Crippled, Cannot Work,Cannot Marry, living miserably with sexual desire

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cinder said:
I have to admit that I like Dave Ramsey's response when people give him that line. He asks them "what is the nature of your disability?"
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I know it sounds harsh, but with the immovable parameters this person erected, he needs some tough love.

He needs to spend a long time studying people like Corrie ten Boom.

He’ll likely just take my post as another meanie who’s not willing to baby him.

Stop whining. Get out there and use the gifts God has given you to help others!

The rest will fall into place when you get out of the “wow is me” attitude.
 
If I recall, in the end Joni got married but obviously couldnt have children. She did have a constant caregiver before she met her husband but when she got cancer he really stepped up with her care. Joni thought very hard about whether it was prudent to marry even though her husband would have done ANYTHING for her being so in love.

Anything means emptying a catheter. Anything means feeding, wiping snot, washing vomit, and poo, you know, the stuff we do for babies (all mothers do this) but even so, many full bodied mothers actually dont want to do this everyday and end up resenting their children. And dads...are they involved with care for their children, well, sad to say even full bodied husbands regularly fail at this, and cannot even last more than a couple of days looking after children on their own.

In general most people would agree this happens in many families, so I dont really know why people are aching to start them. There are so many other really improtant things you can do with your life, and this is where you need to ask God what His purpose for you is.

I dont ever recall Jesus complaining to his disciples that he couldnt marry, couldnt carry on with his carpentering and was miserable cos he couldnt touch a woman. In fact women wanted to touch the hem of His garment so they could be healed, not because they wanted to marry him.
 
Sometimes,we won't understand until we step into this person's shoes and walk the life he is living then probably we'll understand why he thinks the way he thinks and feel the pain the way he feels...

To feel like there is no hope for you is an awful feeling...been there...but Still i can't say I can really understand your pain...I am sorry... Nothing much I can offer right now but my prayer....I'll be praying for you @ChristianPerson....and I am sure many of us here will be praying for you aw well ❤
 
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OP
we pray you will be comforted, healed, find your purpose and have loving sisterly fellowship.

nobody here looks on you any less for anything, and nobody is condemning you. Its your soul that is precious and redeemed by Jesus, and you ought to have the joy in knowing God loves you for who you really are, not for what you do or dont do. we pray you will have His peace that passes all understanding.
 
ChristianPerson said:
I have tried elsewhere to seek help. I am asking the users in this forum to trust what I'm saying. I explained my situation, but people only offer me solutons which are not possible. I am asking, and i DONT mean to be offended, that you accept all of these premises as true. I once wanted a female companion. That is long passed. There is no chance of it. I'm in my 30s now.



I need help and I don't need help from people telling me to do things which I cannot do. Please I ask you to accept these immutable premises:

  1. I cannot get married.
  2. I cannot work.
  3. Society is so corrupt its impossible to marry and even if it were it would be an unacceptable risk (metoo), as the likelihood of it destroying my life is high.
  4. I am desperate for a woman's touch. I'm miserable, having no outlet, and pornography is sin.
  5. The above premises are not changeable.
If you are unwilling to accept these premises, then you can't help me. I promise I am telling the truth.
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Brother,

Read Proverbs 3:5-6. Did you read it? Is it a command or a suggestion? Read it again. And again. And again... Don't stop reading it until you get it into your soul that you are not doing what Proverbs 3:5-6 is commanding.

Peace brother.
 
I really, really do empathize with you.

I too am so often desperate for 'a woman's touch' (and also to touch a woman,..... anyway...)

But, in my personal experience, I have found that kindness is better than sex.

The joy i have experienced when other people have been 'kind' to me is greater than the joy i have ever experienced through sex.

And also, though maybe secondarily in my case, the joy i get through helping others is greater than the joy i have experienced through sex.

I haven't had sex since my divorce, just over 7 years ago...
And, tomorrow, if I had the choice of sex or being kind to someone who needs some kindness, I would choose the latter, and truly get more joy through it.

And, hey man, watch some porn if it helps you get through the day. God is spirit and we worship Him in spirit and in truth. Be good, be kind, and watch some porn if it helps you get through the day.

I'm not sure if God will listen to me, but I will pray for you. :)
 
PaulNew said:
I really, really do empathize with you.

I too am so often desperate for 'a woman's touch' (and also to touch a woman,..... anyway...)

But, in my personal experience, I have found that kindness is better than sex.

The joy i have experienced when other people have been 'kind' to me is greater than the joy i have ever experienced through sex.

And also, though maybe secondarily in my case, the joy i get through helping others is greater than the joy i have experienced through sex.

I haven't had sex since my divorce, just over 7 years ago...
And, tomorrow, if I had the choice of sex or being kind to someone who needs some kindness, I would choose the latter, and truly get more joy through it.

And, hey man, watch some porn if it helps you get through the day. God is spirit and we worship Him in spirit and in truth. Be good, be kind, and watch some porn if it helps you get through the day.

I'm not sure if God will listen to me, but I will pray for you. :)
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totally right that kindest is the better of the 2....

but no, porn isn't healthy, sorry to disagree with you, it is a baited trap leading to more sin, likely addiction, ruining marriages (future or existing) and breeding a very unhealthy understanding of sex and the role of women in a relationship. It is an industry rife with abuse, rape and all sorts of horrors. Dont support it, dont submit to it, instead walk in the spirit so as not to fulfil the desires of the flesh.

God really has no time for us lusting over other peoples spouses, partners or prostitutes, which is what porn is basically, men and women prostituting themselves on screen, and defiling their bodies for money.

God is not wanting us to support "the poor mans alternative to paying for sex with prostitutes" or to imagine it is an alternative to self control, or to fervently loving our brothers and sisters in a godly way. How can you reach out to share the gospel with someone else enslaved in sin if you yourself become so entangled in lust?

please stay clear of that dark and repulsive side of the world
 
Tararose said:
totally right that kindest is the better of the 2....

but no, porn isn't healthy, sorry to disagree with you, it is a baited trap leading to more sin, likely addiction, ruining marriages (future or existing) and breeding a very unhealthy understanding of sex and the role of women in a relationship. It is an industry rife with abuse, rape and all sorts of horrors. Dont support it, dont submit to it, instead walk in the spirit so as not to fulfil the desires of the flesh.

God really has no time for us lusting over other peoples spouses, partners or prostitutes, which is what porn is basically, men and women prostituting themselves on screen, and defiling their bodies for money.

God is not wanting us to support "the poor mans alternative to paying for sex with prostitutes" or to imagine it is an alternative to self control, or to fervently loving our brothers and sisters in a godly way. How can you reach out to share the gospel with someone else enslaved in sin if you yourself become so entangled in lust?

please stay clear of that dark and repulsive side of the world
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I never said porn was healthy. But nor is ice-cream.

People have basic needs. And one of those basic needs we have is to 'have something to do.'

We 'need' stuff to do. Parrots left in a cage start ripping out their own feathers. And dogs that are never walked and left in a yard start eating their own excrement.

The important thing is not to stop things that may be unhealthy, but to start regularly doing the things which are healthy, and if we do so, the healthy things we put our effort into will naturally displace the unhealthy things that cripple us.

And if an old lonely person who has been deceived by the world that the death of their body is the end of them, and so they have kept themselves alive for longer than they need to while their body rots away, finds comfort in smoking cigarettes or watching sport on tv, then, in those things lies no in, because they are simply trying to meet their basic needs.

Sin begins at self-indulgence.
 
PaulNew said:
And, hey man, watch some porn if it helps you get through the day. God is spirit and we worship Him in spirit and in truth. Be good, be kind, and watch some porn if it helps you get through the day.
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This is a colossal fail. Porn is worse than methamphetamine.
 
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PaulNew said:
Porn is no different to ice-cream in the eyes of God.
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This is absurd. You mean to tell me you'd be just as comfortable for Jesus to return and find you watching porn versus eating an ice cream? I've enjoyed an ice cream with my kids lots of times. You telling me I might just have well have been watching porn with them? That's insane.
 
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surfer14 said:
This is absurd. You mean to tell me you'd be just as comfortable for Jesus to return and find you watching porn versus eating an ice cream? I've enjoyed an ice cream with my kids lots of times. You telling me I might just have well have been watching porn with them? That's insane.
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Yes. I'm telling you precisely that.
 
surfer14 said:
This is absurd. You mean to tell me you'd be just as comfortable for Jesus to return and find you watching porn versus eating an ice cream? I've enjoyed an ice cream with my kids lots of times. You telling me I might just have well have been watching porn with them? That's insane.
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How else are they supposed to learn what not to do if you don’t do it with them?
Side note: If my mom said, “Hey let’s watch a movie!” Then threw on some nasty porn. I would probably never ever look at porn… or her again.
 
PaulNew said:
I never said porn was healthy. But nor is ice-cream.

People have basic needs. And one of those basic needs we have is to 'have something to do.'

We 'need' stuff to do. Parrots left in a cage start ripping out their own feathers. And dogs that are never walked and left in a yard start eating their own excrement.

The important thing is not to stop things that may be unhealthy, but to start regularly doing the things which are healthy, and if we do so, the healthy things we put our effort into will naturally displace the unhealthy things that cripple us.

And if an old lonely person who has been deceived by the world that the death of their body is the end of them, and so they have kept themselves alive for longer than they need to while their body rots away, finds comfort in smoking cigarettes or watching sport on tv, then, in those things lies no in, because they are simply trying to meet their basic needs.

Sin begins at self-indulgence.
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Jesus didn’t die on a cross because people eat junk food.

Eating icecream is not a sin unless you over indulge.

Watching Porn is. Jesus made it very clear it is adultary to lust after women. .

You should not encourage believers or anyone to actively seek to engage in sexual or any other type of sin.

Sympathy is no excuse for sin or turning a blind eye to abuse to satisfy sexual urges.

There is no command against the act of pleasuring yourself I know, but there is against Fantasising and lusting after women and seeking out prostitutes, which is pretty much what porn stars are. They sell their bodies for money (If they have any say in the matter) for the sexual Pleasure of others. That is best case, at worst, and as if often the case, they themselves are victims of trafficking, slavery and abuse.
 
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As a lifelong single male approaching 60 whom struggled with many of the same issues as you when at a similar age, I would like to offer some words of insight and encouragement. However, in order to better qualify my response, I thought it would be best to first offer my story:

-I do not have the 6' tall male model looks majority of women are looking for. Short and homely guys do not necessarily endear themselves to the opposite sex.

-I went through significant amounts of trauma and dysfunction as a young person that set back the development of my social skills. As a result, I was on the sidelines during my prime twenties and thirties dating years. Lost track of the number of singles groups I drifted in and out of or invites to singles activities I turned down. Yes, it is my fault, but I also feel forgiveness and compassion are two way streets: forgiveness and compassion for others but extended to yourself as well.

Perhaps it is due to said trauma and dysfunction in question, but to this day need a lot of space, privacy and time alone. As a young person, dealt with significant amounts of PTSD and social anxiety which I still face to this day, albeit not to quite the same extent.

So how can we make sense of this and how does it apply to your situation?

First, I feel the individual whom referenced Proverbs 3: 5-6 has the right idea, but I would like to expand upon that by referencing Romans 8:28: 'God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose'.

If you are like me, you have faced such difficult life circumstances that this passage does not seem to apply. However, I find Proverbs 20:24 to shed proper light on things: 'A mans' steps are directed by the Lord; how then can a man understand his own way?'

Meaning being perhaps we are not meant to understand everything we face in life and are left with no other option than to 'take up the shield of faith' as noted in Ephesians 6.

Second, Colossians 1:10 sheds proper light on things: 'so that you may walk worthy of the Lord and please Him in every way'

As does Ephesians 5:10: 'find out what pleases God'

I Corinthians 7:17 adds further meaning: 'Only, let each one live the life which the Lord has assigned him, and to which God has called him'

Make it your focus to please God and to find out what pleases Him while at the same time emphasizing an equal priority to pursue your assignment and calling in life. Again, make such your focal point first and if in the process that leads you to the right woman, fine. But what if it doesn't? In my case it has not, but as already disclosed, it is my fault due to not pursuing social outlets that would allow me to meet the right person. Perhaps not everyone is meant to marry (I Corinthians 7:8). Again, pursue your calling and assignment in life and if you remain single in the process, continue to take up the shield of faith and do good (Galatians 6:10)

Third, what to look for in a woman?

Proverbs 11:16 is a good place to start: 'A kindhearted woman gains respect'

I Timothy 3:11 sheds further light: 'In the same way, the women are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.'

it might be a general statement to insist on those qualities but it is a good place to start. Regardless, I encourage any single person to have the inner strength, fortitude and courage to walk alone if they cannot find a partner with those qualities.

Hope this is what you need to hear and points you in the right direction. To be honest, it is the type of message wish I had heard when I was your age.
 
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