It is an excuse if the offending party's feeling isn't genuine regret over the wrong committed.
Anyone here have a happy marriage after adultery?
- Thread starter Zac
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I think it's really, really horrible that you posted something like this. So many people, women and men have been so abused from the time they were little kids. Sometimes emotions and memories flare up in their lives. So, as a person grows up they want something better. They want to be happy and loved and try to have a healthy relationship. Although they can be completely in love, they may feel undeserving because of past abuse and degrading comments. What you said is not fair, not grace-filled, not kind. It's labeling people and its not ok. I have taught K-5th grade for 16 years. You have no idea what awful lives these kids have led. Its those kind of abusive adults you should be sick and tired of.
Our culture is ultimately worse off because we have allowed excuses to cloud moral expectations. This lassitude has led to the kind of hurt you so despise.
I'm not sorry for being the one person here to acknowledge this. There is no grace without a full understanding of and reverence for the law.
I'm not sorry for being the one person here to acknowledge this. There is no grace without a full understanding of and reverence for the law.
Do you mean therapy? She has a counselor at the church, I was debating whether we should both see that therapist or someone new.
Ok but you acknowledge that you also sin, right? Is your sin forgivable but not other peoples? It’s not my place to judge or punish, to be Christian is to be Christ-like and He forgave even the worst of the sinners. If He can die for the worlds sin, surely I can forgive one sin. Jesus said any one who looks at another with lust has committed adultery so really we’re all adulterers. My question wasn’t about forgiveness or validity of excuses, I was hoping someone who went through the same thing could share their experience. How they handled it, whether or not they could fix things and be happy. Whether or not she has a good excuse doesn’t make things any better, it’s weather or not I can learn to trust her again. It’s not even really about whether she’ll break my heart again, we break His heart every day and He still forgives us and loves us.
I worked in behavioral health for over 20 years before leaving: first as a therapist and then as a CEO.
Yes, I would ask to be part of the process of healing. A husband and wife are, according to Christ, one flesh, with you as her head. There is a grace between you that, if cultivated in the Lord, is the saving grace if you choose to go on together.
If I may inquire: in which state do you live?
Of course I acknowledge I sin. That is a silly way to respond. Like I said, we are all called to virtue.
Obviously, my own experience and lessons drawn from the hurt impair me from providing either good advice or advice most will respect. I'll recuse myself from the thread.
I happen to agree with most of your response save your Achilles Heel here:
Yes, but the Christian matures in their walk and they are less likely to sin than they were formerly because they love God. The moral expectations of Christian community aid us in this walk.
Furthermore, have more respect for yourself. There is a reason why God allows divorce as a consequence of adultery. Your heart and its integrity are precious.
All that said, I wish you and your wife well and pray you both stay together.
Obviously, my own experience and lessons drawn from the hurt impair me from providing either good advice or advice most will respect. I'll recuse myself from the thread.
I happen to agree with most of your response save your Achilles Heel here:
Yes, but the Christian matures in their walk and they are less likely to sin than they were formerly because they love God. The moral expectations of Christian community aid us in this walk.
Furthermore, have more respect for yourself. There is a reason why God allows divorce as a consequence of adultery. Your heart and its integrity are precious.
All that said, I wish you and your wife well and pray you both stay together.
Lizzy is correct: your statement lacks mercy. But I understand your point: without fully acknowledging the harm one has caused another there cannot be a complete reckoning and healing. Zac seems to understand this. We cannot insulate him from further pain caused by the transgression by encouraging vindication. He’s already vulnerable but willing to find the best way forward.
Having no kids together opens a wider door for you to walk away. Even Jesus permitted divorce due to sexual immorality. No one would blame you for walking away.
You can choose to try to fix it or you can choose to let her go. It is also possible to fruitlessly flop between these choices. It is important to first focus on figuring yourself out first to reduce the amount of time spent flipping between staying and leaving... because at worst, being in a state of flux can lead to you to lowering yourself to the standard that she has set. Find the path forward that is the kindest for yourself and others. Remember that even you deserve your compassion and love. Life is hard, but know that God loves you and your neighbours love you.
To overcome the anger and cloud of negativity, one needs to learn to let go of that attachment. A snake might bite you, and you become angry or fearful of the snake's power to inflict damage. Those feelings exist for a reason, to protect you from harm. But it is possible to respect the power of the snake without fearing it. To be mindful and compassionate and through that mindfulness find freedom. We stop beating ourselves up for being bitten by a snake and accept that the bite wound is there. Find answers from God for healing but respect the power of the serpent.
Thank you, that was beautifully said. I hadn’t thought about it in that way yet but it makes a lot of sense.
You know, I cannot say that I've been thru this situation, but I can say that everybody deserves mercy, grace and love. What they choose to do with those gifts are their choice. My advice is to talk to people that you can trust and not to rush. Make a healthy choice. Whatever you choose to do, whether stay together or divorce will be tough. Don't let guilt make the decision for you for either choice. I hope that you can find the way to whatever God wants in your life. Sometimes its so hard to figure this stuff out.
Hello, I pray this finds you well. Marriage is a bond that God has ordained for us and by no means I will advocate divorce. Marriage is very sacrificial, I do speak from experience. The pain of a broken heart because of adultery is heatwrentching yet mendable with God's Grace and Love. The union of marriage is a blessing from God, a given gift.. The gift can't be above The Gift Giver. I know you love her and have plans for your future but you can't fix her, only God can. Turn all your focus to God. Trust Him first. You love her but He loves you more.
Really? What is mindfulness? And how do you suggest the OP should deal with his serpent? Not speaking with the serpent would be fearful
Thank you, that was beautifully said. That gives me a lot to think about. My first reaction was definitely anger and fear, and even beating myself up for letting it happen.
thank you that’s another great way of looking at it. We are flawed sinners but the marriage was still a gift from God and it’s not up to me to fix it or end it, it’s in His hands
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But how though? Those are just examples of Jesus doing something we seemingly can't do. From my understanding I can't judge a person heart, I can only judge their actions. Their actions generally tells what's in their heart. Hence "you will know them by their fruit". The fruit is the actions. Even repentance is based off actions. A changed heart equates to changed actions. At least that's how I understand it.
We don't really have a disagreement, just different words. You are correct we can only evaluate actions but there are different levels. If someone sins we can look at that sin and nothing else, and than place judgement. We can also look at that sin and then look deeper into the person, seeing more than just the one act.
The husband also needs look deeper into himself. Does he understand what happened? Can he honestly forgive without lingering resentment? Is he willing to sacrifice and support his wife while working to maintain their relationship?
The answer to the posters original question is "maybe"; but it will take time, repentance and forgiveness.
The husband also needs look deeper into himself. Does he understand what happened? Can he honestly forgive without lingering resentment? Is he willing to sacrifice and support his wife while working to maintain their relationship?
The answer to the posters original question is "maybe"; but it will take time, repentance and forgiveness.
I would not give a second chance to someone who cheated on me, then tried to make it seem like it wasn't totally their fault because of their past. It doesn't matter what happened in the past. You would think that her bad experiences would make her cling to you even more, not go to some other guy who she doesn't know as well as you and doesn't have any reason to trust. People who AREN'T sorry pull out the "it's because of my past" card. And if her past really is forcing her to be an adulterer uncontrollably, then you can bet your last buck that she will do it again. Get out of there while you are still child-free. The last thing you want to do is have kids with a cheater.