That gave me a laugh - yes I have yelled, but not at my emotions - at God. I too worried my neighbors heard it. I too have begged for death and have thought about it - mine is from relentless physical pain. It's hard to bear. Some days are better than others but when you can't sleep because of pain and you're awoken in the middle of the night with it and it goes on and on and on it's like Chinese water torture.
Thank you for the encouragement. It helps to know when other believers reach times of despair. One verse in Scripture said the apostles "despaired of life" and I guess that sums up where I've reached.
Oh . . . boy. Physical pain. I have never experienced such continual pain, so all that I can do is imagine. I wish there was something I could do to help. Prayer is good, but action is better than sitting back and praying that God would do all the work. And by the way . . . the Lord sees you and knows exactly how you are feeling. And I'm not just saying that. I have felt the Raw, Almighty Power of God in a physical and measurable way, and from this, I was able to conclude that it doesn't matter where we are, be it in a plane or if falling from a place . . . the Lord is right there with us latitude and longitude every nanosecond of the day. The Truth seems to be that we all have a Cross to bear; all of God's Children will have a miserable cross to bear, for the Lord's Children will follow the Path of Christ, which includes suffering.
And God Loves the poor, oppressed, and those who are suffering! So if we are suffering, and you certainly are, then consider yourself as one Loved by God. Jesus came to heal those who are sick; not those who are well (Spiritual healing). And so consider yourself to be of this Holy Flock of sufferers! The word "endure" comes up in many forms throughout the New Testament (at least within the Pauline writings) for a reason. Those who are enduring are those who are suffering. Incredibly, we must endure each of our varied forms of pain, sorrow, and misery, all the while Trusting in Christ and His Power to raise us from the dead. I do. I have never been more miserable in my life, but it only makes me lean upon Him more and more. The more miserable I become, the more focused on the Lord I am. So . . . this seems to be the path of God, that in by suffering, we become like Christ, and to become like Christ is one of our primary objectives.
Read all of the below verses. Some of them really hit home, such as the last one.
Romans 8:17 NLT - 17 And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God's glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.
2 Corinthians 12:10 NLT - 10 That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Philippians 3:10 NLT - 10 I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death,
Colossians 1:24 NLT - 24 I am glad when I suffer for you in my body, for I am participating in the sufferings of Christ that continue for his body, the church.
2 Timothy 2:3 NLT - 3 Endure suffering along with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.
Hebrews 10:32 NLT - 32 Think back on those early days when you first learned about Christ. Remember how you remained faithful even though it meant terrible suffering.
1 Peter 2:21 NLT - 21 For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps.
1 Peter 3:18 NLT - 18 Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but he died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit.
1 Peter 4:1, 13 NLT - 1 So then, since Christ suffered physical pain, you must arm yourselves with the same attitude he had, and be ready to suffer, too. For if you have suffered physically for Christ, you have finished with sin. ... 13 Instead, be very glad--for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.
1 Peter 5:10 NLT - 10 In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.