Dear Dr. Des,
I'm not looking for a girl, but rather, a certain gentleman (who owes me $50 bucks.)
Normally, I wouldn't go through all the trouble, but it's that time of the year, and unfortunately, my mustache isn't just going to wax itself (besides, what woman WOULDN'T choose to have her mustache waxed by a professional when given the choice!)
I believe I've found the seeing stone (who knew it would be at the bottom of my roommate's fish tank), but have found that it's actually guarded by a Wampa (the Star Wars version of the abominable snowman) instead of an evil wizard.
What should I do?
(Please don't go all Rise of Skywalker on me and tell me I need to find an endless chain of other McGuffins, such as a lightsaber to kill the Wamba, in order to find the first McGuffin - the seeing stone - that you're already telling us to look for.) I'm not diving into my roommate's fish tank more than once.
Besides, I can only fit so many useless plot devices into one story (which is why I've never gotten a job as a Hollywood writer.)
Sincerely,
You Told Me It Would Be a Wizard!!!
And, It's. Not. a. Wizard.