For the People Who Champion Lifetime Singleness - What's Your Advice for Dealing with Single Sexuality?
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You are battling! That is the difference. That is what makes you a new creature. That is what makes you a winner. It's about striving, not arriving. God will glorify us someday. Repentance was never meant to be a one time thing. You are doing better than you know. God bless you.
Revelation
12:10 And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.
12:11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.
Revelation
12:10 And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.
12:11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.
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I think I understand where you're coming from. I felt shame(and still do to some extent) about having those desires and knowing I can't just shut off a switch in my body, but at least redirect that energy into prayers and more prayers. New habits take time to develop and learning to trust God takes time too. Self-awareness is already a big leap. Dealing with previous trauma/addictions is what every healthy sane person should be doing before entering into a new relationship imo. We have access to knowledge like never before.
I think it comes down to conscious effort every day and believing that God is giving you strength to be a better man and He is always by your side. Prayers going out to you
I think it comes down to conscious effort every day and believing that God is giving you strength to be a better man and He is always by your side. Prayers going out to you
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that woman is not just 'a woman' she actually has a name, thoughts and feelings. why did you hurt her?
women arent robots to use to have sex with, which is alarming how some men treat them. this is why prostitution and pornography flourishes.
doesnt God want us to love others as we love ourselves, treat others how we would like to be treated?
women arent robots to use to have sex with, which is alarming how some men treat them. this is why prostitution and pornography flourishes.
doesnt God want us to love others as we love ourselves, treat others how we would like to be treated?
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This is a complicated topic. Summary of my views:
1. When we are fully submitted to God he chooses our seasons and paths, if God desires for us to marry the right partner will come along and God will confirm that we are to marry that person.
2. The marriage bed is undefiled, that's the word, and sex is a beautiful thing, it is a shadow of the intimacy God wants with us, we are made in His image and he has given us sex as a gift, read Songs of Solomon.
3. I celebrate all persons called into celibacy, but the key here is called, it needs to be that God has placed that mantle on us, otherwise remain open to the move of God to bring you to a Godly relationship which fosters children and so the future of the kingdom of Christ.
4. It is a cross to bear if you are a formerly married single, knowing the beauty of this intimacy but God's grace can help us through the daily challenges.
5. Last point....I do not advocate or recommend masterbation it is a gateway to much danger such as pornography and lustful fantasy. We love the Lord and desire the mind of Christ, plus Holy Spirit needs to dwell in a pure temple, so let's avoid the enemy's traps one of which in my humble opinion is masterbation.
Blessings 🙏🏽💗
1. When we are fully submitted to God he chooses our seasons and paths, if God desires for us to marry the right partner will come along and God will confirm that we are to marry that person.
2. The marriage bed is undefiled, that's the word, and sex is a beautiful thing, it is a shadow of the intimacy God wants with us, we are made in His image and he has given us sex as a gift, read Songs of Solomon.
3. I celebrate all persons called into celibacy, but the key here is called, it needs to be that God has placed that mantle on us, otherwise remain open to the move of God to bring you to a Godly relationship which fosters children and so the future of the kingdom of Christ.
4. It is a cross to bear if you are a formerly married single, knowing the beauty of this intimacy but God's grace can help us through the daily challenges.
5. Last point....I do not advocate or recommend masterbation it is a gateway to much danger such as pornography and lustful fantasy. We love the Lord and desire the mind of Christ, plus Holy Spirit needs to dwell in a pure temple, so let's avoid the enemy's traps one of which in my humble opinion is masterbation.
Blessings 🙏🏽💗
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We are more than conquerors through Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour. God never lost a battle, turn this fight over to him and He will set you free. In my experience pray and fasting breaks the chains, wishing you the freedom that Christ desires for us, also remember Paul was told "My grace is sufficient for thee", until you are set free walking in the grace of God that will help you escape temptation and falling into sin. You were brave to share your struggle, but know you are not alone 😉. God has done a work in my life to free me from bondage but some days are still challenging, His grace is sufficient for me, staring at the cross and the beauty of Christ is a fool proof way to escape sin. Blessings.🙏🏽💕
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I understand that this is THE most famous, go-to passage when advising singles on this subject (1Corinthians 7:9.)
But what I NEVER, EVER hear Christians or churches talking about is the very obvious pileup of consequences on the other side of following that guideline as a cure for sexual temptations:
* Christians who rush into marriage, or convince themselves they're "in love" so that they can finally have sex, then find out they don't like their spouse at all, and here they are, married, with no way out, or trying to seek a divorce or annulment.
* Christians who get married in order to have a sex life but then don't know what to do when they find their spouse doesn't want to or can't have sex due to past abuse, illness, fatigue, pregnancy, medical conditions, etc.
* Christ who get married because they think it will cure their addiction to porn or sexual obsession -- and quickly find out that it doesn't help.
One of the things I'm trying to get at in this thread is that as singles, we are always told that the good, basic advice to get married.
So why is it NOT working for so many Christian people who DO choose to get married rather than "burn with passion?"
Apparently, the burning doesn't stop after marriage -- nor do the problems. In fact, it often sounds like the problems just multiply. (We often see people talking about this in the Family Forum.)
So, exactly is it that gets missed even when people do try to do the right thing by getting married?
But what I NEVER, EVER hear Christians or churches talking about is the very obvious pileup of consequences on the other side of following that guideline as a cure for sexual temptations:
* Christians who rush into marriage, or convince themselves they're "in love" so that they can finally have sex, then find out they don't like their spouse at all, and here they are, married, with no way out, or trying to seek a divorce or annulment.
* Christians who get married in order to have a sex life but then don't know what to do when they find their spouse doesn't want to or can't have sex due to past abuse, illness, fatigue, pregnancy, medical conditions, etc.
* Christ who get married because they think it will cure their addiction to porn or sexual obsession -- and quickly find out that it doesn't help.
One of the things I'm trying to get at in this thread is that as singles, we are always told that the good, basic advice to get married.
So why is it NOT working for so many Christian people who DO choose to get married rather than "burn with passion?"
Apparently, the burning doesn't stop after marriage -- nor do the problems. In fact, it often sounds like the problems just multiply. (We often see people talking about this in the Family Forum.)
So, exactly is it that gets missed even when people do try to do the right thing by getting married?
I think I would also be in the middle. I will be grateful if I continue to be blessed with free time and privacy and simplicity. I would also be grateful if I'm blessed with a woman who deeply loves God and who really loves me and wants to spend her life with me and for all the growth and experiences that may come with that.
There is so much here that ... well... it makes it hard for my simple brain to know exactly what I should try to share my views on...
you said
"But what would your advice be for singles who struggle with sexuality"
My advice with this, is to listen to God. This is a separate issue from marriage entirely.
A desire for another half to know and be intimate with kinda is valuable...
I mean I would really appreciate my imaginary future wife actually WANTING to spend time with me....
But if I personally am "struggling" with lets say porn or lustful thoughts and imaginations
these are things i need to FLEE from
God doesnt say to wrestle with these thoughts and live our lives around them
we should run away
which in practice would be
when you get a fleeting thought or desire that is clearly lustful and sinful
pray in your mind to God
call out and ask for deliverance
and as it comes back
treat it like something you want out of your life NOW
He does provide a way out
its just real easy ... super easy to give in and let unprovoked imaginations grow into day dreams then grow into struggles
you asked
"if you stay single, you are never, E.V.E.R. allowed to have any form of sexual expression for the rest of your life?"
I dont know what that means......
I know we certainly shouldnt go directly against what God says just because we want to or because we wanted to for a long time....
maybe care to elaborate on this specific thought?
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Hey OneOfHis,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I guess I thought the statement: "If you stay single, you are never, ever allowed to have any form of sexual expression for the rest of your life" was pretty cut and dry, so may I ask, what part are you unsure about?
When I wrote this statement, I was thinking in particular of the Men Going Their Own Way movement. For example, I've read some articles about this philosophy, and since the articles I read were from a worldly standpoint, there was a general consensus that women were to be used as objects of convenience and throwaway sexual satisfaction.
But the Christian man (or woman) doesn't have the option of anything sexual in their life. I know there are always debates going on what's "allowable" or not (such as a post in the Lust vs. Hormones thread about some acts being "allowed" within one's conscience just because they're not mentioned in the Bible,) but for the conservative Christian, a lifetime of singleness also means:
* Not looking at, thinking of, or participating in any kind of media or entertainment that arouses improper sexual thoughts and desires.
* No participation in acts that allow for sexual relief, whether by oneself or with someone else, regardless of whether or not it's considered "the real thing" or not -- if it results in sexual action, for single Christians, it's off the table.
The whole reason I started this thread was because at the time, we had a thread asking divorced people why they were divorced.
I'm always striving for a balance of perspectives -- I see many posts in which people say that the single life is the best life to choose or have, and that may very well be, but I see little to no advice on how singles realistically deal with avoiding sexual desire/action their entire life.
Although it might very well be that some of the posters who say the single life is the way to go have been given "the gift of singleness," but many don't have that, and contemplating a life of always being alone feels like a pain worse than facing death.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I guess I thought the statement: "If you stay single, you are never, ever allowed to have any form of sexual expression for the rest of your life" was pretty cut and dry, so may I ask, what part are you unsure about?
When I wrote this statement, I was thinking in particular of the Men Going Their Own Way movement. For example, I've read some articles about this philosophy, and since the articles I read were from a worldly standpoint, there was a general consensus that women were to be used as objects of convenience and throwaway sexual satisfaction.
But the Christian man (or woman) doesn't have the option of anything sexual in their life. I know there are always debates going on what's "allowable" or not (such as a post in the Lust vs. Hormones thread about some acts being "allowed" within one's conscience just because they're not mentioned in the Bible,) but for the conservative Christian, a lifetime of singleness also means:
* Not looking at, thinking of, or participating in any kind of media or entertainment that arouses improper sexual thoughts and desires.
* No participation in acts that allow for sexual relief, whether by oneself or with someone else, regardless of whether or not it's considered "the real thing" or not -- if it results in sexual action, for single Christians, it's off the table.
The whole reason I started this thread was because at the time, we had a thread asking divorced people why they were divorced.
I'm always striving for a balance of perspectives -- I see many posts in which people say that the single life is the best life to choose or have, and that may very well be, but I see little to no advice on how singles realistically deal with avoiding sexual desire/action their entire life.
Although it might very well be that some of the posters who say the single life is the way to go have been given "the gift of singleness," but many don't have that, and contemplating a life of always being alone feels like a pain worse than facing death.
Well when I read that question, in the context of the whole post I felt like it meant, " If you remain unmarried, are you never allowed to feed your lustful desires?"
Which is answered so cut and dry biblically I figured I just misunderstood you.
I still think I may have.😳 Sorry.
Ahhh the modern day male feminists lol. I wouldn't put any more weight into what "mgtow" think than any other radicals.
You aren't wrong that they in large part ooze wordly and very selfish and entitled mindsets. (from what I've seen)
I think it is really easy for us to feel like our wants are everything or even look at the world who aren't accountable or even considering how their selfish actions or thoughts or words that God hates actually can effect others and feel it is unfair when they just do whatever they want and call it good.
Shoot with me, when I personally have allowed myself to go against what God wanted in my own life... looking at things He clearly convicts me to stop
or thinking of things that lead to stronger wants He doesnt even want in my mind
This can effect me, my usefulness to Him and His wants for my life...
One thing I just can't do is allow others standards to change how I see His, I think we are really blessed how even if we who are His children try to push the limits
or try do things against His will
He will convict us and show us these things arent allowed in our lives when we let the others debate and take what is on our minds and hearts to Him... for the relief and knowledge that isn't so temporal or destructive
I doubt the advice can ever be a one size fits all thing beyond the one thing, as Christians who love God more than we love our wants we should at the very least go to Him when it hurts or when we are wanting
try to work out what He wants out of our lives and take up what He wants for us
and in doing so maybe we will be more ready to face these things that seem so heavy even if it wont be quick or easy or satisfying to our flesh
it can make up for it a million fold in what it can do for us spiritually and mentally (and who knows.. maybe that very process will make us that much more wonderful to our future other half if we are so blessed)
Which is answered so cut and dry biblically I figured I just misunderstood you.
I still think I may have.😳 Sorry.
Ahhh the modern day male feminists lol. I wouldn't put any more weight into what "mgtow" think than any other radicals.
You aren't wrong that they in large part ooze wordly and very selfish and entitled mindsets. (from what I've seen)
I think it is really easy for us to feel like our wants are everything or even look at the world who aren't accountable or even considering how their selfish actions or thoughts or words that God hates actually can effect others and feel it is unfair when they just do whatever they want and call it good.
Shoot with me, when I personally have allowed myself to go against what God wanted in my own life... looking at things He clearly convicts me to stop
or thinking of things that lead to stronger wants He doesnt even want in my mind
This can effect me, my usefulness to Him and His wants for my life...
One thing I just can't do is allow others standards to change how I see His, I think we are really blessed how even if we who are His children try to push the limits
or try do things against His will
He will convict us and show us these things arent allowed in our lives when we let the others debate and take what is on our minds and hearts to Him... for the relief and knowledge that isn't so temporal or destructive
I doubt the advice can ever be a one size fits all thing beyond the one thing, as Christians who love God more than we love our wants we should at the very least go to Him when it hurts or when we are wanting
try to work out what He wants out of our lives and take up what He wants for us
and in doing so maybe we will be more ready to face these things that seem so heavy even if it wont be quick or easy or satisfying to our flesh
it can make up for it a million fold in what it can do for us spiritually and mentally (and who knows.. maybe that very process will make us that much more wonderful to our future other half if we are so blessed)
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