Marriage

[ChristianGirl97]

After 39 yrs of marriage and still going...
The best advise I ever heard I will give to you.

Love your husband as called to in the scriptures, and trust you husband in Jesus to God Our Father.
For we do not change our husbands, God Our Father perfects them.
I found this to be the wisest and most effective.
You, your husband and children are in my prayers in Jesus.

hugs and God bless
pickles

Thank you. I hold this even closer as I talked to my husband last night how I’ve been struggling with this and as he prayed for me God gave me the words you have just told me. and now reading that you said almost word for word what God told me Last night in prayer.

So thank you so much for confirming them!

 

[ChristianGirl97]

um what?!

It could be a test but what a dilemma, stay and be married to someone whos addicted to pornogaphy, or leave and not be married.

well I know what I would choose if I was in that situation.
Because isnt pornography ADULTERY. Its a HUGE deal! someone joined to a harlot cant be joined to a bride.

1 Corinthians 6:15-20

whats disturbing is that your so called husband is a youth leader. Is that right? Now whoever he is leading is NOT going to be on the right path if hes addicted to pornography. I would be very concerned for whoever is in his charge. ESpecially if they are children.

I am going to be blunt. Your so called husband is not being faithful to you.

He HAD struggled with it. He made the commitment to God to stop once and for all.. And I know he has, you can tell. I think you read my last post wrong. He is in fact a good man, and I know that youth ministry is OUR calling( not just his) We all make mistakes and we all struggle with something.

We are young, in our early 20s and I believe that God can and will do something with our lives. God never chose perfect people to lead his people in the bible, and I believe that is still true to this day.

 

[Lanolin]

oh sorry maybe I misread but....
how can you tell he stopped?

like did he have a stash of online porn or something and then just delete them. or did he put a firewall up or chuck away his computer. if it is actually online, I dont know, maybe it was through the tv or magazines or something.

Or is it just on his phone. I mean what exactly was he doing? sorry to be nosy, but HOW did you find out in the first place. Was he asking you to do kinky stuff.


I mean sure people can say they stopped drinking or smoking, and promise they will stop, but sometimes that just means they dont do it while you are there, keep doing whatever it is they do, and then lie about it. You write you are afraid he is cheating, well is he?

people that groom others often tell their victims it has to be a secret, or they say to the other woman if the wife finds out she will be so hurt. so they think well I can hide it and she wont be hurt. Is that what you want to do, live in ignorance with someone who is deceitful? Did he tell the church and the children that he likes to look at naked people?

 

[Lanolin]

I mean sure spiritually Israel said we arent going to worship idols anymore, made a big show of offerings, but then left a few idols in the temple anyway and continued to play the harlot. God wasnt fooled.

what it really tooks was the entire temple to be destroyed before anyone paid Him any real attention.

 

[Godsgirl83]

Welcome to CC.
After reading your post it occurred to me that you may want to try posting this in a forum that will get more attention, thus more replies, such as in the Family Forum.

I'm sorry this posted; I had written much more but while typing, and rereading, and dealing with kiddos arguments (yeaaaaa mom life) I didn't realize till later that I had hit "Post reply" instead of "preview".......

I stand in agreement with what has been said here though: NO! That is NOT God telling you to leave your husband.

You answered some of my question in your later post.

I am saddened to hear of what you have been going through.

You, your husband, and children are in my prayers.

 

[ChristianGirl97]

I'm sorry this posted; I had written much more but while typing, and rereading, and dealing with kiddos arguments (yeaaaaa mom life) I didn't realize till later that I had hit "Post reply" instead of "preview".......

I stand in agreement with what has been said here though: NO! That is NOT God telling you to leave your husband.

You answered some of my question in your later post.

I am saddened to hear of what you have been going through.

You, your husband, and children are in my prayers.[/QUOTE


Thank you so much, I fully understand, motherhood is busy!

 

[DiscipleA]

Some things to consider:

We have instruction to avoid immoral people. This can motivate them to repent.

1 Corinthians 5:11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.

2 Thessalonians 3:14 Take special note of anyone who does not obey our instruction in this letter. Do not associate with them, in order that they may feel ashamed. 15 Yet do not regard them as an enemy, but warn them as you would a fellow believer.

2 Corinthians 7:9-11 9 Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. 10 For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. 11 For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter.

On the ground of sexual immorality is the one reason God will allow a divorce.

Matthew 5:32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.



These ideas come from God's word. You already spoke to your husband about these things. What else are you gonna do? God knows all the hidden details. You've been struggling with this for some time. I hope you come up with some kind of solution.

 

[ChristianGirl97]

Some things to consider:

We have instruction to avoid immoral people. This can motivate them to repent.

1 Corinthians 5:11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.

2 Thessalonians 3:14 Take special note of anyone who does not obey our instruction in this letter. Do not associate with them, in order that they may feel ashamed. 15 Yet do not regard them as an enemy, but warn them as you would a fellow believer.

2 Corinthians 7:9-11 9 Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. 10 For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. 11 For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter.

On the ground of sexual immorality is the one reason God will allow a divorce.

Matthew 5:32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.



These ideas come from God's word. You already spoke to your husband about these things. What else are you gonna do? God knows all the hidden details. You've been struggling with this for some time. I hope you come up with some kind of solution.

Yes those are all verses I’ve read regarding this, I understand that that makes it ok for me to leave. However it isn’t telling me I HAVE to leave if he does these things, it’s just a way out. I do not want to leave him. I know we will work on this forever but I know that we will become closer than ever. I felt like I needed other opinions and others to reassure me and to talk with me about it. And I feel like I have found my answer!

 

[DiscipleA]

it isn’t telling me I HAVE to leave

As the saying goes, we don't HAVE to do anything. God doesn't Require the best for us but he Wants the best for us. If you feel like you got what you wanted out of this thread, ok. I was just really interested in that "voice" for different reasons.

I know that we will become closer than ever.

...I hope so...

 

[Godsgirl83]

I was just really interested in that "voice" for different reasons.

???

 

[ChristianGirl97]

As the saying goes, we don't HAVE to do anything. God doesn't Require the best for us but he Wants the best for us. If you feel like you got what you wanted out of this thread, ok. I was just really interested in that "voice" for different reasons.

...I hope so...

Why does everyone doubt a relationship as soon as it has to do with sexual sin?
There are so many stories in the bible regarding sexual sin and they’ve been told to turn away.. so If it was impossible for a man to turn away from sin and I should just leave because of that, then God wouldn’t have told them to turn from their sin, He would’ve said “your screwed so have sex with whoever you want and fantasize about whatever.. but no, he gives us an out of our sin.

I believe in forgiveness, even if that means I have to do it a thousand times to the same sin. So long as Effort is being put in and you keep them accountable amongst others (which there are many people holding my husband accountable and keeping him in their prayers I our case) then I will keep forgiving. God didn’t tell us to forgive 3 times and then after that give up, no he told us to forgive over and over again.
I never wanted to leave, I Never had any intentions with getting reassurance to leave. I wanted other people’s perspective on that voice. I know it’s not God now, because if it was Then that would mean he doesn’t want me to love or forgive. That’s not the God I know.

 

[ChristianGirl97]

As the saying goes, we don't HAVE to do anything. God doesn't Require the best for us but he Wants the best for us. If you feel like you got what you wanted out of this thread, ok. I was just really interested in that "voice" for different reasons.

...I hope so...

also wondering what you mean in “interested in the “voice” for different reasons”..

 

[lenna]

very sensitive to that(who wouldn’t be?)

frankly I would get ticked off about it and want to get to the bottom of it

and many people I know would think the same

but again, it is up to you and frankly he has to get real also

for that matter, perhaps you entertain thoughts of ending your marriage for whatever reason...maybe you want more than he can offer

who know? what I do know, is that if you want it to end, you will do what it takes to have peace again

 

[melita916]

Struggles in marriage are tough. Based on the info you provided, it looks like your husband genuinely wants to do the right thing. It doesn’t look like he’s brushing it off with no care.

Being that he’s in leadership, I can totally understand if he’s afraid to reach out to someone who he can trust for accountability. People will judge. People will say “oh how dare he!” People forget leaders are also humans with struggles. The devil lies saying no one will understand. Is there a brother in the Lord who he can talk to if he hasn’t yet?

 

[DiscipleA]

also wondering what you mean in “interested in the “voice” for different reasons”..

I guess I haven't totally written off the possibility of it being God. Maybe God knows your husband will change only if you leave him for a minute. Maybe God knows if you don't, your husband won't change and there will be heartbreak in your future. Maybe God is giving you a warning to avoid the heartbreak. That's why I was worried. I didn't doubt your relationship because of the sexual immorality. I was worried because maybe God was giving you a warning. Would God really allow Satan to get in your head like that? And it sure doesn't make sense that God would allow Satan to block your prayers for all this time. How are your husbands prayers? Maybe his are blocked and that gets extended to you since you're one flesh. I'm not one to make assumptions so I tend to consider all viewpoints. Maybe that's just me. Everyone else seems to have their minds made up. I won't judge anyone for it.

 

[AndyMaleh]

But whoever saith in the Spirit, Give me money, or something else, ye shall not listen to him; but if he saith to you to give for others’ sake who are in need, let no one judge him.

 

[TravelerInTheWilderness]

"He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."
- Matthew 19:8-9

" For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. " - Malachi 2:16


I can say with absolute certainty that the spirit telling you to divorce your husband is NOT one of God. If something is going on, you can separate for your safety. But God would NOT tell you to do something blatantly contrary to Scripture.

Have you taken an honest inventory of your feelings? Do you think that you subconsciously have desires to leave your husband? When you look too hard for signs from God, you'll often interpret things as being from God when they're not. That happens for two reasons:

1.) You want it to be a sign from God.
2.) You're afraid of it being a sign from God.

I may be going on a stretch, but I get the feeling you are having issues that you are not divulging here. And, this is your right to not divulge because this isn't my business. However, you are better off talking to a counselor in real life rather than seeking advice where we only see a fragment of your life.