sweet girl!
i have no clue what this thread is supposed to be about, but i'm taking it off-piste a bit with apologies to the OP.
i've only read this last post; the one you wrote. do you have children? ours are grown but even now, and especially when they were little ones, if they became ill it broke my heart. there wasn't anything (short of sin) i wouldn't have done to ease their pain and make them better. me, sinful woman that i am, as a mom i would happily have taken their illnesses to myself, and i know my husband felt the same way.
dear child, do you think the Lord is less compassionate toward you? do you not know how compassionate He is toward His sin-sick children? how the Lord of Glory took on human flesh and frailty in order to take our spiritual illnesses to Himself to make us better?
if your only hope in life and in death is the Lord Jesus, i assure you you aren't under judgement; you have passed from death to life.
and you are loved! loved so completely you can't imagine.
will you do me a favor? there's a book called The Bruised Reed, written a long time ago by a countryman of yours called Richard Sibbes. it's in the public domain, so you can read it online without payment. if i weren't so old and stupid i would give you a link.
let me know if you have trouble finding it, and i'll PM you (with your permission, of course) with instructions to find a copy online.
i know how hard it is to believe what God says, and i know how very important it is that we believe Him.
i will be praying for you. ♥♥♥