When Christmas gets you Down

[kaylagrl]

I know Christmas is hard for many people. Some are alone, some have lost loved ones, some just don't like the season. I have always loved Christmas, and have so many wonderful memories of growing up with family around the table having those big Christmas dinners. Cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents. But over the years I have lost a lot of family to cancer. Then I moved thousands of miles from home, so the little family I had is too far away to celebrate with. That leaves me and my husband with my parents to celebrate. Then my sister and nephews come after Christmas day.

Last year there was some family drama and we were unable to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas together. This upset myself and my mother so much. Then in Jan. we found out she had cancer. I promised her then that if the Lord allowed her another year, we would celebrate Christmas and no one would stop me. Well thanking God that she is still with us and cancer free. But she has been unable to help with anything this year. So I did an early Thanksgiving meal with my sister, she was able to help. But then I had to do both Thanksgiving and Christmas alone. I have my own health issues but I wanted to make the season special and celebrate this year. So I did both meals, all the baking, decorated two homes, all the shopping and getting gifts then wrapped them all. And I tried to do it in a way that didn't make my mother feel bad for not being able to help.

I had the trees done by the first week of Dec. Then I went to visit my mother and she said she was having trouble with her tree, the lights wouldn't come on. My father said it was fine, leave it. But he's no fan of Christmas. I didn't want her to sit with a dark tree and I knew the kids would be visiting. So I took down the tree and took it back. Got the money and went to another store and brought back a new tree. Set it up and you guessed it, the lights didn't work. Took that down and got yet another tree. This one has worked so far. So for those counting that's four trees I have decorated this year. All 7ft tall, on top of everything else I had to do. But I wanted my mother to have a tree.

So I got home yesterday and was sitting by my tree, which I guess is closer to 8ft, and I heard a pop and say it with me, the lights went out. Seriously starting to feel like Jonah. I couldn't believe it. I tried to find what happened but it's a huge tree and nothing was working. There was only a string of lights around the top working. The kids having come to visit yet. I sat behind the tree in the corner and broke down and cried. Hubby came from downstairs and asked if I was ok. I said "yes". He said "are you crying"? So my mother lent me a small older tree she had. I took everything off the massive tree and hubby said "let it go". He usually loves Christmas but didn't want to celebrate this year. I usually leave my trees up till Jan. I've been so busy I haven't been able to enjoy my tree. I feel let down and just depressed and I don't know why.

I took the lights off my tree and counted, I had 1400 lights on my tree. So this whole story is about my issue with Christmas. I love the season but it seems I'm always wanting it to be just right. I want to make memories, like when I was a child. I love to go see lights and take pictures and celebrate. I love most of all carols and going to church, seeing the little ones telling the story of His birth. I want to make a moment, I want to make memories, it's a special time of year. Hubby said to me " you can't make people have fun, you can't make people enjoy Christmas". It hurt me, and I know he didn't mean to. I don't get it, why wouldn't people want to have fun? Life has been miserable this year. Why wouldn't people want to have a reason to celebrate? I don't understand. I just want to make memories. But every year I seem deflated and melancholy at Christmas. I try to get a grip on myself but it seems to get worse every year. I'm trying to stop myself from doing a fifth tree, but I'll feel down if I don't. I just can't seem to figure out my emotions, especially this year. Just feeling so down, but trying to be happy in front of everyone else. Anyone understand where I'm coming from?


p.s. I've been here long enough to know what's coming. If you don't celebrate Christmas, keep it to yourself, I don't want to hear it. Secondly, I'm not bragging on what I did. I'm saying usually the work of Christmas I share with my mother. She was unable to help and with my own health issues it made things much harder this year.

 

[Magenta]

Times have really changed. It is not very difficult to determine that many of the changes have not been for the better, with the world descending into ever deeper depths of depravity and evil. I am sorry you are feeling depressed, distressed, and upset about not being able to recreate the warmth and joy of simpler times. I have very fond memories of Christmases past as well I remember us as a family driving around to see people's Christmas light displays, and also going downtown, occasionally into Toronto proper where all the big department stores were, to view their Christmas scenes/window displays. But my favourite part and fondest memories was the family evening gatherings to sing Christmas carols. Oh yes, the excitement and thrill of waiting for Santa and rushing downstairs first thing in the morning to see what he'd brought us, then later the opening of presents from under the tree and the relatives visiting and the huge feast with special treats and games played with seldom seen relatives, yes, all that was lovely, and memorable, but the best was always the family gatherings after dinner for days in a row to sing Christmas carols, and that stayed with me all the years after my having fallen away as a teenager. This was my first Christmas in probably forever that I spent alone. I have learned to always count my blessings regardless of life's circumstances

 

[Lanolin]

aw

I try not to let others get me down, though its hard for me at christmas in other ways.
my family tend to get into fights about little things I think it was over some stupid thing like preparing strawberries. Mum and I picked them a few days before and we were having christmas day at my brothers place so we took them over, I was about to pick off the leaves because thats what I usually do when I give them to children as they dont then make a mess finding somewhere to put them.

well my brother didnt like me doing that and was growling me and arguing that I was ruining them and that really hurt so I thought I would leave them, leave the house and go for a walk. I was obviously not being of any help to him. I could feel myself crying cos it was just stupid to yell at me for helping (or not helping) I usually keep well out of the kitchen on christmas because of stuff like that, and arrange flowers and put on music.

I walked all the way to the old church with my the strawberries I picked and sat down on the bench outside and just took a breather. I looked at all the graves and head stones. These people are remmebered at this church, and some I believe are buried there from the 1900s.

God has always reminded me that Mary chose the good part it wouldnt be taken away from her.

 

[SophieT]

I can identify with the family meals and celebrations, but we were never a big family to begin with. I've toned down the decorating but always like the lights so sorry those lights did not shine for you this year.

We have great neighbors and share a Christmas meal with them. They are not Christians, but so what.

We all have to adjust in many ways and it is not over yet. I am pretty fed up with ramrod Christians who think God is waiting to whack them over the head for any ole thing and who come with nonsense like how we will all be doctrinally wrong if we sing Christmas songs that most of us grew up on.

I also have distaste for all the fake prophecies and those who hang on every word and actually seem to look forward to God punishing everyone. John 3:16, right? Not a time for killing just yet.

God save us from ourselves and have mercy on those who call themselves by Your name.

p.s. I've been here long enough to know what's coming. If you don't celebrate Christmas, keep it to yourself, I don't want to hear it. Secondly, I'm not bragging on what I did. I'm saying usually the work of Christmas I share with my mother. She was unable to help and with my own health issues it made things much harder this year.

Another thing I have no time for, are Christians who pretend everything is always ok or that the minute you are saved, your life will get better and keep getting better. That is not even biblical. You did far more than I did and I think you are taking on too much but I understand your reasoning. I just don't care to please everyone all the time anymore. Found out it does not create a grateful attitude towards you anyway.

So no worries. But don't be so hard on yourself.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

Since I live away from home (three hours flight) I very frequently spend Christmas without family mostly because of work schedule. Usually, I try to make either Thanksgiving or Christmas and take off around 10 days. My work is pretty clear that we cannot take off extended time off during Christmas every year. Although I can fly home for just 3 or 4 days/long weekend for Christmas, my parents and I are generally against this idea (but recently as they are getting older they have said they wouldn't mind if I fly in for a long weekend). When I'm not home for Christmas, I mostly spend it alone or sometimes with a friend who also didn't go home for Christmas. It's not too bad, but it can be a bit lonely so I spend a couple of hours on the phone with my parents. I also watch Christmas movies, cook a special meal, online shop, etc. Generally my Christmas gathering is just my parents and I so they are really flexible on whether or not I go home. My mom also cooks a special meal for her and my dad so it doesn't take too much time. None of us have put up trees for years since I left for college (but this year we did since I'm teleworking at my parents'), but small decorations such as wreaths, candles, nativity set, etc. So, with my family there is not too much effort to get ready/get set up for Christmas.

 

[Blackpowderduelist]

This is the first year in my adult life that we decorated for Christmas, we didn't go all the way, as in we didn't put up a tree, but my wife made some wreaths, and I gathered some cedar boughs and we decorated those things. Decorating made me feel a little bit better, having my baby girl her husband and the grandbaby was really good. Christmas has always been a downer for me. I hate materialistic expectations, and I really do not like most of the songs, doubly and especially so that stupid drummer boy song.
Anyway having my kiddos around made it worth having a celebration.
I guess if I didn't have a family it would come and go with out me paying one bit of notice. I guess that's sad, as we are supposed to be recognizing the first advent of Christ and thinking about his promised return.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

My early childhood Christmases were fine (nice decorated tree, lots of gifts, etc.) but during the middle/late childhood (middle school and high school) were not great as my dad was getting depressed/upset/melancholic during Christmastime. There was some financial struggle at the end of year too (taxes due, etc.). So, for many years I was not too excited for Christmas as it seemed to be a gloomy period, if that makes sense. Because of such experiences, I'm not sure if I'll ever have a rose-tinted view of early Christmases.

 

[SoulWeaver]

Did it cross your mind that others might also be depressed just dealing with it differently? Everyone deals with their feelings in a different way. Someone likes chilling alone, someone likes crying, someone likes ignoring gatherings because they feel left out, maybe they hate Christmas because they've always felt left out. That's just a few ideas. No matter what the case, you can't force yourself to feel something you don't feel and force yourself to be happy and celebrate. I'll say no more since you seem to forbid from speaking and dont want to hear anyone who doesn't share your views about Christmas. Are you really trying to understand people or to force them to think and do what you want?

 

[SoulWeaver]

This is the first year in my adult life that we decorated for Christmas, we didn't go all the way, as in we didn't put up a tree, but my wife made some wreaths, and I gathered some cedar boughs and we decorated those things. Decorating made me feel a little bit better, having my baby girl her husband and the grandbaby was really good. Christmas has always been a downer for me. I hate materialistic expectations, and I really do not like most of the songs, doubly and especially so that stupid drummer boy song.
Anyway having my kiddos around made it worth having a celebration.
I guess if I didn't have a family it would come and go with out me paying one bit of notice. I guess that's sad, as we are supposed to be recognizing the first advent of Christ and thinking about his promised return.

If God wanted people to feel guilty for not celebrating or not celebrating enough, we would have been told the precise date in the Bible, and a feast would be appointed... there are no more feasts. It's nice to want to remember Jesus' birth one day in a year, just don't be so tough on yourself while doing it. Maybe that's why some people don't enjoy Christmas as much as they otherwise would, because even Christmas turns into a pressure and expectation of yourself like the New year hysteria, but I think it's supposed to be the opposite of that. And that's probably why we weren't told the date. It was never supposed to be bondage and burden.

 

[Roughsoul1991]

I know Christmas is hard for many people. Some are alone, some have lost loved ones, some just don't like the season. I have always loved Christmas, and have so many wonderful memories of growing up with family around the table having those big Christmas dinners. Cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents. But over the years I have lost a lot of family to cancer. Then I moved thousands of miles from home, so the little family I had is too far away to celebrate with. That leaves me and my husband with my parents to celebrate. Then my sister and nephews come after Christmas day.

Last year there was some family drama and we were unable to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas together. This upset myself and my mother so much. Then in Jan. we found out she had cancer. I promised her then that if the Lord allowed her another year, we would celebrate Christmas and no one would stop me. Well thanking God that she is still with us and cancer free. But she has been unable to help with anything this year. So I did an early Thanksgiving meal with my sister, she was able to help. But then I had to do both Thanksgiving and Christmas alone. I have my own health issues but I wanted to make the season special and celebrate this year. So I did both meals, all the baking, decorated two homes, all the shopping and getting gifts then wrapped them all. And I tried to do it in a way that didn't make my mother feel bad for not being able to help.

I had the trees done by the first week of Dec. Then I went to visit my mother and she said she was having trouble with her tree, the lights wouldn't come on. My father said it was fine, leave it. But he's no fan of Christmas. I didn't want her to sit with a dark tree and I knew the kids would be visiting. So I took down the tree and took it back. Got the money and went to another store and brought back a new tree. Set it up and you guessed it, the lights didn't work. Took that down and got yet another tree. This one has worked so far. So for those counting that's four trees I have decorated this year. All 7ft tall, on top of everything else I had to do. But I wanted my mother to have a tree.

So I got home yesterday and was sitting by my tree, which I guess is closer to 8ft, and I heard a pop and say it with me, the lights went out. Seriously starting to feel like Jonah. I couldn't believe it. I tried to find what happened but it's a huge tree and nothing was working. There was only a string of lights around the top working. The kids having come to visit yet. I sat behind the tree in the corner and broke down and cried. Hubby came from downstairs and asked if I was ok. I said "yes". He said "are you crying"? So my mother lent me a small older tree she had. I took everything off the massive tree and hubby said "let it go". He usually loves Christmas but didn't want to celebrate this year. I usually leave my trees up till Jan. I've been so busy I haven't been able to enjoy my tree. I feel let down and just depressed and I don't know why.

I took the lights off my tree and counted, I had 1400 lights on my tree. So this whole story is about my issue with Christmas. I love the season but it seems I'm always wanting it to be just right. I want to make memories, like when I was a child. I love to go see lights and take pictures and celebrate. I love most of all carols and going to church, seeing the little ones telling the story of His birth. I want to make a moment, I want to make memories, it's a special time of year. Hubby said to me " you can't make people have fun, you can't make people enjoy Christmas". It hurt me, and I know he didn't mean to. I don't get it, why wouldn't people want to have fun? Life has been miserable this year. Why wouldn't people want to have a reason to celebrate? I don't understand. I just want to make memories. But every year I seem deflated and melancholy at Christmas. I try to get a grip on myself but it seems to get worse every year. I'm trying to stop myself from doing a fifth tree, but I'll feel down if I don't. I just can't seem to figure out my emotions, especially this year. Just feeling so down, but trying to be happy in front of everyone else. Anyone understand where I'm coming from?


p.s. I've been here long enough to know what's coming. If you don't celebrate Christmas, keep it to yourself, I don't want to hear it. Secondly, I'm not bragging on what I did. I'm saying usually the work of Christmas I share with my mother. She was unable to help and with my own health issues it made things much harder this year.

This year has been a challenge. We was hoping to have a normal Christmas for us due to last Christmas day was spent in the hospital for 4 days. This year we tested positive for Covid but thankfully no hospital. We just couldn't have Christmas with other family members like our kids grandparents. Each year we just did the best we could to make the best of our situation. Hasn't been ideal but ideal has almost become no more. It is now just make the best of what life gives you. Even if that best just includes ourselves because that is the only perspective I have true power over. I may do Christmas in July.

 

[Billyd]

I know Christmas is hard for many people. Some are alone, some have lost loved ones, some just don't like the season. I have always loved Christmas, and have so many wonderful memories of growing up with family around the table having those big Christmas dinners. Cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents. But over the years I have lost a lot of family to cancer. Then I moved thousands of miles from home, so the little family I had is too far away to celebrate with. That leaves me and my husband with my parents to celebrate. Then my sister and nephews come after Christmas day.

Last year there was some family drama and we were unable to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas together. This upset myself and my mother so much. Then in Jan. we found out she had cancer. I promised her then that if the Lord allowed her another year, we would celebrate Christmas and no one would stop me. Well thanking God that she is still with us and cancer free. But she has been unable to help with anything this year. So I did an early Thanksgiving meal with my sister, she was able to help. But then I had to do both Thanksgiving and Christmas alone. I have my own health issues but I wanted to make the season special and celebrate this year. So I did both meals, all the baking, decorated two homes, all the shopping and getting gifts then wrapped them all. And I tried to do it in a way that didn't make my mother feel bad for not being able to help.

I had the trees done by the first week of Dec. Then I went to visit my mother and she said she was having trouble with her tree, the lights wouldn't come on. My father said it was fine, leave it. But he's no fan of Christmas. I didn't want her to sit with a dark tree and I knew the kids would be visiting. So I took down the tree and took it back. Got the money and went to another store and brought back a new tree. Set it up and you guessed it, the lights didn't work. Took that down and got yet another tree. This one has worked so far. So for those counting that's four trees I have decorated this year. All 7ft tall, on top of everything else I had to do. But I wanted my mother to have a tree.

So I got home yesterday and was sitting by my tree, which I guess is closer to 8ft, and I heard a pop and say it with me, the lights went out. Seriously starting to feel like Jonah. I couldn't believe it. I tried to find what happened but it's a huge tree and nothing was working. There was only a string of lights around the top working. The kids having come to visit yet. I sat behind the tree in the corner and broke down and cried. Hubby came from downstairs and asked if I was ok. I said "yes". He said "are you crying"? So my mother lent me a small older tree she had. I took everything off the massive tree and hubby said "let it go". He usually loves Christmas but didn't want to celebrate this year. I usually leave my trees up till Jan. I've been so busy I haven't been able to enjoy my tree. I feel let down and just depressed and I don't know why.

I took the lights off my tree and counted, I had 1400 lights on my tree. So this whole story is about my issue with Christmas. I love the season but it seems I'm always wanting it to be just right. I want to make memories, like when I was a child. I love to go see lights and take pictures and celebrate. I love most of all carols and going to church, seeing the little ones telling the story of His birth. I want to make a moment, I want to make memories, it's a special time of year. Hubby said to me " you can't make people have fun, you can't make people enjoy Christmas". It hurt me, and I know he didn't mean to. I don't get it, why wouldn't people want to have fun? Life has been miserable this year. Why wouldn't people want to have a reason to celebrate? I don't understand. I just want to make memories. But every year I seem deflated and melancholy at Christmas. I try to get a grip on myself but it seems to get worse every year. I'm trying to stop myself from doing a fifth tree, but I'll feel down if I don't. I just can't seem to figure out my emotions, especially this year. Just feeling so down, but trying to be happy in front of everyone else. Anyone understand where I'm coming from?


p.s. I've been here long enough to know what's coming. If you don't celebrate Christmas, keep it to yourself, I don't want to hear it. Secondly, I'm not bragging on what I did. I'm saying usually the work of Christmas I share with my mother. She was unable to help and with my own health issues it made things much harder this year.

This year has been different. Mama (I should say our grandson 15) put it up. All the children and grandchildren have moved out. Our youngest son and his children live close by, but the rest are out of town. Until this year we always bought each child and grandchild a gift and put them under the tree. This year, since they were not able to come home, we sent each of them a gift card. It was a great idea, at least we thought, until our grandson asked "where is all the presents". I pointed at the star on top of the tree, an asked him what it told him about gifts. He thought a moment then moved on. I left there.

Christmas day he came over and told us about stars, shepherds, wise men and gifts. This has been a crazy year, and nothing felt right until his story. We were truly blessed this year.

God has been with us, and he has blessed us, and it has been a good year.

 

[tourist]

aw

I try not to let others get me down, though its hard for me at christmas in other ways.
my family tend to get into fights about little things I think it was over some stupid thing like preparing strawberries. Mum and I picked them a few days before and we were having christmas day at my brothers place so we took them over, I was about to pick off the leaves because thats what I usually do when I give them to children as they dont then make a mess finding somewhere to put them.

well my brother didnt like me doing that and was growling me and arguing that I was ruining them and that really hurt so I thought I would leave them, leave the house and go for a walk. I was obviously not being of any help to him. I could feel myself crying cos it was just stupid to yell at me for helping (or not helping) I usually keep well out of the kitchen on christmas because of stuff like that, and arrange flowers and put on music.

I walked all the way to the old church with my the strawberries I picked and sat down on the bench outside and just took a breather. I looked at all the graves and head stones. These people are remmebered at this church, and some I believe are buried there from the 1900s.

God has always reminded me that Mary chose the good part it wouldnt be taken away from her.

Brother would probably play the Scrooge with raspberries too. I'd tell him to take the strawberries and stick 'em where the sun don't shine. Grinch.

 

[kaylagrl]

Times have really changed. It is not very difficult to determine that many of the changes have not been for the better, with the world descending into ever deeper depths of depravity and evil. I am sorry you are feeling depressed, distressed, and upset about not being able to recreate the warmth and joy of simpler times. I have very fond memories of Christmases past as well I remember us as a family driving around to see people's Christmas light displays, and also going downtown, occasionally into Toronto proper where all the big department stores were, to view their Christmas scenes/window displays. But my favourite part and fondest memories was the family evening gatherings to sing Christmas carols. Oh yes, the excitement and thrill of waiting for Santa and rushing downstairs first thing in the morning to see what he'd brought us, then later the opening of presents from under the tree and the relatives visiting and the huge feast with special treats and games played with seldom seen relatives, yes, all that was lovely, and memorable, but the best was always the family gatherings after dinner for days in a row to sing Christmas carols, and that stayed with me all the years after my having fallen away as a teenager. This was my first Christmas in probably forever that I spent alone. I have learned to always count my blessings regardless of life's circumstances

Thank up so much sister Mag. for sharing those memories. Your memories sound much like my own. This year we had just a dusting of snow. I think I miss the snowy Christmas's I grew up with in Nova Scotia. We haven't had a white Christmas in seven yrs. here in Ky. Also Thanksgiving is so close to Christmas here in America. So it's two big holidays in a row. I am very thankful my mother is here with us this holiday season. Maybe it's just an odd year and I need to let it go and move into the new year like my hubby suggested. He's more wise than I. lol

 

[kaylagrl]

This is the first year in my adult life that we decorated for Christmas, we didn't go all the way, as in we didn't put up a tree, but my wife made some wreaths, and I gathered some cedar boughs and we decorated those things. Decorating made me feel a little bit better, having my baby girl her husband and the grandbaby was really good. Christmas has always been a downer for me. I hate materialistic expectations, and I really do not like most of the songs, doubly and especially so that stupid drummer boy song.
Anyway having my kiddos around made it worth having a celebration.
I guess if I didn't have a family it would come and go with out me paying one bit of notice. I guess that's sad, as we are supposed to be recognizing the first advent of Christ and thinking about his promised return.

Not a real fan of that song either. O Holy Night would be my favorite. I'm not much into the material but I do like to find unique gifts for my loved ones. My nephews both got guitars this Christmas, they play in church. So hubby and I got them hard shell cases so they have something to carry them in and protect them. I like to surprise people if I can. It makes me happy when I can make Christmas memorable for my family.

 

[kaylagrl]

Did it cross your mind that others might also be depressed just dealing with it differently? Everyone deals with their feelings in a different way. Someone likes chilling alone, someone likes crying, someone likes ignoring gatherings because they feel left out, maybe they hate Christmas because they've always felt left out. That's just a few ideas. No matter what the case, you can't force yourself to feel something you don't feel and force yourself to be happy and celebrate. I'll say no more since you seem to forbid from speaking and dont want to hear anyone who doesn't share your views about Christmas. Are you really trying to understand people or to force them to think and do what you want?

If you're speaking to me, then no, I'm not trying to understand anyone. Nor am I forcing anyone to think and do as I want. How you got that out of what I said is beyond me. But feel free to show me where you got that.

 

[SoulWeaver]

If you're speaking to me, then no, I'm not trying to understand anyone. Nor am I forcing anyone to think and do as I want. How you got that out of what I said is beyond me. But feel free to show me where you got that.

I suppose that I just didn't understand the point of your post.

 

[kaylagrl]

This year has been a challenge. We was hoping to have a normal Christmas for us due to last Christmas day was spent in the hospital for 4 days. This year we tested positive for Covid but thankfully no hospital. We just couldn't have Christmas with other family members like our kids grandparents. Each year we just did the best we could to make the best of our situation. Hasn't been ideal but ideal has almost become no more. It is now just make the best of what life gives you. Even if that best just includes ourselves because that is the only perspective I have true power over. I may do Christmas in July.

My sister and her boys have been ill this Christmas, so we weren't able to spend it together. I was glad that we had an early Thanksgiving together. We call it "Canadian Thanksgiving" then we celebrate Yankee Thanksgiving at the regular time with just my parents because we live in the same town. Still waiting for them to come to open their gifts.

 

[kaylagrl]

I suppose that I just didn't understand the point of your post.

No, it seems you didn't. And that's ok.

 

[Lanolin]

how are you doing now Kayla?
Hope its a Happy New Year, sometimes, we just need a time to forget the past and look forward to the future and year ahead.

Me I dont do the whole stay up late and yell at everyone thing. I was in bed by 9:30 lol
I worked that day and was tired...! I just celebrate in my own way.

I had my birthday in lockdown so that was different too! it was meant to be a milestone birthday but I didnt plan anything like a party as only allowed to invite one other family member lol. I think theres only a few photos. so it was memorable for other reasons..!

One year I was out of the country and nobody there knew it was my birthday so it was like a secret birthday for me. haha

If you ordinarily enjoy celebrating but you just cant do it on the day theres no reason why you cant shift it and throw a party some other time. I dont think people will mind. really.

 

[Lisamn]

I know Christmas is hard for many people. Some are alone, some have lost loved ones, some just don't like the season. I have always loved Christmas, and have so many wonderful memories of growing up with family around the table having those big Christmas dinners. Cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents. But over the years I have lost a lot of family to cancer. Then I moved thousands of miles from home, so the little family I had is too far away to celebrate with. That leaves me and my husband with my parents to celebrate. Then my sister and nephews come after Christmas day.

Last year there was some family drama and we were unable to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas together. This upset myself and my mother so much. Then in Jan. we found out she had cancer. I promised her then that if the Lord allowed her another year, we would celebrate Christmas and no one would stop me. Well thanking God that she is still with us and cancer free. But she has been unable to help with anything this year. So I did an early Thanksgiving meal with my sister, she was able to help. But then I had to do both Thanksgiving and Christmas alone. I have my own health issues but I wanted to make the season special and celebrate this year. So I did both meals, all the baking, decorated two homes, all the shopping and getting gifts then wrapped them all. And I tried to do it in a way that didn't make my mother feel bad for not being able to help.

I had the trees done by the first week of Dec. Then I went to visit my mother and she said she was having trouble with her tree, the lights wouldn't come on. My father said it was fine, leave it. But he's no fan of Christmas. I didn't want her to sit with a dark tree and I knew the kids would be visiting. So I took down the tree and took it back. Got the money and went to another store and brought back a new tree. Set it up and you guessed it, the lights didn't work. Took that down and got yet another tree. This one has worked so far. So for those counting that's four trees I have decorated this year. All 7ft tall, on top of everything else I had to do. But I wanted my mother to have a tree.

So I got home yesterday and was sitting by my tree, which I guess is closer to 8ft, and I heard a pop and say it with me, the lights went out. Seriously starting to feel like Jonah. I couldn't believe it. I tried to find what happened but it's a huge tree and nothing was working. There was only a string of lights around the top working. The kids having come to visit yet. I sat behind the tree in the corner and broke down and cried. Hubby came from downstairs and asked if I was ok. I said "yes". He said "are you crying"? So my mother lent me a small older tree she had. I took everything off the massive tree and hubby said "let it go". He usually loves Christmas but didn't want to celebrate this year. I usually leave my trees up till Jan. I've been so busy I haven't been able to enjoy my tree. I feel let down and just depressed and I don't know why.

I took the lights off my tree and counted, I had 1400 lights on my tree. So this whole story is about my issue with Christmas. I love the season but it seems I'm always wanting it to be just right. I want to make memories, like when I was a child. I love to go see lights and take pictures and celebrate. I love most of all carols and going to church, seeing the little ones telling the story of His birth. I want to make a moment, I want to make memories, it's a special time of year. Hubby said to me " you can't make people have fun, you can't make people enjoy Christmas". It hurt me, and I know he didn't mean to. I don't get it, why wouldn't people want to have fun? Life has been miserable this year. Why wouldn't people want to have a reason to celebrate? I don't understand. I just want to make memories. But every year I seem deflated and melancholy at Christmas. I try to get a grip on myself but it seems to get worse every year. I'm trying to stop myself from doing a fifth tree, but I'll feel down if I don't. I just can't seem to figure out my emotions, especially this year. Just feeling so down, but trying to be happy in front of everyone else. Anyone understand where I'm coming from?


p.s. I've been here long enough to know what's coming. If you don't celebrate Christmas, keep it to yourself, I don't want to hear it. Secondly, I'm not bragging on what I did. I'm saying usually the work of Christmas I share with my mother. She was unable to help and with my own health issues it made things much harder this year.

I think people start to think that the only real family day is christmas and that makes any other day spent with family pale in comparison. Perhaps if people would be thankful for the times they do get together with family people would feel less depressed when it doesn’t happen on the same day every year?