gifts, wanted and unwanted

[Lanolin]

Do married couples REALLY know each other?
I was just struck by this cos you would think that because married couples sleep right next to each other and supposedly talk to each other and see one another daily, that they would know each other really well.

Why then do they give each other gifts that neither wants?
Why dont they just ask each other what they would really like and save the hassle of guessing?

Say for example its a christmas or birthday coming up. A simple question like, what gift would you like me to give/buy or make? Be specific.

If its a book, what title?
If its food, what kind of food?
if its an activity, just make up a coupon which gives a few options.

I mean. Im happy with flowers honestly if its just to show you are thinking of someone.

I was talking to a wife who kinda complained that her husband had given her a huge memoir of an american president when she really hated reading about american politics! lol. How can he get it so wrong I wonder.

 

[Genipher]

I dunno. My husband usually knows what I want. I ask what he wants. We communicate our needs and desires.
Though we are still learning things about each other. Married almost 17 years now and the other day he was flabbergasted to learn that I hate marshmallows. Lol

 

[Lanolin]

Maybe the husband is going deaf. I think that happens to a lot of men when they get old.

I dont know if its the same problems with wives though. Maybe women lose their sight more than their hearing.

?

 

[oldethennew]

what a very ODD post -
it's obvious that you are totally ignorant of Godly aging and Godly love...
this is very sad to me, but yet, if you truly Love our Saviour, then hopefully
you will be open to Godly Enlightenment...

 

[Lanolin]

Yea its odd.

dont know about godly bit, when people say godly, they say as if its a word, but all it means is religious. Maybe people just do things out of obligation and dont even really think about it.

for example, Ive come across people who give tennis balls that dont bounce to the Operation Christmas child, assuming just cos the children live in a 'third world' country, they dont care about having balls that dont bounce. I was sorting through gifts and had to fish all inappropriate gifts out. But this supervisor at the time was like nah just give them to them anyway. But they dont really think how they would feel as a child to be given rejects that are pretty much unusable. Racquets arent given either though those wouldnt actually fit in a shoebox.

People ought to be Christlike, rather than godly.

 

[Genipher]

Yea its odd.

dont know about godly bit, when people say godly, they say as if its a word, but all it means is religious. Maybe people just do things out of obligation and dont even really think about it.

for example, Ive come across people who give tennis balls that dont bounce to the Operation Christmas child, assuming just cos the children live in a 'third world' country, they dont care about having balls that dont bounce. I was sorting through gifts and had to fish all inappropriate gifts out. But this supervisor at the time was like nah just give them to them anyway. But they dont really think how they would feel as a child to be given rejects that are pretty much unusable. Racquets arent given either though those wouldnt actually fit in a shoebox.

People ought to be Christlike, rather than godly.

Oh, don't mean to derail but my daughter and I have often wondered something about the Operation xmas boxes. So we usually pick a "theme". One year it was dinosaurs for the boys and unicorns for the girls. Our boxes got rather stuffed. As long as everything is appropriate, does everything we pack in one box go through to one kid? Or do items get shuffled from one box to another so one kid doesn't have more than another?

 

[Blackpowderduelist]

Thanks, my wife's birthday is coming up and now I wonder. Could I be getting it wrong?
Because what women want everyday ain't the same as what they want for birthdays or Christmas.
She wants a new vacuum cleaner, but don't get it as a gift.
With me it's easy, anything fishing, hunting, or tools, especially blackpowder accessories.
But with women you can watch her look at clothes and see her really like a blouse and then go to the store on her birthday and get it but now she don't like it, or they don't have the same one so ya get one very similar and it's wrong.

 

[JohnDB]

Husbands do that sort of thing to try and get the wife closer in his way of thinking...it's a way of sharing that often goes misunderstood. He is all excited about something and buys the best book possible for her to read and understand what is absorbing his thoughts.

And the rift gets a bit wider because of this.

That's not to say that this year I got my wife an expensive present that she never asked for. She didn't want to say anything about it to keep from hurting my feelings.
But she decided to investigate the thing a bit more...and then got really excited about it. Totally shocked at herself when she decided that it was an excellent present.

One of those times when I got very lucky indeed.

 

[Godsgirl83]

She wants a new vacuum cleaner, but don't get it as a gift.

I'm laughing cuz when we first got married and coworkers would ask hubs what he was getting me he would answer things like " dishes" "a pot/pan set" "washer/dryer" "Kitchen gadets" and they would give him faces (some of the ladies would say "OHHHH you're going to be in BIG trouble......") but the thing is, for me, even though it was bday/Christmas stuff those things were meaningful.
1. because they were high ticket items that at anyother time we would think twice about and wait....... even though some of them I REALLY wanted (special days just made it all the more reason to go get them)
2. because my husband doesn't just go out and get something. He puts A LOT of time into researching items, and price checking, and what's the best of the line, and are all the features pratical for my usage.... and does it have all the features I want. I mean he puts a lot of time and effort into that sorta thing, and a lot of love behind it. Even now that we have kiddos I still talk about the time "dad got me that washing machine " and they'll make faces.... UNTIL they hear the story behind it, then they're like "oh that was nice of daddy"
okay, I could probably gush about this stuff all day, but I think ya'll get the point.

Now, there are certain things he stays away from, such as clothes:

But with women you can watch her look at clothes and see her really like a blouse and then go to the store on her birthday and get it but now she don't like it, or they don't have the same one so ya get one very similar and it's wrong.

yeah, my hubs won't do that for the very same reason. Stuff like clothes, shoes, purses..... he stays away from (unless he is 100% that is "the one" and even then he hesitates)

 

[JohnDB]

I'm laughing cuz when we first got married and coworkers would ask hubs what he was getting me he would answer things like " dishes" "a pot/pan set" "washer/dryer" "Kitchen gadets" and they would give him faces (some of the ladies would say "OHHHH you're going to be in BIG trouble......") but the thing is, for me, even though it was bday/Christmas stuff those things were meaningful.
1. because they were high ticket items that at anyother time we would think twice about and wait....... even though some of them I REALLY wanted (special days just made it all the more reason to go get them)
2. because my husband doesn't just go out and get something. He puts A LOT of time into researching items, and price checking, and what's the best of the line, and are all the features pratical for my usage.... and does it have all the features I want. I mean he puts a lot of time and effort into that sorta thing, and a lot of love behind it. Even now that we have kiddos I still talk about the time "dad got me that washing machine " and they'll make faces.... UNTIL they hear the story behind it, then they're like "oh that was nice of daddy"
okay, I could probably gush about this stuff all day, but I think ya'll get the point.

Now, there are certain things he stays away from, such as clothes:

yeah, my hubs won't do that for the very same reason. Stuff like clothes, shoes, purses..... he stays away from (unless he is 100% that is "the one" and even then he hesitates)

Now once I made my wife a leather clutch bag...I just asked her what color she wanted and then bought the leather and materials to make it. I also put her name on it like she was a brand name.

She didn't seem to mind using that one either.

 

[Lanolin]

Oh, don't mean to derail but my daughter and I have often wondered something about the Operation xmas boxes. So we usually pick a "theme". One year it was dinosaurs for the boys and unicorns for the girls. Our boxes got rather stuffed. As long as everything is appropriate, does everything we pack in one box go through to one kid? Or do items get shuffled from one box to another so one kid doesn't have more than another?

well to answer your question...I only did this one year and it was quite some time ago so things may have changed...if the boxes arent quite full there is extra items that the packers can put into the boxes to fill them up. This is where the tennis balls that dont bounce came in. I didnt really want to put them in.
They would be items maybe shops or factories had donated.

We just checked to make sure there was no inapropriate items like liquids, or playing cards, or pirate paraphenalia, or religious items. Some of the boxes were very thoughtful and had little hand written notes and cool things in them. The were way more girl boxes than boy ones.

Its a lovely thing to do and sure lot of prayer goes with those boxes too. The only thing that niggled me was those tennis balls that didnt bounce. I think that was why I didnt continue on doing it. Cos I was new I had to do things the way the older ladies were doing them. I just kinda hoped that they found some other use for them, but I was a bit disheartened with that attitude.

from what I heard even the boxes themselves are used, I saw photos of them where they had flattened them all to make a shelter.

 

[Lanolin]

My dad once gave me a bicyle pump for my birthday. Which was cool because he would then pump my bike for me. He liked using it you see.

So I think if your husband wants to give you a vaccum cleaner, let him, so he can clean the carpets for you.

 

[Genipher]

well to answer your question...I only did this one year and it was quite some time ago so things may have changed...if the boxes arent quite full there is extra items that the packers can put into the boxes to fill them up. This is where the tennis balls that dont bounce came in. I didnt really want to put them in.
They would be items maybe shops or factories had donated.

We just checked to make sure there was no inapropriate items like liquids, or playing cards, or pirate paraphenalia, or religious items. Some of the boxes were very thoughtful and had little hand written notes and cool things in them. The were way more girl boxes than boy ones.

Its a lovely thing to do and sure lot of prayer goes with those boxes too. The only thing that niggled me was those tennis balls that didnt bounce. I think that was why I didnt continue on doing it. Cos I was new I had to do things the way the older ladies were doing them. I just kinda hoped that they found some other use for them, but I was a bit disheartened with that attitude.

from what I heard even the boxes themselves are used, I saw photos of them where they had flattened them all to make a shelter.

That's good to know. I was really hoping they weren't taking stuff out and putting them in other boxes.

The tennis ball thing is horrible. It wouldn't take much to find balls that actually bounce! Grrr!

In the future, I think we'll try to do more boy boxes.

I've heard people try to argue and say the kids don't need toys, because they don't know what to do with them. Or that Operation xmas child is horrible because it "forces religion". Made me so angry that someone would put down an organization that tries to bring joy to children's lives, just because they don't believe in Christ. I don't celebrate Christmas, but I like doing the boxes and I think the kids in other countries deserve some darn toys!

 

[Godsgirl83]

I love getting the news letters and updates of the shoe boxes. And what a wonderful opportunity it gives for the ministry to go into these countries and share the gospel.
One of my favorite update stories was about a man 95 yrs old who taught himself how to sew in order to keep himself busy and occupied. He started making blankets to send, and made 500 blankets by 98 yrs old.

oh, while looking for that video I came across this one about a lady, 101 years old (at the time ) who began sewing dresses to send.

and this one where they shared with her the above video for the first time

 

[mustaphadrink]

The best gift my wife and I have given each other is 51 years of marriage.

 

[GaryA]

I'm laughing cuz when we first got married and coworkers would ask hubs what he was getting me he would answer things like " dishes" "a pot/pan set" "washer/dryer" "Kitchen gadets" and they would give him faces (some of the ladies would say "OHHHH you're going to be in BIG trouble......") but the thing is, for me, even though it was bday/Christmas stuff those things were meaningful.
1. because they were high ticket items that at anyother time we would think twice about and wait....... even though some of them I REALLY wanted (special days just made it all the more reason to go get them)
2. because my husband doesn't just go out and get something. He puts A LOT of time into researching items, and price checking, and what's the best of the line, and are all the features pratical for my usage.... and does it have all the features I want. I mean he puts a lot of time and effort into that sorta thing, and a lot of love behind it. Even now that we have kiddos I still talk about the time "dad got me that washing machine " and they'll make faces.... UNTIL they hear the story behind it, then they're like "oh that was nice of daddy"
okay, I could probably gush about this stuff all day, but I think ya'll get the point.

Now, there are certain things he stays away from, such as clothes:

yeah, my hubs won't do that for the very same reason. Stuff like clothes, shoes, purses..... he stays away from (unless he is 100% that is "the one" and even then he hesitates)

Sometimes - there can be a lot of love in 'practical' - especially when it makes your life easier/better in some way --- wouldn't you say...?

 

[GaryA]

well to answer your question...I only did this one year and it was quite some time ago so things may have changed...if the boxes arent quite full there is extra items that the packers can put into the boxes to fill them up. This is where the tennis balls that dont bounce came in. I didnt really want to put them in.
They would be items maybe shops or factories had donated.

We just checked to make sure there was no inapropriate items like liquids, or playing cards, or pirate paraphenalia, or religious items. Some of the boxes were very thoughtful and had little hand written notes and cool things in them. The were way more girl boxes than boy ones.

Its a lovely thing to do and sure lot of prayer goes with those boxes too. The only thing that niggled me was those tennis balls that didnt bounce. I think that was why I didnt continue on doing it. Cos I was new I had to do things the way the older ladies were doing them. I just kinda hoped that they found some other use for them, but I was a bit disheartened with that attitude.

from what I heard even the boxes themselves are used, I saw photos of them where they had flattened them all to make a shelter.

The best use of those tennis balls that don't bounce - may be - "shoes" for the 'feet' of 'walkers' that the elderly (and others) use to help them get around.

You [can] see that a lot in the U.S.

 

[JohnDB]

To me,
I'm probably strange in this but the presents I like the best are the ones that are hand made.
Where someone took the time to learn a skill and made something wonderfully useful.

Kinda like the hand knitted sweater...but different.

My brother is a handy sort of person.
He and I both are.
But since he knows I like to cook he made me a maple butcher block cutting board. I've had it for over 20 years and use it daily, to this day.

These sorts of presents are the "top of the food chain" .
You can't buy stuff like that.
And where a cutting board is almost in the same genre as pots and pans...it really isn't.
I wish he would take up forging and make me some new kitchen knives. I could really do with a new 10" chef's knife. LOL.

Unfortunately we are both getting older...shoulders aren't what they used to be.

 

[Lanolin]

On the operation christmas child...I would say the most valuable items that children recieve..and this goes for both girls and boys...is stationery...like pencils and paper, or little notebooks, blank journals.
Its very hard to get those items in many 'under developed' countries since most people tend to spend their money on food.

as for toys, well boys in particular love balls just make sure they bounce and are not duds!
In my school, I asked around for the most popular inexpensive gift item. Boys replied they liked rubik cubes. With girls, its little things like coloured pencils, markers, novelty rubbers, stickers.

If you are going to give a handmade item, (since you cant send food) best thing to make is a card with a blessing or good thought on it.

I did angel tree ministry for a while which was a local ministry to children of prisoners. They (not sur eif it was the children, or the parents?) asked for gifts which was written on the gift tag, to be bought to the value of $25. But I have heard that the parents of those children no longer want people to gift items, they want the money instead. I think the danger is, those gifts would be sold for $25 or more on the black market. Money isnt always used to buy food or pay bills. . sometimes or often money is used to buy drugs.
I personally wouldnt sell a gift anybody has given me. If I didnt want it I would pass it on or give it away to charity, not sell it.

Gift cards are ok for people who like to shop or you want them to be able to choose, but make it from a store they will go to, or a prezsy card, though if totally lacking in imagination and resources you just give money instead. Like a lot of churches ask for money/cash instead of actual produce these days. A shame because a lot of people just dont have money to give.

 

[Lanolin]

The best use of those tennis balls that don't bounce - may be - "shoes" for the 'feet' of 'walkers' that the elderly (and others) use to help them get around.

You [can] see that a lot in the U.S.

interesting, though most children wont be using walkers. hmm. wonder what else they could be used for...?
anyway you to wonder about all the seconds from factories what is done with them, they shouldnt be giving them as gifts or donating them if they arent good enough to sell.
Though surplus expired food has to be given away of course.

I know there is a huge amount of waste in retail especially for unsold items that expire, like magazines. newspapers. They all have to be sent back then dumped and then turned into toilet paper. A lot of it is just mostly advertising anyway.
ive always got people dumping out of date magazines on me lol. I told the lady who complained about the book when she tried to give me her old magazines. Dont give me any. I already get them from the bookshop. Give them to the church instead. Of course then the church will say dont give us anything except money.