Pregnant & recently single-heartbroken need men’s perspective

[neverhopeless911]

There is a lot going on here. You have to try to view the perspective of what have i done wrong and what can i do to change things. He can b wrong about 10,000 things. Do you understand you are addicted to the drama of this situation. Dont think well mr wonderful is just gonna walk in my life and then im happy. If you ditch him hes still the father of your children some new step dad is not. I dont care what anybody says i had a step dad so did many of my friends thats not your dad.

You have to concentrate on what you can do to make yourself a better and easier person to deal with. All of these things about him can b true how can he b in a house with someone who thinks so lowly of him? My mom divorced my father 30years ago and still complains about him, shes so old i doubt she even actually remembers anything about him. Also christian forgiveness applys to your ex lovers too. Its not just for you and who meets your approval if you believe in it apply it every day and leverage your situation. Good luck.

Honestly you’re way of thinking is disgusting and your anything but close to God. To say I’m addicted to the drama of this situation? So I’m the issue here, I need to be “easier to handle” for him to stay and be responsible? Ok. Thanks for your response, but honestly ppl like you make me regret ever sharing this post. God bless you.

 

[neverhopeless911]

So you don't think the father of a child should be responsible to help raise that child financially? You don't think if you refuse to man up and support that child that your wage shouldn't be garnished?!





Like, has anybody read the OP?! NH is out working while pregnant while he sits at home on his round behind. What do you mean "get to come home"!!! He created that child and it's HIS responsibility before God, more than HERS to provide for that child and any other child he has created!! Don't get it twisted. She is the one taking the responsibility alone on her shoulders while pregnant. Read the OP again.





All kinds of places you can go for free or next to free counseling. I know of a place nearby that takes whatever you can afford. Why do you keep mentioning child support like it's not his responsibility as a man and father?





I think NH would be happy with her partner simply helping put food on the table. What Disneyland? He won't even get off his behind to go to work and help pay for the child HE created. Explain to me why you think it's ok for him to sit at home and watch her go to work? Explain to me using Godly principles how that is right as the childs father.





IS this thing on??? tap tap tap. He's NOT looking after HIS responsibilities as a father!! Why are you acting like this hard working mom is a gold digger!? Give me a break! Come people, stop projecting and either pray for the OP or keep your biased opinions to yourself!!!

Thank you for this, I know I shouldn’t care about what a complete internet stranger has to say but I can’t deny the fact that it brought me to tears. It’s not about the money at all, I have money and praise God can support my children and this new baby on my own, if I was a gold digger I would clearly be after a man with money lots of money that provided to my every desire not just my needs. I am honestly just overwhelmed and I thank you for your kind response. Everything about his post was wrong and there’s a reason why I chose not to address everything he said. At the end of the day only Gods opinion matters and affects me.

 

[kaylagrl]

Thank you for this, I know I shouldn’t care about what a complete internet stranger has to say but I can’t deny the fact that it brought me to tears. It’s not about the money at all, I have money and praise God can support my children and this new baby on my own, if I was a gold digger I would clearly be after a man with money lots of money that provided to my every desire not just my needs. I am honestly just overwhelmed and I thank you for your kind response. Everything about his post was wrong and there’s a reason why I chose not to address everything he said. At the end of the day only Gods opinion matters and affects me.

All your asking for is a partner to help you carry the burden. You're not asking for a thing you aren't entitled to. As the father of your child/children he ought to feel the need to protect/provide for his family. I can't make judgement calls, I don't know him. But you have not been harsh on him, you've given him grace. I don't see where you have been nasty to him or asked anything of him that he shouldn't be more than willing to give. Don't let people project their bad relationships on you. Not everyone here has the sense to know the difference between their own issues and hang-ups and giving unbiased advice. Simply ignore them and don't waste a moment on them. <3

 

[neverhopeless911]

All your asking for is a partner to help you carry the burden. You're not asking for a thing you aren't entitled to. As the father of your child/children he ought to feel the need to protect/provide for his family. I can't make judgement calls, I don't know him. But you have not been harsh on him, you've given him grace. I don't see where you have been nasty to him or asked anything of him that he shouldn't be more than willing to give. Don't let people project their bad relationships on you. Not everyone here has the sense to know the difference between their own issues and hang-ups and giving unbiased advice. Simply ignore them and don't waste a moment on them. <3

All your asking for is a partner to help you carry the burden. You're not asking for a thing you aren't entitled to. As the father of your child/children he ought to feel the need to protect/provide for his family. I can't make judgement calls, I don't know him. But you have not been harsh on him, you've given him grace. I don't see where you have been nasty to him or asked anything of him that he shouldn't be more than willing to give. Don't let people project their bad relationships on you. Not everyone here has the sense to know the difference between their own issues and hang-ups and giving unbiased advice. Simply ignore them and don't waste a moment on them. <3

Thank you and you truly always have the right words. I appreciate you taking your time to give me your outlook and your advice and I respect you for being kind about it. I honestly stopped worrying about him and I shifted my focus on growing my relationship with God. I am happy to say that yesterday I got baptized and I can’t wait for the new beginnings the Lord has in store for me and my children . I unblocked him from my phone, we agreed to be cordial and adults & he is spending time with our toddler as we speak, I will never keep my children from him. I gave my life to Jesus Christ yesterday when I decided to be washed free from my sins I chose God above anything else, and the only way this man will ever be in my life again is if things are done correctly and accordingly to Gods will.

 

[kaylagrl]

Thank you and you truly always have the right words. I appreciate you taking your time to give me your outlook and your advice and I respect you for being kind about it. I honestly stopped worrying about him and I shifted my focus on growing my relationship with God. I am happy to say that yesterday I got baptized and I can’t wait for the new beginnings the Lord has in store for me and my children . I unblocked him from my phone, we agreed to be cordial and adults & he is spending time with our toddler as we speak, I will never keep my children from him. I gave my life to Jesus Christ yesterday when I decided to be washed free from my sins I chose God above anything else, and the only way this man will ever be in my life again is if things are done correctly and accordingly to Gods will.

This news makes my heart happy and made me smile. You are putting the right foot forward and God will richly bless you for that. I hope that he sees this new you, the change in you. Perhaps it will be a testimony to him and he will make the right decision too. I pray God's richest blessings on you and your family. Stay in touch with us. We will be eager to hear how God is working all things for good in your life. Wonderful news sister.

 

[Eric_Nicholas]

Do you not love internet randos being nasty? I do hold to the notion that this type of communication has inherent flaws: false bravado, emotions read into text regardless of truth, the inability to reliably discern the mind and intention of the poster, and confidence in things that are not so, yet made more obnoxious via text. Flaws that will not be going anywhere anytime soon.

Well, I will pray for wisdom in regards to this situation on your behalf. At first and sure blush, he does not sound like a keeper. Like others have said, draw to our Lord first. I pray the Lord breaks your man's heart and makes it one of flesh in hopes of salvation and a lovely family to prevail over Satan's devices.

 

[neverhopeless911]

Do you not love internet randos being nasty? I do hold to the notion that this type of communication has inherent flaws: false bravado, emotions read into text regardless of truth, the inability to reliably discern the mind and intention of the poster, and confidence in things that are not so, yet made more obnoxious via text. Flaws that will not be going anywhere anytime soon.

Well, I will pray for wisdom in regards to this situation on your behalf. At first and sure blush, he does not sound like a keeper. Like others have said, draw to our Lord first. I pray the Lord breaks your man's heart and makes it one of flesh in hopes of salvation and a lovely family to prevail over Satan's devices.

Thank you I appreciate it

 

[neverhopeless911]

This news makes my heart happy and made me smile. You are putting the right foot forward and God will richly bless you for that. I hope that he sees this new you, the change in you. Perhaps it will be a testimony to him and he will make the right decision too. I pray God's richest blessings on you and your family. Stay in touch with us. We will be eager to hear how God is working all things for good in your life. Wonderful news sister.

I pray that you are right! Thank you I am happy and have complete faith in his works! Thank you for your prayers! They mean everything. You are awesome

 

[DesertWanderer]

So you don't think the father of a child should be responsible to help raise that child financially?

I agree that he should be responsible. If you agree that a woman should be responsible enough to say no once in a while.

He created that child

No, THEY created that child.

and it's HIS responsibility before God, more than HERS to provide for that child

How is it HIS responsibility more than hers? I would buy that argument if women were willing to give up their jobs. But last time I checked, there were a lot of women still in the workforce, taking good-paying jobs away from men.

She is the one taking the responsibility alone on her shoulders while pregnant.

I've acknowledged that in a previous reply. Go here: Thursday at 10:28PM.

My point here is that old men hiding in a church building aren't qualified to tell me or anyone else how much we should make to support our families. And if my paycheck doesn't live up to their standards, TOUGH.

Why do you keep mentioning child support like it's not his responsibility as a man and father?

I'm not saying that at all. But why do you deny that child support is used as a weapon by feminists like yourself to punish men? I find it amusing how the woman is NEVER at fault for the unwanted pregnancy. It's always the man that forced her into it. It's like you're telling every man out there that they are rapists. It's sickening.

Explain to me why you think it's ok for him to sit at home and watch her go to work?

I never said that. It's the typical feminist false narrative you're pushing here.

Why are you acting like this hard-working mom is a gold digger!?

I never said she was a gold digger. You are responding to a reply I made to another person claiming that it's the right of church members to dictate individual families' affairs. I assure you, it's not.

Young women are told every day to get prenuptial agreements "just in case" the husband is unable to provide to the standards of everyone else. What non-sense! It's just too easy these days for the woman to walk out on a marriage.

This is especially the case where you have the majority of church congregants taking sides with the woman. After all, that's what they're told to do on the six-o'clock news. All men are rapists and deadbeats and don't you forget it.

However, more men are waking up to this garbage fed by the ultra-feminist media. And more women are going to be left wondering why they're 40 and unmarried.

 

[DesertWanderer]

I guess there should be no repercussions for luring a girl into laying with you and then giving them children to take care of

I never figured someone with the monicker: "Black Powder Dualist" to be such a raging feminist, but there you are. You've bought into this idea that all men are solely responsible for getting women pregnant. Maybe we need to go back to sex education in the schools.

When you say "luring a girl into laying with you," it sounds like you are accusing this guy of committing rape. That would be a felony in most states. But I did not see any indication of that from the OP.

Also, the idea that she was too young to know any better doesn't wash, either. I could understand if she were 16 or 17-years old, then yes, it would be statutory rape. But again, I don't think she's claiming that.

And by making all women victims of sexual abuse, it further divides the sexes, enough to where they start to become enemies. And that's not a good thing. I'm the last person on earth who wants the credibility of women further eroded.

It's similar to the continuous false narrative we hear in the US about race relations. Everyone knows that not all people in the US are racist, yet we're told every day on the six o'clock news that we are all a bunch of racists. It's disgusting.

The same thing happens with unwanted pregnancies. Every adult who has had at least some sex education knows that two people are involved in the process of making a baby. However, the ultra-feminist media spins it as the man is solely responsible. The woman never consented, so this guy should be punished forever.

and then giving them children to take care of

Don't mean to beat a dead horse here, but there you go again. Men are not capable of giving children to women to take care of. It requires the consent of the woman so the man can do his part in the process of making babies.

If you are still confused about this, here is a link for you:

https://www.amazon.com/Birds-Bees-Parentss-Perspective-Relationship-ebook/dp/B08SR7VZTM

 

[DesertWanderer]

men need to wakeup just as women need to make choices when they are with child

Seriously? "With child?" Are we back in the middle ages now?

I honestly can't believe what I'm reading on this thread. It's obvious the institutional churches are doing a dismal job with sex education. We as Christians gripe about our kids being forced to endure sex education in public schools, but that seems to be the only place they're going to get any facts about the subject.

Placing ALL the burden on the female, is not right

I agree 100% but neither should the man carry all the responsibility of pregnancy. When we say "he got her pregnant," we feed into the false narrative of the man being the only party to it. As much as women would like to think otherwise, that's just not biologically possible.

How about mushing up all the food to feed a baby who doesnt have any teeth? All thse things adding up arent something to be afraid of, Its actually a PRIVELIGE to care for a child that will grow up to look up to you and love you becase youve shown love and care to them. And watch them grow. and play with them and make memories. Boy or girl.

So, you're implying here that no man on earth is going to do this because he's a man. But I beg to differ. I did all those things when my son was born, all while being the sole provider for the family.

So do men really want to throw this all away? Im wondering.....

I have a secret to tell you. And you probably won't like it.

A large portion of men, at least in the US, don't really want to be fathers. But they are afraid to admit it because they will be attacked by the militant feminists who have taken over our western society. So, a lot of young men will go along with the idea of being the "hero dad" for the sake of not rocking the boat.

The institutional church is also culpable. Single men are looked down on because they don't have the "stability" that their married counterparts have. But they see what these family men go through and look at it with negativity.

Only when the church and the rest of society start respecting men again will we see younger guys want to become fathers.

 

[Godsgirl83]

To the Christian brothers who have come along side the Op and offered support/advice/prayers in a loving, non-judgemental way:

I just want to say "THANK YOU!"
I have been very touched and encouraged reading through them.

 

[Blackpowderduelist]

I never figured someone with the monicker: "Black Powder Dualist" to be such a raging feminist, but there you are. You've bought into this idea that all men are solely responsible for getting women pregnant. Maybe we need to go back to sex education in the schools.

When you say "luring a girl into laying with you," it sounds like you are accusing this guy of committing rape. That would be a felony in most states. But I did not see any indication of that from the OP.

Also, the idea that she was too young to know any better doesn't wash, either. I could understand if she were 16 or 17-years old, then yes, it would be statutory rape. But again, I don't think she's claiming that.

And by making all women victims of sexual abuse, it further divides the sexes, enough to where they start to become enemies. And that's not a good thing. I'm the last person on earth who wants the credibility of women further eroded.

It's similar to the continuous false narrative we hear in the US about race relations. Everyone knows that not all people in the US are racist, yet we're told every day on the six o'clock news that we are all a bunch of racists. It's disgusting.

The same thing happens with unwanted pregnancies. Every adult who has had at least some sex education knows that two people are involved in the process of making a baby. However, the ultra-feminist media spins it as the man is solely responsible. The woman never consented, so this guy should be punished forever.



Don't mean to beat a dead horse here, but there you go again. Men are not capable of giving children to women to take care of. It requires the consent of the woman so the man can do his part in the process of making babies.

If you are still confused about this, here is a link for you:

https://www.amazon.com/Birds-Bees-Parentss-Perspective-Relationship-ebook/dp/B08SR7VZTM

Boo hoo read the bible.
I believe what the bible says about it. You can have your feelings all you want. It don't change the Bible. Engaging in gross hyperbole is just dishonest.

I recommend reading the bible when it comes to men and women's relationships.
Below is a scripture for you.

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
1 Timothy 5:8 ESV

 

[Godsgirl83]

*looks at title above room: CHRISTIAN FAMILY FORUM*

for a moment I thought I had stumbled into Bible Discussion (er DEBATE) Forum.
This thread seems to have derailed into such.......
Perhaps the debris from this wreck can be cleaned up and relocated there.
HINT HINT

 

[Blackpowderduelist]

Well, that's a first. I have never been called a feminist before. I have been called misogynist, and patriarchal, along with many other things.
It's not funny when supposedly Christians put their socio-political identity before the Bible.

 

[DesertWanderer]

*looks at title above room: CHRISTIAN FAMILY FORUM*

for a moment I thought I had stumbled into Bible Discussion (er DEBATE) Forum.
This thread seems to have derailed into such.......
Perhaps the debris from this wreck can be cleaned up and relocated there.
HINT HINT

Truth hurts sometimes, HINT HINT

 

[Tararose]

I understand this and this is why I mentioned me wanting to do the right thing, I am well aware that we have been living in sin, I told him I wanted to please God and wanted to get married, he made me believe he wanted the same which lead me to believe it would happen soon, I can’t make the man propose and commit to me if he’s not willing. I know I need to choose God I was just hoping I could have my marriage my husband my family & GOD that TOGETHER we could grow closer to him and serve him. guess that’s not happening and maybe his will is for me to be a single mother with a broken family.

I am a single mother with a broken family. It was not God's will for my life, but I made choices, as you have been making choices all this time. And we have to be answerable for those choices. Sometimes it is painful to be disciplined, but right now, that discipline means one thing, God loves you. He is convicting you and you have to make a decision.

You won't be alone. You won't have fatherless children because the Lord will provide for them if you trust in Him. God has taught me more in my walk through being a mum than I learned through any other role. It has been invaluable and my children are my greatest blessing, I know that is hard to say at this moment maybe, but you will shout it from the roof tops and thank God for being a single mum WITH HIM one day if you make the right choice.

He has NEVER failed me yet, I have failed him more times than I care to recall, but He has ALWAYS remained faithful. We have been through tough times, but always had enough to eat and a roof over our heads, which is more than half the world.

Dont despair, it can turn around for good. But right now you have to meet that decision. It is a case of God or man, and God is actually making it a fairly obvious choice for you, because your man clearly is not interested in providing, committing, loving you or being a husband or a man of God. Talk is cheap, but we can tell a tree by its fruit.

It is time to choose this day who to serve. I know it is hard to give up on the hopes and the dreams, but reality is what it is. It hurts, and God doesn't belittle the pain, but He is a good father who makes us cut off what is killing us, to save us.

I am praying you will make the choice and stick to it, thank God you did not marry. Thank the Lord that you haven't committed to stay with this man until he dies. You don't have to face what seems would be an inevitable and painful divorce and the scorn of half the church who see you as defiled, you can repent now and walk away and hold your head up high. You have taken back the ground the enemy gained if you do that. You have chosen life, and the Lord will not shake his head and say, ok ok I suppose I have to have you back. No, He will run to you and embrace you and welcome you home, kill the fatted calf and celebrate with you.

You won't be miserable. you will be free. You will have won and gained everything, not lost everything.

See it for what it is, through the eyes of a loving God who wants to be with you every moment of every day.

God bless you.

 

[Tararose]

Thank you and you truly always have the right words. I appreciate you taking your time to give me your outlook and your advice and I respect you for being kind about it. I honestly stopped worrying about him and I shifted my focus on growing my relationship with God. I am happy to say that yesterday I got baptized and I can’t wait for the new beginnings the Lord has in store for me and my children . I unblocked him from my phone, we agreed to be cordial and adults & he is spending time with our toddler as we speak, I will never keep my children from him. I gave my life to Jesus Christ yesterday when I decided to be washed free from my sins I chose God above anything else, and the only way this man will ever be in my life again is if things are done correctly and accordingly to Gods will.

I saw this after posting a response, the Lord bless and keep you in his love. Trust him daily and lean on Him what a beautiful thing to have read today. thank you for blessing my heart and praise the Lord!

 

[Billyd]

I thank God everyday for a single mother who raised two wonderful daughters. The younger one, who met her father three times, has been the love of my life for almost sixty years. That single mother met a great man when my wife was 15 years old. They were married almost forty years when he passed away. He adopted both the daughters and treated them as he treated his own three children.

If you are a single mother, and the father of your children fails to support them, put him out to pasture. You can and must raise the children on your own. I know that it's a crazy mixed up world that you have to cope with, but with God's guidance, you will be surprised what God will do.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I understand this and this is why I mentioned me wanting to do the right thing, I am well aware that we have been living in sin, I told him I wanted to please God and wanted to get married, he made me believe he wanted the same which lead me to believe it would happen soon, I can’t make the man propose and commit to me if he’s not willing. I know I need to choose God I was just hoping I could have my marriage my husband my family & GOD that TOGETHER we could grow closer to him and serve him. guess that’s not happening and maybe his will is for me to be a single mother with a broken family.

It's nothing to do with God's will. Quite the opposite, this situation originated outside His will and these are the unfortunate consequences.
And when that man walked out on you, that had nothing to do with God's will, that was the choice that individual made all on his own.

Also I don't say that to throw anything in your face or attack you. Quite the opposite, owning our choices and recognizing when we put ourselves into these situations (rather than blaming anyone else, or claiming it's God's will) is an important step towards growth. And that growth helps keep us from repeating these mistakes.
It was a very hard lesson for me to have to learn. And I still struggle with it, but I've also seen the positive results that have come from doing so.

My gf is a single mother. So I'm not putting them down. She's an amazing woman that's persevered through a lot of struggles, and still is dealing with a lot. But she's managing. And I respect her for that.

So own the situation, learn from it and move on and don't let the spiteful, bitter, religious d-bags that have popped up tear you down. They aren't living your life and they'll account for their words one day.