

In the time I've been here on CC (but maybe it's just me,) there usually seems to be a disproportionate number of threads discussing the woes of women being too independent and not submitting to men in marriage, but I don't see many, if any, threads about the woes of men not taking up the leadership position.

I think the reason there is a disproportionate amount of those threads is because those men you described never get married

 

[Lanolin]

ironic since a lot of men and women continue to play video games after they marry anyway, its the probably a millenial thing, though some people may try and hide it and pass it off as being on social media.

I know one married couple who are serious gamers, they run their own business but also, they play video games and invest in expensive chairs that gamers need so they dont get sore necks playing all day.

Though you can make a living off IT and computer repair work, several people I know do that.

 

[Lanolin]

The thing with running a business from home and working from home is less overhead as well.
But depends, sometimes your parents can be needy. They get old. And widows need care too. They might not be happy shunted off to an old folks home.

Even if you move away, they still demand some attention or visits every now and again.

 

[Lanolin]

I reckon men who reach an age where they can handle a household are possibly more attractive to aomeone who wants to marry straight away, instead of, probably the ideal of what used to happen ...you marry your high school sweetheart at 18 and become barefoot and pregnant in not time and just muddle your way through life growing up together while your husband works out how to make ends meet.

But people could only do that when there was a chance that they could find a place of their own. What happens now because of house prices is that some couples even share accomodations or go into co-housing. Or just live together because it works out better being tenants-in-common than commiting to owning. You really need a solid, steady job to pay a mortgage off. Jobs like that are hard to find, there is little security these days

 

[Sculpt]

Thank you 😊


There are lots of tough lessons you will miss if you are living in your parents shield...most lessons in life you will learn are outside your parents care...the comfort they give you is shielding you not only from hardships, but also from the lessons life has to offer. Based on my own experience sir... 😊

Sounds like you're saying you meant the 'plus point of the man living independently' is you believe he's gained valuable life experiences?

Maybe you're not at the age yet where you might find a man who had already lived on his own many years, but now is back living with his parents... probably already gained most of all those hardship life lessons. So you might just be dealing with that current living situation. Any other plus points you give for the man living independently besides the hardship lessons?

 

[Lynx]

Sounds like you're saying you meant the 'plus point of the man living independently' is you believe he's gained valuable life experiences?

Maybe you're not at the age yet where you might find a man who had already lived on his own many years, but now is back living with his parents... probably already gained most of all those hardship life lessons. So you might just be dealing with that current living situation. Any other plus points you give for the man living independently besides the hardship lessons?

Uh... Sculpt you're starting to sound a bit defensive.

Do you live with your parents? Or do you have a good friend who lives with his parents and gets a lot of flack about it?

 

[seoulsearch]

Sounds like you're saying you meant the 'plus point of the man living independently' is you believe he's gained valuable life experiences?

Maybe you're not at the age yet where you might find a man who had already lived on his own many years, but now is back living with his parents... probably already gained most of all those hardship life lessons. So you might just be dealing with that current living situation. Any other plus points you give for the man living independently besides the hardship lessons?

I'm just curious as to why you're zeroing in on Kireina's posts particularly and exclusively?

It's no biggie -- I was just wondering why you're pursuing her for a one-on-one dialogue when several other people have answered as well.

I'm just wondering what she said out of all the other answers from both women and men that caught your eye the most.

It's kind of interesting that you say, "Maybe you're not at the age yet where you might find..."

You seem to make assumptions about people a lot? (As you did when answering one of my threads, too.)

I know how old Kireina is, but of course, that's at her discretion.

Just trust that she has a good deal of life experience behind her and very good reasons for why she says what she does.

 

[Sculpt]

I'm just curious as to why you're zeroing in on Kireina's posts particularly and exclusively?

It's no biggie -- I was just wondering why you're pursuing her for a one-on-one dialogue when several other people have answered as well.

I'm just wondering what she said out of all the other answers from both women and men that caught your eye the most.

It's kind of interesting that you say, "Maybe you're not at the age yet where you might find..."

You seem to make assumptions about people a lot? (As you did when answering one of my threads, too.)

I know how old Kireina is, but of course, that's at her discretion.

Just trust that she has a good deal of life experience behind her and very good reasons for why she says what she does.

You are so curious! It's because I've been very busy lately. I haven't had time to read all the responses, skimmed a few, especially the super long ones. Kireina is the first to reply, and the one that struck me as honest and succinct. I'm a huge fan of those two things, especially on a forum.

 

[MatthewWestfieldUK]

A mother in law is initially very happy when the daughter in law moves in because the daughter in law becomes the maid; this is what happens in traditional families. At the same time, the mother in law is used to running the house and continues running the house, so this creates some friction. That's why the daughter in law is essentially a maid since she has no voice. If the daughter in law moves in, the husband always has to support the wife. However, if he does, this creates some friction between mother and son. I know someone who moved in with the in-laws, she makes a good wage and the in-laws have an issue with her shopping even though her husband doesn't mind. Her father also does not like the in laws now because of the way she is being treated. This is in the U.S.

I think you have described my next door neighbour's, they are from Mumbai

 

[MatthewWestfieldUK]

I think you have described my next door neighbour's, they are from Mumbai

I just can't understand everything they say when arguing because sometimes they are not using English

 

[Treeboy]

My mother had told me and my sisters she is going to come live with us and drive us nuts when she retires. We took it pretty seriously my sisters have never owned a home or rented and they have the money. They know they dont have the will to tell her NO! I do and have a house. My mother thinks shes funny but is very abusive and is reaching the point where the investments you could have made in kids would b paying off.

If it was my dad no big deal maybe had 2 arguments with the guy in 40yrs.

 

[Runningman]

I believe most ladies will not prefer a man, nor give him much of a chance, once he reveals that he lives with his parents over a man who does not. Where you live is something that does not need to be included in full disclosure.

For guys who live with parents it's probably better to not discuss that until after you've secured her love. After she loves you, it will be more difficult for her to reject you based on something like where you live.

When you're ready, have an explanation, but be goal-oriented and discuss the steps you've taken to be independent, an estimation of when your goals will be a reality, and how this is good for your relationship.

 

[Lynx]

For guys who live with parents it's probably better to not discuss that until after you've secured her love. After she loves you, it will be more difficult for her to reject you based on something like where you live.

Are we talking about love or battle tactics?

Well... they DO say all is fair in love and war. Maybe the two have more in common than we think.

 

[Runningman]

Are we talking about love or battle tactics?

Possibly both. It's just safer to not tell anyone where you live until it's serious. The reason being is that it can take months to really get to know someone. What I've seen in the dating phase is the other person projecting their ideal self, but they can only project that for so long. Eventually they'll show who they really are. The person we date may not be the same person months into the future and that person may be better off not knowing where someone lives. This is just experience.

 

[Lanolin]

I had this experience livng with my brother for a while (I had a job near where he lived) after he had lived away from our parents for many years...what a tyrant!

He was so precious about the house that everything was locked up and you couldnt touch anything. You couldnt even have friends over because he was scared people would take something.

I didnt stay for long but I was paying a third of the rates and having no say in anythign despite contributing to the mortgage and a room that was technically mine. He has sinced filled it with random car parts and its become a garage.

so, I wouldnt say a man living away from their parents is necessarily going to make a great husband. I would fear for anyone having to deal with a mans temper tantrums over what you can and cant do in 'their' space.

 

[love_comes_softly]

I don’t see anything wrong with a guy living with his family. I do think knowing what his plans for the future regarding living arrangements are important though.

Of course it’s nice to confirm that this guy is and can be responsible, but that goes for someone that has his own place too.

Someone who lives with his parents could be saving up and planning for the future while someone in his own place could come along with a mountain of debt and no plans to change that. It really depends on the person.