For the People Who Champion Lifetime Singleness - What's Your Advice for Dealing with Single Sexuality?

[GaryA]

This is why if I ever get married, I will be sure that my spouse has access to all my electronic devices(i.e. Cell phone, laptop) and vice versa to keep temptation at bay.

Agreed. However, if my spouse is checking my cell phone and latop, going through my texts, in secret (spying on me) that would be a problem.

Somewhere in all of this is the simple idea that - between husband and wife - 'communication' and 'intention' - should be open and honest at all times - so that mutual 'accountability' can be had in a way that is non-insulting and non-threatening - based on mutual trust.

 

[Lynx]

Somewhere in all of this is the simple idea that - between husband and wife - 'communication' and 'intention' - should be open and honest at all times - so that mutual 'accountability' can be had in a way that is non-insulting and non-threatening - based on mutual trust.

Sometimes I wish
Often I wish
That I never never knew
Some of the secrets of yours

In the name of honesty
In the name of what is fair
You always answer my questions
But they don't always answer my prayers

 

[Encouragement]

Sometimes I wish
Often I wish
That I never never knew
Some of the secrets of yours

In the name of honesty
In the name of what is fair
You always answer my questions
But they don't always answer my prayers

yes nicely put.
That's the kinda paradox wanting to know the truth created.Wanting to know he truth is one thing..
yet know the truth can make you almost wish that you never knew..

 

[seoulsearch]

Sometimes I wish
Often I wish
That I never never knew
Some of the secrets of yours

In the name of honesty
In the name of what is fair
You always answer my questions
But they don't always answer my prayers

I know it's a shot through the heart, but I'd rather face an ugly truth than be told pretty lies (or have someone hold something back in order to "protect" me.)

Knowing the truth can cut like a dull knife through a piece of leather (jagged and causing more damage with every swipe,) but I can't decide on which direction to go unless I've seen a map of the entire maze of someone's heart.

 

[Encouragement]

I know it's a shot through the heart, but I'd rather face an ugly truth than be told pretty lies (or have someone hold something back in order to "protect" me.)

Knowing the truth can cut like a dull knife through a piece of leather (jagged and causing more damage with every swipe,) but I can't decide on which direction to go unless I've seen a map of the entire maze of someone's heart.

Yes I agree and you know...the heart is so deceptive...
I heard a true account of a young pastor who was due to be married and things were being prepared ect..then one day God told him to ask his fiance is she loved him..After wrestling with God about this strange request...he asked her and was blown away by her answer.
She confessed that she actually didnt love him at all..but was only marrying him because he was a PASTOR coz he was draw to men in positions of power.
Naturally he was devastated coz he did love her of course the planned wedding was cancelled,family and guests had to be informed and I am sure he must of felt humiliated by it all.
After a time he did marry someone who did loved him..and he was happy.
It just Goes to show how easily we can be deceived by another yet many of us can at feel we're above deception.
Its important that we settle in our own hearts our true motives when in a relationship..like why do we like this person?..Do we like then as much as we think we do?Have we been honest before God about them?Are we only using them to for some selfish gain..?.I think it's a awesome thing to lay bare our hearts before God and face the truth of who we "really" are..God love that and remember he already knows anyway.

 

[seoulsearch]

Yes I agree and you know...the heart is so deceptive...
I heard a true account of a young pastor who was due to be married and things were being prepared ect..then one day God told him to ask his fiance is she loved him..After wrestling with God about this strange request...he asked her and was blown away by her answer.
She confessed that she actually didnt love him at all..but was only marrying him because he was a PASTOR coz he was draw to men in positions of power.
Naturally he was devastated coz he did love her of course the planned wedding was cancelled,family and guests had to be informed and I am sure he must of felt humiliated by it all.
After a time he did marry someone who did loved him..and he was happy.
It just Goes to show how easily we can be deceived by another yet many of us can at feel we're above deception.
Its important that we settle in our own hearts our true motives when in a relationship..like why do we like this person?..Do we like then as much as we think we do?Have we been honest before God about them?Are we only using them to for some selfish gain..?.I think it's a awesome thing to lay bare our hearts before God and face the truth of who we "really" are..God love that and remember he already knows anyway.

Someone once told me, "You get all the beautiful, loving parts of my heart.

But you also get all the ugly, scarred parts, too."

No truer words were ever spoken to me by this person.

I always try to remember that it applies to everyone, including ourselves, whenever choose to love someone.

 

[Lynx]

Take it up with Carly simon. She wrote it.

 

[Lynx]

Somewhere in all of this is the simple idea that - between husband and wife - 'communication' and 'intention' - should be open and honest at all times - so that mutual 'accountability' can be had in a way that is non-insulting and non-threatening - based on mutual trust.

Actually this more closely fits what I think should be than the Carly Simon song. If either feels like it is necessary to sneak behind the other's back and check a phone or laptop in secret, something is already terribly wrong.

But the song fit the situation so well that I had to mention it.

 

[Encouragement]

Take it up with Carly simon. She wrote it.

"why does your love hurt so much?"🎶🎶🎼🎼

 

[Lanolin]

shades of princess diana all over again, the most infamous wedding/marriage of the last century

One should never be asked 'are you in love' and answer with an assumption 'of course' and then have your husband to be joke 'whatever 'in love' means'

arrgh

I would have canceled the wedding over that comment .

what if they had been honest and answered nah, we are only marrying cos his parents told us to...

 

[true_believer]

Agreed. However, if my spouse is checking my cell phone nd latop, going through my texts, in secret (spying on me) that would be a problem. ]
Of course. I'd just want the access to be about openness. Not mistrust.
Too many relationships and marriages have been ruined by social media or dating apps.
It's better to be safe than very sorry.

 

[Lanolin]

theres nothing to hide on my cellphone or laptop...
I mean mysteries are all fine and dandy, but a cellphone or laptop is just a machine I use for work purposes. I even let children use my computer (if they ask) and dont worry they are going to find stuff they shouldnt see as there is nothing on it that is cause for concern.
Ive got firewalls and stuff anyway.

 

[IToreTheSky]

Yes I agree and you know...the heart is so deceptive...
I heard a true account of a young pastor who was due to be married and things were being prepared ect..then one day God told him to ask his fiance is she loved him..After wrestling with God about this strange request...he asked her and was blown away by her answer.
She confessed that she actually didnt love him at all..but was only marrying him because he was a PASTOR coz he was draw to men in positions of power.
Naturally he was devastated coz he did love her of course the planned wedding was cancelled,family and guests had to be informed and I am sure he must of felt humiliated by it all.
After a time he did marry someone who did loved him..and he was happy.
It just Goes to show how easily we can be deceived by another yet many of us can at feel we're above deception.
Its important that we settle in our own hearts our true motives when in a relationship..like why do we like this person?..Do we like then as much as we think we do?Have we been honest before God about them?Are we only using them to for some selfish gain..?.I think it's a awesome thing to lay bare our hearts before God and face the truth of who we "really" are..God love that and remember he already knows anyway.

And to just add to what you said about laying bare our hearts to God..
That's how I believe He wants us to be with our spouse. As men at least ,we are to love our wives and lay down our lives for them as Jesus did for the church. Does that make sense or am I going out on a limb here?
How can we say we love God who we've never seen, yet profess to love our brother/sister who we see daily
And don't show love to?
I feel like this is really expected more from us when it's our spouse.

 

[up]

Someone once told me, "You get all the beautiful, loving parts of my heart.

But you also get all the ugly, scarred parts, too."

No truer words were ever spoken to me by this person.

I always try to remember that it applies to everyone, including ourselves, whenever choose to love someone.

... very interestingly read...

 

[Lynx]

Someone once told me, "You get all the beautiful, loving parts of my heart.

But you also get all the ugly, scarred parts, too."

No truer words were ever spoken to me by this person.

I always try to remember that it applies to everyone, including ourselves, whenever choose to love someone.

You can have my heart
But it isn't new
It's been used and broken
And only comes in blue
It's been down a long road
And it got dirty on the way
If I give it to you will you make it clean
And wash the pain away

You can have my heart
If you don't mind broken things
You can have my heart
If you don't mind these tears
Well I heard that you make old things new
So I give these pieces all to you
If you want it you can have my heart

"Broken Things"
Jennifer Paige

 

[true_believer]

I found this article last week. I totally agree with this minister that suppressing one's sex drive is extremely unhealthy..
https://leewoof.org/2015/12/23/can-you-masturbate-without-lusting-what-about-matthew-527-30/

 

[Lanolin]

women have times of the month - we have periods and stuff, it goes in cycles. There will be 'on' times and 'off' times. We just deal with it discreetly.

I dont know how men deal with it where supoosedly its on all the time? Maybe you dont wanna share that.

 

[true_believer]

women have times of the month - we have periods and stuff, it goes in cycles. There will be 'on' times and 'off' times. We just deal with it discreetly.

I dont know how men deal with it where supoosedly its on all the time? Maybe you dont wanna share that.

Before I became a Christian, I was a serial dater since I was a teenager. I knew many women that told me they never had off times regardless of their cycle. I don't need to say more...

 

[Lanolin]

Before I became a Christian, I was a serial dater since I was a teenager. I knew many women that told me they never had off times regardless of their cycle. I don't need to say more...

They were probably on the pill

 

[EnglishChick]

Hey Everyone,

We have a range of opinions about singleness here in the forum -- some people very adamantly want to get married, while some very adamantly want to remain single, and some people are in between -- which seems perfectly normal. I would say that for myself, I would fall into the in-between category -- how about you? I think God calls us all to different situations, with no one-size-fits-all answer.

Even though I sometimes feel I could go in either direction (whether to marry or to stay single,) I definitely pay attention to posts by users who seem to be perfectly content as a single, intend on being single for the rest of their lives, or are at peace with the thought, because I always wonder how they do it.

The one question I always want to ask them is, "But what would your advice be for singles who struggle with sexuality?" After all, absolutely everyone in the Christian community always quotes the infamous passage that it is "better to marry than to burn with passion" (1 Corinthians 7:9.) First of all, I'm sure I'd have a ton of money in the bank if I could count the number of times I've seen that advice given to singles. Secondly, the people who give that advice don't seem to acknowledge the other side of the coin -- well-meaning Christians who do get married and even convince themselves that they're in love, but if you go far enough below the surface, the driving motivation to get married was sex (and you see this mentioned sometimes in the Forum Family threads as a reason for the breakup of a marriage.)

I have nothing but admiration for those who fight to remain to protect their singleness at all costs. But I also feels it's important that when strongly advocating a point of view, it should be pertinent to offer well-rounded advice on how to live out that decision.

We now have a thread asking divorced people to disclose the extremely personal issues as to why they are divorced; I felt it was only fair to ask those who plan to remain single forever how they deal with sexuality, and what their advice would be to other singles who struggle with it, because to ignore this topic and act like it doesn't exist just keeps people in a place where they suffer in silence. It tells people what to do, but doesn't realistically tell them how to do it, or acknowledge the struggles they are going through.

As a long-time single myself, sexuality is the number one question I get asked about by other singles.

It's fine and dandy to never get married. But what's your game plan on dealing with things like porn and knowing that if you stay single, you are never, E.V.E.R. allowed to have any form of sexual expression for the rest of your life? Even for singles who don't outwardly mention it, this is usually the question that's always hinging in their minds (at least from my experience in the single Christian community.)

For anyone who is brave enough to answer, it's fine to just give generalizations and not personal details about yourself.

It's that it sometimes feels like there is a very strong anti-marriage sentiment here in Singles -- as if wanting to find someone and get married is wrong, or anyone who wants to do so is some kind of moron. While I agree that getting married be wrong for some people -- maybe sexuality isn't an issue for them, and that's why they can do it -- I definitely believe that God still calls others to be married, and it would be wrong to try to stop them from doing so.

However, for those who insist that the single life is the only way to go -- what suggestions and advice do you have for others who want to adapt to long-term or permanent singleness?

am not really one to advise as I rarely feel sexual desire. I would say am asexual but I have had those desires occasionally in past.and have fallen deeply for people. But I don't feel this way as often as most people seem to and I have never seen the need to be married or in a relation ship.

so the sexual.desire or urge hasn't been an issue for me as a voluntary celibate woman.