Hey Everyone,
The inspiration for this thread came from two sources:
First, I had a chat conversation yesterday with an old CC friend, and we were talking about high school cliques, acceptance, and what it meant to be "cool" back then vs. what's "cool" now.
One thing that amazes me about this friend is that they always seem have a pretty sure idea of who they are, where they stand, and where they fit, which is something I both slightly envy and can't imagine myself being at the same time. One of the reasons I chose the username "Seoulsearch" is because it represents my interest in who others are, along with my lifelong search of who God made me to be.
Self-identity and feelings of rejection have always been two of my sharpest thorns.
The second thing that got me thinking was an interview with a famous actress (Evanna Lynch, aka "Luna Lovegood" in a certain set of films,) who has long publicized her battles with eating disorders and actively tries to help young fans who write her for advice.
She was talking about her many years in therapy, and that a key component is to recognize when healing has taken place, and that it's time to move on from that issue altogether in order to tackle the next rather than cling on to old issues. I was thinking how profound this observation was, as it often seems to me, that even (and sometimes especially) within the church, the people with the most pain also get the most attention, which sometimes results in people clinging on to their pain. It's the only thing that's bringing them the nurturing and love they otherwise aren't receiving.
Now, please know that I am NOT in any way trying to belittle or dismiss those who are hurting -- we all have some kind of trauma and background pain.
But I was thinking about Ms. Lynch's statement that it is important to recognize when we are healed in one area, and then move on to the next.
The reason I was thinking about this is because I had a friend once who called me a Pain Magnet. They said that anyone within a 20-mile radius would find me and want to tell me all about their pain. Over the years, I came to observe that some people (not all, but some) will say they want help, but do they really? In today's culture, it almost seems fashionable to list your many traumas, and if someone has a "better" trauma story (one that gets more attention,) people will come up with something else to top it.
Again, I am not at all trying to say that people in pain do not want help and can't be healed. But I do know that some people seem to have made their pain into their own self-identity, and would, in a sense, feel lost without it.
* Why do we hold on to pain, even when God is sending us help, or a way out?
* Is there a way to convince people holding on to pain to want to let it go and start healing?
* Has pain become so much of a part of us that we are afraid to heal because we fear who we would be without it?
* How do we recognize when we are healed from something, and how do we move on from there?
One of the reasons I'm writing this thread is because lately, I've been asking God what things I've held on to that I falsely see as part of my self-identity, and what I have to do in order to let them go. Subsequently, I have been asking myself questions such as, "What would happen if I no longer felt rejected or feared rejection, and who would I?"
Why do you believe people sometimes want to hold on to their pain, and is there anything we can do to convince them (or ourselves) to do otherwise?
The inspiration for this thread came from two sources:
First, I had a chat conversation yesterday with an old CC friend, and we were talking about high school cliques, acceptance, and what it meant to be "cool" back then vs. what's "cool" now.
One thing that amazes me about this friend is that they always seem have a pretty sure idea of who they are, where they stand, and where they fit, which is something I both slightly envy and can't imagine myself being at the same time. One of the reasons I chose the username "Seoulsearch" is because it represents my interest in who others are, along with my lifelong search of who God made me to be.
Self-identity and feelings of rejection have always been two of my sharpest thorns.
The second thing that got me thinking was an interview with a famous actress (Evanna Lynch, aka "Luna Lovegood" in a certain set of films,) who has long publicized her battles with eating disorders and actively tries to help young fans who write her for advice.
She was talking about her many years in therapy, and that a key component is to recognize when healing has taken place, and that it's time to move on from that issue altogether in order to tackle the next rather than cling on to old issues. I was thinking how profound this observation was, as it often seems to me, that even (and sometimes especially) within the church, the people with the most pain also get the most attention, which sometimes results in people clinging on to their pain. It's the only thing that's bringing them the nurturing and love they otherwise aren't receiving.
Now, please know that I am NOT in any way trying to belittle or dismiss those who are hurting -- we all have some kind of trauma and background pain.
But I was thinking about Ms. Lynch's statement that it is important to recognize when we are healed in one area, and then move on to the next.
The reason I was thinking about this is because I had a friend once who called me a Pain Magnet. They said that anyone within a 20-mile radius would find me and want to tell me all about their pain. Over the years, I came to observe that some people (not all, but some) will say they want help, but do they really? In today's culture, it almost seems fashionable to list your many traumas, and if someone has a "better" trauma story (one that gets more attention,) people will come up with something else to top it.
Again, I am not at all trying to say that people in pain do not want help and can't be healed. But I do know that some people seem to have made their pain into their own self-identity, and would, in a sense, feel lost without it.
* Why do we hold on to pain, even when God is sending us help, or a way out?
* Is there a way to convince people holding on to pain to want to let it go and start healing?
* Has pain become so much of a part of us that we are afraid to heal because we fear who we would be without it?
* How do we recognize when we are healed from something, and how do we move on from there?
One of the reasons I'm writing this thread is because lately, I've been asking God what things I've held on to that I falsely see as part of my self-identity, and what I have to do in order to let them go. Subsequently, I have been asking myself questions such as, "What would happen if I no longer felt rejected or feared rejection, and who would I?"
Why do you believe people sometimes want to hold on to their pain, and is there anything we can do to convince them (or ourselves) to do otherwise?
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