Putting the Christian in Christian Dating

[Lanolin]

You can have a date on December 25th. Easy to remember.
Also, wedding will be much easier as everyone will already be there, with food.
all you need to do is say Im getting married on December 25th, invite people over and then say all you need to do is turn up.

If they dont know the intended you are referring to, well, there is no hope is there.

 

[Lynx]

And everybody will be busy with family Christmas stuff and nobody will come to the wedding.

Which would make for a wedding with much less hassle... but the preacher will probably not be able to make it either, so there goes the wedding.

 

[MegMarch]

• What is your most unbiblical or outrageous experience of Christian dating or advice (because there have to be some entertaining stories out there)? -I don't know if I was told this directly, but through an amalgamation of experiences it became apparent to me that many Christians view online dating in a negative light. A bunch of heathens only looking for sex. I also read a lot of articles about divorce and remarriage. Many of them were extremely harmful to my psyche and made me think I was going to be single for the rest of my life. After about a hot minute of that idea, I ditched it and moved on.
• What involvement should your community / church family have in your dating life? Minimal. Christians have unattainable standards at times. It is great to involve them to a certain degree, but if the relationship is overall healthy, don't overshare because they may place undue pressure on the relationship.
• How do we keep our expectations in line with our faith, but not hold all potential dates to the impossible standard of "perfect Christian partner"? It is each person's choice what their expectations are. If the expectations are doing more damage than good, then they should be reassessed and viewed as harmful and unloving.
• How should dating advice and standards change for someone who is 35+ instead of someone who is college age (because seriously so many Christian dating resources are clearly created for the young singles who just haven't married yet)? I might possibly be working on a book to address this topic because it is not easily stated in a couple sentences. Haha.

 

[Lanolin]

Meg I wonder when your book is coming out.

The many christian books I read on dating almost always assume that you are...

white
female
american
can afford to go to college
between the ages of 18 and 24

 

[SigP226]

I mean I COULD spout a lot of advice, but I have no idea if it would be accurate or wildly off target. (Of course that doesn't stop some people I know from spouting it anyway...)

You owe me a new laptop! I just spit coffee all over mine!

 

[Lynx]

No problem. I get off-lease thinkpads from ebay all the time. Next time I pick one up I'll send you the laptop it is replacing in my setup.

 

[Lanolin]

@cinder

worst was someone trying to set me up with guy in church in a wheelchair and who talked 19 to the dozen and had a house full of bulldogs. Just cos he was the only single guy.

I was like no thanks. You dont have to invite him and me to your backyard bbq cos hes always at church and if I wanted to talk to him I would but I dont cos he usually does not let me get a word in anyway.


If the church did social things like a dance for people to couple up they would. But they dont if its a baptist church. They dont do anything. What they expect is women to go to bible college and find someone studying to be a minister, drop out and be a wife instead...but also somehow earning enough herself to pay for her husbands studies.

Clearly this doesnt work but all the christian dating books assume that this is the way to go.

 

[Lanolin]

oh the other one in a different church was

oh go out with so and hes a single dad. Im like but why. Wouldnt I be intruding on someone elses family if I did that. And What happened to the ex wife?

mostly youth dont even go to church they would only come when it was an event or a combined church thing and theyd have rallies, thats when people would find someone, cos the people you got to church with are like your brothers and sisters. You just dont go out with your brother or sister. or if you do its not like you ever would marry them because..,they are your brother! (or sister) You already practically live with them and see them all the time anyway, and you already know how annoying they can be.

 

[Dino246]

If the church is very involved, this can add pressure on the couple (such as pressure on the man to propose quickly, etc.). If both attend the same church and the break-up did not go well, it would be best if one person left the church. It may be too much for the man/woman to see the other person dating someone else. However, if the breakup is amicable and if the dating period was short, both can remain in the church.

Very good points! They are among the reasons why I have never dated anyone who attends my local church.

(The fact that there aren't any suitable candidates has nothing to do with it, I'm sure....)

 

[Kojikun]

Well to give credit where credit is due: this thread was inspired by the following post



And it got me thinking about how we kind of know that following Jesus should change how we think about pretty much everything, including dating. But we also hear a lot of advice / opinons about dating in our Christian communities that either doesn't sound different from the world or is very action behavior based but doesn't give us a whole lot of guidance in how to think differently and Christianly about such things. So as we think about how following Jesus should affect the way we date / seek a life partner here are some questions to get the discussion going:

• What is your most unbiblical or outrageous experience of Christian dating or advice (because there have to be some entertaining stories out there)?
• How does being a Christian change the way you approach (and treat) people you're interested in / dating ?
• How do you balance the idea that sex should be reserved for marriage with a sex drive that's ready to go just a few dates in? How do you honestly deal with that tension in a relationship without increasing temptation?
• What do you do if you have been dating someone from your church and then break up? How does a Christian act in such circumstances? If this is your friend going through it, how should we all respond as a church family?
• What involvement should your community / church family have in your dating life?
• How do we keep our expectations in line with our faith, but not hold all potential dates to the impossible standard of "perfect Christian partner"?
• How should dating advice and standards change for someone who is 35+ instead of someone who is college age (because seriously so many Christian dating resources are clearly created for the young singles who just haven't married yet)?
• What else do you think is relevant to the conversation?

Tbh I have had worse luck on Christian dating sites. You would think being Christian they would not block or Ghost you for simply saying "Hi" unfortunately that is not the case. I've had better luck on secular sites. As for being Christian it definitely has changed my approach to dating. Unfortunately it has also made it significantly harder as I would want to find a Christian women. Finding one I'm attracted to and one who would be attracted to my nerdiness and my introvert ways seems impossible. In fact it's very depressing.

 

[SigP226]

No problem. I get off-lease thinkpads from ebay all the time. Next time I pick one up I'll send you the laptop it is replacing in my setup.

Fair enough! ha ha!

 

[christiangirl420]

Hi everyone!
I thought I could add an interesting perspective to the issue of temptation. I am gay, so naturally under God's way, I must not act in sin. I am in a heterosexual marriage currently. Everyday proves to be another challenge. I often fantasize about a life outside of the church where I can marry the girl of my dreams. So as you may imagine, I know a little about fighting temptation. So here are tips: eat celery, take a bath, learn a new game, or just for it and get a glass of wine with the ladies. Celery reduces your sex drive and taking bath some much needed alone time if you know what I mean. I also highly gutted a prescription for some kind of antidepressant or other drug that will numb all feeling or thoughts you may have. This will allow you to forget what you actually want and go on living your lie. Now this may seen pessimistic, but remember, we must follow god's way even if it makes us miserable and without release.

 

[Lynx]

Hi everyone!
I thought I could add an interesting perspective to the issue of temptation. I am gay, so naturally under God's way, I must not act in sin. I am in a heterosexual marriage currently. Everyday proves to be another challenge. I often fantasize about a life outside of the church where I can marry the girl of my dreams. So as you may imagine, I know a little about fighting temptation. So here are tips: eat celery, take a bath, learn a new game, or just for it and get a glass of wine with the ladies. Celery reduces your sex drive and taking bath some much needed alone time if you know what I mean. I also highly gutted a prescription for some kind of antidepressant or other drug that will numb all feeling or thoughts you may have. This will allow you to forget what you actually want and go on living your lie. Now this may seen pessimistic, but remember, we must follow god's way even if it makes us miserable and without release.

"christiangirl420" really? You couldn't come up with anything more blatant? I guess "I-am-a-troll" was already taken.

 

[melita916]

Wat

 

[tourist]

Wat

Dat

 

[tourist]

. Celery reduces your sex .

Gonna hafta lay off the celery.

 

[Lanolin]

uh.

Does anyone here organises social outings for their church group, workmates, schools, volunteer groups etc.

I actually used to organise a lot of social things but Ive given up mostly now thanks to covid.

Different from dating, as its one on one, but it takes some organisation and planning skills. A lot of people just cant be bothered doing it, some people are great at it and can organise an activity every week.

for example. some churches do walks or they do book clubs, craft, bowls, netball, day trips, movie nights, pamper days, camps, dinners, bbqs etc.

 

[Lynx]

Wat

Gonna hafta lay off the celery.

My favorite part was the last line, about being miserable. If I am single and not miserable, am I doing something wrong?

Maybe I should be eating more celery. I never have been real big on celery. Eating a lot of celery would probably make me miserable.

 

[tourist]

My favorite part was the last line, about being miserable. If I am single and not miserable, am I doing something wrong?

Maybe I should be eating more celery. I never have been real big on celery. Eating a lot of celery would probably make me miserable.

...not to bad with a little ranch dressing though.

 

[Lynx]

Doesn't the ranch dressing negate the putative benefit of eating celery? I thought eating healthy was celery's big thing. if you put ranch dressing on it, that takes away the healthy part.