Am I the Only One?

LoneGirl02 · Oct 6, 2020

Hello. It's been a long time since I last engaged on this site. Some of you may recognize me. Some of you may not. It doesn't really matter. Okay...so it's been ages since I last written something like this, so bare with me😊

I've been feeling quite discouraged lately. I'm 17 years old and I've been raised very sheltered ever since I was born. My parents are super strict and sometimes I feel overwhelmed because I feel I'm expected to be the "perfect Christian girl." I've been struggling with my relationship with God and things I'm having a hard time dealing with. I don't have any close friends due to my upbringing and the fact its iterally been like I was sheltered from the outside world. I haven't really gotten the chance to make friends because I don't go to any sort of public school/university/college.

It's been hard for me because I feel so lonely. And I really get frustrated with my parents about it. I want a social life so badly...is it too much to ask? Is it rebellious to want to experience what's really out there just once?

I feel like I'm the only one whose remained pure....all my cousins around my age are literally out there partying and drinking. They're not really living a godly lifestyle in a sense. Like all of them. I don't know it seems teenagers nowadays seems to have lost moral values...well, at least I see it that way. It's hard to actually find someone who shares the same Christian values and who've remained pure, you know...

So, which comes to this. I really feel like like Elijah in the Bible where he said he felt like he was the only one who hadn't bowed down to Baal. And then the Lord reminded him there are 7000 (I apologise if I got the number wrong😅) other prophets who haven't bowed to Baal.

I know I'm not perfect. And I'm not trying to be self-centered here. I just feel alone...

Lighthearted · Oct 6, 2020

LoneGirl02 said:

You aren't alone. I just recently came back too CC as well...and I'm glad I did. I was feeling very isolated as I was when I came here...seeking.
I longed for the freedom from control of everyone in my life. I also lost my sight of the Lord. I lived the lifestyle you describe your friends having and beyond. I sometimes wish my parents would have been more protective now that I'm an adult.
The grass always seems greener on the other side from where you're either standing or lying flat on your face.
Your parents may be strict and overprotective...but do you know they love you and do you trust them to do what's best for you?
I'm sure there are people here to talk to that are trying to struggle where you're struggling. Hang around for awhile.

Lanolin · Oct 7, 2020

Just wondering are you homeschooled, or if you have any brothers or sisters. I mean just how sheltered are you. Do you have a church family or youth group to belong to? Do you live in the city or country?

I dont think its unreasonable to want to hang out with other people your own age.. have you told your parents how you feel? but maybe more imprortant, what is your relationship with Jesus like.

I mean for most people God is very far away, but you see Jesus came to earth and was human just like us and dealt with things like lonliness and being sometimes the only one. and He defintely asked for friends to hang out with not just a few but twelve of them.

Fundamental · Oct 7, 2020

Parents can be over protecting... I can only say, my girls wont be permitted to go out as well. Not even when 18, heaven forbid!
Your ending of your post addresses perfectly why. A lot of kids don’t think before they act anymore, and I did not neither as I was younger. I had parents that let us free in about everything. I had amazing days but reflecting back on it, I fell hard and needed to recover for years to undo the damage.

In Europe binge drinking is a real problem and teenagers don’t go out until a specific hour. There are after parties that can last till noon, but those are for a public not only drinking.
Parents and even regular adults look at me weird when I tell them my kids are not allowed to drink alcohol. It is the alcohol that is the blind spot in going out and most adults don’t recognize. It is so social accepted here and some parents in Europe even let teenagers drink at home.

There is just too much danger out there and ALL at stakes. A parent that doesn’t go lightly over this must be seen as a parent that loves you more then anything in life.
They are strong in the Lord.

DorotheaSofia · Oct 7, 2020

LoneGirl02 said:

Hey, just letting you know that you´re not the only teen out there that doesn´t party and drink and stuff. And not the only one who is not perfect and feeling pressure... I´m 16, and I feel like I have been in simular situations before, even though I go to a normal school. That is no guarantee to find close friends! Friends, yes of course, but you´re lucky if you find a close christian friend in school.
I know you probably feel like you miss out because I have felt the same way, but honestly: those party-people often only have very shallow relationships, they have nothing in common exept for their love of alcohol and they can´t seriously get to know each other because they get drunk. So they don´t have real close friends either even if it might look like they do.
It´s not too much to ask for a social life, maybe you can talk to your parents about that, but the kind of stuff you talked about they will probably want to protect you from. Maybe you can find a youth group or something? Friends are very important and I´m sure they think the same.
It might be hard finding someone who has the same values than you do. Pray hard for that. It took 3 or 4 years of prayer for me until I have finally been blessed with two people my age who also take their faith seriously.
Do not be discouraged, rather take it as a time of strengthening your faith and clinging to Jesus. Even if you do not feel like it. HE wants to be with you, and you are never quite alone because he is with you. Strengthen your relationship with him and take time daily to rest in his presence, meaning prayer and bible reading(seriously to kow scripture well is a gamechnger!!!). That will help in your struggles, do it even if you don´t quite feel like doing it, it seriously helps!
We will never be perfect on this earth. However, we can grow to be more like Jesus. Try to not let the pressure impact you. There is no perfect person out there! We all need the grace of God.
Sorry if this is very long, but I tried to give you advice that has helped me in situations like yours. I could go on even longer, so ask questions if you want to.

Blackpowderduelist · Oct 7, 2020

Your not the only one.
Partying and drinking will not serve one good purpose.
The truth is, you are experiencing the reality of life. Being that if you are to be a moral practicing Christian there really isn't anything the world has to offer. If you're not as scandalous as they are, they don't care to associate with you anyway. In life the reality is that most people will only ever make at most three life time real friends, usually one.
The honest fact is you ain't missing anything. Though you may think you are. Hope this helps.
Go to church, finish your education, get a job, let God be the author of your life.

Scribe · Oct 7, 2020

LoneGirl02 said:

Google a Spirit Filled Church near you that has a large exciting youth ministry. Start going each week. See what God will do. It is God's method for all believers to be involved in a local body of believers. Some churches are so small they have no youth. You might ask your parents to allow you to attend a different church than they do for that reason.

One of the benefits of Mega Churches is that many have awesome youth ministries where you can find plenty of sold out christians your age, along with half baked and compromisers that you have to avoid as well. Don't look for a social life from schools or you will end up like your cousins. Look for your friends in church.

Don't think it is strange to be separated from the world. We are all called to separate ourselves from what everyone else is running toward. The people of God are holy. Holy means separate. We must learn to stand alone. There is a storm of judgment coming and their party will soon end in weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. You want to be on the side of the few, the remnant that are not bowing the knee to their gods of revelry.

Adstar · Oct 7, 2020

LoneGirl02 said:

Yes i know..

We are separated by being from different nations, of different genders, different ages and from your pick we are of different races.. But i know exactly how you feel.. And yeah i know deep down there are other Saints out there who feel the same way as we do.. Sometimes i get down because meeting true brothers and sisters in Christ seems to be very rare these days..

It's fortunate we are both English speakers and followers of Christ hey..

Anyway overprotective parents is a thing.. But once a youth is well grounded in the scriptures ones parents should trust in their youths to go out into the world and resist the evil temptations out there that will try and entice them away from the Love of the truth.. But a lot of parents find it hard to accept their little one is grown up and must face the world as it really is.. There comes a time when protecting people harms them..

No matter how things go with your parents i hope you keep standing resolutely on the right Way with God..

May God bless you and comfort you through your difficult times LoneGirl02

Billyd · Oct 7, 2020

This it to your parents. Your child needs company. Open your home to her friends. Spend some time with them. Sit down to meals with them. Take them to church. Take them on trips with you. Take them out to dinner with you. Get to know their families. Respect their family's requirments. Enforce the limits that you expect your child and her friends to observe. Most of all talk with your children and friends, not at them.

LoneGirl02 · Oct 8, 2020

Lanolin said:

Hiya😊 I was homeschooled, yes. I've finished my education this far. Yes, I have two sisters and a brother. The thing is, we don't have church family. We haven't gone to church in ages. I guess my parents are trying to find the "perfect" one but there isn't really a perfect church out there, is there? So anyway, if I was in a youth group or something it would have been awesome. But where we live (in England) young people don't got to the local churches around us. They're very dry...and not as Spirit-filled, you know. The churches here attract older folks way more than of my generation. So, that's been super hard. I wish I lived in the city where there are more vibrant.

My relationship with Jesus has been strong...but lately I feel like I'm flattering due to the fact like i feel I want to be surrounded with other young people with the same passion for Jesus, you know. 😇 So....its been kinda hard....

LoneGirl02 · Oct 8, 2020

DorotheaSofia said:

Hey, just letting you know that you´re not the only teen out there that doesn´t party and drink and stuff. And not the only one who is not perfect and feeling pressure... I´m 16, and I feel like I have been in simular situations before, even though I go to a normal school. That is no guarantee to find close friends! Friends, yes of course, but you´re lucky if you find a close christian friend in school.
I know you probably feel like you miss out because I have felt the same way, but honestly: those party-people often only have very shallow relationships, they have nothing in common exept for their love of alcohol and they can´t seriously get to know each other because they get drunk. So they don´t have real close friends either even if it might look like they do.
It´s not too much to ask for a social life, maybe you can talk to your parents about that, but the kind of stuff you talked about they will probably want to protect you from. Maybe you can find a youth group or something? Friends are very important and I´m sure they think the same.
It might be hard finding someone who has the same values than you do. Pray hard for that. It took 3 or 4 years of prayer for me until I have finally been blessed with two people my age who also take their faith seriously.
Do not be discouraged, rather take it as a time of strengthening your faith and clinging to Jesus. Even if you do not feel like it. HE wants to be with you, and you are never quite alone because he is with you. Strengthen your relationship with him and take time daily to rest in his presence, meaning prayer and bible reading(seriously to kow scripture well is a gamechnger!!!). That will help in your struggles, do it even if you don´t quite feel like doing it, it seriously helps!
We will never be perfect on this earth. However, we can grow to be more like Jesus. Try to not let the pressure impact you. There is no perfect person out there! We all need the grace of God.
Sorry if this is very long, but I tried to give you advice that has helped me in situations like yours. I could go on even longer, so ask questions if you want to.

Oh wow! I absolutely loved this! Thank you....and I appreciate you taking your time to write this. And don't apologise about it being long...I so needed this.

Finding very close friends who share the same values is like finding rare treasure. And i want that so bad. To be around teenagers who love Jesus. And I love the advice you gave.

Yes, you're so right. I think I should try focusing on getting closer to Jesus and allow Him to bring friends some way or the other.
Gosh, what you said was what I needed to hear.😊

LoneGirl02 · Oct 8, 2020

Lighthearted said:

Oh goodness. This almost made me cry. Makes me rethink what I've been saying. Yeah, it may seem hard for me being all alone but i believe it'll be worth it. So, I guess I should be appreciative my parents are strict, right?😅

I guess I know they love me.and want what's best...even though it feels really really hard on me. I suppose looking at your perspective...it does change things a little😊

Thanks so much for what you said!

LoneGirl02 · Oct 8, 2020

Adstar said:

I totally agree with what you said. Thank you😊

And I loved what you said on the first paragraph. Finding fellow Christians is rare, especially in my country. The culture is getting so secularised...and you wonder, surely I'm the only one out here. But, of course here are you guys...😁

Thank you so much for your input. God bless you too!

DorotheaSofia · Oct 8, 2020

LoneGirl02 said:

It´s funny because I am in the exact same situation except that I live in Germany! My parents and my siblings and I are the youngest people in church, and everbody else is over 70

But even though church often is not the best and very dry and everything you said, maybe you should still keep going. I experienced this during Lockdown: I was really surprised but I missed church so much, and I think it´s just because we´re the body of Christ fellowshipping, even if some older people are not as passionate as younger people can be. And even if you´re not going to be best friends with these elderly people, they can give such valuable advice. They often don´t show their faith as we would but are still very devout on the inside. There is a couple at my church that invited me for a hot chocolate after church when I was going without my family, and they asked me what I thought about the sermon-they are such sweethearts!
So even though I´m sure God will give you close christian friends your age when the time is there, grow to be the friend you would want to have, strong in your relationship with God and also try to have a relationship with older christians at your local church.
And, we also struggle because the pastor preaches wrong things sometimes and it´s just not what we would wish it were, but we have now decided to stay nonetheless and really invest into this congregation and build relationships and hope God uses us. So maybe you and your family could do that too?
Also, about the friends: My closest christian friend actually is my Cousin. We never were very close until last year when we "by accident" or God´s plan

began talking about our faith. So don´t disregard your family.

LoneGirl02 said:

Yeah, I think I keep writing so much because I feel like I am or at least have been in the same situation. So I´m really glad I could help you.
I feel the same, I just want it so bad. But we can find comfort in the fact that God absolutely knows we do and absolutely is in control and has a perfect plan.
God bless<3

Lighthearted · Oct 8, 2020

LoneGirl02 said:

You are a beautiful young woman. In a short time you will be responsible for making all of your own decisions. I have a very strong suspicion that there will be bigger struggles you will have to face when you will need your parents and appreciate their love and support.
Sister, you are in a tough period of your life we all go through.
Rebellion in any form, in any situation is USUALLY a very damaging route. It causes a ripple effect in the outcome of our lives, damages relationships, and can cause us to stray from the good things God has planned for us. In other words...trouble and pain you don't need and can avoid. It's like running a race and tripping over your feet as many times as it takes, delaying you from the finish line until you . Some parents know through experience. My oldest daughter (24) has come to this conclusion when she told me she wishes she had listened. (Some call it hindsight...a lot of time it turns out to be plain old regret. Who wants that? No one. Who needs it? God can use it though for hard headed people like me.)
Chin up.

Magenta · Oct 8, 2020

Romans 8:28

DorotheaSofia · Oct 8, 2020

Magenta said:

Oh I love that verse!

Magenta · Oct 8, 2020

DorotheaSofia said:

You are a very wise young woman

DorotheaSofia · Oct 8, 2020

Magenta said:

thanks!

all glory to God though!!!

LoneGirl02 · Oct 8, 2020

Lighthearted said:

Aww, thank you! This was very kind of you to write this for me😊

Yeah, rebellion sounds so scary. And I don't want to act like that way...but I guess sometimes, the feeling to rebel is there, you know? But then I hear about the consequences my parents have described I'm detail. So, I guess I have to be determined to just walk through this season and trust the plan God has for my life. Even if it hurts a little during the process...

Anyway, I'm probably going to talk more and more😅

God bless you❤

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