Fine, let's clarify terms. What's the difference between lust / sex drive and desire to make love to someone? And I think you touched on it before with the idea that it's the difference between wanting to have something for yourself and wanting to do something for someone else and have them as part of your life long term. But realistically most people have a desire for greater physical intimacy than is appropriate before they are married (I've even heard some speakers say that if this isn't an area of struggle the couple should rethink getting married because they don't seem to be very attracted to each other), so how do you in that case know if those desires are tending in a godly direction or a sinful direction (since we should also admit that marriage does not automatically sanctify all types and forms of sexual activity)?
Acceptable sexual lust- the physical attraction set forth by biological responses to mate with an eligible single individual.
Unholy sexual lust- sexual attraction to anyone married, related or same sex...or an animal.
Acceptable sexual fulfillment- agreed upon sexual acts of married people. I would suggest the damage caused by anal sex and the Mosaic aversion to feces would eliminate this act.
Unacceptable sexual fulfillment- sex with anyone other than your spouse. Pleasuring yourself to thoughts of real people who are married, or related. Sexual contact with married individuals, same sex, relatives or animals. Paying for any sexual deeds.
Undetermined- Mutual masterbation and even oral sex are not explicitly forbidden outside of marriage. This is one left to your conscience. If it feels like sin, to you it’s sin. I expect that any born again believer wouldn’t be hooking up with random individuals for casual “play”. Masterbation again is not prohibited. What you fantasize about might be tainting the innocence of it, however.
There is purpose to what God determines is holy and unclean. Sex produces children. Inheritance and lineage were major factors at the time of Mosaic law. Sex was not. Polygamy and concubines were legitimate. Sex can be used as leverage. It can emotionally destroy people, shame some and enslave others. We as the Body of Christ are supposed to be spiritually motivated but still reside in this corruptible flesh. Like Paul said, if your hormones are untameable then it is better to get married rather than be tempted to sin.