What is your opinion of people who take donations for granted?

[Lenoralana]

In my town, we have a free community shelf/box with a glass door on the front of it, that sits outside in front of one of the local churches very close to where I live. For a couple of years, I have walked there often to donate a variety of things... food, toys, the occasional clothing item, books, and sometimes other things.

There was even a time or two in the past where I have been thanked for doing it.

But recently, I made the decision to stop doing that, and to start donating anything I want to donate more directly to reputable organizations and to people who I know will actually appreciate it and put it to good use.

For one thing, this is partially because, about a month ago, I donated a box of pasta (nothing wrong with it, completely un-used and unopened). Later, when I happened to walk by that area again... I found that the box had been tossed into a snow bank.

The second reason is because there has been a person in my town who, after learning that I am the one who makes jewelry and donates a fair bit of it, has asked me every single time he sees me if I have some. Five different times, every time he's seen me, he has asked me if I have more... he never talks to me about anything else, never asks me how I am or anything, just asks me if I have jewelry and when I say no, he walks away.

This last time he did it, I simply said I couldn't afford it right now. Then, not taking a hint, he pressed a little further by asking if I'd by any chance put any in the free community box, and I stiffly stated without looking at him, "Like I said, I can't afford it right now." And he's just like, "Oh, can't afford it," and marched away.

Thus, as I said, I've reached the decision that I'm not just gonna donate to a free-for-all place anymore. If other people in my community still want to donate there, that's up to them. But since I'm making no profit on anything, and I work on my own timetable and this is largely just a boredom tamer anyway that I only donate because I don't have the patience to sell anything online and I have no use for most of my crafts after I finish them... well, people still don't have any right to make demands of me like I'm their personal craft-making machine.

I also wonder if it says something about our society if people, including even those who have low income (which I know that individual is, he'd said himself he doesn't make much money) can be pestering or, sometimes, as in the case of whoever threw the box of pasta in the snow bank, inconsiderate of others. I mean..... have people really become so spoiled in our country, even when they're poor?

 

[Lynx]

Maybe he didn't have anywhere to boil it? Just a wild guess - I don't know him.

 

[Lenoralana]

Then why take it out of the community box and throw it into a snow bank a few paces away? He could have at least put it back in the community box for someone else if he changed his mind about taking it.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

Every year, I donate some clothes (maybe enough to fill two grocery paper bags). My apartment does a drive every year and it is a good way to get rid of some clothes I no longer use. Usually I ask a couple of friends first before I give them away. Aside from this, the only other donation is giving money to the church or once in a while I might donate to someone's cause. I enjoyed donating Christmas shoeboxes at my church, but stopped doing them. The reason is I put a lot of thought into the items going into the shoeboxes, but what happens is that before handing out the shoeboxes to kids a few adults first open the shoeboxes and start reallocating among the different boxes to make sure the boxes are "equal". I guess this is fair but it became too time-consuming for me as I put a lot of thought into this. In the past, I have donated furniture I no longer wanted. This one time, I put a room divider by my floor elevators and someone actually took it because I saw it when that person opened his blinds. So, I was glad about that.

The second reason is because there has been a person in my town who, after learning that I am the one who makes jewelry and donates a fair bit of it, has asked me every single time he sees me if I have some. Five different times, every time he's seen me, he has asked me if I have more... he never talks to me about anything else, never asks me how I am or anything, just asks me if I have jewelry and when I say no, he walks away.

This last time he did it, I simply said I couldn't afford it right now. Then, not taking a hint, he pressed a little further by asking if I'd by any chance put any in the free community box, and I stiffly stated without looking at him, "Like I said, I can't afford it right now." And he's just like, "Oh, can't afford it," and marched away.

Thus, as I said, I've reached the decision that I'm not just gonna donate to a free-for-all place anymore. If other people in my community still want to donate there, that's up to them. But since I'm making no profit on anything, and I work on my own timetable and this is largely just a boredom tamer anyway that I only donate because I don't have the patience to sell anything online and I have no use for most of my crafts after I finish them... well, people still don't have any right to make demands of me like I'm their personal craft-making machine.

At the beginning of the pandemic, my mom encountered someone who was donating very beautiful masks. My mom gave me one mask but I basically wanted this woman, whom I've never met, to supply several more masks. I would have paid her but in the end I did not pursue this, as she was too busy making free masks and giving them away to people working on the frontlines. That guy probably genuinely liked your jewelry very much but should have at least offered to pay a bit, I think, if he wanted more. The fact he marched away doesn't sound good.

The way I would donate, is to first ask people I know who might be interested (in the clothes, a pot, etc.) before donating to the community.

 

[Genipher]

Every year, I donate some clothes (maybe enough to fill two grocery paper bags). My apartment does a drive every year and it is a good way to get rid of some clothes I no longer use. Usually I ask a couple of friends first before I give them away. Aside from this, the only other donation is giving money to the church or once in a while I might donate to someone's cause. I enjoyed donating Christmas shoeboxes at my church, but stopped doing them. The reason is I put a lot of thought into the items going into the shoeboxes, but what happens is that before handing out the shoeboxes to kids a few adults first open the shoeboxes and start reallocating among the different boxes to make sure the boxes are "equal". I guess this is fair but it became too time-consuming for me as I put a lot of thought into this. In the past, I have donated furniture I no longer wanted. This one time, I put a room divider by my floor elevators and someone actually took it because I saw it when that person opened his blinds. So, I was glad about that.



At the beginning of the pandemic, my mom encountered someone who was donating very beautiful masks. My mom gave me one mask but I basically wanted this woman, whom I've never met, to supply several more masks. I would have paid her but in the end I did not pursue this, as she was too busy making free masks and giving them away to people working on the frontlines. That guy probably genuinely liked your jewelry very much but should have at least offered to pay a bit, I think, if he wanted more. The fact he marched away doesn't sound good.

The way I would donate, is to first ask people I know who might be interested (in the clothes, a pot, etc.) before donating to the community.

Do they really reallocate the xmas boxes like that? I've tried to ask people who help with the sorting and was told they don't but...I still wonder.

My teen daughter and I like to make themed boxes (dinosaurs, unicorns, etc) and I was really hoping ALL the items made it, without being shuffled around.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

Do they really reallocate the xmas boxes like that? I've tried to ask people who help with the sorting and was told they don't but...I still wonder.

My teen daughter and I like to make themed boxes (dinosaurs, unicorns, etc) and I was really hoping ALL the items made it, without being shuffled around.

Yes, my church shuffles things arounds (I helped one year). We use plastic containers with lids which the church provides (same size for all, shoebox sized), and cover the inside wall area with wrapping paper so the toys/gifts cannot be seen from the outside. The containers are not wrapped on the outside, so they can be opened. Say a container has a package of 5 nail polish, etc. someone will open the package and will place one in each box. Or, similarly if there a few books, etc., one book might go in another box. All the containers are opened and reviewed, and I would say most of them are shuffled if only a bit. If one box has more expensive items (LEGOS or Barbie, for ex.), some of those items will be put in other boxes.

 

[Billyd]

The churches in our association have a central mission family thrift shop and pantry. Volunteers staff it and donations of food and other household goods keep it going. You can shop off the shelves for a small fee, or if you are in need and can't afford to buy anything, the center has boxes of food that will feed a family of four for a week, at no cost. No one in need is turned away.

 

[Genipher]

Yes, my church shuffles things arounds (I helped one year). We use plastic containers with lids which the church provides (same size for all, shoebox sized), and cover the inside wall area with wrapping paper so the toys/gifts cannot be seen from the outside. The containers are not wrapped on the outside, so they can be opened. Say a container has a package of 5 nail polish, etc. someone will open the package and will place one in each box. Or, similarly if there a few books, etc., one book might go in another box. All the containers are opened and reviewed, and I would say most of them are shuffled if only a bit. If one box has more expensive items (LEGOS or Barbie, for ex.), some of those items will be put in other boxes.

That's disappointing.

 

[Lanolin]

Whether rich or poor, people can still be unthankful and rude.

That doesnt mean dont give but be more careful how you give to make sure your gift is received with thanksgiving. It does peoples head in to see gifts wasted as see my earlier thread on unwanted gifts.

Dont give what is holy to the dogs. Dont cast pearls before swine. Also some people just dont see the value in gifts.

in the Bible its stated that you ask and then you receive. Its rather risky to give a gift to someone who hasnt asked for one. Sometimes its better to give a gift as a prize so people think theyve won it.

or to an op shop as a donation so that the person who wants it has to give a monetary donation to acquire it. At least with an op shop the goods are kept safe.

food is best to go in a foodbank.

when I helped with the shoeboxes at their distribution centre, we had extra items put in the shoeboxes to top up those that seemed only half full. we didnt take things out and put them in other boxes. We only took things out that were not appropriate (eg pirate paraphanalia, and yes, stuff like nail polish because hello its is flammable and toxic and has to be removed with nail remover)

 

[Lanolin]

I remember girls would use twink (liquid paper) as on their nails if they didnt have real nail polish. That stuff really stinks lol you can get high off it.

Its better to give things like stickers, or pens and notebooks because kids dont have a lot of stationery in those poor countries. I mean sure give nail polish if you want but Im just saying it wont be much use to a child.

 

[seoulsearch]

For one thing, this is partially because, about a month ago, I donated a box of pasta (nothing wrong with it, completely un-used and unopened). Later, when I happened to walk by that area again... I found that the box had been tossed into a snow bank.

The second reason is because there has been a person in my town who, after learning that I am the one who makes jewelry and donates a fair bit of it, has asked me every single time he sees me if I have some. Five different times, every time he's seen me, he has asked me if I have more... he never talks to me about anything else, never asks me how I am or anything, just asks me if I have jewelry and when I say no, he walks away.

This last time he did it, I simply said I couldn't afford it right now. Then, not taking a hint, he pressed a little further by asking if I'd by any chance put any in the free community box, and I stiffly stated without looking at him, "Like I said, I can't afford it right now." And he's just like, "Oh, can't afford it," and marched away.

Hi Lenoralana,

Just a few thoughts as to why you found your box of donated pasta thrown aside -- it might be different at the church you gave to, but I know when I worked at our church's food pantry, guests were given paper bags to carry their items. I'm just thinking that several things other than willfully throwing it away might have occurred:

1. The bag the person was carrying might have been full and the box of pasta might have simply fallen out; or,
2. You mentioned seeing it in a snow bank -- if the weather was bad or the bag had become damp or damaged, a hole might have torn through the bag and the pasta could have fallen out.

This is especially true if, let's say the recipient was a parent who was walking and had to keep track of several young children at the same time. If the parent were trying to carry a young child and the bag at the same time, it could have easily been knocked to the ground unnoticed, or maybe a child was throwing a tantrum, threw it to the ground, and the parent's main concern was trying to get home, rather than retrieving the box.

If the box was willfully tossed aside, that's certainly a shame, but there could be another explanation.

As for the man who was asking about your jewelry, I think you had every right to say no and, if he asks again, ask what he does with your jewelry.

Apparently, it's very popular right now to go to donation centers and thrift shops because people will pick out the best goods and then sell them online at a profit. I would highly suspect that this man is making money off your pieces, henceforth, his demand for more. It's up to you whether or not you want him to be able to make money off the things you make with your own time and money. And of course, even if he doesn't do this or stopped, countless others will.

Yes, my church shuffles things arounds (I helped one year). We use plastic containers with lids which the church provides (same size for all, shoebox sized), and cover the inside wall area with wrapping paper so the toys/gifts cannot be seen from the outside. The containers are not wrapped on the outside, so they can be opened. Say a container has a package of 5 nail polish, etc. someone will open the package and will place one in each box. Or, similarly if there a few books, etc., one book might go in another box. All the containers are opened and reviewed, and I would say most of them are shuffled if only a bit. If one box has more expensive items (LEGOS or Barbie, for ex.), some of those items will be put in other boxes.

I would have to second this.

My parents also participated in the shoebox donation drives, and would take the time and effort to put together themed boxes, such as, dinosaurs for a boy. One of the workers told them that the contents are shifted between boxes in order to try to keep everything "equal" -- so that one child doesn't receive an amazing box with brand-name toys, and the next child gets much less. (Imagine the reaction if a family's 3 kids all get boxes, and one child's box is a show-stopper of famous toys, while the other two receive generic crayons and a pair of socks.)

I'm also not sure how these boxes are distributed. If it's in a group setting, imagine all the complaints people would make if they saw other kids getting better boxes than what was given to their kids. (It reminds me of when I worked a Saturday at a soup kitchen, and people were complaining about us serving chicken, because they wanted ribs.)

And I'm certainly not trying to dismiss or criticize any donations that are given -- anything people give is certainly helpful in some way, but I'm sure it's hard to try to keep things "even."

This is one the main reasons that I chose not to donate a shoebox, but rather, opted for different drive that was asking for gift cards from a certain store for a certain amount instead, to ensure that everything was equal.

 

[Lenoralana]

Eh it might help if I give a bit more detail about the exact situation, which might also help explain why I was a little peeved. ^^;

Firstly, the free-for-all community place I mentioned is basically two wooden box-framed shelves that sit outside, each with a glass door on the front. (For now, there is only one actually... the other broke and was removed). Each of these box-like things are on top of a pole in the ground that bring them up to arm/eye level. Each glass door on the front of each one has can be opened and shut with ease, ideally protecting the contents within from the outdoor elements. Each door also has a latch, which can be moved with ease.

There are actually a few of these in a few different places throughout the community, and the rule is simple: Take what you need, give back when you can. It's... sorta understood that these boxes are mainly meant for food and books, but people (including myself) have put other things in them sometimes, too. Clothes, toys, other things.

Now... this one day, I decided to take a Walmart bag and put some things in it that I knew we weren't gonna use. It mostly pertained to about a dozen protein shakes, because we had bought way too many when we were sick and not eating very well... but we got better, and it seemed that the protein shakes were just making us feel worse. So I figured... since they hadn't expired, and nobody else was touching them... maybe if a poor or homeless person out there could use them, they could at least get a little nutrition. It was better than just throwing the stuff out after we'd paid good money for it.

And since there was one box of pasta that I knew we were never gonna eat, I simply put it in on top of the shakes in the bag.

I put the entire bag in the box, then walked away.

Fast forward to later, when I was walking by that spot again (to put a couple more things in the box, no-less), I find the very box of pasta I had put in the bag tossed carelessly aside, just a little further down the sidewalk from the box itself. It wasn't simply dropped on or near the sidewalk, it was like someone had tossed it a few feet to the side of the sidewalk. (And... it wasn't a waste, I hope, cuz I did pick up the box, found it was a bit damp but undamaged, so I put it back...)

And when I put the box of pasta back on the shelf, it appeared that the bag of protein shakes was still there, but it looked like someone had rummaged through it a bit and left it. So... based on all the evidence, to me it basically looked like whoever did it, (since I didn't see who did it, it could be literally anyone of any age, race or gender) the person had fished through the bag I put in there, decided "Ehhhhh I don't want any of these shakes..." And maybe took the box of pasta because it seemed like the best thing to grab....

......Honestly, if I were in their shoes... I might have done similar, depending on how picky I wanted to be or how desperate I actually was. (And if this person COULD afford to be picky... it makes me wonder why they were bothering at a free shelf meant for the homeless or poor anyway.)..........

.....Then.... maybe after walking a few feet from the box, pretty much decided "Eh, I don't want this either but I'm too lazy to turn around, walk the four meters back to the box itself, so I'll just toss it in the snowbank... no skin off my nose since I didn't pay any money for it anyway."

That's... just kinda how it looked anyway. ^^;

 

[Genipher]

Eh it might help if I give a bit more detail about the exact situation, which might also help explain why I was a little peeved. ^^;

Firstly, the free-for-all community place I mentioned is basically two wooden box-framed shelves that sit outside, each with a glass door on the front. (For now, there is only one actually... the other broke and was removed). Each of these box-like things are on top of a pole in the ground that bring them up to arm/eye level. Each glass door on the front of each one has can be opened and shut with ease, ideally protecting the contents within from the outdoor elements. Each door also has a latch, which can be moved with ease.

There are actually a few of these in a few different places throughout the community, and the rule is simple: Take what you need, give back when you can. It's... sorta understood that these boxes are mainly meant for food and books, but people (including myself) have put other things in them sometimes, too. Clothes, toys, other things.

Now... this one day, I decided to take a Walmart bag and put some things in it that I knew we weren't gonna use. It mostly pertained to about a dozen protein shakes, because we had bought way too many when we were sick and not eating very well... but we got better, and it seemed that the protein shakes were just making us feel worse. So I figured... since they hadn't expired, and nobody else was touching them... maybe if a poor or homeless person out there could use them, they could at least get a little nutrition. It was better than just throwing the stuff out after we'd paid good money for it.

And since there was one box of pasta that I knew we were never gonna eat, I simply put it in on top of the shakes in the bag.

I put the entire bag in the box, then walked away.

Fast forward to later, when I was walking by that spot again (to put a couple more things in the box, no-less), I find the very box of pasta I had put in the bag tossed carelessly aside, just a little further down the sidewalk from the box itself. It wasn't simply dropped on or near the sidewalk, it was like someone had tossed it a few feet to the side of the sidewalk. (And... it wasn't a waste, I hope, cuz I did pick up the box, found it was a bit damp but undamaged, so I put it back...)

And when I put the box of pasta back on the shelf, it appeared that the bag of protein shakes was still there, but it looked like someone had rummaged through it a bit and left it. So... based on all the evidence, to me it basically looked like whoever did it, (since I didn't see who did it, it could be literally anyone of any age, race or gender) the person had fished through the bag I put in there, decided "Ehhhhh I don't want any of these shakes..." And maybe took the box of pasta because it seemed like the best thing to grab....

......Honestly, if I were in their shoes... I might have done similar, depending on how picky I wanted to be or how desperate I actually was. (And if this person COULD afford to be picky... it makes me wonder why they were bothering at a free shelf meant for the homeless or poor anyway.)..........

.....Then.... maybe after walking a few feet from the box, pretty much decided "Eh, I don't want this either but I'm too lazy to turn around, walk the four meters back to the box itself, so I'll just toss it in the snowbank... no skin off my nose since I didn't pay any money for it anyway."

That's... just kinda how it looked anyway. ^^;

Or it could have been some teens, acting like jerks and tossing stuff around.

 

[Genipher]

Hi Lenoralana,

Just a few thoughts as to why you found your box of donated pasta thrown aside -- it might be different at the church you gave to, but I know when I worked at our church's food pantry, guests were given paper bags to carry their items. I'm just thinking that several things other than willfully throwing it away might have occurred:

1. The bag the person was carrying might have been full and the box of pasta might have simply fallen out; or,
2. You mentioned seeing it in a snow bank -- if the weather was bad or the bag had become damp or damaged, a hole might have torn through the bag and the pasta could have fallen out.

This is especially true if, let's say the recipient was a parent who was walking and had to keep track of several young children at the same time. If the parent were trying to carry a young child and the bag at the same time, it could have easily been knocked to the ground unnoticed, or maybe a child was throwing a tantrum, threw it to the ground, and the parent's main concern was trying to get home, rather than retrieving the box.

If the box was willfully tossed aside, that's certainly a shame, but there could be another explanation.

As for the man who was asking about your jewelry, I think you had every right to say no and, if he asks again, ask what he does with your jewelry.

Apparently, it's very popular right now to go to donation centers and thrift shops because people will pick out the best goods and then sell them online at a profit. I would highly suspect that this man is making money off your pieces, henceforth, his demand for more. It's up to you whether or not you want him to be able to make money off the things you make with your own time and money. And of course, even if he doesn't do this or stopped, countless others will.




I would have to second this.

My parents also participated in the shoebox donation drives, and would take the time and effort to put together themed boxes, such as, dinosaurs for a boy. One of the workers told them that the contents are shifted between boxes in order to try to keep everything "equal" -- so that one child doesn't receive an amazing box with brand-name toys, and the next child gets much less. (Imagine the reaction if a family's 3 kids all get boxes, and one child's box is a show-stopper of famous toys, while the other two receive generic crayons and a pair of socks.)

I'm also not sure how these boxes are distributed. If it's in a group setting, imagine all the complaints people would make if they saw other kids getting better boxes than what was given to their kids. (It reminds me of when I worked a Saturday at a soup kitchen, and people were complaining about us serving chicken, because they wanted ribs.)

And I'm certainly not trying to dismiss or criticize any donations that are given -- anything people give is certainly helpful in some way, but I'm sure it's hard to try to keep things "even."

This is one the main reasons that I chose not to donate a shoebox, but rather, opted for different drive that was asking for gift cards from a certain store for a certain amount instead, to ensure that everything was equal.

I'm thinking this winter we'll do the Giving Tree instead of the xmas boxes. That way we'll know the gifts we buy are actually going to the person(s) we send it to.

 

[Lenoralana]

Or it could have been some teens, acting like jerks and tossing stuff around.

That... is actually a very good point. We do seem to have some rowdy teenagers and young adults in this area. There was one time, just this last week, when I stepped outside for a few minutes (after dark) to help my parents bring some groceries in after they got home from work, and I saw a police car on the opposite side of the street and it looked like a cop was talking to two teens. I dunno what it was about, and since we're recluses we really know any of our neighbors, buuuut.... point being, what you said is a possibility.

 

[Lanolin]

Id just go for the teens scenario
some people are just a bit clueless.
I had a book fridge library and apparently some teens used the books from it as fuel for a fire. I had to remove the entire book fridge as a few were abusing it. I have another book fridge closer to me that I keep an eye ln. one time someone dumped a whole lot of childrens toys next to it and they were scattered all over the berm. I was super annoyed because they were all dirty and broken. I just removed it and put them in the bin the next rubbish day, it was mentioned on the neigbhourhood website and thankfully it hasnt happened again.

Maybe just say a prayer or blessing before you give anything away that its the right thing for the recipient.
after all its the thought that counts. Pray over the church giveaway box that everything donated blesses the people who receive.