Should I Keep This A Secret From This Person?

[Twistii]

Hi everyone,

A while back, I told someone (who we’ll call friend “A”)
something and the reason why I told friend “A” that thing was because
I was concerned that if I didn’t tell friend “A”
that thing,
I might be committing a sin of omission, basically.

However, it later came to me that friend “A” told someone else (who we’ll call friend “B”)
about the thing that I told friend “A,” and it seems like friend “A” talked to friend “B”
about how much of a homie I was and how I was looking out for friend “A.”

This is not true. I was not intentionally trying to look out for friend “A” (this probably sounds very sad, but it’s true).

I told friend “B” about how it wasn’t really because I was looking out for friend “A,”
(or I said something along those lines)
But the way I said it was probably kinda quiet, vague-sounding,
and maybe
friend “B” did not both receive and internalize that information.

So, keeping a secret and deceiving can be two different things right?

My question is, should I just do nothing about this situation?
It seems to me like it’d be awkward to say, “oh yeah btw, that thing I told you about, it wasn’t cuz I was looking out for u, I was just concerned that I’d be sinning.”

What are y’all’s thoughts?
Thanks for taking the time to read this super long post if you did.
Please ask for details or clarification if u need them to make a good judgement.

 

[2ndTimothyGroup]

Well . . .

Now that the cat's out of the bag . . . I'd say that it's best, to tell the Truth and get things out in the open . . . and let the consequences flow. Unfortunately, it seems like there will likely be some fallout.

So stand behind what you've said and done . . . or apologize and make full amends (which means to do all things reasonable if asked, so as to alleviate any emotional damages that you may have caused).

 

[TheIndianGirl]

My question is, should I just do nothing about this situation?
It seems to me like it’d be awkward to say, “oh yeah btw, that thing I told you about, it wasn’t cuz I was looking out for u, I was just concerned that I’d be sinning.”

Ideally, I believe you should both look out/care for your friend and be concerned about sinning.

 

[2ndTimothyGroup]

Ideally, I believe you should both look out/care for your friend and be concerned about sinning.

Short and Sweeeeet! I can't imagine a better response.

 

[Twistii]

Ideally, I believe you should both look out/care for your friend and be concerned about sinning.

I just don’t think I was consciously trying to look out for him haha

 

[Twistii]

Well . . .

Now that the cat's out of the bag . . . I'd say that it's best, to tell the Truth and get things out in the open . . . and let the consequences flow. Unfortunately, it seems like there will likely be some fallout.

So stand behind what you've said and done . . . or apologize and make full amends (which means to do all things reasonable if asked, so as to alleviate any emotional damages that you may have caused).

I mean, it’s not really something significant and I highly doubt there will be any emotional damage.

 

[2ndTimothyGroup]

I mean, it’s not really something significant and I highly doubt there will be any emotional damage.

Then it sounds like you've handled it perfectly.

 

[Twistii]

Then it sounds like you've handled it perfectly.

Would it be okay for person “A” to go on living without knowing the truth?

 

[2ndTimothyGroup]

Would it be okay for person “A” to go on living without knowing the truth?

I have no idea if that is an acceptable outcome to the one that has been lied to in some way. But for myself, it is not ok if I live in a fairytale. To make a clear point, I'll use the example of adultery.

Man leaves for the weekend to do a solo hiking trip. He leaves behind a wife that has dramatically changed in appearance and he's fallen out of love. The solo hiking trip is a trip to his new girlfriend's apartment . . . and the hiking is of a completely different variety.

The man comes home from the solo hiking trip and the Mrs says, "Well? How was it, honey?" - You can fill in the rest.

Fairytales. That's what we're doing to each other every time we lie, hide, deceive, undermine, and divert. Every time a person engages in such activities, they are creating a fairy tale by which another person must live and dwell.

I don't think that anyone should tolerate this idea of forcing others to live in a lie, which is that of Santa Claus, Cinderella, etc. However, if the grievance is so horrific that it would cause remarkable, emotional harm . . . I would not recommend it. But if our silence causes another to live in a fairy tale, an emotional matrix, then it would seem wise to leave the relationship/friendship.

I dunno. Things will work out, for God has an Eternal Plan and there's nothing we can do about it. I dunno, but God does.

 

[tourist]

Hi everyone,

A while back, I told someone (who we’ll call friend “A”)
something and the reason why I told friend “A” that thing was because
I was concerned that if I didn’t tell friend “A”
that thing,
I might be committing a sin of omission, basically.

However, it later came to me that friend “A” told someone else (who we’ll call friend “B”)
about the thing that I told friend “A,” and it seems like friend “A” talked to friend “B”
about how much of a homie I was and how I was looking out for friend “A.”

This is not true. I was not intentionally trying to look out for friend “A” (this probably sounds very sad, but it’s true).

I told friend “B” about how it wasn’t really because I was looking out for friend “A,”
(or I said something along those lines)
But the way I said it was probably kinda quiet, vague-sounding,
and maybe
friend “B” did not both receive and internalize that information.

So, keeping a secret and deceiving can be two different things right?

My question is, should I just do nothing about this situation?
It seems to me like it’d be awkward to say, “oh yeah btw, that thing I told you about, it wasn’t cuz I was looking out for u, I was just concerned that I’d be sinning.”

What are y’all’s thoughts?
Thanks for taking the time to read this super long post if you did.
Please ask for details or clarification if u need them to make a good judgement.

I would do nothing about this situation and simply allow friends A & B to gossip among themselves.

 

[Twistii]

I would do nothing about this situation and simply allow friends A & B to gossip among themselves.

I feel like the word gossip has a negative connotation haha, is that how you intended on using the word? Cause I feel like maybe I typed something in wrong or maybe you might’ve interpreted my text a certain way that was differing from my intended usages of words, but I dunno

 

[Twistii]

I have no idea if that is an acceptable outcome to the one that has been lied to in some way. But for myself, it is not ok if I live in a fairytale. To make a clear point, I'll use the example of adultery.

Man leaves for the weekend to do a solo hiking trip. He leaves behind a wife that has dramatically changed in appearance and he's fallen out of love. The solo hiking trip is a trip to his new girlfriend's apartment . . . and the hiking is of a completely different variety.

The man comes home from the solo hiking trip and the Mrs says, "Well? How was it, honey?" - You can fill in the rest.

Fairytales. That's what we're doing to each other every time we lie, hide, deceive, undermine, and divert. Every time a person engages in such activities, they are creating a fairy tale by which another person must live and dwell.

I don't think that anyone should tolerate this idea of forcing others to live in a lie, which is that of Santa Claus, Cinderella, etc. However, if the grievance is so horrific that it would cause remarkable, emotional harm . . . I would not recommend it. But if our silence causes another to live in a fairy tale, an emotional matrix, then it would seem wise to leave the relationship/friendship.

I dunno. Things will work out, for God has an Eternal Plan and there's nothing we can do about it. I dunno, but God does.

If u don’t mind me asking, what makes you think friend “A” was lied to? I’m not trying to attack you or anything, but maybe this is a case of “I could’ve phrased stuff better,” you see what I’m saying? 😅

 

[tourist]

I feel like the word gossip has a negative connotation haha, is that how you intended on using the word? Cause I feel like maybe I typed something in wrong or maybe you might’ve interpreted my text a certain way that was differing from my intended usages of words, but I dunno

You weren't gossiping but rather friends A & B were. It looks like that they were comparing notes of what you told each of them.

 

[Twistii]

You weren't gossiping but rather friends A & B were. It looks like that they were comparing notes of what you told each of them.

I’m not sure they have compared notes at all for anything I’ve said to each of em 😅
I think friend “A” talked about me in a positive way to friend “B,” saying something(s) that he perceived to be true but weren’t and aren’t
Maybe something that you read by me was phrased not the best way or something, my apologies tourist
[I’ve edited this message like 3 times now hehe]

 

[tourist]

I’m not sure they have compared notes at all for anything I’ve said to each of em 😅
I think friend “A” talked about me in a positive way to friend “B,” saying something(s) that he perceived to be true but weren’t and aren’t
Maybe something that you read by me was phrased not the best way or something, my apologies tourist
[I’ve edited this message like 3 times now hehe]

No need to apologize my friend.

 

[2ndTimothyGroup]

If u don’t mind me asking, what makes you think friend “A” was lied to? I’m not trying to attack you or anything, but maybe this is a case of “I could’ve phrased stuff better,” you see what I’m saying? 😅

What makes me think that? lol - Man, I don't even know! I thought I understood what was going on . . . but II see that I don't. Sorry!

 

[Twistii]

What makes me think that? lol - Man, I don't even know! I thought I understood what was going on . . . but II see that I don't. Sorry!

I think it’s a case of friend “A” assuming something, which happened to be wrong, as opposed to someone deceiving friend “A” into believing something, does that make sense? 😅

 

[2ndTimothyGroup]

I think it’s a case of friend “A” assuming something, which happened to be wrong, as opposed to someone deceiving friend “A” into believing something, does that make sense? 😅

It does. It sounds like the kind of person that hasn't had their heart Circumcised by Christ. When Christ Purifies our heart (Col 2:9-15), we become relieved of doing these kinds of things.

At the end of the day and apart from myself, you've been given some solid advice from others above.

 

[Twistii]

It does. It sounds like the kind of person that hasn't had their heart Circumcised by Christ. When Christ Purifies our heart (Col 2:9-15), we become relieved of doing these kinds of things.

At the end of the day and apart from myself, you've been given some solid advice from others above.

Wait wait I think I could’ve phrased something better haha my bad. When I say “which happened to be wrong,” I meant like factually “wrong” as opposed to morally “wrong” 😅

 

[Twistii]

It does. It sounds like the kind of person that hasn't had their heart Circumcised by Christ. When Christ Purifies our heart (Col 2:9-15), we become relieved of doing these kinds of things.

At the end of the day and apart from myself, you've been given some solid advice from others above.

As in, what he had assumed was factually incorrect