What are Your Thoughts About Financially Independent Women?

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MatthewWestfieldUK

Well-known member
May 13, 2021
871
498
63
#41
For example very few families i met adopted children or even supported others. A soul is a soul imho. But phrased like bad blood and brats shocked me. Ski trips and expensive home are not the aim of life for the awakened
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,425
2,416
113
#42
Nothing? Actually I do not recall. However, it seems an unlikely sermon topic.
Churches don't talk about women only wives and mothers. And in consequence I usually have very little interest in church women's events. Most of what they have to talk about or plan to do doesn't interest me and isn't relevant to me personally.
 
Feb 16, 2017
1,037
285
83
#43
I would love to hear your thoughts about women who have no choice but to learn how to take care of themselves. Thank you for sharing!

God wants everyone everyone to be financially independent.

The verse says that..... Deut 8:18 "God gives you the power to get wealth".

Its interesting that many martyr mentality type believers think that "the more you suffer the more you are like God".....so they create this "poverty gospel" and mentality to try to live in a ditch, to prove they are 'spiritual".
"Well, God made me sick, to teach me a lesson.......to make me stronger........to make me more like Him".
Really?
Try this.....Turn to the New Testament.....Find a verse in it were GOD, who is CHRIST, ever made anyone sick.
But there sure are a lot of NT verses that detail all the people God HEALED who were not even JEWS.

Here is the thing about money.
its just a tool, and its a necessary tool.
Try to buy something without it. Try to pay your bills without it....Try to give your kids and your mama some financial aid, if you are BROKE.
So, if money is a problem for you, then you are the problem.......not the money.
"""""well, i seem to spend all my money, all the time".""".......uh huh........don't blame the money, as you are the issue.
Grow up.

Listen.... God wants you to tithe, and give offerings.......and if you dont, you must give to the poor...
We can debate the "tithe", but there is no debating that God wants you to give money to people who have no food, no home,.......
So, would God tell you to GIVE MONEY, if He didn't want you to have any money?
A.) Not quite

There is the "prosperity gospel", and that theology has a real issue, .....and its because its taught in a carnal way that causes people to be greedy.
That's the issue with it... its how its taught out of balance, as if money is all that matters.
See, money matters, however money is just a tool that you need.
We are not to live for it, we are just to realize its necessity, and use it wisely.
 

MatthewWestfieldUK

Well-known member
May 13, 2021
871
498
63
#44
Churches don't talk about women only wives and mothers. And in consequence I usually have very little interest in church women's events. Most of what they have to talk about or plan to do doesn't interest me and isn't relevant to me personally.
Interesting that you noted the word woman missing, and instead discussion is about out wife's and mothers. So it's in writing, the role is defined and and we probably don't even realise half the time because it's culturally embedded
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#45
hmm time to break ties with Luther methinks
while being a school teacher is noble, its not for everyone. Theres lots of other jobs women can do!
Do you really want to handle 30 children at once, or constant fishbowl living being a pastors wife. Break out of the ghetto sister.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#46
regarding women who are looking after themselves

well firstly, we dont so much look after ourselves. We look to God who looks after us. And are thankful.
when you pray, whatever you set out to do, God is part of it.

say you are training for a new job or applying for one. You can say God I need to eat and pay bills. God will make a way. He told a widow to look at what she already had (empty jars) and fill them with oil. He mutliplied those jars.

In the Bible widows older than 60 did get care from the chuch but if younger they were told to marry. But there were certain conditions they needed to have washed the feet of saints or taken them in as boarders etc. If you are privleiged enough to own a house with a spare bedroom you have a source of income right there and also a place of refuge for someone who may need it.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,424
5,371
113
#47
Churches don't talk about women only wives and mothers. And in consequence I usually have very little interest in church women's events. Most of what they have to talk about or plan to do doesn't interest me and isn't relevant to me personally.
Unless of course, the churches actually realized that some of these single women are good stewards and have savings that could, of course, be donated to the church, in addition to their regular giving.😎🤑🙄
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,425
2,416
113
#48
Unless of course, the churches actually realized that some of these single women are good stewards and have savings that could, of course, be donated to the church, in addition to their regular giving.😎🤑🙄
Well that is one thing with finances and singles, is we tend to not have any built in accountability with our money (ideally a well functioning married couple would). I tend to fall on the reluctant to spend money on myself side so I would love to have someone keep it real for me when it comes to spending money on things (or experiences) that would be beneficial rather than just what I can get by with (and also to be more spontaneously generous in paying for friends when we're out and doing stuff). And I imagine there are plenty of singles on the other side who spend like crazy and need more discipline in saving or giving and someone to help them realize what reasonable spending limits are.

And of course if those single women are really good stewards then the church will have to sell them on the purpose for those additional funds and convince them it's something worthy of their hard earned money.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#49
two words
savings account

what you do is open up a savings account and designate what you are saving it for. nobody can access this one except you for the specific purpose of what its being saved for.
you also have a spendings account which you limit to just spending.

as for credit, most people dont actually need a credit card, which is basically spending money you dont have. Live within your means.

when you spend, you just spend what you have saved you dont spend what you dont have and then figure out you'll just pay it later.

investing -- a lot of people think property may be good investment but not just any. You need to think about what you are willing to invest in. if its books for children, then invest in it. If its bibles. You need to think of what spiritual reward will come from it (think of this as angel investing) dont lend your money. You'll be forever chasing it if you do.

You give it away to those who need it and God will pay you back.
 

Moses_Young

Well-known member
Sep 15, 2019
9,948
5,513
113
#50
Hey Everyone,

Now I know that the very notion "Financially Independent Women" is going to automatically result in a knee-jerk reaction from some people.

There might even be talk about how such women are Femi-Nazi's, rebellious Jezebels, and enemies of the Christian faith and family. I am very aware that many Christians are against the idea of a woman having a career and making money on her own.

But what about all the single women who become financially independent by default?

Most people who have been here in the Singles Forum a while know my story. I married young, and he left me for someone younger while we were both still very young. He remarried and had a family, so there is no possibility of any kind of reconciliation. I do believe, with much study, prayer, and guidance from spiritual authorities at the churches I've been a part of, that I am Biblically able to remarry, but for whatever reason, God has kept me single.

In the many years that followed, I filled most of the long, lonely hours with work. I come from a family in which almost all the women worked before marriage, married very young, continued to work until they had kids, then stayed at home with the kids and most went back to work after the kids were grown. I didn't think I'd be any different. I figured I would work until kids came along, work as a homemaker, and then go to back to an outside job when the kids were grown in order to help with the bills.

Now raise your hand if your life didn't quite go the way you expected. (Never mind me as I raise both hands and both feet.)

I also come from a family who, if they are addicted to anything, it would be work, and saving money is treated like an Olympic sport. I don't know what other people talk about at their family gatherings, but I have a sector of my family that happily recalls the week's events of how they bought such-and-such on sale, through a discount club, with a coupon, on a rewards card that also earned them 10 gajillion more points on their purchase.

I was also raised with the mindset of living as frugally as one can do comfortably. For example, it's been over 2 years since I bothered plugging in my television, because I don't use any kind of cable or subscriptions services. Throughout my life, I spent most nights on the weekends writing paper letters and/or electronic messages rather than going out. And I was raised under the strong influence of parents who drilled it in my head from a young age to save money wherever I could. (As kids, if we received any birthday or Christmas money, we were required to tithe 10% of it to church, then save half of what was left.) I hated this rule as a kid, but am grateful as an adult because of the strict financial discipline it instilled.

I've never had a "big career" or position that would be of any significance to anyone. But I did fill my time with work, church, volunteer and ministry tasks, while mostly just being a homebody. Because of this, as the years (and years, and years) have rolled by, all I knew to do to try to give my life purpose was to start making goals for myself.

I also spent about 12 years in a few long-term relationships in which I wound up paying for the guys' bills, kids, addictions, and court cases, and when I finally untangled myself from all of that, I was kicking myself because I could have put all that money into my future retirement goals instead. (I'm trying to follow other family member's examples of retiring and then going into full-time volunteer ministry work.)

Though I don't go on many dates, I have gotten to the point where, on the first day, I just tell the waitress to put it on one bill and hand it to me, unless the guy absolutely insists on paying (and even then, I've usually already had the waitress process it before he should protest.) This is because of the many, many posts I've read on CC over the years about guys complaining that women are only out for money. As I've become more financially stable, I just decided in my heart that I will never give a man any reason to say that I used him for something, and most especially not a free dinner.

Now, I am certainly not criticizing anyone who might be in a different situation. But I wanted to talk about this because I see a lot of discussions about what women "should" or "should not" do:

* Women should stay at home.
* Women should not have careers.
* Women should not be independent (and I understand that some even believe that women can't be independent.)

But the thing is, what about all the women I am meeting at this stage of my life who never purposely set out to "go against the grain," but this is where life (and perhaps God) has taken them? And some of the plans I thought I could never fulfill without a husband (such as traveling,) I am now able to fulfill because I find other single women who have the same interests, as well as the means to pay for them.

I came to see every debt I owed as a noose around my neck, and, after watching other family members cut off most of their nooses, aspired to do the same. My ultimate goal is to break away as many nooses as I possibly can in order to free up my time and resources for more opportunities to help people.

And the thing is, I keep meeting more and more single women who, for whatever reason, haven't married (but would like to,) and in the meantime, they are working towards the same kinds of goals. Not out of rebellion or even by choice (most I know would like to be married with children, but it just hasn't happened,) but because this is what they are doing with the time God has given them.

And I know that in my own life, in order to keep up the practice of being submissive to a Christian man, there are times in my life when God has specifically led me to go to my father and/or Christian male friends about some of the decisions I make, so that I don't become "too" independent by default.

I know I have shared a lot about myself in this thread, but this discussion is NOT meant to be about me or my life at all. Rather, I'm using my own example as a springboard to open a conversation that asks:

* What happens when women become financially independent by default? (Due to life circumstances, not rebellion.)

* How does this change the dynamics between men and women when dating? (What if she makes more money than he does? Should she be expected to pay because of it?)

* How does a man lead a woman who is more financially independent than he is?

* If you believe a woman should or can never become independent, what should a long-term single woman be doing with her time, and how should she support herself?

* For the ladies -- if you would like to get married, how do you see yourself going from making all the decisions to yourself to then submitting the final say to a husband?


I understand the traditional viewpoints that women should stay at home and be homemakers without ever holding an outside job. But my parent's full-time volunteer ministry is financial counseling (they pay for all the expenses involved themselves,) and one of the biggest issues they are now seeing are women who have been raised in this mindset, kept dependent at home all their lives, then are left alone due to divorce or the death of their husband, and have absolutely no idea how to take care of themselves or their children.

I would love to hear your thoughts about women who have no choice but to learn how to take care of themselves. Thank you for sharing!
We live in an imperfect world.

Yeah, I believe in the ideal world, most women should aim to find a husband and have children. But in the real world, it doesn't always work like that. The bible is full of people - men and women - who didn't fit the stereotype of their times, but still went on to achieve amazing and world-changing feats.

Zelophehad's Daughters, Rahab, Zipporah, Deborah, Jael, Abigail - bible women who are all examples - not necessarily of becoming financially independent, but for doing things that were probably not considered to be honourable or "female roles" in their society, but all were successful and/or honoured by God for doing so.

If a single Christian woman becomes financially independent by default, surely this should be to and for the glory of God? (And not really the business of many others at all, maybe the elders of her church).
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
4,049
3,154
113
#51
It's almost viewed as a sin to get married and want to be prepared for "what if's". It's like getting married causes people to think their marriages will be invulnerable, and that everything will be perfect and they'll live forever. So often times to mention the idea of a "what if" can be treated as "oh so you're already planning on leaving me?".
So if that marriage does fail, it's usually the person that Wanted to be prepared and was practically forbidden from doing so, left stuck.

I admit the notion is tricky. You want everything to be shared and equal and trust this person, but don't want to be stuck with all your money gone if they leave you, or locked out of the finances if they die.

Also separate finances could cause suspicion. Joint finances make everything plain and in the open leaving less room for suspicion. Or temptation if things aren't going well.

There's pro's and con's to both. But I would say if someone's trying to strong-arm you into either one, that's a red flag. It's something that needs to be discussed by both and a solution that satisfies each. If one is not willing to even discuss this issue I'd be more leery.
 

SomeDisciple

Well-known member
Jul 4, 2021
2,239
1,038
113
#52
But what about all the single women who become financially independent by default?
Good for them. I'd say it's a natural thing for single women to "provide for their own".
* How does this change the dynamics between men and women when dating? (What if she makes more money than he does? Should she be expected to pay because of it?)
It shouldn't affect the dynamics at all. If people are dating with the intent to get married, they should be talking about what their expectations for marriage are. "who pays" is practically a non-factor.
* How does a man lead a woman who is more financially independent than he is?
How does a woman who is more financially independent submit to her husband? That's the question and the answer.
If you believe a woman should or can never become independent, what should a long-term single woman be doing with her time, and how should she support herself?
Single women can do whatever they want- I mean, they have a responsibility like anyone else to provide for their own household, even if that means just themselves. Single ladies can be awesome if they aren't gossips/busybodies like the scripture warns against... but the same goes for men too- it just seems to be ascribed to women more, while false teaching is probably more ascribed to being a bigger problem for men.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
one of the biggest issues they are now seeing are women who have been raised in this mindset, kept dependent at home all their lives, then are left alone due to divorce or the death of their husband, and have absolutely no idea how to take care of themselves or their children.
I have a hard time believing that homemakers have to be these "Sad, lonely, isolated, women with no-skills or education forcibly oppressed and suppressed by their Christian husband". What man would marry a woman that is content to remain a vegetable in his house?
Aside from homemakers, there are plenty of people who lack job-hunting skills, and even worse... people in the workforce who lack job skills and never grow!!! Wives need to be involved with running the household, and developing skills in the household. And planning for the husbands disability/incapacity/death needs to happen too.

Wives can definitely work, but their jobs shouldn't overshadow their duty to family, and any idea of "independence" from her family is false. That goes for men too- they shouldn't be thinking of themselves as "independent" in any way.

 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#53
some wives just dont want to look for a job cos they cant be bothered and want to rely on their husbands but actually those husbands often feel like their wives are a drain or burden maintaining them all the time..though some arent honest to come right out and say it!

if wives have a homebased income or a job where they can incorporate childcare or it fits in with their children then all the better. It can work. part time or temp is better than none. A lot of wives would do sewing or outwork, if they had a sewing machine or some kind of freelance work if they can get that offered regualarly.

'mom and pop' business are basically that. Those who are married and NOT in business together have to work around that and figure out ways to see each other outside of work or carve out time for each other. its a cliche that a wealthy man ends up with his secretary or nanny. But thats the thing, of you work together you tend to stay together if you both working for the same goal. But it something couples need to work put its not set in stone like oh you a husband you that means you have to do xx and you the wife that means you have to do xx a lot of jobs these days are not family friendly unless YOU are in charge of what hours you put in.

many factory jobs were ok for mums because they fit in with school hours, but employers who demanded more would be shortchanging their staff and ruining families.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#54
I am sure if you marry you would both have accounts that you had already and then a third joint account where you pour your agreed savings into and use it for your family....

people who arent financially savvy really need to get some nous about how it all works. Sorry I just find it a bit ridiculous these days that husbands and wives would just not be aware of stuff like this or withold funds from each other if they died or even talk about it.
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#55
Hey Everyone,

Now I know that the very notion "Financially Independent Women" is going to automatically result in a knee-jerk reaction from some people.

There might even be talk about how such women are Femi-Nazi's, rebellious Jezebels, and enemies of the Christian faith and family. I am very aware that many Christians are against the idea of a woman having a career and making money on her own.

But what about all the single women who become financially independent by default?

Most people who have been here in the Singles Forum a while know my story. I married young, and he left me for someone younger while we were both still very young. He remarried and had a family, so there is no possibility of any kind of reconciliation. I do believe, with much study, prayer, and guidance from spiritual authorities at the churches I've been a part of, that I am Biblically able to remarry, but for whatever reason, God has kept me single.

In the many years that followed, I filled most of the long, lonely hours with work. I come from a family in which almost all the women worked before marriage, married very young, continued to work until they had kids, then stayed at home with the kids and most went back to work after the kids were grown. I didn't think I'd be any different. I figured I would work until kids came along, work as a homemaker, and then go to back to an outside job when the kids were grown in order to help with the bills.

Now raise your hand if your life didn't quite go the way you expected. (Never mind me as I raise both hands and both feet.)

I also come from a family who, if they are addicted to anything, it would be work, and saving money is treated like an Olympic sport. I don't know what other people talk about at their family gatherings, but I have a sector of my family that happily recalls the week's events of how they bought such-and-such on sale, through a discount club, with a coupon, on a rewards card that also earned them 10 gajillion more points on their purchase.

I was also raised with the mindset of living as frugally as one can do comfortably. For example, it's been over 2 years since I bothered plugging in my television, because I don't use any kind of cable or subscriptions services. Throughout my life, I spent most nights on the weekends writing paper letters and/or electronic messages rather than going out. And I was raised under the strong influence of parents who drilled it in my head from a young age to save money wherever I could. (As kids, if we received any birthday or Christmas money, we were required to tithe 10% of it to church, then save half of what was left.) I hated this rule as a kid, but am grateful as an adult because of the strict financial discipline it instilled.

I've never had a "big career" or position that would be of any significance to anyone. But I did fill my time with work, church, volunteer and ministry tasks, while mostly just being a homebody. Because of this, as the years (and years, and years) have rolled by, all I knew to do to try to give my life purpose was to start making goals for myself.

I also spent about 12 years in a few long-term relationships in which I wound up paying for the guys' bills, kids, addictions, and court cases, and when I finally untangled myself from all of that, I was kicking myself because I could have put all that money into my future retirement goals instead. (I'm trying to follow other family member's examples of retiring and then going into full-time volunteer ministry work.)

Though I don't go on many dates, I have gotten to the point where, on the first day, I just tell the waitress to put it on one bill and hand it to me, unless the guy absolutely insists on paying (and even then, I've usually already had the waitress process it before he should protest.) This is because of the many, many posts I've read on CC over the years about guys complaining that women are only out for money. As I've become more financially stable, I just decided in my heart that I will never give a man any reason to say that I used him for something, and most especially not a free dinner.

Now, I am certainly not criticizing anyone who might be in a different situation. But I wanted to talk about this because I see a lot of discussions about what women "should" or "should not" do:

* Women should stay at home.
* Women should not have careers.
* Women should not be independent (and I understand that some even believe that women can't be independent.)

But the thing is, what about all the women I am meeting at this stage of my life who never purposely set out to "go against the grain," but this is where life (and perhaps God) has taken them? And some of the plans I thought I could never fulfill without a husband (such as traveling,) I am now able to fulfill because I find other single women who have the same interests, as well as the means to pay for them.

I came to see every debt I owed as a noose around my neck, and, after watching other family members cut off most of their nooses, aspired to do the same. My ultimate goal is to break away as many nooses as I possibly can in order to free up my time and resources for more opportunities to help people.

And the thing is, I keep meeting more and more single women who, for whatever reason, haven't married (but would like to,) and in the meantime, they are working towards the same kinds of goals. Not out of rebellion or even by choice (most I know would like to be married with children, but it just hasn't happened,) but because this is what they are doing with the time God has given them.

And I know that in my own life, in order to keep up the practice of being submissive to a Christian man, there are times in my life when God has specifically led me to go to my father and/or Christian male friends about some of the decisions I make, so that I don't become "too" independent by default.

I know I have shared a lot about myself in this thread, but this discussion is NOT meant to be about me or my life at all. Rather, I'm using my own example as a springboard to open a conversation that asks:

* What happens when women become financially independent by default? (Due to life circumstances, not rebellion.)

* How does this change the dynamics between men and women when dating? (What if she makes more money than he does? Should she be expected to pay because of it?)

* How does a man lead a woman who is more financially independent than he is?

* If you believe a woman should or can never become independent, what should a long-term single woman be doing with her time, and how should she support herself?

* For the ladies -- if you would like to get married, how do you see yourself going from making all the decisions to yourself to then submitting the final say to a husband?


I understand the traditional viewpoints that women should stay at home and be homemakers without ever holding an outside job. But my parent's full-time volunteer ministry is financial counseling (they pay for all the expenses involved themselves,) and one of the biggest issues they are now seeing are women who have been raised in this mindset, kept dependent at home all their lives, then are left alone due to divorce or the death of their husband, and have absolutely no idea how to take care of themselves or their children.

I would love to hear your thoughts about women who have no choice but to learn how to take care of themselves. Thank you for sharing!
This was quite the post. I skimmed through it to try to get the gist of it, so I hope my comments are relevant and fair. Please correct me if I say something that does not properly address what you typed.

I think it really all depends on the situation, but ultimately, I don't think any human being should be vulnerable by being incapable of taking care of themselves. In a marriage situation I think, if possible, the woman should stay home if there are children. Just my human opinion. I remember as a boy growing up, I wished my father was around to work so I could come home from school to a mother in the house, instead of being totally alone.

And, of course, there's Proverbs 31.

Now, if the lady of the house is a better manager of money, then the husband should delegate that responsibility to her. I don't see that as an abdication of his role as house leader. I also believe in joint checking accounts, though if each has their own separate accounts as well, in addition to that joint account, I'm okay with that. I know some may disagree.

We need to be careful and properly discern what the Scriptures teach about male and female roles. I'm not sure how entirely clear they are (at least it's not all entirely clear to me). If they were, there'd likely be less arguing about the subject. And, I still have a little NYC liberalness in me, and I am trying to make sure nothing improper seeps into my reasoning.

What say you all?
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
7,577
3,615
113
#56
Hey Everyone,

Now I know that the very notion "Financially Independent Women" is going to automatically result in a knee-jerk reaction from some people.

There might even be talk about how such women are Femi-Nazi's, rebellious Jezebels, and enemies of the Christian faith and family. I am very aware that many Christians are against the idea of a woman having a career and making money on her own.

But what about all the single women who become financially independent by default?

Most people who have been here in the Singles Forum a while know my story. I married young, and he left me for someone younger while we were both still very young. He remarried and had a family, so there is no possibility of any kind of reconciliation. I do believe, with much study, prayer, and guidance from spiritual authorities at the churches I've been a part of, that I am Biblically able to remarry, but for whatever reason, God has kept me single.

In the many years that followed, I filled most of the long, lonely hours with work. I come from a family in which almost all the women worked before marriage, married very young, continued to work until they had kids, then stayed at home with the kids and most went back to work after the kids were grown. I didn't think I'd be any different. I figured I would work until kids came along, work as a homemaker, and then go to back to an outside job when the kids were grown in order to help with the bills.

Now raise your hand if your life didn't quite go the way you expected. (Never mind me as I raise both hands and both feet.)

I also come from a family who, if they are addicted to anything, it would be work, and saving money is treated like an Olympic sport. I don't know what other people talk about at their family gatherings, but I have a sector of my family that happily recalls the week's events of how they bought such-and-such on sale, through a discount club, with a coupon, on a rewards card that also earned them 10 gajillion more points on their purchase.

I was also raised with the mindset of living as frugally as one can do comfortably. For example, it's been over 2 years since I bothered plugging in my television, because I don't use any kind of cable or subscriptions services. Throughout my life, I spent most nights on the weekends writing paper letters and/or electronic messages rather than going out. And I was raised under the strong influence of parents who drilled it in my head from a young age to save money wherever I could. (As kids, if we received any birthday or Christmas money, we were required to tithe 10% of it to church, then save half of what was left.) I hated this rule as a kid, but am grateful as an adult because of the strict financial discipline it instilled.

I've never had a "big career" or position that would be of any significance to anyone. But I did fill my time with work, church, volunteer and ministry tasks, while mostly just being a homebody. Because of this, as the years (and years, and years) have rolled by, all I knew to do to try to give my life purpose was to start making goals for myself.

I also spent about 12 years in a few long-term relationships in which I wound up paying for the guys' bills, kids, addictions, and court cases, and when I finally untangled myself from all of that, I was kicking myself because I could have put all that money into my future retirement goals instead. (I'm trying to follow other family member's examples of retiring and then going into full-time volunteer ministry work.)

Though I don't go on many dates, I have gotten to the point where, on the first day, I just tell the waitress to put it on one bill and hand it to me, unless the guy absolutely insists on paying (and even then, I've usually already had the waitress process it before he should protest.) This is because of the many, many posts I've read on CC over the years about guys complaining that women are only out for money. As I've become more financially stable, I just decided in my heart that I will never give a man any reason to say that I used him for something, and most especially not a free dinner.

Now, I am certainly not criticizing anyone who might be in a different situation. But I wanted to talk about this because I see a lot of discussions about what women "should" or "should not" do:

* Women should stay at home.
* Women should not have careers.
* Women should not be independent (and I understand that some even believe that women can't be independent.)

But the thing is, what about all the women I am meeting at this stage of my life who never purposely set out to "go against the grain," but this is where life (and perhaps God) has taken them? And some of the plans I thought I could never fulfill without a husband (such as traveling,) I am now able to fulfill because I find other single women who have the same interests, as well as the means to pay for them.

I came to see every debt I owed as a noose around my neck, and, after watching other family members cut off most of their nooses, aspired to do the same. My ultimate goal is to break away as many nooses as I possibly can in order to free up my time and resources for more opportunities to help people.

And the thing is, I keep meeting more and more single women who, for whatever reason, haven't married (but would like to,) and in the meantime, they are working towards the same kinds of goals. Not out of rebellion or even by choice (most I know would like to be married with children, but it just hasn't happened,) but because this is what they are doing with the time God has given them.

And I know that in my own life, in order to keep up the practice of being submissive to a Christian man, there are times in my life when God has specifically led me to go to my father and/or Christian male friends about some of the decisions I make, so that I don't become "too" independent by default.

I know I have shared a lot about myself in this thread, but this discussion is NOT meant to be about me or my life at all. Rather, I'm using my own example as a springboard to open a conversation that asks:

* What happens when women become financially independent by default? (Due to life circumstances, not rebellion.)

* How does this change the dynamics between men and women when dating? (What if she makes more money than he does? Should she be expected to pay because of it?)

* How does a man lead a woman who is more financially independent than he is?

* If you believe a woman should or can never become independent, what should a long-term single woman be doing with her time, and how should she support herself?

* For the ladies -- if you would like to get married, how do you see yourself going from making all the decisions to yourself to then submitting the final say to a husband?


I understand the traditional viewpoints that women should stay at home and be homemakers without ever holding an outside job. But my parent's full-time volunteer ministry is financial counseling (they pay for all the expenses involved themselves,) and one of the biggest issues they are now seeing are women who have been raised in this mindset, kept dependent at home all their lives, then are left alone due to divorce or the death of their husband, and have absolutely no idea how to take care of themselves or their children.

I would love to hear your thoughts about women who have no choice but to learn how to take care of themselves. Thank you for sharing!
If a woman is going to be single for her entire life then she should work and support herself financially.. Living off other people should be avoided at all costs for a single person.. Female or Male..

* Women should stay at home.
A MOTHER staying home is the ideal situation for the raising of little children.. For older Children who are schooling a MOTHER can have time for casual work in the times her Children are at school.. But mostly it is the best situation for the MOTHER to stay at home while she has young children..


* Women should not have careers.
A MOTHER should not have a High Time Demanding Carrier that takes all her time and energy from her Undermining her ability to be a decent parent.. Some professional carriers Demand that people are on call and work long hours + overtime.. Such carriers undermine a MOTHERS ability to be a MOTHER.. It also undermines a woman's ability to be a WIFE..


* Women should not be independent.
A MOTHER should not seek to be independent if that undermines her ability to be a decent MOTHER.. It's all about Priorities.. A MOTHERS Children should come FIRST and then other considerations come into effect..

So yeah if you are a single woman you need to do all in your power to support yourself and you should be diligent at your Work and earn for yourself financial independence.. But as a MOTHER Other priorities must come first..
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#57
what about fathers
so many absent fathers
is he just an ATM for some children? Surely a lot of careers interfere with a mans ability to be a father too. If hes just throwing money around at children but never THERE for them then what kind of father is he?
 

MatthewWestfieldUK

Well-known member
May 13, 2021
871
498
63
#58
Essential, it allows opportunities to invest in a relationship and reduces arguments and balances egos. Income should not be prioritised over caring for one's child. Regardless of which parent stays home
 
Feb 10, 2014
141
46
28
#59
I am very fine with a woman who has a career and if my future wife makes more money than I do, then that means the family has. I could even become a stay-at-home dad if my salary was so small compared to my wife.

That said, the terms used in the OP against certain "feminists" are really aimed at those whose point is to tear down rather than to build up. I am not in the business of dealing with those whose modus operandi is to tear down others; it's just a waste of time to engage in a lifestyle of tearing down rather than building up.
 

JustJames

New member
Sep 18, 2021
27
17
3
#60
Hey Everyone,

Now I know that the very notion "Financially Independent Women" is going to automatically result in a knee-jerk reaction from some people.

There might even be talk about how such women are Femi-Nazi's, rebellious Jezebels, and enemies of the Christian faith and family. I am very aware that many Christians are against the idea of a woman having a career and making money on her own.

But what about all the single women who become financially independent by default?

Most people who have been here in the Singles Forum a while know my story. I married young, and he left me for someone younger while we were both still very young. He remarried and had a family, so there is no possibility of any kind of reconciliation. I do believe, with much study, prayer, and guidance from spiritual authorities at the churches I've been a part of, that I am Biblically able to remarry, but for whatever reason, God has kept me single.

In the many years that followed, I filled most of the long, lonely hours with work. I come from a family in which almost all the women worked before marriage, married very young, continued to work until they had kids, then stayed at home with the kids and most went back to work after the kids were grown. I didn't think I'd be any different. I figured I would work until kids came along, work as a homemaker, and then go to back to an outside job when the kids were grown in order to help with the bills.

Now raise your hand if your life didn't quite go the way you expected. (Never mind me as I raise both hands and both feet.)

I also come from a family who, if they are addicted to anything, it would be work, and saving money is treated like an Olympic sport. I don't know what other people talk about at their family gatherings, but I have a sector of my family that happily recalls the week's events of how they bought such-and-such on sale, through a discount club, with a coupon, on a rewards card that also earned them 10 gajillion more points on their purchase.

I was also raised with the mindset of living as frugally as one can do comfortably. For example, it's been over 2 years since I bothered plugging in my television, because I don't use any kind of cable or subscriptions services. Throughout my life, I spent most nights on the weekends writing paper letters and/or electronic messages rather than going out. And I was raised under the strong influence of parents who drilled it in my head from a young age to save money wherever I could. (As kids, if we received any birthday or Christmas money, we were required to tithe 10% of it to church, then save half of what was left.) I hated this rule as a kid, but am grateful as an adult because of the strict financial discipline it instilled.

I've never had a "big career" or position that would be of any significance to anyone. But I did fill my time with work, church, volunteer and ministry tasks, while mostly just being a homebody. Because of this, as the years (and years, and years) have rolled by, all I knew to do to try to give my life purpose was to start making goals for myself.

I also spent about 12 years in a few long-term relationships in which I wound up paying for the guys' bills, kids, addictions, and court cases, and when I finally untangled myself from all of that, I was kicking myself because I could have put all that money into my future retirement goals instead. (I'm trying to follow other family member's examples of retiring and then going into full-time volunteer ministry work.)

Though I don't go on many dates, I have gotten to the point where, on the first day, I just tell the waitress to put it on one bill and hand it to me, unless the guy absolutely insists on paying (and even then, I've usually already had the waitress process it before he should protest.) This is because of the many, many posts I've read on CC over the years about guys complaining that women are only out for money. As I've become more financially stable, I just decided in my heart that I will never give a man any reason to say that I used him for something, and most especially not a free dinner.

Now, I am certainly not criticizing anyone who might be in a different situation. But I wanted to talk about this because I see a lot of discussions about what women "should" or "should not" do:

* Women should stay at home.
* Women should not have careers.
* Women should not be independent (and I understand that some even believe that women can't be independent.)

But the thing is, what about all the women I am meeting at this stage of my life who never purposely set out to "go against the grain," but this is where life (and perhaps God) has taken them? And some of the plans I thought I could never fulfill without a husband (such as traveling,) I am now able to fulfill because I find other single women who have the same interests, as well as the means to pay for them.

I came to see every debt I owed as a noose around my neck, and, after watching other family members cut off most of their nooses, aspired to do the same. My ultimate goal is to break away as many nooses as I possibly can in order to free up my time and resources for more opportunities to help people.

And the thing is, I keep meeting more and more single women who, for whatever reason, haven't married (but would like to,) and in the meantime, they are working towards the same kinds of goals. Not out of rebellion or even by choice (most I know would like to be married with children, but it just hasn't happened,) but because this is what they are doing with the time God has given them.

And I know that in my own life, in order to keep up the practice of being submissive to a Christian man, there are times in my life when God has specifically led me to go to my father and/or Christian male friends about some of the decisions I make, so that I don't become "too" independent by default.

I know I have shared a lot about myself in this thread, but this discussion is NOT meant to be about me or my life at all. Rather, I'm using my own example as a springboard to open a conversation that asks:

* What happens when women become financially independent by default? (Due to life circumstances, not rebellion.)

* How does this change the dynamics between men and women when dating? (What if she makes more money than he does? Should she be expected to pay because of it?)

* How does a man lead a woman who is more financially independent than he is?

* If you believe a woman should or can never become independent, what should a long-term single woman be doing with her time, and how should she support herself?

* For the ladies -- if you would like to get married, how do you see yourself going from making all the decisions to yourself to then submitting the final say to a husband?


I understand the traditional viewpoints that women should stay at home and be homemakers without ever holding an outside job. But my parent's full-time volunteer ministry is financial counseling (they pay for all the expenses involved themselves,) and one of the biggest issues they are now seeing are women who have been raised in this mindset, kept dependent at home all their lives, then are left alone due to divorce or the death of their husband, and have absolutely no idea how to take care of themselves or their children.

I would love to hear your thoughts about women who have no choice but to learn how to take care of themselves. Thank you for sharing!
They sure make great suga momma material !