How do young divorce folks cope?

[Lanolin]

In the Bible its not recommended to remarry unless you are widowed.
why because theres no opportunity for forgiveness then.

you might supoose that divorce frees you up to marry again but not so.
You still paying for children. You still need to parent them. Or if not you still need to pay upkeep to your former spouse (alimony) because you decided to get married and either it was your fault you broke that vow or the other person broke it, and it got so bad that you cant even sort out your affairs amongst yourselves that you needed to involve the courts, lawyers, police or both.

why would you even WANT to marry again after going through all that, is the question. If you are loosed from a wife, the Bible says, dont look for another. If you are married, dont try and get divorced.

if a man wants to marry a divorced woman, he will have to deal with her ex and also the children of her ex. its very few men who do this because what usually happens is a woman actually might have had children with her ex but they never got married. So the ex has no claim on her anyway and the children are illegitmate i.e if not he is listed on he birth certificate, they belong to the state.

why people want to complicate matters I dont know. But just because someone is divorced dont assume they want to marry again. You want to love the Lord without distraction? How is being remarried going to help with that.

 

[Hungry]

Jesus said people divorce cos their hearts were hard.

imagine never forgiving you spouse, it being so bad that you cant stand to even be in the same room as them. Thats how bad it has to get before you consider divorce. Most of the young divorcees I know divorced because of infidelity or abuse or both.

its worse on the children because if they are very young and abandoned then they somehow assume they are the cause. Many end up suicidal because of being left by their own parent. (check out borderline personality disorder...its a thing that happens primarily because of parental abandonment)

with men taking a mistress or concubine, unless they are very rich most women will not tolerate this. Leah could not or would not leave Jacob because its not likely she would gain anything by leaving, even though that marriage lacked love (lack of sex doesnt necessarily mean lack of love! they had heaps of sex! )

We all come from different backgrounds and upbringings. My mom married my dad I’m pretty sure just to get away from her dad. My dad has his own issues and psychological disorders. I don’t fault her for leaving him. Now you have a woman (my mom) with three children alone at 30ish. The marriage wasn’t for love or money, but escape. My dad might be legally insane but it was kind of a step up for her. My mom found some loser to shack up with who was particularly toxic and caused my sisters and I to have a turbulent childhood that was grounded in fear and instability. My point is this: no situation is ideal. We are all a different flavour of messed up. Even with the diseased roots I sprung from, God grew fruit. If I can emerge from the darkness to raise four children who are thriving and good natured, then there is hope for all. Divorce is sometimes a necessary evil. Even though life sucked growing up, it prepared me for life sucking in adulthood. I can’t imagine the horror I would have experienced had my parents stayed together. Good job Mom! You might not have kept us entirely safe but we were a bit safer. The Lord created us with fantastic adaptation programming. As long as you aren’t leaving a spouse for selfish reasons, God can and does look out for the fatherless. He put a football coach in my life who ended up giving a crap about me. That coach ended being the best man at my wedding. He (God) introduced me to my wife who told me about Jesus and took me to a church where the pastor mentored me. Is life perfect? No. Am I a born again believer, and successful leader in my community who is a product of parents who divorced? Yep.

 

[Lanolin]

Did you want your mum to remarry again? Just wondering.
I think divorce is fine in some circumstance it keeps you (and children) safer but its the remarrying that could be problematic. It also isnt like your mum abandoned YOU, it seems like she continued to look after you. In some divorces one parent just up and leaves and abandons the children and they never hear from them again. No explanation. Childen dont even know or understand what is hapoening cos they are too young.

of the church people I know those that remarried were often widowed. These ones were the remarriages that lasted and were beneficial to the families. I only know of one young divorcee who keep trying to date while rasing two teenage daughters and she was always having lots of dramas, I was not even sure why she was divorced because her ex lived only five minutes away, all I could tell was he was a lot older than her and possibly was a bit controlling, or she wanted to be free. But when she kept trying to date this younger guys (who worked in the same place as her) she was always agonising that she was a like a cougar. she was a bit inconsistent with her faith but she was just learning I suppose.

I did get a bit fed up with her always going on about her boyfriend it was like she was so focussed on him she forgot about God.

 

[Lanolin]

also did you mum ever forgive your dad and reconcile with him? Just wondering about that as well. You call him a 'loser' but was he just a broken man.

 

[Hungry]

also did you mum ever forgive your dad and reconcile with him? Just wondering about that as well. You call him a 'loser' but was he just a broken man.

She used him (my dad) to leave her home. Then she left him. He never forgave her. I think he’s still looking forward to her dying.

Yes very broken man her boyfriend. Eventually he killed himself. He kicked us all out of the house she paid for. Then eventually said they (her and my sisters) could go back, but not me. So my mom asked me if I wanted to live with my dad so she could go back to him when I was twelve. I did so they could go back. My dad is nuts. I don’t even bother with him. He’s the kind of guy who rips up a wedding invitation to walk his daughter down the aisle...when he’s in a good mood. Then when my other sister comes to visit from literally half way around the world to introduce him to his grand children, he locks the door and tells her to go away...when they are on good terms. He’s more of a child than a parent. Temper tantrums and ego centric, and all alone. I never hold grudges, but I don’t invite the self induced drama either. We don’t talk.