can you guys post something funny please?
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My Life Is Ruined Thanks To The Internet
Dear Internet. Thanks to you and the introduction of Social Media sites like Facebook and Twitter, my life is ruined! I have now seen so many things that I cannot un-see, and my life has been changed forever.
Have a wonderful day…
Oh, by the way, before you go…..
Are you following us on Twitter?
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read articles on the web with their hand on the mouse.
Don’t bother taking your hand off now, it’s too late.
https://www.thelaughline.com/my-life-is-ruined-thanks-to-the-internet/
Dear Internet. Thanks to you and the introduction of Social Media sites like Facebook and Twitter, my life is ruined! I have now seen so many things that I cannot un-see, and my life has been changed forever.
- Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.
- I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
- I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
- I can’t enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.
- I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot)
- Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
- I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck!
- I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
- Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
- I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
- I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates, Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
- I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish.
- I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
- I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
- Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
- Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
- I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.
- I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ ! on their cans.
- I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
- And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
- I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
- I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
- I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
- I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
- I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda & Singapore and Uzbekistan.
- I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
- Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
- And thanks to your great advice, I can’t ever pick up a $5 bill dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
- I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas from certain gas companies!
- If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5pm this afternoon, and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician…
Have a wonderful day…
Oh, by the way, before you go…..
Are you following us on Twitter?
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read articles on the web with their hand on the mouse.
Don’t bother taking your hand off now, it’s too late.
https://www.thelaughline.com/my-life-is-ruined-thanks-to-the-internet/
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Humour is not my particular strengths but I’ll take a swing at it.
One afternoon I guy is taking a leisurely drive in the country. Suddenly he notices a chicken running alongside him and as he takes a closer look he sees this chicken has three legs. Before long this chicken runs past him and is running out in front of the car, so the driver, determined to catch the chicken, speeds up. The chicken soon takes a turn down a side road into a farm yard so the driver follows him. As he reaches the farmhouse the driver sees the farmer feeding his animals so he pulls up to the farmer and asks him, “did you see a three legged chicken run through here?” The farmer to him, “oh yes, we raise three-legged chickens here.” The driver naturally asks him why? The farmers then tells the guy, “well you see, I like drumsticks and my wife likes drumsticks and our son likes drumsticks so we thought we”d just raise three-legged chickens. The guy in the car thought this was more than a little strange, but he just shrugged and asked the farmer, “do they taste good?” Then the farmer exclaimed with his hands in the air, “well, we don’t know, we’ve never been able to catch one.” 🤣🤪😎✌️
One afternoon I guy is taking a leisurely drive in the country. Suddenly he notices a chicken running alongside him and as he takes a closer look he sees this chicken has three legs. Before long this chicken runs past him and is running out in front of the car, so the driver, determined to catch the chicken, speeds up. The chicken soon takes a turn down a side road into a farm yard so the driver follows him. As he reaches the farmhouse the driver sees the farmer feeding his animals so he pulls up to the farmer and asks him, “did you see a three legged chicken run through here?” The farmer to him, “oh yes, we raise three-legged chickens here.” The driver naturally asks him why? The farmers then tells the guy, “well you see, I like drumsticks and my wife likes drumsticks and our son likes drumsticks so we thought we”d just raise three-legged chickens. The guy in the car thought this was more than a little strange, but he just shrugged and asked the farmer, “do they taste good?” Then the farmer exclaimed with his hands in the air, “well, we don’t know, we’ve never been able to catch one.” 🤣🤪😎✌️
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