"Women Only Want Money"; "Men Only Want Sex." How Do You Cope With These Assumptions?

[kinda]

I dont care what people assume about me... time will tell if they are correct or not.

Great attitude Pipp! Keep your chin up Pipp, you are gonna go places.

 

[zeroturbulence]

"Women Only Want Money"; "Men Only Want Sex." How Do You Cope With These Assumptions?

Stay single.

 

[RodB651]

@seoulsearch..
In reality, men just want to go on long walks
and talk about how taxation is theft.

 

[Emerald_May]

I know I took considerable time to explain my own frustration with the belief that a woman is only out for a man's wallet...

One of my hopes for this thread is that we'll also get the chance to hear the counterpoint -- men who are fed up with being seen as only being out for sex, what they feel they have to do to counteract/disprove that belief, and the frustrations they may feel because of it.

Hi Soulsearch,

Hi interesting thread..Unfortunately men have a two fold struggle.One of them unfortunately is that in the world we live in it's mostly men who commit sex crimes...it's mostly men who are only after one thing...we hear of politicians,presidents,pastors,husbands alike falling into sex scandals of various kinds...plus its mostly men who are into pedophilia/child porn you name it and unfortunately this does give men as a gender a particular type of labelling.The second one is a degree is presumption this can cause when it comes to dating as I have heard of some churches that have strict rules where a guy cannot approach a woman if he likes her but must 1st chat with the pastor and explain how he feels about her,his intentions towards her..if he is looking for a wife...does he work..can he provide for her..bla bla bla...but he has no idea if the woman in question even likes him yet..Some guys are seen in such a negative light as having no self control that they are not allowed to be alone with who they are dating but must always be among others.I do understand the wisdom in this too...yet there us no actual evidence to suggest he has inappropriate intentions at all in many cases..Its just assumed that a guy can't be trusted.

Personally I hate such labelling coz we all know that no every guy is like that..and many of us have sexual struggles for sure but that doesn't mean we're gonna wanna fornicate with who we're dating or like ect..I personally hate sexual sin coz it causes so much pain and damage and is so deceptive.Funny enough I have met women who seem to like the ideas that guys are at times seen to want to be after sex coz it gives them feel self righteous and I have heard some even say that "you guys are all weak..."..being told to guys who they have no real evidence to be labelling as sexually weak.
I have never come across dating a woman who has been after my money.Often I come across those who try to control me or play mind games and many times the gift of discernment is stronger when is in a relationship or like someone whereby I begin to spirtually react to what's behind it all.

I love the idea of going out for a meal and paying for the meal at times...naturally thing would be 50/50 on other dates ect...I live in England and there are some women who wanna be treated like a queen but don't wanna treat the guy like a king.I think it's horrible for any woman to like a guy and date him only to realise that he is only after sex and some guys will manipulate..flatter ect just to woo her into bed..Its a terrible thing to happen and I know it happens among Christian too.
I have had a woman once presume I was like other guys and wanted sex....and even tried it on but she soon realised she wasn't getting anywhere and yelled "I hate you!"
I think it's blessing to have our presumptions proved wrong and I would really cherish a woman even more if my presumptions of being controlled or mind games being played I have are proved wrong...man...its time to rejoice..

In my 25 years of existence in this world lol I only dated once and it was some kind of experience, we did not engage in premarital sex in our three years of relationship and I'm really glad that we did not cause he was bragging to his friends that if he wasn't a good guy, I would have been pregnant a long time, it leave me an impression to be wary of guys, he was even a pastor and I just hear rumor from rumor that I was cheating and I even supported part of his studies, I was willing to support him through out the way but I was broken and my walk in Christ has been affecting it, my relationship with my family and its changing me in a bad way of course I'm not blaming him alone. I decided that Christ is more than enough for me and I'm glad that I did not jump to commiting to sexual sin, I think once you've tasted such temptation your flesh will crave for it, even Moses flee when Potiphar's wife seduce him and the 10 commandments was not even given to them at that time cause maybe He doesn't want the presence of God to separate to him, ofcourse I'm not perfect my flesh is curious for it, honestly I desire for my mind thinks about it especially at cold nights hahaa it but I have God and His been giving me strength to obey and persevere to God be the glory and if ever I will choose a man ofcourse money and securit`y would play a role, I don't want my children to suffer.

 

[Lanolin]

my experience is men will maybe wait for a week or so, and THEN start the pressure for sex, so as not to give the impression they are after sex.
It seems to me if there is a delay, they wanna hide the fact that they were thinking of it the instant they saw you...to prove they are 'good'.

sigh. I dunno.

No mans really gonna say to your face, youre ugly, I dont want to have kids with you.

the most they might say is 'lets take it slow' and Im thinking...er...what does 'it' even mean??

 

[Lanolin]

@seoulsearch..
In reality, men just want to go on long walks
and talk about how taxation is theft.

hmm

the long walk thing...I once went on a date where we walked somewhere and this guy was huffing and puffing cos he was so unfit we were just WALKING.

the taxation thing...only if the guy has his own business or self employed you will not hear the end of it, is pretty much all they can talk about.

Im like maybe I'll just go with someone who is not his own boss.

 

[Lynx]

my experience is men will maybe wait for a week or so, and THEN start the pressure for sex, so as not to give the impression they are after sex.
It seems to me if there is a delay, they wanna hide the fact that they were thinking of it the instant they saw you...to prove they are 'good'.

sigh. I dunno.

No mans really gonna say to your face, youre ugly, I dont want to have kids with you.

the most they might say is 'lets take it slow' and Im thinking...er...what does 'it' even mean??

So "Let's jump in bed right now!" means he's a player and "Let's take it slow" means he thinks you're ugly...

No-win scenario for the man. Either way he goes you can claim he is at fault. Shame on all men for being anything.

 

[melita916]

Or maybe there is a 3rd category of men who are after God’s heart and want the covenant of marriage!

Or.... have the gift of contentment

Idk!

My husband didn’t pressure me at all when we were dating. I guess I’m ugly

 

[Runningman]

Hey Everyone,

I don't know about you all, but as a long-time single in the Christian community, these two statements seem to be the most prevalent pre-conceived notions that I see in the dating world:

1. "Women Are Only Out for Money."

2. Men Are Only Out for Sex."

Here is an excerpt from a post I made in another thread:

Stereotypes are so plentiful that I would have to contemplate that maybe it takes active work to try to not buy into them.

A long time ago I seemed to be on this streak of meeting guys who said they were Christian, but one wanted me to meet him at a house where we'd be alone (on a first date,) and another, whom I actually liked and would have gone out with again -- except that he started texting me to ask how soon we could "start sharing bodies" -- after the first date.

Despite this, I didn't get to a point where I expected or thought all men would be like that. However, I did let myself believe that any guy I liked would just soon replace me anyway, so I didn't put in much effort. Fortunately, I had a couple of close friends who were willing to take on the challenge of flat-out telling me, "You need to change your attitude." What really hit home to me was when a close female friend wrote me and said, "Whenever you start talking about guys, I absolutely cringe, because I can assure you, none of the men in my family are like that."

And that's when I knew I needed to seriously repent and ask God for help (though I still admit, part of me still expects to be replaced and braces myself for it, or keeps some distance.)

I also know that the biggest belief I seem to have to fight against as a single woman is that women are only out for money. I have sat through many a (first and only) date in which the guy would tell me his entire dating history of all the women who had done him wrong, which usually involved his bank account. Now I understand that completely -- we've all been hurt, and many of us were hurt in the same way repeatedly.

But the turning point for me is when they turn it into a personal challenge and make the implication: "Prove to me that YOU'RE any different." I always, always offer to pay my own way on a date. But the minute that stereotype shows up in full force and gets projected onto me, I try my best to politely listen the rest of the time, ask the waiter for the full check for both of us so that I can pay, thank him for his time, and go on my merry way.

If someone is convinced that I'm going to be like everyone else and thinks that I have to somehow prove myself, that is the one and only time I'll make the effort to do so.

And it has also made me hyper-aware that I have to actively work against doing this to anyone else -- I can't assume that they are going to be like X (or exes,) and try to make it their job to prove that they are somehow the exception, because I don't want anyone else to do that to me.

How about all of you?

* What previously-held beliefs do you or have you thought about others when dating? What assumptions have they made about you?

* When someone assumes something about you, do you feel a need to work to prove that you are different? Do you mind feeling a need to do so, or does it leave you feeling resentful?

* How do you handle it if you assume something about someone -- and are proven wrong?

I'm guessing that most everyone in the dating community runs into these kinds of situations, and I am very interested in hearing about how the rest of you react to it.

These assumptions are often true. There are truths to them, but there are reasons. Reasons don't justify it, but the truth has to do with materialism.

Materialism is often frowned upon because it's vanity, but materials aren't useless. People have to breed to propagate humanity and since there are so many people they compete with each other for the best territory.

Men are attracted to visual things therefore women make efforts to be pretty. Women are attracted alpha males because the fittest males will be the most successful, the most wealthy, and the best providers.

This combination produces the best possible human: good looking, intelligent, and physically fit, and probably highly successful.

What sets people apart from animals is their soul. We are thinking and feeling just like God is because we're made in his image.

Our ability for higher thought supercedes base instincts, therefore we can redefine partner suitability based on deeper connections like faith, principals, morals, and whatever else we have in common.

So when we see these stereotypes we're just getting a glimpse the worldly nature of people.

 

[kinda]

So "Let's jump in bed right now!" means he's a player and "Let's take it slow" means he thinks you're ugly...

No-win scenario for the man. Either way he goes you can claim he is at fault. Shame on all men for being anything.

"The only winning move is not to play". Hmmmmm

 

[true_believer]

Hey Everyone,

I don't know about you all, but as a long-time single in the Christian community, these two statements seem to be the most prevalent pre-conceived notions that I see in the dating world:

1. "Women Are Only Out for Money."

2. Men Are Only Out for Sex."

Here is an excerpt from a post I made in another thread:

Stereotypes are so plentiful that I would have to contemplate that maybe it takes active work to try to not buy into them.

A long time ago I seemed to be on this streak of meeting guys who said they were Christian, but one wanted me to meet him at a house where we'd be alone (on a first date,) and another, whom I actually liked and would have gone out with again -- except that he started texting me to ask how soon we could "start sharing bodies" -- after the first date.

Despite this, I didn't get to a point where I expected or thought all men would be like that. However, I did let myself believe that any guy I liked would just soon replace me anyway, so I didn't put in much effort. Fortunately, I had a couple of close friends who were willing to take on the challenge of flat-out telling me, "You need to change your attitude." What really hit home to me was when a close female friend wrote me and said, "Whenever you start talking about guys, I absolutely cringe, because I can assure you, none of the men in my family are like that."

And that's when I knew I needed to seriously repent and ask God for help (though I still admit, part of me still expects to be replaced and braces myself for it, or keeps some distance.)

I also know that the biggest belief I seem to have to fight against as a single woman is that women are only out for money. I have sat through many a (first and only) date in which the guy would tell me his entire dating history of all the women who had done him wrong, which usually involved his bank account. Now I understand that completely -- we've all been hurt, and many of us were hurt in the same way repeatedly.

But the turning point for me is when they turn it into a personal challenge and make the implication: "Prove to me that YOU'RE any different." I always, always offer to pay my own way on a date. But the minute that stereotype shows up in full force and gets projected onto me, I try my best to politely listen the rest of the time, ask the waiter for the full check for both of us so that I can pay, thank him for his time, and go on my merry way.

If someone is convinced that I'm going to be like everyone else and thinks that I have to somehow prove myself, that is the one and only time I'll make the effort to do so.

And it has also made me hyper-aware that I have to actively work against doing this to anyone else -- I can't assume that they are going to be like X (or exes,) and try to make it their job to prove that they are somehow the exception, because I don't want anyone else to do that to me.

How about all of you?

* What previously-held beliefs do you or have you thought about others when dating? What assumptions have they made about you?

* When someone assumes something about you, do you feel a need to work to prove that you are different? Do you mind feeling a need to do so, or does it leave you feeling resentful?

* How do you handle it if you assume something about someone -- and are proven wrong?

I'm guessing that most everyone in the dating community runs into these kinds of situations, and I am very interested in hearing about how the rest of you react to it.

Hey Everyone,

I don't know about you all, but as a long-time single in the Christian community, these two statements seem to be the most prevalent pre-conceived notions that I see in the dating world:

1. "Women Are Only Out for Money."

2. Men Are Only Out for Sex."

Here is an excerpt from a post I made in another thread:

Stereotypes are so plentiful that I would have to contemplate that maybe it takes active work to try to not buy into them.

A long time ago I seemed to be on this streak of meeting guys who said they were Christian, but one wanted me to meet him at a house where we'd be alone (on a first date,) and another, whom I actually liked and would have gone out with again -- except that he started texting me to ask how soon we could "start sharing bodies" -- after the first date.

Despite this, I didn't get to a point where I expected or thought all men would be like that. However, I did let myself believe that any guy I liked would just soon replace me anyway, so I didn't put in much effort. Fortunately, I had a couple of close friends who were willing to take on the challenge of flat-out telling me, "You need to change your attitude." What really hit home to me was when a close female friend wrote me and said, "Whenever you start talking about guys, I absolutely cringe, because I can assure you, none of the men in my family are like that."

And that's when I knew I needed to seriously repent and ask God for help (though I still admit, part of me still expects to be replaced and braces myself for it, or keeps some distance.)

I also know that the biggest belief I seem to have to fight against as a single woman is that women are only out for money. I have sat through many a (first and only) date in which the guy would tell me his entire dating history of all the women who had done him wrong, which usually involved his bank account. Now I understand that completely -- we've all been hurt, and many of us were hurt in the same way repeatedly.

But the turning point for me is when they turn it into a personal challenge and make the implication: "Prove to me that YOU'RE any different." I always, always offer to pay my own way on a date. But the minute that stereotype shows up in full force and gets projected onto me, I try my best to politely listen the rest of the time, ask the waiter for the full check for both of us so that I can pay, thank him for his time, and go on my merry way.

If someone is convinced that I'm going to be like everyone else and thinks that I have to somehow prove myself, that is the one and only time I'll make the effort to do so.

And it has also made me hyper-aware that I have to actively work against doing this to anyone else -- I can't assume that they are going to be like X (or exes,) and try to make it their job to prove that they are somehow the exception, because I don't want anyone else to do that to me.

How about all of you?

* What previously-held beliefs do you or have you thought about others when dating? What assumptions have they made about you?

* When someone assumes something about you, do you feel a need to work to prove that you are different? Do you mind feeling a need to do so, or does it leave you feeling resentful?

* How do you handle it if you assume something about someone -- and are proven wrong?

I'm guessing that most everyone in the dating community runs into these kinds of situations, and I am very interested in hearing about how the rest of you react to it.

Stereotyping genders with over-simplifications is just as ignorant as stereotyping ethnicity, race or religion.
But it's quite common now with the intense gender wars going on, especially in the West

 

[Lanolin]

I read this book about Kate Sheppard who led the campaign to get votes for women in new zealand back in 1863.

It was quite interesting to read mens attitudes towards women at the time.
But she had a very good point about widows who had families to look after, if they were not allowed to vote or have any say over their circumstances, what were they going to do?

aside from widows, how about those married with drunken husbands?
She was part of the christian temperence union and they were campaigning to stop men from getting drunk and beating up their wives.

stuff like that. I think it was not common for women to do the reverse, to get drunk and beat up their husbands.

 

[Lanolin]

so what happened was they had this rule that pubs had to close at 6oclock. so the husbands could go home and be with their families and wives

But what really ended up happening was the men got off work, went to the pub and sculled as much beer as they could before 6oclock and got even drunker, earlier in the evening.

They called it 'the six o clock swill'

True story.

 

[Lanolin]

Or maybe there is a 3rd category of men who are after God’s heart and want the covenant of marriage!

Or.... have the gift of contentment

Idk!

My husband didn’t pressure me at all when we were dating. I guess I’m ugly

? well

just wonder how many children you have Melita? idk

 

[RodB651]

? well

just wonder how many children you have Melita? idk

I've seen the look on Mel and her husband's face. I know they are quite happy and content with life. They are a fine example of what a happy/content marriage can be.

I think the question about how many children they have is out of line and it strikes me as sarcasm. That's their business not yours.

 

[Dino246]

I read this book about Kate Sheppard who led the campaign to get votes for women in new zealand back in 1863.

It was quite interesting to read mens attitudes towards women at the time.
But she had a very good point about widows who had families to look after, if they were not allowed to vote or have any say over their circumstances, what were they going to do?

aside from widows, how about those married with drunken husbands?
She was part of the christian temperence union and they were campaigning to stop men from getting drunk and beating up their wives.

stuff like that. I think it was not common for women to do the reverse, to get drunk and beat up their husbands.

You might be surprised to learn how commonly wives physically abuse their husbands. Most men never report it.

 

[Lynx]

For some reason every time i see this thread a song runs through my head.

I know what I want
And I want it now
I want you
Cause I'm Mr. Vain

 

[shineyourlight]

I dont care what people assume about me... time will tell if they are correct or not.

Exactly.

#wisdom

 

[cinder]

You might be surprised to learn how commonly wives physically abuse their husbands. Most men never report it.

Yeah, talking about unfair gender assumptions. Let's go with the one that men are weak if they are abused and dangerously violent if they ever actually try to physically defend themselves against the abuse.

 

[Dino246]

Yeah, talking about unfair gender assumptions. Let's go with the one that men are weak if they are abused and dangerously violent if they ever actually try to physically defend themselves against the abuse.

Add to that the Duluth Model, which is part of police training in most North American jurisdictions. It teaches officers to assume that in cases of domestic violence, the man is always the aggressor.