Abusive Relationships
Physical and Mental Abuse Statistics:
1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. This includes a range of behaviors (e.g. slapping, shoving, pushing) and in some cases might not be considered "domestic violence."
1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner.
https://www.ncadv.org/statistics
48.4% of women have experienced at least one form of psychological aggression by
an intimate partner during their lifetime.
48.8% of men have also experienced one of these forms of psychological aggression by
a partner in their lifetime.
https://www.ananiasfoundation.org/domestic-violence-statistics/
We often hear the cases of physical or psychological abuse that women often struggle with, but as to the data above, Men are not immune from such abuse.
It is essential to step back a minute and examine your life. Are you experiencing any physical, mental, or verbal abuse? Have you in the past experienced any of these three? If yes, then you are a victim of abuse. You may very well, as you read this, still suffer from such abuse even when the abuser is long gone.
I feel I must define these abuses so that you have a better idea of whether you have experienced abusive behaviors.
Terms Defined by https://www.psychreg.org/types-of-abuse/Sexual abuse—
Coercive control—
A pattern of acts, including intimidation, assault, humiliation or threats, which deprive the recipient of independence. This causes the person to become isolated, and dependent on their abuser, so they often can’t seek help.
Financial abuse—
Controlling someone through their money. This could include restricting what the victim can or can’t buy, controlling expenditure, and even taking hold of bank cards.
Physical abuse—
Using physical force to hurt the recipient, potentially going as far as to cause broken bones and bruises.
Mental abuse —
If the attacker is constantly putting you down, criticising you, threatening you, and making you feel guilty through blackmail or the silent treatment, this manipulation classes as abuse.
Verbal abuse—
Threatening someone, calling them names, shouting, and being cruel through words.
non-verbal abuse—
uses physical gestures, such as eye-rolling, ignoring, smirking, or withholding information to manipulate the victim in a derogatory way.
Many can also find themselves in a relationship with a sociopath who has no regard for others’ rights or feelings, lack empathy and remorse for wrongdoings, and have the need to exploit and manipulate others for personal gain.
Codependency—
is a term used to describe a relationship in which, by being caring, highly functional, and helpful, one person is said to support, perpetuate, or “enable” a loved one’s irresponsible or destructive behavior.
Compartmentalization—
is a defense mechanism in which people mentally separate conflicting thoughts, emotions, or experiences to avoid the discomfort of contradiction.”
Defined by Psychology Today
People who have manipulated someone else into codependency have now activated the need for the abused individual to rationalize the trauma through compartmentalization. The abused individual may feel they can not be without the abuser due to financial issues, blackmail, children, or low self-esteem as they may begin to blame themselves for why the abuser acts such a way. They may even try to say it isn’t so bad; they are nice sometimes. Often the abuser will try to isolate their victim from family or friends to have more control. The victim, in order to survive, may start to push away conflicting thoughts to a better life.
If you have ever been the victim, abuser, or know someone close to you who wants to heal. It takes knowing you are or have been the victim. It takes being honest to say I can often be the abuser.
Proverbs 15 teaches us the way of the abuser and the way that the victim should seek after as one way brings death, while the other life.
Proverbs 15
English Standard Version
15 A soft answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
2 The tongue of the wise commends knowledge,
but the mouths of fools pour out folly.
3 The eyes of the Lord are in every place,
keeping watch on the evil and the good.
4 A gentle[a] tongue is a tree of life,
but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
5 A fool despises his father's instruction,
but whoever heeds reproof is prudent.
6 In the house of the righteous, there is much treasure,
but trouble befalls the income of the wicked.
7 The lips of the wise spread knowledge;
not so the hearts of fools.
8 The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord,
but the prayer of the upright is acceptable to him.
9 The way of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord,
but he loves him who pursues righteousness.
10 There is severe discipline for him who forsakes the way;
whoever hates reproof will die.
11 Sheol and Abaddon lie open before the Lord;
how much more the hearts of the children of man!
12 A scoffer does not like to be reproved;
he will not go to the wise.
13 A glad heart makes a cheerful face,
but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.
14 The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge,
but the mouths of fools feed on folly.
15 All the days of the afflicted are evil,
but the cheerful of heart has a continual feast.
16 Better is a little with the fear of the Lord
than great treasure and trouble with it.
17 Better is a dinner of herbs where love is
than a fattened ox and hatred with it.
18 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife,
but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.
19 The way of a sluggard is like a hedge of thorns,
but the path of the upright is a level highway.
20 A wise son makes a glad father,
but a foolish man despises his mother.
21 Folly is a joy to him who lacks sense,
but a man of understanding walks straight ahead.
22 Without counsel plans fail,
but with many advisers they succeed.
23 To make an apt answer is a joy to a man,
and a word in season, how good it is!
24 The path of life leads upward for the prudent,
that he may turn away from Sheol beneath.
25 The Lord tears down the house of the proud
but maintains the widow's boundaries.
26 The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the Lord,
but gracious words are pure.
27 Whoever is greedy for unjust gain troubles his own household,
but he who hates bribes will live.
28 The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer,
but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.
29 The Lord is far from the wicked,
but he hears the prayer of the righteous.
30 The light of the eyes rejoices the heart,
and good news refreshes[c] the bones.
31 The ear that listens to life-giving reproof
will dwell among the wise.
32 Whoever ignores instruction despises himself,
but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.
33 The fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom,
and humility comes before honor.
Physical and Mental Abuse Statistics:
1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. This includes a range of behaviors (e.g. slapping, shoving, pushing) and in some cases might not be considered "domestic violence."
1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner.
https://www.ncadv.org/statistics
48.4% of women have experienced at least one form of psychological aggression by
an intimate partner during their lifetime.
48.8% of men have also experienced one of these forms of psychological aggression by
a partner in their lifetime.
https://www.ananiasfoundation.org/domestic-violence-statistics/
We often hear the cases of physical or psychological abuse that women often struggle with, but as to the data above, Men are not immune from such abuse.
It is essential to step back a minute and examine your life. Are you experiencing any physical, mental, or verbal abuse? Have you in the past experienced any of these three? If yes, then you are a victim of abuse. You may very well, as you read this, still suffer from such abuse even when the abuser is long gone.
I feel I must define these abuses so that you have a better idea of whether you have experienced abusive behaviors.
Terms Defined by https://www.psychreg.org/types-of-abuse/Sexual abuse—
Coercive control—
A pattern of acts, including intimidation, assault, humiliation or threats, which deprive the recipient of independence. This causes the person to become isolated, and dependent on their abuser, so they often can’t seek help.
Financial abuse—
Controlling someone through their money. This could include restricting what the victim can or can’t buy, controlling expenditure, and even taking hold of bank cards.
Physical abuse—
Using physical force to hurt the recipient, potentially going as far as to cause broken bones and bruises.
Mental abuse —
If the attacker is constantly putting you down, criticising you, threatening you, and making you feel guilty through blackmail or the silent treatment, this manipulation classes as abuse.
Verbal abuse—
Threatening someone, calling them names, shouting, and being cruel through words.
non-verbal abuse—
uses physical gestures, such as eye-rolling, ignoring, smirking, or withholding information to manipulate the victim in a derogatory way.
Many can also find themselves in a relationship with a sociopath who has no regard for others’ rights or feelings, lack empathy and remorse for wrongdoings, and have the need to exploit and manipulate others for personal gain.
Codependency—
is a term used to describe a relationship in which, by being caring, highly functional, and helpful, one person is said to support, perpetuate, or “enable” a loved one’s irresponsible or destructive behavior.
Compartmentalization—
is a defense mechanism in which people mentally separate conflicting thoughts, emotions, or experiences to avoid the discomfort of contradiction.”
Defined by Psychology Today
People who have manipulated someone else into codependency have now activated the need for the abused individual to rationalize the trauma through compartmentalization. The abused individual may feel they can not be without the abuser due to financial issues, blackmail, children, or low self-esteem as they may begin to blame themselves for why the abuser acts such a way. They may even try to say it isn’t so bad; they are nice sometimes. Often the abuser will try to isolate their victim from family or friends to have more control. The victim, in order to survive, may start to push away conflicting thoughts to a better life.
If you have ever been the victim, abuser, or know someone close to you who wants to heal. It takes knowing you are or have been the victim. It takes being honest to say I can often be the abuser.
Proverbs 15 teaches us the way of the abuser and the way that the victim should seek after as one way brings death, while the other life.
Proverbs 15
English Standard Version
15 A soft answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
2 The tongue of the wise commends knowledge,
but the mouths of fools pour out folly.
3 The eyes of the Lord are in every place,
keeping watch on the evil and the good.
4 A gentle[a] tongue is a tree of life,
but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
5 A fool despises his father's instruction,
but whoever heeds reproof is prudent.
6 In the house of the righteous, there is much treasure,
but trouble befalls the income of the wicked.
7 The lips of the wise spread knowledge;
not so the hearts of fools.
8 The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord,
but the prayer of the upright is acceptable to him.
9 The way of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord,
but he loves him who pursues righteousness.
10 There is severe discipline for him who forsakes the way;
whoever hates reproof will die.
11 Sheol and Abaddon lie open before the Lord;
how much more the hearts of the children of man!
12 A scoffer does not like to be reproved;
he will not go to the wise.
13 A glad heart makes a cheerful face,
but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.
14 The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge,
but the mouths of fools feed on folly.
15 All the days of the afflicted are evil,
but the cheerful of heart has a continual feast.
16 Better is a little with the fear of the Lord
than great treasure and trouble with it.
17 Better is a dinner of herbs where love is
than a fattened ox and hatred with it.
18 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife,
but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.
19 The way of a sluggard is like a hedge of thorns,
but the path of the upright is a level highway.
20 A wise son makes a glad father,
but a foolish man despises his mother.
21 Folly is a joy to him who lacks sense,
but a man of understanding walks straight ahead.
22 Without counsel plans fail,
but with many advisers they succeed.
23 To make an apt answer is a joy to a man,
and a word in season, how good it is!
24 The path of life leads upward for the prudent,
that he may turn away from Sheol beneath.
25 The Lord tears down the house of the proud
but maintains the widow's boundaries.
26 The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the Lord,
but gracious words are pure.
27 Whoever is greedy for unjust gain troubles his own household,
but he who hates bribes will live.
28 The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer,
but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.
29 The Lord is far from the wicked,
but he hears the prayer of the righteous.
30 The light of the eyes rejoices the heart,
and good news refreshes[c] the bones.
31 The ear that listens to life-giving reproof
will dwell among the wise.
32 Whoever ignores instruction despises himself,
but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.
33 The fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom,
and humility comes before honor.
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