Is it ok to use corporal punishment on your kids

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PC123

PC123

Banned
#1
Jun 22, 2020
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#1
In general, todays generation have no humility. They are self centered, highly entitled and have no respect for their elders... Why is this?
One reason is that half of the kids have no father figure. Another reason is that spanking your child is frowned upon these days...
Some kids don't need spanking but others do... We've all seen that spoiled kid at the supermarket crying and screaming for a candy bar...

Kids don't know where the boundaries are and in order to learn they need to approach the boundaries and sometimes cross them...
Im not suggesting to spank your kid every time they cross the line. Physical punishment should be reserved for the more serious acts...

It is crucial that a parent is using a good technique. Often times a parents can get so angry that they loose control.
Punching and kicking is not a good technique. A blow to the head or body can cause serious internal organ damage.
A good method is the cane. It hurts and leaves some temporary welts but no matter how hard you swing the cane it will not cause internal damage.
If the cane is not nearby then a safe method is the old ear pull. It may seem a bit dangerous but believe me, u can almost hang a child from their ear and will not tear off their head...

When i was a kid my parents used to keep a thin branch on top of the refrigerator for when i needed it. When i got tall enough to reach i grabbed it and threw it away... My dad just went out side and grabbed a fresh branch off a tree and punished me with it... LoL

Some people may disagree with using corporal punishment on our kids but before you judge take a look at what the bible says...

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him - Proverbs 13:24
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.
If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol - Proverbs 23:13-14
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him - Proverbs 22:15
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother - Proverbs 29:15

What are your thoughts? Do u use physical punishment on your kids? Was it used on u as a kid? What are the alternatives? Do they work?
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#3
Mar 13, 2014
42,574
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Tennessee
#3
I read a quote from someone once, many years ago in the mid '60's that was talking about the behavior of kids at that time.

"The problem with the kids today is that they don't get patted on the back enough, low enough, and hard enough". This quote was at the top of the afterschool detention list. I think that I was in 7th grade at the time. As a parent, I used corporal punishment sparingly at first and then decided that it was not appropriate and instead resorted to other forms of punishment such as going to the room and stuff like that. If you decide to spank your child make absolutely sure that you are not angry at the time that you do so.
 
M

mar09

Senior Member
#5
Sep 17, 2014
4,927
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#5
PC123 said:
In general, todays generation have no humility. They are self centered, highly entitled and have no respect for their elders... Why is this?
One reason is that half of the kids have no father figure. Another reason is that spanking your child is frowned upon these days...
Some kids don't need spanking but others do... We've all seen that spoiled kid at the supermarket crying and screaming for a candy bar...

Kids don't know where the boundaries are and in order to learn they need to approach the boundaries and sometimes cross them...
Im not suggesting to spank your kid every time they cross the line. Physical punishment should be reserved for the more serious acts...

It is crucial that a parent is using a good technique. Often times a parents can get so angry that they loose control.
Punching and kicking is not a good technique. A blow to the head or body can cause serious internal organ damage.
A good method is the cane. It hurts and leaves some temporary welts but no matter how hard you swing the cane it will not cause internal damage.
If the cane is not nearby then a safe method is the old ear pull. It may seem a bit dangerous but believe me, u can almost hang a child from their ear and will not tear off their head...

When i was a kid my parents used to keep a thin branch on top of the refrigerator for when i needed it. When i got tall enough to reach i grabbed it and threw it away... My dad just went out side and grabbed a fresh branch off a tree and punished me with it... LoL

Some people may disagree with using corporal punishment on our kids but before you judge take a look at what the bible says...

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him - Proverbs 13:24
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.
If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol - Proverbs 23:13-14
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him - Proverbs 22:15
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother - Proverbs 29:15

What are your thoughts? Do u use physical punishment on your kids? Was it used on u as a kid? What are the alternatives? Do they work?
Click to expand...
If the Word of God says something, there is a reason/purpose for that. We grew up w/ my parents using a belt or slipper, and i dont remember any child abuse in the way they used these. My mother esp explained matters as she wanted us (well, me=) to understand why i had to be disciplined. Btw, looking back i didnt think it was punishment too, but simply discipline. As Tourist said, we do not have to be angry when spanking, as that makes a big difference.
 
GardenofWeeden

GardenofWeeden

Well-known member
#6
Jul 27, 2018
411
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The Garden of Weeden
#6
tourist said:
I read a quote from someone once, many years ago in the mid '60's that was talking about the behavior of kids at that time.

"The problem with the kids today is that they don't get patted on the back enough, low enough, and hard enough". This quote was at the top of the afterschool detention list. I think that I was in 7th grade at the time. As a parent, I used corporal punishment sparingly at first and then decided that it was not appropriate and instead resorted to other forms of punishment such as going to the room and stuff like that. If you decide to spank your child make absolutely sure that you are not angry at the time that you do so.
Click to expand...
I did spank the girls when they were little, with my open hand only on their behinds. I might have smacked some fingers a few times also as toddlers. After a certain age, I just felt it would do more damage than help, so we stopped and opted for other types of punishments. They outnumbered us, so we had to stay one step ahead of them still, and we had to get creative too.
 
R

Runningman

Banned
#7
Mar 4, 2020
8,614
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#7
I think people can just people rude. I've met children who would put senior citizens to shame; so well mannered and behaved. I've met seniors who are so incredibly nice and others who are cantankerous by default. Do you really think that hitting an adult with a cane would put the fear in them and make them well-behaved? I kinda doubt it.

People, especially children, are going to either do what you want them to do because they love you or fear you. The goal, in my opinion, is to lead by love.
 
PC123

PC123

Banned
#8
Jun 22, 2020
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#8
Runningman said:
The goal, in my opinion, is to lead by love.
Click to expand...
Ye of course thats standard. Im talking about the odd occasion when that doesn't work... Tough love
Some kids are wild... Those ones in the supermarket for example, ain't no love going to fix that...
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#9
#9
No, I do not think it is a good idea. A single slap on the fanny is one thing (even I do not like this), but using a weapon like a belt or cane can be abuse.
 
B

bojack

Well-known member
#10
Dec 16, 2019
2,309
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#10
Yes I whipped my sons on the butt with a belt, and I beat them hard .. Probably too hard but both of them probably never got over 6 or 7 whippings their whole life .. I never had to tell them to do something twice .. If I said ''do it now'' it meant do it now .. I never had them to talk back to me .. They both told me later that they thought they had it rough until they got out in the world to see other peoples home life .. I've heard them talking a couple times how good they had it and how they loved their childhood .. They are both very successful and dependable today .. They both were leaders in school and on sports teams .. IMO a little strict discipline set the tone for their whole life .. I also had/have a rule in my house to always say ''good morning'' first thing whether you felt like it or not .. Good attitude grows on you ..Thanx to Jesus ...
 
PC123

PC123

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#11
Jun 22, 2020
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#11
TheIndianGirl said:
No, I do not think it is a good idea. A single slap on the fanny is one thing (even I do not like this), but using a weapon like a belt or cane can be abuse.
Click to expand...
A slap on the bum... Some kids will just laugh at that and continue to cross the boundary...
 
PC123

PC123

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#12
Jun 22, 2020
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#12
bojack said:
Yes I whipped my sons on the butt with a belt, and I beat them hard .. Probably too hard but both of them probably never got over 6 or 7 whippings their whole life .. I never had to tell them to do something twice .. If I said ''do it now'' it meant do it now .. I never had them to talk back to me .. They both told me later that they thought they had it rough until they got out in the world to see other peoples home life .. I've heard them talking a couple times how good they had it and how they loved their childhood .. They are both very successful and dependable today .. They both were leaders in school and on sports teams .. IMO a little strict discipline set the tone for their whole life .. I also had/have a rule in my house to always say ''good morning'' first thing whether you felt like it or not .. Good attitude grows on you ..Thanx to Jesus ...
Click to expand...
Ye the boys can be more of a handful... But like you said it rarely gets used and it works...
Everyone i know who was raised that way is grateful for it
A kid in the supermarket should ask "mum can i please have one of those candy bars?" If she says no, end of discussion.
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#13
#13
I was spanked as a child and to this day I do not believe I should have been spanked for many of these instances. I even got spanked for bad grades. Spanking might fix the situation at hand but could cause PTSD. It is better not to have these memories.
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#14
#14
I had two friends my age who were treated worse than me, but they are successful now. The boy would be wacked for slight misbehavior or bad grades. The sister would also be hit/slapped or have her hair pulled hard. They do not really respect their father.
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#15
#15
I know someone else whose mother always pinched him really badly frequently for misbehavior, leaving marks. He still remembers and has bad memories.
 
PC123

PC123

Banned
#16
Jun 22, 2020
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113
Australia
#16
TheIndianGirl said:
I was spanked as a child and to this day I do not believe I should have been spanked for many of these instances. I even got spanked for bad grades. Spanking might fix the situation at hand but could cause PTSD. It is better not to have these memories.
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For bad grades... Na thats too much. PTSD is real. If your being spanked for small stuff then the trauma will stay with u for sure.
Are you American Indian or Asian Indian? I know quite a few Asian Indians but i never knew them to spank their kids...

We're talking about extreme stuff like defiance. I remember once being told off by my mum and i called her a b^^^h...
And so i got spanked, deservedly by my father and never disrespected my mother again. I deserved that.
 
GandalfTheWhite

GandalfTheWhite

Senior Member
#17
Jan 25, 2015
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#17
Runningman said:
I think people can just people rude. I've met children who would put senior citizens to shame; so well mannered and behaved. I've met seniors who are so incredibly nice and others who are cantankerous by default. Do you really think that hitting an adult with a cane would put the fear in them and make them well-behaved? I kinda doubt it.

People, especially children, are going to either do what you want them to do because they love you or fear you. The goal, in my opinion, is to lead by love.
Click to expand...
I grew up in a time when corporal punishment was still "a thing" in South Africa (I am talking mid 90s). We had a history teacher and his nickname was the Witch. It was not due to his nice personality I can assure you. One year (we were almost half way through the year) he was walking through the class inspecting our homework offerings from the last week when he came to this one guy (lets call him Steve) he stopped and glared at Steve's book. It was empty. Steve was busy doing nothing for about six months. The Witch became pale in his face, then red and purple. He turned around and said to Steve; "meet me in the restroom". He took his cane and walked to the restroom and Steve walked behind him slowly. You could hear a pin drop. We sat and waited. We knew something bad is going to happen to Steve. After what felt like an eternity we heard this booming sound; one...... two...... three...... four...... five...... six.................. silence.

After a while the Witch appeared around the corner. After another five minutes Steve appeared around the corner white as snow. He sat on his chair and nobody said a word. The next morning, wouldn't you know it, Steve's history work was up to date and he never missed one assignment after that.

In my opinion, nothing wrong with corporal punishment. It provides discipline to the kids and we knew what would happen if we did not comply to the rules set before us.

Today's children don't have manners and parents are to blame. In my time when parents neglect their duty as parents, teachers had a way to discipline them and make them listen. Not all children needs it, but it is handy when they do.

And yes, it is Biblical to give a spanking because the Bible teach us it will keep our children from going to hell (literally :) )
 
Demi777

Demi777

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#18
Oct 13, 2014
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#18
Grew up with it. I think some need it and some dont. Key is to do it in a way that wont harden the heart of the child against their parents (it surely hardened mine for the times that it wasnt right) and only do it when it actually is necessary.
 
GandalfTheWhite

GandalfTheWhite

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#19
Jan 25, 2015
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#19
Demi777 said:
Grew up with it. I think some need it and some dont. Key is to do it in a way that wont harden the heart of the child against their parents (it surely hardened mine for the times that it wasnt right) and only do it when it actually is necessary.
Click to expand...
It should not be an excuse to abuse your kids... sorry to hear this my friend.

Hope you are well :)
 
SoulWeaver

SoulWeaver

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#20
Oct 25, 2014
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#20
I don't have kids but spoken as a child of parents who didn't know how to use corporeal punishment.
My parents used it to vent their anger and frustration with their job, marriage and life in general.
So, I was beaten every day, usually it was small, I'd get slapped in the face or hit on the head multiple times throughout the day, but if they were angry by something or in especially bad mood, I'd get bruised. It really had little to do with me or what I did.
It looks like people either overuse or underuse it.
There is a certain place for corporeal punishment. A very few rare situations.

A child telling an ugly cussword to their mother's or father's face, or name calling them:
--------->
A slap in the face might be due. Not a beating, a beating won't make any difference, ONE slap to instruct a point for reflection and reset boundaries. But I don't know... even then, because at that point, there's a usually a series of events as to why the child lost respect and things had already gone very downhill in the relationship if the child does this. The Hollywood version "go to your room" seems equally ineffective in fixing this.

Beside this type of situation (resetting boundary) I honestly see NO other cause for ever hitting a teenager, unless maybe if they murdered or raped someone or they became a child molester. I don't know how good I'd be at containing my wrath in that type of situation, as a parent. At least one hit would probably land. I don't understand when parents coddle their child after the child does something so horrible. It's like their golden child can do no wrong? But maybe I don't understand because I don't have kids... I don't know...

I was 19 when I finally stopped my mother from beating me, after trying to reason with her unsuccessfully, asking her if she's going to beat me until I'm 40 or 50. So as she continued, I gripped and withheld her hands in the air, that's literally all I did, until she spit into my face and left. After that she lied to my father that I hit her.

So. I do feel very mixed on this issue.
I am not really sure what beating anyone ever achieved.

The only other situation where I potentially might see corporeal punishment used, for a very small child that you cannot explain a dangerous situation for them and you need to stop them quickly and make them not repeat it, if situation can't be avoided/prevented differently (such as covering electric outlets with protective baby covers per example) :
----------->
You quickly cause them a small pain so they won't do it again because slapping their butt once for future prevention highly overweighs the danger they put themselves into

I believe a child should be made to understand cause and consequence, and that you don't want them to make bad decisions and go through bad things in life. A lot of talking is required, quality talking. Some parents, sadly, don't know how to do that.
 
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