Dating Site Profiles

[Krumbeard]

It's been a while since I've been here. Hello!
So recently, I joined a christian dating site. I was nervous and apprehensive about doing so for quite some time.

Well, now I have no idea what I was nervous about. There are only a handful of people there that I would want to talk to, based on their profiles. There are so many that are very generic. A few lines that are very vague about who they are and what they are looking for.

Here are a few examples...some paraphrasing since I cannot remember them word for word.

"God fearing woman looking for a God fearing man." (What does that mean? Could it be any more vague?)
"Looking for my best friend that could lead to marriage" (A little better, but still nothing to make me want to message them.)
"Here is a recent pic of me (suggestive profile pic) message me if you like what you see." (Highly likely a scammer. Also scammers are very common. They give me the most activity.)
"I'm looking for a man who puts God first in his life and someone that I can spend the rest of my life with." (Good things, but it's a christian dating site. Aren't most of the people there looking for that?)

So those are a few examples of what I'm talking about. There are some that are really informative and makes me want to ask more questions and get to know someone more, but they haven't logged on in 6 months or more.

I have to be honest, I am hardly impressed with it so far.

so if you ever join one, if possible, tell about yourself and give some idea of who you are. I mean, those examples of descriptions above...they have to more interesting than that! They cannot be that boring, can they?

I am not trying to be mean, so if that is what it seems like...sorry.

I actually find it a bit amusing.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

It's a dating site. And dating site basically means hookup site. Even the Christian ones. They're generic because they aren't looking for relationships, but hookups. And most of what's left is scammers. And the last few percent are real people looking for real relationships.
From what I've heard Christian sites are harder for Christians to find people than secular sites. The logic is everyone on a Christian site will claim to be a Christian, but most people on secular sites claiming to be Christian will be more sincere.
That's what I've heard anyways. Never been a fan of dating sites myself.

 

[Ruby123]

I went on a couple a few years ago and was highly disappointed.

I think when you have so much choice, people just dont put the effort in because they know that they have numerous others to turn to instead.

I think they tend to promote all the wrong ways of thinking. Give me the old fashioned way of meeting people anyday.

 

[Lanolin]

Dont bother sorry. I dont find it amusing, just a bit lame. But back before internet, you only had a few lines to say stuff, so it was even more cryptic. You didnt even have photos. Everything had to have an acronymn, like GSOH meant something..

most are just clickbait. You cant tell a person by what they say about themselves alone. You can usually tell what a person is like by what their friends say of them.

 

[TravelerInTheWilderness]

I know your frustration. I've been on those sites. It's hard to distinguish one "Must love dogs and be taller than me" from another.

After having had a few relationships that started on those sites, I really would rather meet organically. Then, you have the chance to see how they interact with others in their life, which will tell you far more about the kind of person they are than a profile.

Online dating can be a big trap of getting excited about someone based on the few details you learn, rushing in to a relationship, and then having it fall apart when you realize you weren't so compatible as you initially thought.

 

[Kim82]

I think they are a waste of time. Proceed with caution.

 

[Krumbeard]

I think they are a waste of time. Proceed with caution.

So far I would agree that they are a waste of time.
(
As far as proceeding....I think it's like trying to drive a car that doesn't start.

 

[Lynx]

"I just wanna know if you
Can kick some game
Tell me something more clever
Than just your name...

Clubs's about to close
But you've only said
A few words to me
I've been waiting for
A dose of your personality"

 

[Lynx]

Krumbeard I've heard the same complaint from many people. In fact I hear it so often that I don't know why some of you folks don't find each other... Y'all are all getting the same experience, so there ARE other real people out there.

Makes me suspect the dating sites never show real people to other real people...

 

[Krumbeard]

Krumbeard I've heard the same complaint from many people. In fact I hear it so often that I don't know why some of you folks don't find each other... Y'all are all getting the same experience, so there ARE other real people out there.

Makes me suspect the dating sites never show real people to other real people...

funny thing is, on one of the forum threads on the dating site, there is a theory that dating sites need to make money so they keep people from meeting so they keep paying.
Not sure I'd agree with it, but seeing what it's been like, I'm not sure I'd disagree. Hahaha

 

[Lanolin]

were you sucked in?
Dont. If you dont pay and its free you can bet you WILL be paying for it later.

 

[JustEli]

I see at it like looking for a job.

we are looking for a hard working bla bla bla to join our enthusiastic team of bla bla bla
great opportunity bla bla bla

no thank you.

or..............................

framers needed, pay doe call (555) 555 -5555

bingo!


side note, I havnt had to find a job in this manner for years. And have never looked for love
in said manner.

Good luck though, it does happen.

 

[Krumbeard]

I see at it like looking for a job.

we are looking for a hard working bla bla bla to join our enthusiastic team of bla bla bla
great opportunity bla bla bla

no thank you.

or..............................

framers needed, pay doe call (555) 555 -5555

bingo!


side note, I havnt had to find a job in this manner for years. And have never looked for love
in said manner.

Good luck though, it does happen.

Not putting much hope in it.

 

[JustEli]

For the last year or so, Ive been evicting volatile and less than honorable people from my life.
A lil lonely yes. But the way is being paved for a brighter future.

Now I just gotta live up to my own standards............. lol



side note; my wife has been gone nearlly 3 yrs, and does not fall into said categories.

 

[seoulsearch]

Hi Krumbeard!

Great to see you posting again! Sorry if I start to ramble, but I thought I'd share a few of my own experiences.

I'm one of those crazy people who thinks online social sites can have some pros and not just all cons, but I think what's most important is how people approach them. (Sorry if I my post is all over the place -- I have so many thoughts running by, I'm trying my best to catch and organize the ones I think might be helpful or interesting without making this post 10 pages long.)

The biggest disservice I personally believe that dating sites have done is to raise people's unrealistic expectations higher than ever. Everyone believes they are going to find their "unicorn," and with the world wide web connecting us to billions of other people, it's almost like a giant dating lottery -- the pool is now SO big, surely our number is going to turn up eventually! We become especially hopeful when we hear of others who supposedly "have" found their unicorns, leading us to believe, "Well if it happened for her/him, why not for me, too? After all, I'm a child of God, and doesn't God want THE BEST for me?!" which makes us all the more determined to intensify the search for what we think is perfect, and not necessarily what God thinks is good for us.

Some of the people who contacted me on dating sites were actually married, but, with the advent of online dating services (since they weren't available when they were dating their spouse), were now convinced that they had married the wrong person and surely "God's TRUE match" for them was somewhere out there, yet to be found, and they had missed out before because their pool of opportunity had been too small. Others were mostly curious as to who else in the world might be attracted to them now and give them the attention.

I went through a long spree of Adventures in Dating, both through a live match-matching service and about 4 online dating sites (I personally don't see all that much difference between live or online services, except that the "live" service was much more expensive and very much not worth it.)

My own view now is that yes, there were a lot of negative experiences but also a few positive, and some life lessons I'm glad I learned.

I have thought of getting back on the dating sites but I only like the ones that have chat and forum options because as you said, going through profiles (including mine) for even an hour will make anyone's eyes glaze over. I like to be able to see what the person is like in real time, and in response to a wide variety of topics. Profiles are always awkward to write (as Eli said, they're basically a personal resume and list of wants,) but it's nearly impossible for most people to write something that truly stands out, and to no fault of their own.

I think most people need some kind of "kick start" when it comes to communication, especially written. For example, the majority of people on CC write very interesting posts, but most need a thread/topic to get them started. We often hear many complaints that the forums are boring, but not very many people start threads themselves, because it's an unfamiliar or unknown skill. People often can't just start writing fascinating things about themselves that will compel others to respond because they are lacking a medium to get them started, and that's exactly what a dating profile is asking one to do.

I do have to say that I'm grateful for the things I've learned from my time on those sites, both in general, and about myself. For instance, dating takes a very thick skin, which is why jumping back in when one is most vulnerable probably isn't a good idea. One thing I learned very quickly is that most of the men who communicated with me were trying to get over someone else, and so if I said or did anything they didn't like or agree with, they were quick to react, criticize, or reject me or what I had to say. It took a long time for me to learn that most people project all the anger from other areas of their lives onto a person they are trying to bet all their hopes and dreams on (as in, the one who JUST MIGHT be that fabled unicorn they are looking for,) and that taught me to not take negative reactions as personally as I used to.

As a woman, I also learned that some (not all of course, but some) Christian men seemed to think that "leading" a woman in the relationship meant constantly "correcting" or trying to change me, and it was justified as him being the leader. (I am NOT trying to criticize men in general at all, but being a woman, I have to speak from my own perspective. Fellas, I have enough guy friends to know that y'all have put up with plenty of issues from women as well, so I understand.)

But I also got tired of constantly having to pay for some other woman's wrongdoings or not living up to someone from the past (as well as realizing that I in turn can't do the same to others,) and so I haven't been back on the scene in a very long time.

If I ever did go back, I'd approach it the same way as I do on CC, or the singles group at my church -- I'm just there to meet and hopefully talk to some cool and interesting people. I have hopes, but try not to have expectations. If have a great conversation with someone and learn from them, I try to be grateful for that and figure it's the next lesson or step God has for me wherever He has me going, and I try not to expect anything else (but I admit that sometimes I am hopeful.)

I completely understand what you're saying in your posts, Krum. One of my own personal ways of dealing with feelings or things I'd rather not face is through distraction, and sometimes when I can't keep the distractions up or some kind of splinter makes its way through those little tiny crevices I've tried to hide away in my heart, I start to crack. And sometimes, I break down all at once.

I hope God blesses your time there, Krumbeard, and even if you don't find your "one" on that site, I hope you'll find more of what "THE ONE" has for you in His walk with Him.

All the best to you, and please keep us posted!

 

[Krumbeard]

Hi Krumbeard!

Great to see you posting again! Sorry if I start to ramble, but I thought I'd share a few of my own experiences.

I'm one of those crazy people who thinks online social sites can have some pros and not just all cons, but I think what's most important is how people approach them. (Sorry if I my post is all over the place -- I have so many thoughts running by, I'm trying my best to catch and organize the ones I think might be helpful or interesting without making this post 10 pages long.)

The biggest disservice I personally believe that dating sites have done is to raise people's unrealistic expectations higher than ever. Everyone believes they are going to find their "unicorn," and with the world wide web connecting us to billions of other people, it's almost like a giant dating lottery -- the pool is now SO big, surely our number is going to turn up eventually! We become especially hopeful when we hear of others who supposedly "have" found their unicorns, leading us to believe, "Well if it happened for her/him, why not for me, too? After all, I'm a child of God, and doesn't God want THE BEST for me?!" which makes us all the more determined to intensify the search for what we think is perfect, and not necessarily what God thinks is good for us.

Some of the people who contacted me on dating sites were actually married, but, with the advent of online dating services (since they weren't available when they were dating their spouse), were now convinced that they had married the wrong person and surely "God's TRUE match" for them was somewhere out there, yet to be found, and they had missed out before because their pool of opportunity had been too small. Others were mostly curious as to who else in the world might be attracted to them now and give them the attention.

I went through a long spree of Adventures in Dating, both through a live match-matching service and about 4 online dating sites (I personally don't see all that much difference between live or online services, except that the "live" service was much more expensive and very much not worth it.)

My own view now is that yes, there were a lot of negative experiences but also a few positive, and some life lessons I'm glad I learned.

I have thought of getting back on the dating sites but I only like the ones that have chat and forum options because as you said, going through profiles (including mine) for even an hour will make anyone's eyes glaze over. I like to be able to see what the person is like in real time, and in response to a wide variety of topics. Profiles are always awkward to write (as Eli said, they're basically a personal resume and list of wants,) but it's nearly impossible for most people to write something that truly stands out, and to no fault of their own.

I think most people need some kind of "kick start" when it comes to communication, especially written. For example, the majority of people on CC write very interesting posts, but most need a thread/topic to get them started. We often hear many complaints that the forums are boring, but not very many people start threads themselves, because it's an unfamiliar or unknown skill. People often can't just start writing fascinating things about themselves that will compel others to respond because they are lacking a medium to get them started, and that's exactly what a dating profile is asking one to do.

I do have to say that I'm grateful for the things I've learned from my time on those sites, both in general, and about myself. For instance, dating takes a very thick skin, which is why jumping back in when one is most vulnerable probably isn't a good idea. One thing I learned very quickly is that most of the men who communicated with me were trying to get over someone else, and so if I said or did anything they didn't like or agree with, they were quick to react, criticize, or reject me or what I had to say. It took a long time for me to learn that most people project all the anger from other areas of their lives onto a person they are trying to bet all their hopes and dreams on (as in, the one who JUST MIGHT be that fabled unicorn they are looking for,) and that taught me to not take negative reactions as personally as I used to.

As a woman, I also learned that some (not all of course, but some) Christian men seemed to think that "leading" a woman in the relationship meant constantly "correcting" or trying to change me, and it was justified as him being the leader. (I am NOT trying to criticize men in general at all, but being a woman, I have to speak from my own perspective. Fellas, I have enough guy friends to know that y'all have put up with plenty of issues from women as well, so I understand.)

But I also got tired of constantly having to pay for some other woman's wrongdoings or not living up to someone from the past (as well as realizing that I in turn can't do the same to others,) and so I haven't been back on the scene in a very long time.

If I ever did go back, I'd approach it the same way as I do on CC, or the singles group at my church -- I'm just there to meet and hopefully talk to some cool and interesting people. I have hopes, but try not to have expectations. If have a great conversation with someone and learn from them, I try to be grateful for that and figure it's the next lesson or step God has for me wherever He has me going, and I try not to expect anything else (but I admit that sometimes I am hopeful.)

I completely understand what you're saying in your posts, Krum. One of my own personal ways of dealing with feelings or things I'd rather not face is through distraction, and sometimes when I can't keep the distractions up or some kind of splinter makes its way through those little tiny crevices I've tried to hide away in my heart, I start to crack. And sometimes, I break down all at once.

I hope God blesses your time there, Krumbeard, and even if you don't find your "one" on that site, I hope you'll find more of what "THE ONE" has for you in His walk with Him.

All the best to you, and please keep us posted!

Great thoughts!
And thanks for noting about the leading part.


I did ask one person about their church/belief affiliation.
They said they were raised baptist and were now Messianic. I might be wrong about this but it's my understanding that a Messianic is a Jew that believes Jesus is the Messiah.

That message got deleted by her.

 

[SarahUmbreon]

So I’ll just share my experience, even though it’s a very different experience most people will have, so I have tried 3 websites: One that is meant for special needs people to find friends/partners, one that was Christian, and one that was secular.

So the problems I kept running into are these two: Men wanting to take things too fast or they were weird/rude.

So for the special needs one, my dad google searched up websites for special needs people to find people, and it was cool and it seemed like it was going to be fun, however everyone on there it seems are really special needs and don’t understand how relationships work. I’ve never dated so I don’t want to claim to be a expert, but since this is such a life changing choice, of who you want to be with for life, I think it would be better to get to know someone as a friend and see if it does become serious or not. Most of the men just straight up asked me: “So you wanna be boyfriend and girlfriend” after only talking via messaging for 20 minutes or it was the first thing they asked me, it freaked me out and made me cry, cause it just didn’t seem like they understand what I wanted, and you can’t just decide from reading a profile to love someone or not, I make it clear in my profiles what I like and that I’m Christian, but I don’t think that should be enough for deciding a decision so important as being married together forever. Plus some people would just give me their phone numbers so yeah, that one was not good.

Then I googled up info on Christian dating websites and found one that claimed to be a place where it supports friendships and dating, but no one sent me messages. I left the website quickly and sure I should have tried with sending messages, but when I signed up I hoped for the kind of “people reaching out to talk to me” as it was for the special needs website, plus I guess there is still a small part that worries Christians wouldn’t like my hobbies, I know that is wrong now but back then I wasn’t sure.

Finally, the secular website had the most people contact me, but it felt the worst because it seemed like no one read my profile, I would see someone that liked my profile close to my age and think: “Oh, I want to get to know them cause they look nice”, and they would be “non-religious”. Then there would be people that liked my profile where I’m like: “Did you even read my profile?”. Had one person give me their phone number, had one ask me if I was a virgin, had one wanted to know if I was on Snapchat to send him photos, and had one I’m pretty sure had a hair fetish, he didn’t want me to change my hair because of his “sensory stuff” (I know he said sensory, but can’t remember the 2nd word he said, whoops) and it was that gentleman after I told him how much God matters to me: “Is it really gonna break the relationship if I’m not Christian?” (He said he didn’t grow up going to church) and I dunno, something about the idea of someone having to convert to Christianity to be with me didn’t feel right. It probably reminded on how my original faith foundation for God was “To prove that guy who asked if I was gay in college wrong”.

So I’m taking a break, I struggle with thoughts and loneliness sometimes, but I just don’t feel ready to go back to websites. I don’t regret it cause I did learn stuff, but it was too much for me to handle right now, I just realized I don’t feel emotionally ready for anything “deeper than friendship”, like I want to make friends and hopefully the guy friendships I make could go deeper one day, but right now, I want to enjoy what I have cause I do forget how great life is right now for me. Maybe one day I’ll try again (If anyone has any dating website recommendations I would appreciate) but right now, nah I’m good ^_^

 

[Krumbeard]

So I’ll just share my experience, even though it’s a very different experience most people will have, so I have tried 3 websites: One that is meant for special needs people to find friends/partners, one that was Christian, and one that was secular.

So the problems I kept running into are these two: Men wanting to take things too fast or they were weird/rude.

So for the special needs one, my dad google searched up websites for special needs people to find people, and it was cool and it seemed like it was going to be fun, however everyone on there it seems are really special needs and don’t understand how relationships work. I’ve never dated so I don’t want to claim to be a expert, but since this is such a life changing choice, of who you want to be with for life, I think it would be better to get to know someone as a friend and see if it does become serious or not. Most of the men just straight up asked me: “So you wanna be boyfriend and girlfriend” after only talking via messaging for 20 minutes or it was the first thing they asked me, it freaked me out and made me cry, cause it just didn’t seem like they understand what I wanted, and you can’t just decide from reading a profile to love someone or not, I make it clear in my profiles what I like and that I’m Christian, but I don’t think that should be enough for deciding a decision so important as being married together forever. Plus some people would just give me their phone numbers so yeah, that one was not good.

Then I googled up info on Christian dating websites and found one that claimed to be a place where it supports friendships and dating, but no one sent me messages. I left the website quickly and sure I should have tried with sending messages, but when I signed up I hoped for the kind of “people reaching out to talk to me” as it was for the special needs website, plus I guess there is still a small part that worries Christians wouldn’t like my hobbies, I know that is wrong now but back then I wasn’t sure.

Finally, the secular website had the most people contact me, but it felt the worst because it seemed like no one read my profile, I would see someone that liked my profile close to my age and think: “Oh, I want to get to know them cause they look nice”, and they would be “non-religious”. Then there would be people that liked my profile where I’m like: “Did you even read my profile?”. Had one person give me their phone number, had one ask me if I was a virgin, had one wanted to know if I was on Snapchat to send him photos, and had one I’m pretty sure had a hair fetish, he didn’t want me to change my hair because of his “sensory stuff” (I know he said sensory, but can’t remember the 2nd word he said, whoops) and it was that gentleman after I told him how much God matters to me: “Is it really gonna break the relationship if I’m not Christian?” (He said he didn’t grow up going to church) and I dunno, something about the idea of someone having to convert to Christianity to be with me didn’t feel right. It probably reminded on how my original faith foundation for God was “To prove that guy who asked if I was gay in college wrong”.

So I’m taking a break, I struggle with thoughts and loneliness sometimes, but I just don’t feel ready to go back to websites. I don’t regret it cause I did learn stuff, but it was too much for me to handle right now, I just realized I don’t feel emotionally ready for anything “deeper than friendship”, like I want to make friends and hopefully the guy friendships I make could go deeper one day, but right now, I want to enjoy what I have cause I do forget how great life is right now for me. Maybe one day I’ll try again (If anyone has any dating website recommendations I would appreciate) but right now, nah I’m good ^_^

I'd agree that building a friendship is a great idea. And I wouldn't be quick to assume that we are in a relationship, even after several dates. I know that if we seemed to have a mutual interest I wouldn't want to continue messaging for a long time.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[Encouragement]

It's been a while since I've been here. Hello!
So recently, I joined a christian dating site. I was nervous and apprehensive about doing so for quite some time.

Well, now I have no idea what I was nervous about. There are only a handful of people there that I would want to talk to, based on their profiles. There are so many that are very generic. A few lines that are very vague about who they are and what they are looking for.

Here are a few examples...some paraphrasing since I cannot remember them word for word.

"God fearing woman looking for a God fearing man." (What does that mean? Could it be any more vague?)
"Looking for my best friend that could lead to marriage" (A little better, but still nothing to make me want to message them.)
"Here is a recent pic of me (suggestive profile pic) message me if you like what you see." (Highly likely a scammer. Also scammers are very common. They give me the most activity.)
"I'm looking for a man who puts God first in his life and someone that I can spend the rest of my life with." (Good things, but it's a christian dating site. Aren't most of the people there looking for that?)

So those are a few examples of what I'm talking about. There are some that are really informative and makes me want to ask more questions and get to know someone more, but they haven't logged on in 6 months or more.

I have to be honest, I am hardly impressed with it so far.

so if you ever join one, if possible, tell about yourself and give some idea of who you are. I mean, those examples of descriptions above...they have to more interesting than that! They cannot be that boring, can they?

I am not trying to be mean, so if that is what it seems like...sorry.

I actually find it a bit amusing.

This is very interesting.I joined a well known Christian dating website and had a pretty detailed profile ie.. Christian beliefs,hobbies..recent photo,character traits ect ect...then about a week or so later someone contacted me and on the surface they seemed fine...and we got on really well and had many things in common..
Fast forward about 5 weeks later..I ended the relationship..how and why?
As I got to know them over the progressive weeks I became more aware of the kind of person they were...they seemed
* self obsessed as everything has to revolve around them
*Clearly had no real interest in my life as a Christian and seemed to disregard my spiritual life
*falsely accused my family and myself of serious wrong doing and seemed unapologetic
*came across as arrogant,confrontational and argumentative
All the way through the relationship I sensed this individual wasn't the right one despite them supposedly here from God that we were both gonna be together etc.

God confirmed my feeling to get the hell outta there which I did.

So I guess my point is that a persons profile doesnt count for much..its your actual experience of the person that defines their credibility as well as Gods leading and basic common sense.

Naturally all we have to go on is someones profile initially and the bible does say "acknowledge God in ALL our ways and he WILL direct our paths"in proverbs as there are many who will be wolves in sheeps in clothing in our lives.So being cautious is the best way and even if the persons seems great rely on God to expose what the person is "really"like as some people can hide the ugly side to them.

 

[Lynx]

SarahUmbreon this is off topic for the thread, but I don't have a good venue for asking so I'll ask here: Why do the ears on your avatar look just like the tail? It looks like either an ear on the butt or two tails on the head...

I know you didn't design that pokemon, so it ain't your fault. But do you know why the ears and tail look identical?