Basically what Encouragement said : ) (and some others). A balanced person seems to be the best option.
I've realized that whenever I was attracted to the "tortured soul", it was because I was in effect trying to (subconsciously) bypass my own insecurities, wounds and shortcomings. By focusing on the other person's wounds, and focusing on helping them heal, I was keeping my own inadequacy at bay. Since I was the "fixer", my own fears and insecurities weren't getting triggered.
But it's never worked out, because the motive was never truly pure (even though it felt that way at the time). And because it's just plain unhealthy.
That feeling of attraction towards someone who needs "help" or "healing", I believe, shows that there are unhealed parts in us that we need to tend to (and obviously aren't). This desire to fix, heal, and help is unfortunately rarely truly innocent and pure, even if we feel that it is. That's basically pity and compassion, not romantic love for an equal. But a lot of people mix the two, especially women. And if you really dig deep, it's actually quite condescending (it puts us above the other person) and it's just a roundabout way of not dealing with our own wounds and insecurities, because being with someone who IS healed, happy, joyful, etc. would highlight our own lack of all those things and make us feel inferior. Does that make sense?
That's why those who are struggling aren't attracted to those who aren't. Because the "happy people" make them feel too uncomfortable, uneasy, and inadequate (because their struggles and shortcomings are highlighted). (I'm not talking about those super happy-go-lucky people that are over-the-top and seem "fake", but just generally happy, joyful people).
The way I see it (and I could be wrong), if you're truly healed, truly happy and joyful, it's unlikely you'll be romantically attracted to a "tortured soul". Because let's face it, it's draining, it sucks the life out of you. So the only people who are truly attracted to those tortured souls, are (sometimes covert) tortured souls, themselves. Keeping their own insecurities covert by joining themselves to someone who's even "worse off" than they are.
Sorry if I made it sound super negative! Didn't mean to. It's just something I have observed in my own life and that of some others.
I've realized that whenever I was attracted to the "tortured soul", it was because I was in effect trying to (subconsciously) bypass my own insecurities, wounds and shortcomings. By focusing on the other person's wounds, and focusing on helping them heal, I was keeping my own inadequacy at bay. Since I was the "fixer", my own fears and insecurities weren't getting triggered.
But it's never worked out, because the motive was never truly pure (even though it felt that way at the time). And because it's just plain unhealthy.
That feeling of attraction towards someone who needs "help" or "healing", I believe, shows that there are unhealed parts in us that we need to tend to (and obviously aren't). This desire to fix, heal, and help is unfortunately rarely truly innocent and pure, even if we feel that it is. That's basically pity and compassion, not romantic love for an equal. But a lot of people mix the two, especially women. And if you really dig deep, it's actually quite condescending (it puts us above the other person) and it's just a roundabout way of not dealing with our own wounds and insecurities, because being with someone who IS healed, happy, joyful, etc. would highlight our own lack of all those things and make us feel inferior. Does that make sense?
That's why those who are struggling aren't attracted to those who aren't. Because the "happy people" make them feel too uncomfortable, uneasy, and inadequate (because their struggles and shortcomings are highlighted). (I'm not talking about those super happy-go-lucky people that are over-the-top and seem "fake", but just generally happy, joyful people).
The way I see it (and I could be wrong), if you're truly healed, truly happy and joyful, it's unlikely you'll be romantically attracted to a "tortured soul". Because let's face it, it's draining, it sucks the life out of you. So the only people who are truly attracted to those tortured souls, are (sometimes covert) tortured souls, themselves. Keeping their own insecurities covert by joining themselves to someone who's even "worse off" than they are.
Sorry if I made it sound super negative! Didn't mean to. It's just something I have observed in my own life and that of some others.
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