Epidemic of childless and miserable 40+ women
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This sounds like a personality disorder. They are permanent, cannot be fixed. It's like a hollow emptiness inside, no conscience, and they fill it with something that might have worked once in their childhood. But it is a substitute for the real thing, and doesn't work.
I have an unanswerable question, as to whether someone with a personality disorder can be saved. I've never met one, but perhaps God saves them and makes major changes immediately after they are saved?
Sadly, I think you did the right thing. Even though it hurts.
I have an unanswerable question, as to whether someone with a personality disorder can be saved. I've never met one, but perhaps God saves them and makes major changes immediately after they are saved?
Sadly, I think you did the right thing. Even though it hurts.
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I haven't read through all the comments so I don't know how much this has been addressed but a common thread is menopause.
I watched as my wife's personality changed when she started going through it. Up to that point we got along great. But then she went from someone I could talk to and joke around with to being offended by almost everything I said including when I complimented her. I was basically blamed for her perceived unhappiness.
It wasn't until after I went through the hell of divorce that I did a little research into menopause and wasn't surprised to read that a lot of 40 something divorces are related to menopause. I think society tends to ignore the negative effects it has on marriages and is happy with blaming men for almost all marital problems.
T
The majority of married people I know are not really happy; they are either unhappy with their spouse or it could be unrelated to their spouse (meaning, unhappy with themselves or about life in general). Sometimes, it is not because of the spouse. This is not anecdotal, because statistically about half of marriages end in divorce and some of the remaining marrieds are also unhappy. It is possible to love someone but still be unhappy.
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As a married woman way passed 40, I think there are few guarantees for happiness, except walking with Christ. And we still suffer & endure even walking close to him.
When I was young, my friends & I all became feminists. That means we went and got University educations and good careers. But we also all got married and had children. With my 4 children I was a real throw back. I regret I didn't have more.
I kept my teaching career going, although we moved during a recession, I could not get hired, and ended up staying home with my toddlers, which was perfect. I got on part time, but I never worked full time till they were all in school. I lasted 1 year, and my body broke. Probably playing in a large church orchestra, being on the executive of minor hockey, and figure skating, off season hockey, music lessons, and being in charge of every household job except dishes, and changing the oil on our 2 cars was a bit too hard on me.
The reason I never became bitter, even after getting severe Rheumatoid Arthritis at 44? I did what I wanted. I was happily married, I adored my kids, and although I did want to go to seminary, as God called me, God opened that door in my early 50's.
I studied music. Languages in my 50s& 60s. I've just started studying Ukrainian. I would like to exercise more, but I can't seem to find a med to help me get my RA under control.
I totally backed my husband in his building & car projects and our sailboat. I made a way for my kids to pursue their goals and dreams. But I didn't give up my dreams and interests either.
Having a lot of children enriched my life. I feel sorry for woman who think having a child will wreck their life. One close friend of mine married late, only had one child. I heard her answering someone about whether a child had dampened her career, and her answer was she wished she'd had 5 more.
Of course. I did and still am loving life. I try to let God direct my life. But being Type A, I have pushed myself too hard.
My mom is 91 & she is one of the most bitter people I know. She really has no health issues. She married & had 3 kids. But she was the top student in her high school, and put my father through university, where he became a professor. They had lots of money, she could have gone back to school. But she wanted to be a kept woman and play golf all day. She hated my dad relating all his stories about his accomplishments. She was jealous. Other than being women's Club Champion for golf, she didn't accomplish much and her 3 children were pretty screwed up. If God had not saved me and straighted me out, I can't imagine the mess my life would have been.
Women need to find fulfillment, too! Some women enjoy crafts and quilting and that is enough. That's great! But being a wife and mother is not enough, when kids start leaving home in their 40's and your husband becomes career driven it doesn't fulfill like it used to!
I don't believe marriage and children is the full answer for many women. They need to have life interests. If their husband and children suddenly died, a woman would have nothing left.
There was a time when being a wife and mother was a full time career, at least till the children stopped coming! But these days, it is not really a full time job. All women need to enrich their lives, esp as the children become more independent. I wept bitterly when my youngest went off to university. I was 54. But then, I picked up following my interests, which included seminary by then.
I just can't buy into the barefoot pregnant wife thing. If single. childless women are bitter, not much different than my mom, who didn't need to work for money, but she sure needed to work for her mental health.
Just some of my experiences.
When I was young, my friends & I all became feminists. That means we went and got University educations and good careers. But we also all got married and had children. With my 4 children I was a real throw back. I regret I didn't have more.
I kept my teaching career going, although we moved during a recession, I could not get hired, and ended up staying home with my toddlers, which was perfect. I got on part time, but I never worked full time till they were all in school. I lasted 1 year, and my body broke. Probably playing in a large church orchestra, being on the executive of minor hockey, and figure skating, off season hockey, music lessons, and being in charge of every household job except dishes, and changing the oil on our 2 cars was a bit too hard on me.
The reason I never became bitter, even after getting severe Rheumatoid Arthritis at 44? I did what I wanted. I was happily married, I adored my kids, and although I did want to go to seminary, as God called me, God opened that door in my early 50's.
I studied music. Languages in my 50s& 60s. I've just started studying Ukrainian. I would like to exercise more, but I can't seem to find a med to help me get my RA under control.
I totally backed my husband in his building & car projects and our sailboat. I made a way for my kids to pursue their goals and dreams. But I didn't give up my dreams and interests either.
Having a lot of children enriched my life. I feel sorry for woman who think having a child will wreck their life. One close friend of mine married late, only had one child. I heard her answering someone about whether a child had dampened her career, and her answer was she wished she'd had 5 more.
Of course. I did and still am loving life. I try to let God direct my life. But being Type A, I have pushed myself too hard.
My mom is 91 & she is one of the most bitter people I know. She really has no health issues. She married & had 3 kids. But she was the top student in her high school, and put my father through university, where he became a professor. They had lots of money, she could have gone back to school. But she wanted to be a kept woman and play golf all day. She hated my dad relating all his stories about his accomplishments. She was jealous. Other than being women's Club Champion for golf, she didn't accomplish much and her 3 children were pretty screwed up. If God had not saved me and straighted me out, I can't imagine the mess my life would have been.
Women need to find fulfillment, too! Some women enjoy crafts and quilting and that is enough. That's great! But being a wife and mother is not enough, when kids start leaving home in their 40's and your husband becomes career driven it doesn't fulfill like it used to!
I don't believe marriage and children is the full answer for many women. They need to have life interests. If their husband and children suddenly died, a woman would have nothing left.
There was a time when being a wife and mother was a full time career, at least till the children stopped coming! But these days, it is not really a full time job. All women need to enrich their lives, esp as the children become more independent. I wept bitterly when my youngest went off to university. I was 54. But then, I picked up following my interests, which included seminary by then.
I just can't buy into the barefoot pregnant wife thing. If single. childless women are bitter, not much different than my mom, who didn't need to work for money, but she sure needed to work for her mental health.
Just some of my experiences.
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Child envy...oh yeah...
I get that. I have one son by a previous marriage and my current wife can't have any. (But I really wish we could) my wife loves my son wholeheartedly.
As it is I play "grandpa" to a lot of kids of the couples in my Sunday School class... taking them fishing and playing Santa at Christmas. My wife is right there with me... loving every minute of it.
We have nieces that we practically mother...the WHOLE family feels a right to parent them. My Sister-in-law is similar in age to my son...she gets parented too. My Father-in-law winking at me when I tell her something that she needs to hear.
I'm not a parent to these kids...nor is my wife. She really wants one...but it just isn't in the cards. She isn't bitter about it too often...we have our lot in life and we choose to view it as a freedom that others don't have.
We choose to love everyone. (Including siblings and their kids) Love is a choice. Yes, we feel robbed in a lot of ways. But that has no bearing on our choice to love. It's not the same as having our own...but life is what you make of it. Same with the community we live in. And we don't need to put others down to make ourselves stand taller.
I get that. I have one son by a previous marriage and my current wife can't have any. (But I really wish we could) my wife loves my son wholeheartedly.
As it is I play "grandpa" to a lot of kids of the couples in my Sunday School class... taking them fishing and playing Santa at Christmas. My wife is right there with me... loving every minute of it.
We have nieces that we practically mother...the WHOLE family feels a right to parent them. My Sister-in-law is similar in age to my son...she gets parented too. My Father-in-law winking at me when I tell her something that she needs to hear.
I'm not a parent to these kids...nor is my wife. She really wants one...but it just isn't in the cards. She isn't bitter about it too often...we have our lot in life and we choose to view it as a freedom that others don't have.
We choose to love everyone. (Including siblings and their kids) Love is a choice. Yes, we feel robbed in a lot of ways. But that has no bearing on our choice to love. It's not the same as having our own...but life is what you make of it. Same with the community we live in. And we don't need to put others down to make ourselves stand taller.
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At the time he was writing Paul was single. But since the general practice for Hebrews was marriage at a relatively young age, it is more than likely that Paul was a widower. Regardless, he called the demand for celibacy (as required in the RCC) a doctrine of devils (demons). So, yes it is an abomination, and the results are there for all to see.
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G
As a woman over 40 that’s childless, I will say my number one feeling is usually a sense of freedom! I never feel misery, but sometimes I question myself as a woman and Christian, since I’ve reached this age without having had a baby. I honestly prefer raising cats over human kids at this point. I also really prefer my freedom.
As for your family member, it sounds like she has other issues. Why don’t you share with her lovingly how her behavior makes you feel.
As for your family member, it sounds like she has other issues. Why don’t you share with her lovingly how her behavior makes you feel.
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