Christian counseling?
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As a Christian I have had counselling and found it helpful. They weren't Christian and if I had had a choice I would have preferred a Christian counsellor who shares the same beliefs and values.
I too believe that God can use us wherever we are, be it at work or leisure. May your light shine brightly even as you study and gain experience. We all have God given gifts and if yours is helping people, praise the Lord.
May the Lord bless you as you keep your focus on Jesus.
I too believe that God can use us wherever we are, be it at work or leisure. May your light shine brightly even as you study and gain experience. We all have God given gifts and if yours is helping people, praise the Lord.
May the Lord bless you as you keep your focus on Jesus.
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S
It really depends on what I need counseling for. If it is for something like marriage I would probably seek counsel from a couple who have have a very exemplary successful marriage that is an example of what I am wanting in my marriage. An old couple that have been happy for 60 years would be a good place to go for counsel.
For general counsel on life I would go to experienced mature ministers in the church who know me and want to help me. I would not pay, other than giving offerings and tithes to the church. I would not go to a professional paid counselor for advice.
I would never go to a state licensed counselor.
Now if I was dealing with mental illness, that is completely different. I would probably go to a special kind of doctor for that illness.
For general counsel on life I would go to experienced mature ministers in the church who know me and want to help me. I would not pay, other than giving offerings and tithes to the church. I would not go to a professional paid counselor for advice.
I would never go to a state licensed counselor.
Now if I was dealing with mental illness, that is completely different. I would probably go to a special kind of doctor for that illness.
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what kind of counselling?
I had biblical counselling once from someone who also used rational emotive behaviour therapy and that was very helpful for my particular issue. I only needed to go them once and they did pray for me.
I had been to other counsellors that were secular and they werent helpful and it felt like I was just paying them to listen.
I had biblical counselling once from someone who also used rational emotive behaviour therapy and that was very helpful for my particular issue. I only needed to go them once and they did pray for me.
I had been to other counsellors that were secular and they werent helpful and it felt like I was just paying them to listen.
Actually most counselors have had their share of problems and got counseling themselves. And from that history of problems it creates in them a desire to help others. And since they have experienced their own issues they can relate well to those struggling.
Also counseling is about more than listening to problems. It's about learning to Hear what people Aren't saying, then helping that person make connections and create solutions by guiding them through things.
Simply having religious training or being alive a long time does not equate to knowing how to properly handle people in distressed situations or offer valid, positive advice.
Also counseling is about more than listening to problems. It's about learning to Hear what people Aren't saying, then helping that person make connections and create solutions by guiding them through things.
Simply having religious training or being alive a long time does not equate to knowing how to properly handle people in distressed situations or offer valid, positive advice.
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I dont think many people know about it. Its just a tool.
But basically when you are young you have certain beliefs instilled in you about yourself but they might not be good ones, they might even be lies youve been told that you believed.
why would people, especially parents, lie to you? well sad thing is that many parents cant be bothered telling the truth and its easier for them to lie. A child takes all that on, cos often they dont know anything else.
But basically when you are young you have certain beliefs instilled in you about yourself but they might not be good ones, they might even be lies youve been told that you believed.
why would people, especially parents, lie to you? well sad thing is that many parents cant be bothered telling the truth and its easier for them to lie. A child takes all that on, cos often they dont know anything else.
I have mixed feelings on the subject. One way I think about it is to think about the fact that people got along for thousands of years without psychologists or psychologists or a specialized role of 'Christian counselor.' I'm not against people being in that role today. There were no auto mechanics before the 1800's either. But it is clear why we want there to be mechanics now. What changed to make psychological counselors to be in demand?
I had a conversation with a psychologist, a professor at a university not in the clinical or abnormal side of things. He was ethnic Indian and his take on counseling in psychology was that it was an outgrowth of individualism, which he considered to grow out of people living in cities. In the west, there are a lot of people living disconnected lives from their families and other people. They go to to work and come home and do not discuss their problems with other people, and then they are willing to hire a professional to talk through their issues with. He said in his culture back home, extended families lived together. If a young married man came home late after work, an uncle might talk to him and tell him he is married now and he needs to try to come home earlier and spend time with his wife. In some of the collectivist cultures, relatives give you advice whether you want it or not, while there are westerners who pay people to talk through their problems with. He pointed out that there are some psychological counseling practices in Asian collectivist countries, but much fewer than in the west and it is a much rarer thing for people in those countries to make use of such practices.
So maybe counseling as a field is an outgrowth of westeners moving toward more individualism and people living more socially-isolated lives.
I have read some posts elsewhere online from people on a Christian forum who seemed to think it was acceptable for one spouse to divorce or separate from the other spouse for refusing to go to Christian counseling. Certain posters seemed to treat 'going to counseling' as a religious obligation when a marriage had issues or when one party was discontent, as if it were a religious obligation to go to counselors. There are people who hear of marriage problems who say, 'You need counseling" or who say, "Do not go to a pastor. You need professional counseling'... or 'professional Christian counseling.' I see no such religious obligation in the Bible, especially since Christian counseling hadn't been invented yet. Nor do I see a specific obligation that one must go to a pastor whenever marital problems arise. It is good if a couple can work out a disagreement on their own. In some cultures they go to parents and other relatives. I have been a part of a meeting with family in my wife's culture. The married couple were cousins so in-laws were also interrelated relatives for them.
Going to other brothers and sisters in Christ, even those who are not the elders of the church, is also an alternative. Paul expected his Thessalonian readers to be able also to admonish one another, and the book of Hebrews warns readers to exhort one another daily while it is called today.
I knew a couple who had a rough marriage. The wife had told the husband that it was over. He went out and ended up getting this other woman pregnant and had another baby by her. He may have cheated on her when she said it was over at other times. He'd left the home, lived homeless, or gotten his own place, and spent a lot of time away from his kids. Talking with him, he seemed like a nice guy. Before I knew all the details, the wife called to talk to my wife, who wasn't available, and she unloaded on me. I knew her, and I'd been to their church where they had renewed their vows during this mess, but I did not know the details of their story.
Her husband, she said on this phone call, was very selfish. He'd talk about going to live on the beach all by himself. Why would he leave her alone with the children? He'd say stuff like why don't I just kill myself. How could he be so selfish as to want to leave them alone.
They had run out of cash and were being kicked out of their apartment and were moving stuff to storage and then came by to visit us. We fed them and listened to them.
The wife really laid into her husband, denigrating him horribly, the kind of thing you shouldn't say to anyone in public, just letting loose, right in front of us. She calmed down a little after we fed her. I saw the context for these comments about his killing himself or living on the beach. The way she was talking to him was as if he were not fit to walk on the earth. So that was what he was pointing out when he said that about killing himself or sleeping on the beach. She wasn't picking up on his indirect way of communicating. Or maybe her negative mindset twisted everything in the most negative way. It made perfect sense to me. I can understand why she should be angry about the baby and sleeping with other women, of course. But if she was going to be with him, she should forgive him and not treat him like that for their family's sake and everyone else's sake.
She was laying into him like that in public elsewhere.
So they go to a secular counselor, a woman, a psychologist. After a few minutes, she said they needed to be divorced. This sort of thing was this man's fear. I've known other men to fear that-- going to counseling and being told to split up. I read a little piece in the news about how psychologists or counselors were being advised to consider overall family health instead of advising divorce or separation for the mental health of the individuals involved, too.
That's secular, but there was also this Christian counseling show on the radio I heard two or three. I'd always catch the tail end of a call. Whenever I listened, they were advising someone to divorce or separate. One of the counselors were saying, "If your husband talks to you like that, that's abuse" and went on to recommend some kind of temporary separation-- based on a one-sided phone call without talking to the man. My mind goes back to that emotionally distraught wife in the story I just called who, in her anger and negative attitude, could not interpret what her husband was saying. I wonder why they don't revoke the licenses of any counselor who advises divorce over the radio on a one sided phone call with limited information without listening to the other side of the story. People in difficult marriages or other emotional difficulties are not always even honest with themselves, much less other people.
Like the Milgram experiments where subjects would turn an electric shock lever on some victim who was screaming for mercy in the other room just because an authority figure in a white lab jacket said to do so, there are people who will separate because some authority figure in a counseling situation says to do so. I find that somewhat dangerous.
A lot of Christian men who have a complementarian view of marriage would also be concerned that a counselor, secular or even Christian counselor, would be a feminist who is critical of Biblical roles in marriage. If the other party trusts a lot in counseling and you don't, then you might be concerned that the stranger you go to might poison your wife or husband's mind, take sides unfairly, etc. Those who have a low opinion of psychology may also view going to a counselor kind of like having to go to an 1800's barber for a medical condition. If there is a husband like that and a wife who wants to go to counseling, even threatens divorce if it doesn't happen, that can be a recipe for disaster.
I had a conversation with a psychologist, a professor at a university not in the clinical or abnormal side of things. He was ethnic Indian and his take on counseling in psychology was that it was an outgrowth of individualism, which he considered to grow out of people living in cities. In the west, there are a lot of people living disconnected lives from their families and other people. They go to to work and come home and do not discuss their problems with other people, and then they are willing to hire a professional to talk through their issues with. He said in his culture back home, extended families lived together. If a young married man came home late after work, an uncle might talk to him and tell him he is married now and he needs to try to come home earlier and spend time with his wife. In some of the collectivist cultures, relatives give you advice whether you want it or not, while there are westerners who pay people to talk through their problems with. He pointed out that there are some psychological counseling practices in Asian collectivist countries, but much fewer than in the west and it is a much rarer thing for people in those countries to make use of such practices.
So maybe counseling as a field is an outgrowth of westeners moving toward more individualism and people living more socially-isolated lives.
I have read some posts elsewhere online from people on a Christian forum who seemed to think it was acceptable for one spouse to divorce or separate from the other spouse for refusing to go to Christian counseling. Certain posters seemed to treat 'going to counseling' as a religious obligation when a marriage had issues or when one party was discontent, as if it were a religious obligation to go to counselors. There are people who hear of marriage problems who say, 'You need counseling" or who say, "Do not go to a pastor. You need professional counseling'... or 'professional Christian counseling.' I see no such religious obligation in the Bible, especially since Christian counseling hadn't been invented yet. Nor do I see a specific obligation that one must go to a pastor whenever marital problems arise. It is good if a couple can work out a disagreement on their own. In some cultures they go to parents and other relatives. I have been a part of a meeting with family in my wife's culture. The married couple were cousins so in-laws were also interrelated relatives for them.
Going to other brothers and sisters in Christ, even those who are not the elders of the church, is also an alternative. Paul expected his Thessalonian readers to be able also to admonish one another, and the book of Hebrews warns readers to exhort one another daily while it is called today.
I knew a couple who had a rough marriage. The wife had told the husband that it was over. He went out and ended up getting this other woman pregnant and had another baby by her. He may have cheated on her when she said it was over at other times. He'd left the home, lived homeless, or gotten his own place, and spent a lot of time away from his kids. Talking with him, he seemed like a nice guy. Before I knew all the details, the wife called to talk to my wife, who wasn't available, and she unloaded on me. I knew her, and I'd been to their church where they had renewed their vows during this mess, but I did not know the details of their story.
Her husband, she said on this phone call, was very selfish. He'd talk about going to live on the beach all by himself. Why would he leave her alone with the children? He'd say stuff like why don't I just kill myself. How could he be so selfish as to want to leave them alone.
They had run out of cash and were being kicked out of their apartment and were moving stuff to storage and then came by to visit us. We fed them and listened to them.
The wife really laid into her husband, denigrating him horribly, the kind of thing you shouldn't say to anyone in public, just letting loose, right in front of us. She calmed down a little after we fed her. I saw the context for these comments about his killing himself or living on the beach. The way she was talking to him was as if he were not fit to walk on the earth. So that was what he was pointing out when he said that about killing himself or sleeping on the beach. She wasn't picking up on his indirect way of communicating. Or maybe her negative mindset twisted everything in the most negative way. It made perfect sense to me. I can understand why she should be angry about the baby and sleeping with other women, of course. But if she was going to be with him, she should forgive him and not treat him like that for their family's sake and everyone else's sake.
She was laying into him like that in public elsewhere.
So they go to a secular counselor, a woman, a psychologist. After a few minutes, she said they needed to be divorced. This sort of thing was this man's fear. I've known other men to fear that-- going to counseling and being told to split up. I read a little piece in the news about how psychologists or counselors were being advised to consider overall family health instead of advising divorce or separation for the mental health of the individuals involved, too.
That's secular, but there was also this Christian counseling show on the radio I heard two or three. I'd always catch the tail end of a call. Whenever I listened, they were advising someone to divorce or separate. One of the counselors were saying, "If your husband talks to you like that, that's abuse" and went on to recommend some kind of temporary separation-- based on a one-sided phone call without talking to the man. My mind goes back to that emotionally distraught wife in the story I just called who, in her anger and negative attitude, could not interpret what her husband was saying. I wonder why they don't revoke the licenses of any counselor who advises divorce over the radio on a one sided phone call with limited information without listening to the other side of the story. People in difficult marriages or other emotional difficulties are not always even honest with themselves, much less other people.
Like the Milgram experiments where subjects would turn an electric shock lever on some victim who was screaming for mercy in the other room just because an authority figure in a white lab jacket said to do so, there are people who will separate because some authority figure in a counseling situation says to do so. I find that somewhat dangerous.
A lot of Christian men who have a complementarian view of marriage would also be concerned that a counselor, secular or even Christian counselor, would be a feminist who is critical of Biblical roles in marriage. If the other party trusts a lot in counseling and you don't, then you might be concerned that the stranger you go to might poison your wife or husband's mind, take sides unfairly, etc. Those who have a low opinion of psychology may also view going to a counselor kind of like having to go to an 1800's barber for a medical condition. If there is a husband like that and a wife who wants to go to counseling, even threatens divorce if it doesn't happen, that can be a recipe for disaster.
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Counselling is a much needed profession.
Would you let a non-Christian set your broken leg? Should a Christian set broken bones?
Should a Christian mend broken hearts and point the way forward?
Of course they should. The greatest counsellor was Jesus.
Go for it! You are needed our there.
Many blessings to you.
Would you let a non-Christian set your broken leg? Should a Christian set broken bones?
Should a Christian mend broken hearts and point the way forward?
Of course they should. The greatest counsellor was Jesus.
Go for it! You are needed our there.
Many blessings to you.
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I am all for professional counseling.
However, I am not for Christian counseling taking the place of discipleship.
That is the job of pastors and elders. Unfortunately, they've abdicated that responsibility to Christian counselors.
The institutional church is now more concerned with increasing their numbers than they are with discipleship.
However, I am not for Christian counseling taking the place of discipleship.
That is the job of pastors and elders. Unfortunately, they've abdicated that responsibility to Christian counselors.
The institutional church is now more concerned with increasing their numbers than they are with discipleship.
S
You have to be involved in a church. That is God's method. The body of Christ. You live life together on this journey of serving Christ and the advancing the kingdom of God. As you do you learn who has maturity and wisdom and a gift to minister to others. You develop friendships and camaraderie over time. I don't understand how anyone can function without a local close knit body of believers called the local church.
I've never been to a close-knit church. If you have, you are truly blessed.
The churches in my area have the same business model as everyone else. Here's a glimpse:
1. Drive to a church building with other people who may or may not say hello.
2. Sit in a chair or pew listening to one guy talk for an hour and fifteen minutes.
3. Serve by passing around a collection plate or playing the drums for twenty minutes.
4. Make a mad dash out the door after the "service" with the rest of the herd.
Repeat next Sunday.
The last time I tried to get ahold of a Pastor to tell him what a great sermon I received, I was met with a contact form on a cookie-cutter website.
Pastors these days are more interested in keeping the flock at bay than they are making disciples. They consider those who are not in the click "time vampires."
To your point, you have to make your way to the upper reaches of the hierarchy before you can receive individual spiritual guidance from a pastor or elder. They have abdicated that responsibility by writing books to the masses and referring lost souls to "Christian Counselors."
The churches in my area have the same business model as everyone else. Here's a glimpse:
1. Drive to a church building with other people who may or may not say hello.
2. Sit in a chair or pew listening to one guy talk for an hour and fifteen minutes.
3. Serve by passing around a collection plate or playing the drums for twenty minutes.
4. Make a mad dash out the door after the "service" with the rest of the herd.
Repeat next Sunday.
The last time I tried to get ahold of a Pastor to tell him what a great sermon I received, I was met with a contact form on a cookie-cutter website.
Pastors these days are more interested in keeping the flock at bay than they are making disciples. They consider those who are not in the click "time vampires."
To your point, you have to make your way to the upper reaches of the hierarchy before you can receive individual spiritual guidance from a pastor or elder. They have abdicated that responsibility by writing books to the masses and referring lost souls to "Christian Counselors."
