Will I ever get a good wife of Christ?

[JohnDB]

The other question we brought up was why someone would come to a site with mostly American, Canadian, and not-in-their-country members, but yet expect people to speak as if they could say for certain what their chances were of finding their dream girl in their own country?

We just have a tendency to notice patterns, and while we want to help and welcome anyone new to the site, we regulars are also passionate about protecting our good-hearted members from conversational black holes.

The culture shock of former Soviet Block nations was a bit much at times.

As a "silly American" I got away with murder at times... everyone knew who we were even if we didn't speak Slovak or ever meet them. I literally went into the grocery store to get some chocolate bars and just held out some Euros. (I couldn't figure out what some of the prices were...it's just odd to me how they do things) and the ladies at the register all got in deep conversation over the subject and took the bills they wanted and gave me change. (It wasn't high prices I later figured out) But these ladies were thrilled to have an American in the store. I was treated like some sort of Rock Star.
Got the exact opposite treatment in Israel...every taxi driver wanted to ridiculously overcharge or drive around in circles to run up the meter. Things like adult beverages or tobacco were ridiculously expensive. Most the food there was too and not exactly good like the European food was.

Brazil was nice like Europe too...just had to be very very careful with where you were and who you were with. Situational awareness was key there.

In Slovakia the Roma were the only ones you had to be careful with...and it was obvious to tell who they were. They were extremely sneaky though...it wasn't the ones you seen but the ones you didn't that were trouble.

(And his use of grammar articles is inconsistent with my experience)

 

[Hungry]

I just wanted to say, Hungry, I am so sorry for your troubles.

Please know that we are listening to you and praying for you, and appreciate your honest reports about marriage.

I still mourn what my ex and I could have been, and wonder if he is happy with his new wife.

But when I read your posts... Sometimes I wonder if I actually dodged a bullet.

Thank you for your honest and courageous posts.

I’m not sure that my posts about my failings in love are courageous. I just want those who are buying into the happily ever after fairytale that marriage is messy and continual maintenance. I feel for your loss. All things work for good according to His purpose. CC has benefited from a sister who shares her thoughts and heart, ever challenging us to self evaluate and stay the course. So, thank you. Please don’t feel sorry for my troubles. Like I’ve stated before, they have honed me into a better version of myself, drawing me closer to the Lord, unblinding me from the superficial world most reside in. I have Truth and Light. That’s all I ever need. Be blessed sweet Seoulsearch.

 

[Zdenek]

Because of the way things were behind the iron curtain Christian communities were fairly closed groups of families. They operated in secret. They really didn't associate or trust anyone outside of their group. The children would make friends and would be friends without the sexual aspect of a more modern engagement...they are children after all with extreme self discipline in anything to do with the Christian aspect of their life.

Even if they aren't going to get married for 10 years...they accepted the fact as to who they are going to marry one day. (Trust me when I say I was shocked) When you have a secret group that keeps it's secrets...there is no marriage outside of the group or else you and the entire group get sent off to prison.
And these traditions are going to be very difficult to break. Most churches don't accept anyone until after two years. (And that was 5 years ago) The Catholic church does better than the evangelicals in this. But not much better... The communities are very slow to react or to accept newcomers to their group. So be patient and be friendly...let everyone get to know you and see who you are. They are all going to watch you anyway whether you see them watching you or not.

And when they feel comfortable...they will be extremely helpful in finding you a wife.

Ok I understand now. I think this wouldn't be a problem for me since I come from a Catholic family and started practising it about 4 years ago (before that I was also a believer, just not active in my faith).

 

[JohnDB]

Ok I understand now. I think this wouldn't be a problem for me since I come from a Catholic family and started practising it about 4 years ago (before that I was also a believer, just not active in my faith).

Fat chance... you are still a "Johnny come lately".
Gonna be a while yet before anyone trusts you.

 

[seoulsearch]

Ok I will not tell the story of my life in a forum I barely know but I get the message anyway with all those questions.

But I'm worried God has simply not a woman for me. Maybe because I'm not fully prepared to be a good husband (due to lust or something, maybe he wants to protect me from premarital sex during courtship which is great, but yet there is the possibility there is something deeper I don't know about or can't simply fix). Maybe He has called me to be single for the rest of my life (which scares me). Maybe He has punished me for my past sins (which also scares me). I just don't know.

The thing is, none of us know for you either, so repeatedly asking us is pretty futile. There isn't any possible way that any of us can guess or tell you what your chances are in finding a wife in your country, or anyone else's

None of us can say what God has in store for any one person, or what He is calling them to do.

If you get to know many of us here, we're still waiting on our own answers to the same question regarding a spouse, and we've been waiting a long time, which is why our advice is to find things you do have some control over in the meantime.

You don't have to give your life story.

But when asking for a spouse, it's important to also share what you have to offer someone. Too many people breeze in with a list of wants but speak nothing of what they have to give or offer someone else.

A number of the longtime singles here on this forum (along with our married friend encouraging us along the way) are trying to change that.

 

[seoulsearch]

Fat chance... you are still a "Johnny come lately".
Gonna be a while yet before anyone trusts you.

He's answering you specifically because he's hoping to pull the same circular arguments out from you as he got from others in the previous threads.

(I'm guessing he sees you as a new player -- someone else to try to pull into the game.)

Again, to the OP, if I am wrong, I'm actually hoping you'll prove it. I would be very happy to be wrong.

But if I'm not, I'm sure you'll be back in a couple of weeks.

Please.

Will you at least try to change enough things around to make it just a little less obvious?

 

[tourist]

Fat chance... you are still a "Johnny come lately".
Gonna be a while yet before anyone trusts you.

An unknown entity. Yes, could be awhile.

 

[Lynx]

I haven't heard of any of the ones you have said (there are few Europeans here anyway) but I have heard a few from America (and some from unknown locations) with similar complaints as mine. I'm sorry that they have wasted your time and that of many others probably, sadly there are also people in real life who behave that way (complaining about everything in life absolutely all the time as well as annoying everyone in the around with their own problems as if they were guilty or something) typically these people are really bored or exhausted with life and seek attention from others as a way to escape from their own issues even if they don't actually want support. Sure there are many things we can complain in life about but they should not defeat ourselves that way. I'm not saying my life will automatically end if I'm single with 30 (I'm sure God doesn't want me to just surrender), what I do fear actually is that I may not be able to cope with life in the case and start feeling weaker and weaker until I can't even work (typically psychological distresses develop slowly through lifetime and after series of repeated serious failures and lack of successes, sometimes even involuntarily, they don't just pop up out of nothing). I may not necessarily get to the point of a depression (nothing in life does matter anymore) but simply psychological difficulties (such as being slowly drifted away from life because of constant weight even if I still want to persevere and believe in success). Until today my problem is fear of the future rather than actual distress.

My life is (thankfully) not at all bad right now. I'm still fed and supported by my parents and do not have many responsibilities aside from studying. If I was born in a small village in somewhere like Afghanistan I could probably have lost my family in the war since very young and even kidnapped and forcefully recruited into some army, touching weapons and killing innocent people since the age of 6, and literally any risk I take could cost my physical integrity or life. And I would probably not even see people of the opposite sex for a very long time (if I even had the luck of not dying during combat or being enlisted as a suicide bomber). I'm so thankful nothing of this has happened to me. It's amazing I have such a comfortable life. But I fear it may take an U-turn in the future.

I especially agree with you in the self-control part. I sometimes think it's the main problem I have right now. I have a very strong desire for sex but especially affection. I daydream a lot with a cute, faithful and shy Christian wife. Yes, I would really love a shy quiet woman who can stay hours without saying a word. Such a woman would never be screaming to me all the time or cheating on me whenever she feels unhappy. But back to topic, I still do think that self-control is important. Everytime I masturbate, I'm cheating on a potential wife, and I feel really bad after each time I do it. The good news is that my abstinence periods are becoming longer (God is helping me!). Chastity is also one of my biggest goals in life (and until today the one who seems closest to success). I hope I will achieve it soon.

FrenchandChristian, Kauko, now Zdenek...

Dude. As a personal favor, next time could you please use a name that is easier to type? I mean... Kauko was at least short, but even then I had to keep looking up the spelling. Next time could you just use a short name or something? Maybe Luke or Bob or Manuel or something?

 

[cinder]

As a guy I don't have a cute anything, and if you tell me I do I'll deny it. My pancreas is handsome though.

But really... showing off your duodenum in public? This thread is about finding a good Christian girl! Girls who show off their duodenums (duodeni? What's plural for duodenum?) in public are brazen hussies, not good Christian girls.

I don't show it off in public, I just talk about it on forums. The only time my innards get shown off in public is if I'm throwing up or seriously injured / wounded and usually then I don't care too much about how I look.
But now I think I need to post the pancreas song (complete with cute organ animations):

 

[Lynx]

I don't show it off in public, I just talk about it on forums. The only time my innards get shown off in public is if I'm throwing up or seriously injured / wounded and usually then I don't care too much about how I look.
But now I think I need to post the pancreas song (complete with cute organ animations):

If my pancreas was a smooth, featureless yellow like that I would not be alive to type this post.

 

[seoulsearch]

FrenchandChristian, Kauko, now Zdenek...

Dude. As a personal favor, next time could you please use a name that is easier to type? I mean... Kauko was at least short, but even then I had to keep looking up the spelling. Next time could you just use a short name or something? Maybe Luke or Bob or Manuel or something?

Czech Mate.

 

[Ruby123]

Marrying a cute woman of Christ is my biggest life dream. Cute in her inner side especially. I really want a God-fearing lifetime companion who listens, respects, appreciates and loves me. A lifetime companion who stays loyal to me forever even in my most difficult times and never looks for someone else. A lifetime companion I can make one flesh with and be the example of a holy marriage for our children.

The thing is that I'm worried the woman I'm looking for may not exist here. You know, secularism and modernity have driven the younger women away from religion and commitment. Everyone I know in the place where I study are unbelievers (both men and women). Actually, all the people my age I know. I'm scared that my life may be doomed to singledom forever, since I don't want a relationship with an unbeliever. We would be in heated fights and discussions all the time, unable to have a minute of peace, we would have completely different values and she could also pressure me to commit sin, let her go with other men or even abandon my religion. A believer and an unbeliever can never build a lasting relationship. But I'm scared this may mean I will have to remain single for the rest of my life.

My country (Czechia) is one of the most atheistic in the world (our percentage of believers is just 20% and much lower in the younger generations) which makes my chances nearly unexistent. We are most known in the world for our huge porn industry and our dirty women. I have heard travellers and students from other European countries saying that Czechia was the easiest country to get laid in the continent!

Ok I may be getting somewhat paranoid but it's because I'm really scared and uncertain about my future. Maybe all my life effort will worth nothing and that sinks me. I'm here burning with passion and hormones but maybe God has just not a wife prepared for me and it's not His plan to give me one. By the way I'm not asking to get the woman of my dreams right now and immediately, but I really don't want to be in my 30s wondering if I will ever get the one. Has God a woman prepared for me? Do pure faithful women of Christ in my age group exist here in Czechia (not in USA)? It's very good to know there are still young women in America who choose the path of God, but maybe it is different here in Czechia (given this country is far more secular).

Ending this post, I do know that many people in this forum do not have enough knowledge of Czechia to be able to address all of my points, but please try to personalize your answers considering all the aspects you know about my country the best you can and if you barely know anything about it then give the best advice you can. Thank you all for reading and listening.

There are alot of Christian girls in France and Finland. Maybe you could try there?

 

[Vinacantik]

Well iam new here..and i read this. I wanna give words coz i feel same way like urs. Not totally same but its similar... I already 35 old. I been single since 7 years ago. I just stay at home allmost my life never meet people in real life only meet my family. I trying dating site but all men i meet all is bad man and perv man.. so since this month i left all dating site n stop to looking anymore. I really was soo worry about my life, like i will no have future.but i remember God words, which is
For how many soever be the promises of God, in him is the yea: wherefore also through him is the Amen, unto the glory of God through us.
2 Corinthians 1:20 ASV

So i believe God will never forget about me. He know i need someone who will always love me and beside me in this earth. I believe He will fullfill all my needs include my future husband.. Man can lie but God never lie, another people can forget me, but God never forget me. If God will that I do not marry, then it is best for me. and I believe God will enable me, but if I am not called to be single, then I believe God will meet my soul mate on time to me. Its same to u too...

So please dont be worry, dont let ur negatif thought made u stress.. believe our God will fullfill all our need including about partner life. Be happy, keep believe in God and enjoy the life.. single or not single in God will be happy always. God bless u

 

[tstumf]

My advice from experience. Do not go out looking for a woman out of desperation and expect God to come into the relationship and bless it after you are married . That is proving to be a long, hard bumpy road that I’m on at the moment and trust me you don’t want to go that way. Sadly I must confess that I had probably blocked Gods answer to my prayer for a Godly wife out of my disobedience and impatience . My mistake was I got impatient with God after years of prayer for a mate and went to seek a woman’s attention who was not mine to seek. It proved a trap sprung by some pre- marital sex and now I’ve spent years trying to get out of that trap and make the marriage right with God. Had I have waited patiently and given God the space and time to answer my prayers I sent up perhaps things would have been smoother. it wasn’t maybe but a year later he could have easily answered that prayer with a Godly single young woman who I crossed paths with time and time again. However I had to be guarded because I was already spoken for. Instead of fruitlessly chasing women focus on God and grow in your faith. Let God lead you to where he intends you to go in life. If marriage is in his will for you he will bring a woman into your view and give you the ability time and space to act. Keep your eyes open But you must be patient and let the spirit lead you. Most times you will find the spirit will give you indication as to weather you should seek this person or run minutes into a conversation. Really read into the proverbs regarding women and be warned of the wayward ones as they will try to entice off the path to God and try to drag you back into the worlds path which leads to destruction. God bless you.

 

[TheLearner]

Marrying a cute woman of Christ is my biggest life dream. Cute in her inner side especially. I really want a God-fearing lifetime companion who listens, respects, appreciates and loves me. A lifetime companion who stays loyal to me forever even in my most difficult times and never looks for someone else. A lifetime companion I can make one flesh with and be the example of a holy marriage for our children.

The thing is that I'm worried the woman I'm looking for may not exist here. You know, secularism and modernity have driven the younger women away from religion and commitment. Everyone I know in the place where I study are unbelievers (both men and women). Actually, all the people my age I know. I'm scared that my life may be doomed to singledom forever, since I don't want a relationship with an unbeliever. We would be in heated fights and discussions all the time, unable to have a minute of peace, we would have completely different values and she could also pressure me to commit sin, let her go with other men or even abandon my religion. A believer and an unbeliever can never build a lasting relationship. But I'm scared this may mean I will have to remain single for the rest of my life.

My country (Czechia) is one of the most atheistic in the world (our percentage of believers is just 20% and much lower in the younger generations) which makes my chances nearly unexistent. We are most known in the world for our huge porn industry and our dirty women. I have heard travellers and students from other European countries saying that Czechia was the easiest country to get laid in the continent!

Ok I may be getting somewhat paranoid but it's because I'm really scared and uncertain about my future. Maybe all my life effort will worth nothing and that sinks me. I'm here burning with passion and hormones but maybe God has just not a wife prepared for me and it's not His plan to give me one. By the way I'm not asking to get the woman of my dreams right now and immediately, but I really don't want to be in my 30s wondering if I will ever get the one. Has God a woman prepared for me? Do pure faithful women of Christ in my age group exist here in Czechia (not in USA)? It's very good to know there are still young women in America who choose the path of God, but maybe it is different here in Czechia (given this country is far more secular).

Ending this post, I do know that many people in this forum do not have enough knowledge of Czechia to be able to address all of my points, but please try to personalize your answers considering all the aspects you know about my country the best you can and if you barely know anything about it then give the best advice you can. Thank you all for reading and listening.

Pray for your future wife --- I will join you in that prayer. Also, ask the Holy Spirit to pray with you. Romans 8:26
Look for a wife who already makes good investments --- simply observe her spending habits.

 

[WGreyHawk]

I remember when I was in my 20's, balling and praying for God to send my my wife. I was living in an area where a lot of "Christians" were only half-hearted in their faith. It was a challenge to find a woman with a strong faith and conservative values in the liberal dump where I lived. For years, I just held on, prayed, cried, despaired. But, finally, God provided me with an incredible wife when I was 30. We've been married 15 years now; it started out rough, and we had to commit to staying together (until death do us part). When you do find the right woman, commit to not allowing divorce to be an option. Make sure you're "equally yoked" or else you'd be sorely sorry. If y'all have different values, you'll want to go in different directions. No worry... God's got a plan... stick to the plan.

 

[SigP226]

Your first sentence immediately told me what mindset you were (are) in. Brother - your biggest dream is ALL WRONG. When you focus on what I like to call the 4 F Bombs, those other things you want will fall into place.

As a Christian man, your focus needs to be on Faith, (in God and yourself) Family (not necessarily blood related) Fitness (taking care of the temple God has given you. And Finance.

Build Physical, Physical, and Spritual resiliancy. The RIGHT kind of woman will see those things in you and be attracted to them. But you need to get yourself right first!

 

[Zdenek]

Thank you for this helpful advice!

I have worked on myself over the last years but I still have things to change. I'm just too lazy sometimes because I lose trust in God. I can't simply imagine a future without a wife and kids... my hormones are really strong and I deadly want intimacy with a woman. The Bible says that those who can't control themselves should marry so I sometimes feel like I biblically deserve marriage. Maybe I'm wrong but this is the way I understood it when I did read that part.

It seems that I'm getting more and more frightened about the future every day. The more I read this forum and read about relationships, the more worried I feel. I once read in another thread that God usually keeps single the people who got saved while single, and I felt terrified the whole day and later.

And my environment just makes it worse. Whenever I see the female students in the place I study (actually anywhere I go, to be honest), I'm left wondering whether it's still possible to find a girl who shares my faith and values and meets my expectations where I live. If I keep myself faithful to the promise of not having sex until marriage, I would be discarding just every single available women my age here. I have better chances of winning the lottery than of finding a girl who is willing to wait until marriage. Czech society is very open and liberal towards sex and couples start doing it soon after meeting. Nudity (and I mean full nudity, not bikinis or revealing clothes) is very commonly portrayed in our media without any censorship, and one day when I read a women's magazine from my country out of curiosity I got shocked by the kind of content I found there, it looked almost like a porn magazine. I even remember finding an article encouraging women in relationships to masturbate without their partners. Sad, but this is the stuff our women are reading. And this stuff meets no resistance at all since religion is dead here. Seriously, if de-catholicization was inevitable here, I would have preferred a protestant Hussite Czechia before an atheistic Czechia. It would have been better.

I may be overworrying about all this and God may give me a surprise one day but I think the surprise I want is unlikely to happen... maybe you are right in that I should find things to enjoy by myself and forget about the woman I want...

 

[TheLearner]

Seek first kingdom of God the rest will be given

 

[Zdenek]

Seek first kingdom of God the rest will be given

Yes but the woman I want will not appear in the door. I have to look around and find.